“We go between rooms?” Seth asked.
Lee nodded. Nervous, Lizzie backed up until she was standing next to Seth and Ava.
“It’s like the interrogation rooms,” Ava mumbled to Lizzie. Lizzie smiled.
“This is the Hendersons,” Lee said. “You remember them, Lizzie? They live in Castle Pines. They go to Saint Francis in Castle Rock. I thought you’d like to see them first since you liked them so much.”
Lee opened the room door and went in.
“They’re perfect,” Lizzie muttered. Sandy put her hand on Lizzie’s arm.
“Why don’t you go in first?” Sandy asked Seth. “Break the ice.”
“Of course,” Seth said.
Ava gave a little wave and wheeled Seth inside.
“Are you all right?” Sandy asked.
“Nervous,” Lizzie said.
“Why?” Sandy asked again. “This is your choice.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” Lizzie whispered.
“Why?” Sandy whispered back.
Lizzie shrugged.
“This is your choice,” Sandy said. “If you don’t like these families, we’re out of here. We can easily go to another agency. Your Dad’s not going to put up with crap. I’m not either.”
Lizzie hugged Sandy.
“Let’s get this part over with,” Sandy said.
Lizzie nodded. Sandy opened the door and helped Lizzie inside. A middle aged former beauty queen sat next to a salt and pepper haired man with the look of a second husband. There was a sullen teenage girl in skin tight jeans and heavy makeup at one end of the table. A blonde, almost too handsome teenage boy sat next to her. Sandy spotted a five or six year old coloring in the corner of the room. The man was talking to Seth about his music when they had entered. When Lizzie sat next to Seth, he held out his hand. She took his lifeline. Sandy sat down next to Ava.
Mr. and Mrs. Henderson sat down and Lee made the introductions.
“You’re Sandy, right?” the sullen teenager asked.
Horrified that the girl had spoken, the Hendersons gave her a stern ‘shut up’ look. Mrs. Henderson put her hand over the girl’s hands. The girl sneered at her.
“I thought I recognized you,” Sandy gave the girl a bright smile. “You’re one of Charlie’s friends, aren’t you? Tink, right?”
She gave a jerk of a nod.
“Tiffanie,” Mrs. Henderson said. “I didn’t realize you knew, Mrs. Norsen.”
The girl scowled at her mother and looked at Seth.
“You’re O’Malley right?”
Before he could respond, she pulled a St. Jude medallion from under her shirt. Ava, Seth, and Sandy reacted with a mixture of horror and sorrow for the girl Charlie called Tink.
“Thanks,” she said to Seth.
“My pleasure,” Seth said.
In an effort to wrench the conversation away from the out of control teenager, Mr. Henderson cleared his throat.
“While I’m sure you have questions for us,” Mr. Henderson said. “We have a few questions for you. They are deal breakers for us. Do you mind?”
Lizzie shook her head.
“Have you used drugs or alcohol at any time in your pregnancy?” Mr. Henderson said.
“No,” Lizzie said.
“Do you have any proof?” Mrs. Henderson asked. “I know it sound horrible, but we were told no drugs and alcohol by the last girl and…”
Mrs. Henderson nodded her head toward the little girl coloring. Horrified by his mother’s implication, the boy got up to sit with the child in the corner. Mr. Henderson shot an angry look at Lee, the counselor.
“I don’t lie,” Lizzie said. “Would that work?”
“What are your other questions?” Seth asked.
“We hate to ask,” Mrs. Henderson looked at her husband. “But Lee doesn’t have any information on the father.”
“Before we get down the road and regret it,” Mr. Henderson said. “We want to know. Is your baby white?”
Surprised, Sandy fell back in her chair. Her head jerked to look at Lizzie who flushed bright red. Seth looked angry. Ava squinted at the man.
“Is this is of great importance to you?” Ava asked.
“Vital,” Mrs. Henderson said.
“The Hendersons can provide your child with every opportunity, Lizzie,” Lee said. “They only want a child to love.”
“A white child,” Lizzie said.
The interview deteriorated from there. Before they left, Sandy was able to slip Tink her card under the table. The girl smiled and squeezed Sandy’s hand.
The next family’s story was similar to the Hendersons. They’d adopted previously through Catholic Charities. As if they were shopping for cars, they felt didn’t get the child they’d hoped for. But, Sandy couldn’t find anything wrong with the child they had adopted. Lee fluttered around the family in embarrassed anxiety as if she was trying to make it right. Lizzie was so uncomfortable that Sandy and Seth did most of the talking.
They got to the third room and found it empty. Lizzie broke down.
“Let me go ask,” Lee marched off.
“Ava?” Seth asked. “I think there’s a sticky right there?”
In the middle of the table was a yellow sticky note.
“We went to the playground. Come and get us when you’re ready.”
“This way,” Sandy pointed down the hallway to a glass door. “We saw it when we were here before.”
“Older kids play while their adoptive parents evaluate them,” Lizzie said.
