by Miriam Bell
In the moment of realization, my mother dies all over again. The depth of the despair and the comprehension of me most likely killing my aunt to escape is overwhelming. Revenge or not, when she dies a large piece of my heart will go with her. I sob.
“Millie.”
My name is whispered softly, lovingly even. I keep my eyes closed one last second pretending her voice is not Katlin’s but the musical tone of my mother’s.
“Oh my sweet-” she cooes until cut off by the mutilated voice.
“Don’t touch her!” He shouts, demandingly. “How many times does everyone need to be reminded?” He lowers his mangled voice. “I’ve seen her fight. I know what she can do.”
My aunt’s furious voice raises above the rain still pounding outside.
“She’s family! Do you hear me!” Her voice is alarming and laced with a blood-curdling menace. When she looks back at me I catch a glimpse of the insanity my great grandmother also had- the insanity that must be generic. “You wouldn’t hurt me?” she asks, switching her voice back into a kinder tone.
The rate at which her expressions change is chilling. I shake my head dumbfounded. Katlin reaches up smoothing the escaping hairs of her braided red locks. She then kicks her cloak to the edge of the tent savagely letting out a frustrated sound.
“Don’t test me Jamie,” she sneers, all the calm she had restored, now gone in an instant. “Today is a good day.”
Fresh tears flow down my cheeks. What happen to her out in the red zone? How could she ruin our family, kill her sister? As I gaze at Katlin, all I reveal is the pretend version of my mother I’ve created in my mind, twisted and warped. The air inside the tent is thick and hurts to breath in.
“You’re right,” Jamie confirms. “Her weapons are gone and she wouldn’t dare strike out at you.” The crow mask turns to stare at me. “If she did, she knows we would surely kill her and her friend.”
I glance back to Jay almost forgetting his presence. He is still motionless, leaning up against our metal divider but I can follow the rise and fall of his chest.
“Release her,” Katlin orders, her eyes now the picture of pity and sorrow.
The blue cloaked figure approaches and bends beside me. With a sharp tone he threatens, “If you attack her, I’ll split his throat then kill you.”
The distorted sound of his voice causes the crow’s mask to be more frightening than before. I nod, fighting the urge to rip the mask away. When I’m released from the handcuffs’ tight grasp, I rapidly rub my wrists and remain on the floor.
“Don’t bother your friend. He’s resting,” Jamie remarks as he backs away- his knife in hand.
I should be flattered I scare them so much, but I’m not. It will only make my entrapment more difficult to escape. Katlin rushes forward as soon as I force myself to stand. I’m sore and starving and stumble back when her arms wrap around me. She is thin but not fraile when I put one arm around her. I close my eyes trying to pretend she is my mother but she isn’t. I give myself one more moment of warmth before I push her away. She tumbles back in shock.
“Why would you?” she replies hurt.
The response releases a little bit of my anger now dulled by exhaustion. I feel as if I won’t be able to hold back my madness for too much longer, not while in the red zone.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” My voice lifts in astonishment. “You killed my mother, you ruined my family!” I scan the room for a weapon then notice the heaviness in my boot- Tom’s pocket knife.
“I don’t understand-” she says but I cut her off.
“How could you do that to your own sister? She loved you.”
Misbelief shadows Katlin’s eyes.
“She never loved me! She always wanted what I had. She wouldn’t just leave us alone.” My aunt begins to pace back and forth- her muddy boots ripping at the grass. “I told her to back off. She was grandma’s favorite and she couldn’t stand the fact I had something she didn’t. I was in love and he loved me back,” she rants as she tightens her fists. Pure fury and pain radiate off her but at the same time my own flares brighter.
“You’re insane, delusional,” I shout, finally breaking. “My mom and dad were happy. You and your selfishness broke them apart. The only reason my dad gave you the time of day was because you pretended to be her. He never wanted you Katlin!” I say furiously, my resentment festering bitterly in my stomach.
I scream wanting to ease my suffering. The sound of complete misery packaged along with despair and uncomparable sorrow, rings out. “You took my mother from me and I will kill you for it.”
I reach down into my boot and pull out Tom’s knife. Flipping out the blade, I lunge for her. She deflects my strike with a knife of her own I didn’t even realize she was carrying.
“Stay back, Jamie,” She warns firmly as I strike again.
When I look into her eyes, they are clear and focus. This is her life, the one she chose for herself. A life she must fight or be killed in. She blocks my kicks and punches and somewhere between the attacks a thought wiggles into my brain. It’s like fighting myself. Her movements are like mine, her stance, even the way she holds her weapon.
My energy begins to drain, my anger ebbing but I still half heartedly lash out.
“Millie, stop this,” she demands, disapprovingly. “All you’re doing is making yourself weak.”
I lash out again and realize during my whole attack, not once has she struck out toward me to injure. She has only evaded and blocked my every advance. I stop breathing heavy.
“I hate you,” I say, registering the truth that I can’t revenge my mother today.
“You just need a little time,” she replies.
I don’t respond. I’m too disoriented from all the events that have taken place since I left the safety of the prison’s fences, since I left Connor behind. I hold my tears back and embrace the dizziness that overcomes me. Again the darkness swallows my consciousness bringing with the haze, only more nightmares.