Sandy pushed open the door. After the stifling uncomfortability of the last conversations, she welcomed the fresh air and bright sunlight. She pointed toward the playground. Colin Hargreaves swung Katy’s best friend Paddie in a baby swing. Julie sat on the swing next to him.
“Can we just watch?” Lizzie asked.
Oblivious to their audience, Paddie cheered, “Higher!”
Colin glanced at Julie and she nodded. He swung Paddie higher and higher.
“He’s too little for the baby swing,” Lizzie said.
“It’s so he’ll stay in,” Seth said. “We used to do that with Julie Ann. You remember that she liked to go really high.”
Lizzie glanced at her dad.
“Col?” Julie asked. “What if…?”
Letting Paddie swing, Colin kneeled down to hug Julie.
“That’s my family,” Lizzie said.
“You’re sure?” Seth asked.
“I know it,” Lizzie nodded.
CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED and SIXTY-FIVE
Fair
Wednesday mid-day – 12:30 P.M.
Charlie hopped off the bus and ran down Colfax to Race Street. Cursing Valerie’s fame, he rushed through the procedures at the gate. He slammed the gate and jogged though the parking area to the side door. Breathing hard, he looked around the living area for Anjelika. Hearing laughter, he rushed into the kitchen to find Delphie and Anjelika drinking tea over a plate of Sandy’s scones.
“Would you like a scone?” Anjelika asked. “Sandy made orange scones for our studies this afternoon. You don’t mind if Delphie has one do you?”
Charlie shook his head. Unsure of what to do, and not wanting to endure Anjelika’s wrath, he waited for what felt like forever before Anjelika said good-bye to Delphie.
“You seem excited to get to work today,” Anjelika gave Charlie a wry look.
“Did you get them?” Charlie asked.
“Get what?” Anjelika asked.
“My scores,” Charlie’s impatience seeped through his words. “You know, what we’ve been working on forever and ever?”
“We’ve had your scores since Monday, Charlie,” Anjelika blinked.
“Ugh,” Charlie leaned back and groaned. Anjelika smiled at him.
“Sandy picked up your evaluations after her last client,” Anjelika said. “She brought them to me when she went to breastfeed Rachel.”
“And?” Charlie asked.
“Why are you so impat
ient today?” Anjelika asked. “You know a man’s…”
“Greatest gift is his patience,” Charlie said. “Yes, I know.”
“And?” Anjelika asked.
“I’m not very patient today, ma’am,” Charlie said.
“Why is that?” Anjelika asked.
“Because… well…” Charlie looked away from her for a moment. Looking back, he spoke in a flurry of words. “I was at work this morning, you know at Lipson, and I was talking to a guy about the pick-up basketball game I play at the Twentieth Street Gym. Dad played there for like forever. He used to take me when I was a kid. I started playing there when I was at home, you know, with Mom. I even went a few times when I was on the streets. There was a guy who would pay for me to get in because he liked to have ‘good people’ to play. He’d come and get me from Sixteenth Street. Now I play every chance I can – on the weekends, at night, mid-day if we have a job downtown, whatever. I just play pick-up so…”
“The one you’re planning to go to this evening when we’re done,” Anjelika injected into the stream. “Yes, I remember.”
“Right, Jake got me a membership there, at Twentieth Street, you know the rec center downtown, where I play,” Charlie said. As if he was Noelle, Anjelika’s words only served to punctuate his steady stream of words. “So this guy I was talking to, he’s really into high school basketball and… well… He said that Regis Jesuit won state the last three years in a row and that George Washington has a good team and so does East. I mean, I always figured I would go to East, you know, like Jake or Machebeuf like Sandy, well and Steve and Mike and Jill. I am Catholic, well, sort of Catholic. Sissy’s more Catholic than I am but she wants to go to East in the fall, I don’t know why, and she can go anywhere she wants. So…”
“Stop!” Anjelika said. “Just stop. You are doing exactly what Noelle does when you accuse her of ‘jabbering on.’”
Charlie clamped his mouth closed. The effort was so sincere that his eyes bulged. She smiled.
“Slow down, Charlie. You have something interesting to say, but you sound like a drug addict or a ten year old girl,” Anjelika said. “Calm down in the manner we’ve practiced so I can understand you. Let’s take a few breaths and see if we can’t come up with what you want to say.”
Frustrated, but knowing she was right, Charlie took one deep breath, held it and let it out. He opened his mouth to resume his verbal diarrhea.
Anjelika shook her head. He took another deep breath. His eyes shot at her and she shook her head again. He blew out his breath. Looking away from her, he took another deep breath and then another. He looked back and she nodded.
“The guy I talked to called some guy named Shaw from Regis Jesuit,” Charlie said. “He’s the coach or something. He’s going to come to basketball tonight to watch me play.”
“How wonderful,” Anjelika smiled. “And?”
“I’d like to know if I was placed in high school so I can go to Regis,” Charlie said.
Anjelika smiled her ‘go on’ to him.
“To play basketball,” Charlie said.
Anjelika gave an exaggerated nod.
“Because that’s my sweet spot right now,” Charlie said.