I awaken clutched within the sheets of a comfortable full size bed. Sitting up, I notice soft beams of light coming from a nearby window. I pull the blankets away and stumble across the room. Drawing back the drapes of my only view of the outside world, I’m amazed by what I see.
I’m two stories high with a sea of tents laid out on the lawn ahead of me- an enormous camp full of the cult members and soldiers, all living together. I watch as a young cloaked man, with a crow mask lying at his feet, slaps the hand of another older male- obviously a soldier. They laugh as the younger one picks up a small stack of playing cards from under the other’s hand. A young child runs by them laughing and into the arms of a tall woman. I withdraw from the window suddenly lightheaded.
“Ben thinks you may have had a concussion, but he isn’t a doctor.”
I turn to find Katlin sitting on a chair in the far corner of the room. She has dressed herself back into her velvet black robes, her gloves laid neatly on the wood floor just visible from underneath her crow mask. In her hand Tom’s knife twirls.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if I did,” I reply and walk wobbly back to the bed, realizing I’m clean- not a speck of dry blood on me. I’m wearing a large men’s shirt and a pair of baggy pants that sag around my waist. “Where are my clothes?” I ask.
“Buried, hopefully,” Katlin remarks.
I give her an angry look as I sit back on the bed.
“Alright fine. They’re being cleaned. I’ll have Thomas bring them to you. In the meantime why don’t you eat,” she says, rolling her eyes at my facial expression and motioning toward one of the nightstands.
“Where is Jay?” I ask but she ignores the question and motions more dramatically.
A plate with freshly cut carrots and squash sits by a glass of clear water. I feel her eyes on me as I reach for the food. I’m too hungry to care where or who the nourishment comes from.
“Thomas!” she yells out into the open air.
The door opens widely as the ski
nny man enters. In the hallway, stands the soldier from last night, Cliff, and one other I don’t recognize. They’re both holding weapons. I shutter and bow my head taking a bite of the crunchy carrot. I savor the taste because I won’t be getting out of here alive.
“Yes Ma’am?” Thomas inquires not looking at me.
“Go get Millie’s clothes and make sure they’re repaired if needed.”
He nods and swiftly leaves.
“It’s been awhile since I saw this knife,” Katlin begins. “How is Tommy Boy?”
I observe her continue to twirl the small weapon.
“He’s dead,” I state flatly.
She flinches and flips the blade back into hiding. With a soft thump she returns it gently to the side table.
“I hate to hear that. He taught me so much about survival,” she says and continues to peer at the lonely knife as I take another bite of the food.
“He was very useful,” I say, causing her head to snap toward me.
“He was,” she agrees calmly with large blue eyes- the same as mine.
A moment passes as we evaluate each other. I don’t have a weapon and I’m still feeling dizzy, so I know I’m no match for anyone.
“Did he tell you about us, my sister and I?”
I nod.
“Yeah, but I didn’t learn anything important until after he died. Tom wrote me a letter,” I say, looking down at the hardwood floor.
“Sounds like him. More than likely he promised Micah, I mean your dad, that he would be silent.” She shifts in her chair a little uncomfortable. “How is your dad?” she asks. I ignore her question causing her to sigh heavily. “What you think you know is wrong,” she says, looking away from me.
“He told me everything. How you stole my mother’s necklace and tricked my father. How you ran after my mother only to kill her in the woods,” I remark as she shakes her head.
“Looking back after all these years, it’s funny to think that there was anyone alive who resembled me- so much so only a necklace distinguished one from the other. You would think a husband would know the difference.”
I sniff back a sob no longer hungry. I don’t want to cry but I’m so raw on the inside that it takes everything to drive the tears away.
“Not if he never imagined that sort of betrayal,” I say, sitting down on the bed and taking a drink of water.
The food, having turned into a big lump inside my stomach, sours. Katlin bows her head as if studying her lap.
“Millie, Tom didn’t lie. He just didn’t comprehend what he saw correctly.” I sit confused, listening as she continues, “I loved my sister but life was strenuous and over time we drifted apart. Our mother died giving birth to us, leaving our grandmother to raise us. She was a ruthless woman and even though she loved us both, she loved Katlin more.
“What are you saying-” I attempt to ask but she interrupts me.
“Just let me finish. I need to say this.” She pauses. “When Micah started showing me attention, I had no clue he had confused me with Katlin. When I realized what was going on, I played along pretending to be her. It was just nice to have the attention she always received and I wasn’t sorry for deceiving him until Katlin found out.” She fiddles with the black velvet of her cloak. “She was so angry and just as vicious as your great grandmother, so I joined the red zone scouts. I was hoping to learn how to defend myself and be free of the prison’s fences. The more I learned the more I loved the red zone- of course the infected didn’t exist then.”
I shake my head about to voice what I wouldn’t dare hope but she silences my words again.
“After a while, Micah decided Katlin was not who he wanted. He missed me and our talks. I tried at first to stay away but I couldn’t, I loved him too.” She shrugs and closes her eyes. “I loved you both so much but that night when I walked in on him and her, a piece of me soul broke and I didn’t think.”
Her eyes open to unshed tears shining in the light.
“I ran. I ran to the one place I found comfort in. I ran to the red zone. I left my beautiful baby behind because I couldn’t handle it.” Her silent tears fall over onto her cheeks as she stares at me. “I’m so sorry, Millie. I was too young to have a child, too young and stupid. When my sister found me, we fought and I snapped her neck. It was self defense and it left me numb and empty. All I could think about was how I was responsible for her death.”
I fall in a heap at my mother’s feet.
“Kayla?” I choke out. “Mom?”
Tears flow down my cheeks as I dare myself to accept her words. Confusion and hope conflict each other inside of me. I want her words to be real but Tom’s letter is imprinted into my mind.
“What about the necklace? Tom said he saw Katlin wearing the it before she ran off.”
She shakes her head.
“He was mistaken. I sat for hours holding my sister, shocked at what I’d done. When I realized she was dead, I took off the silver cross and returned the chain back to around my neck. I had inherited our mother’s necklace because I was the oldest by four minutes. Right then, I had wanted the heirloom back to bare as a reminder of my sin. There is not a day that goes by, I do not feel judged,” she admits and reaches down grasping my hand as I search her face.
“Why didn’t you come home?” I ask, stroking the ends of a loose strand of hair.
“Tom wouldn’t believe I was Kayla. If I had gone back with him the others at the prison would have killed me. My fearsome granny had died and I had no one left to stop them. So I ran and got lost in the red zone.” She pauses taking a deep breath. “The leader of these people found me after two years of trying to survive. He enjoyed my company so I joined, hoping one day I would find my way back to you. My goal in life has always been you.”
She throws her arms around me, pressing my face into her neck. The smell of her reminds me of brimstone and fire. For a brief moment I allow myself the fantasy- I believe she is my mother. Kayla would’ve had the same smile, same voice, same laugh. It would be so easy to accept.
“I wish you were my mother but you’re not,” I say, drawing away from her. “What really happened that night?”
She gives me a questioning look.
“But I am Kayla.”
I stand, wishing to gain space away from Katlin and away from her lies.
“Two of my friends are dead. Where is Jay?” I repeat.
Katlin’s eyes shade to a brighter blue, coldness and amusement shining through. She begins to laugh. The sound is chilling, hard and mixed with a hint of lunacy. I remember the melody from my nightmares.
“How could you tell? I guess Tom trained you well.”
I search around the room for anything helpful.
“You don’t have to be trained to see through your lies.”
“What gave me away?” Her laughter fades, leaving only her stern stare.
“My mother would’ve came back for me no matter what.”
Katlin sneers, “I guess you’re right. Kayla was always arrogant enough.”
“I’m not arrogant. Let me go home,” I say, observing her fingers gliding over Tom’s pocket knife.
“No,” Katlin chuckles. “I will admit, you did very well- killed some of my best men.”
“They wouldn’t have died if you had just left us alone.”
“Oh Millie, we had to kill your friends from the prison. If I had let them go, they would’ve told the others about us and I can’t allow the prison to have a warning.”
“Why?”
The one word twists her face into a menacing sneer.
“Because of those bastards, I missed out on your childhood. Because of their almighty rules, I had to flee. I can’t forgive them or their children. They will pay.”
I shake my head.
“That doesn’t make any sense - you started this whole thing by pretending to be someone you weren’t. It isn’t anyone’s fault but your own.”
Madness flares bright in her eyes.
“You don�
�t know what you’re saying- you weren’t there!”
“Then tell me! What really happened?”
“What really happened?” she billows with hatred gleaming in all her features. “I killed your mother. That is what really happened. Everything else is just details.”
I want to flee, to get away from the evil I see lurking inside her. She is insane and incapable of anything but cruelty.
“You should be thankful to me.” She lowers her voice as she stands. “Who do you think has been killing the infected for so long?” she ask. “I have. I’ve kept their numbers back so that they didn’t overrun your home. I wanted you to survive long enough for me to take over the prison and oh, how I will destroy everyone within its walls. Once I have my revenge our camp will have a safe place to settle into and we’ll finally destroy the infected.”
She grabs sharply for the white leather crow mask still laying on the floor.
“So you’re going to take over the prison for your army to live?”I question.
“No, not just an army. Many men have families, people they love to bring with them. They will be safe while we spend our resources on eliminating the infected.”
“What about Dad?” I ask, trying to swallow down my horror.
He could never fight anyone and win. Dad isn’t trained in doing anything but learning. She freezes for a moment considering.
“He’s alive?”
I nod not trusting myself not to scream. Katlin shakes her head as if to clear it.
“Doesn’t matter,” she says and turns to face me. “You will learn to be grateful. I even kept your friend Jay alive because he tried to protect you from Ben. Think of it as a welcome home gift from your aunt.”
I step forward my head now pounding in pain.
“Where is he?” She gives me a mocking laugh.
“I think our family reunion moment is done for the day. You might not believe me but I love you Millie and we will be a happy family again once those criminals at the prison are gone.”
She rushes toward the door. I want to fight her, avenge my mother’s death but I’m motionless.