“Your reward for working so hard,” Anjelika said.
“Right,” Charlie said. “And Sandy agreed that if I do the ballet exercises with everybody, I could play more and…”
“Please take a moment,” Anjelika said. “You may ask me anything Charles, but you must ask me.”
“I know but…” Charlie said.
“No buts,” Anjelika said. “I’m not going to guess at what you want. You must ask.”
Irritated, mostly with himself, Charlie nodded and looked away. He’d had no idea this ‘becoming a man’ thing would be so difficult. He knew he had a lot to learn, but outside of reading, school was pretty straight forward. He’d always struggled with the communication stuff.
And yet, what he’d learned so far had really paid off. Grown ups talked to him at work. Sandy and Aden understood what he needed. When he was upset in Tucson, Jake and Mike were able to help him. Even his girlfriend, Addy, had noticed the difference. Nodding, he looked back.
“Mrs. Anjelika, I’d like to know if my exams placed me in high school.”
“Thank you,” Anjelika said. “Yes…”
Charlie felt a flood of relief. He hooted with joy.
“And no,” Anjelika said.
“No?” Charlie asked. “What do you mean no?”
“There is no question that your math scores are beyond high school level math,” Anjelika said. “But your reading…”
“Sucks,” Charlie slumped into himself. “So what?”
“Your reading does not qualify you for traditional high school,” Anjelika said.
“What?”
“And if you want to go to a Liberal Arts university like we talked about,” Anjelika said. “Even MIT will require you to have the capacity to read well.”
“What if I don’t…”
“Do not start with me, Charles,” Anjelika said. “Basketball is fun, but it is not your future. You and I both know that you need to finish college, for yourself, for Sandy, and for your father. We have worked, you have worked, for six weeks to create that future for you.”
“It’s not fair!” Charlie launched a familiar rant. Anjelika raised her eyebrows at him. “You know it’s not fair! How is this fair?”
As she did whenever he started this rant, Anjelika walked out of the room. When she returned, she had her purse and her keys.
“No!” Charlie yelled. “I don’t want to go to some orphanage or see something horrible or know how lucky I am. I want you to answer the question. You TOLD me that I could ask you anything. So I have a question.”
Anjelika set her purse down on a table next to the couch. Charlie practiced a few deep breaths so she wouldn’t ride him about being upset.
“What is your question?” Anjelika said.
“It’s not fair that I can’t get ahead because I can’t read,” Charlie said. “My father died! My mother is a crazy, lying, cheating person. I had to live on the streets! I was an addict! And…”
He shook his head and plopped down on a couch.
“You act like its fair, but it’s not,” Charlie said.
“Your question?” Anjelika asked.
“Why isn’t life fair?” Charlie asked.
“That’s a good question, Charlie,” Anjelika said. “Why do you think life isn’t fair?”
“Because I’ve had a hard life,” Charlie said. “And I can’t do what I want to because I can’t read and I can’t read because I lived on the streets and can’t see! And don’t tell me life isn’t fair! I hear that at meetings all the time. Life isn’t fair; get used to it. Well I want to know why!”
“Is that the biggest unfairness in life that you’ve seen?” Anjelika asked.
“No.”
“And?”
“It’s still not fair,” Charlie said.
“The question about fairness is a question for the philosophers,” Anjelika said. “We will read…”
“No,” Charlie said. “I want your answer to why life isn’t fair.”
Anjelika sighed. She sat down on the couch with Charlie. For a moment, she just looked at him. Tall, handsome, smart, fair-skinned Charlie wanted to know why his life wasn’t fair. After all of the suffering she’d seen and endured in her life, she had to wrestle with her own indignation.
“Why isn’t life fair?” Charlie repeated.
“I will give you my opinion,” Anjelika said. “But you must know that this is just my opinion based on my life experience. If you are truly interested, you should ask the wise adults around you. Your sister, Sandy, my Jillian, Delphie, Sam, Jacob, Aden and your friends at work. I’d further encourage you to ask Noelle. She has a deep understanding of how life works. I will also research the philosophers and we will read what they think.”
“So what’s your opinion?” Charlie asked.
“I believe the issue of fairness is an issue of our perception of time,” Anjelika said. She raised a hand to the ‘but’ rising on Charlie’s lips. “As humans, we perceive time right this minute. Now! Right?”
Charlie nodded.
“In this moment, we tend to see only ourselves,” Anjelika said. “You are right this moment thinking only of yourself and your plight. Right?”
Charlie nodded.
“When we ask, ‘Why isn’t life fair?’ we are asking about right this minute,” Anjelika said. “When my ex-husband was beating me, I wanted to know right this minute why this injustice was happening. Why was it happening to me? It was very unfair.”
Charlie nodded.
“That is what I mean about perceiving only this moment,” Anjelika said. “Something overwhelming or unfair happens and we perceive two things. One, it is unfair and two, it is happening to me. Is that what you are feeling?”
Charlie nodded.
“Yet at that same moment, billions of people are experiencing their lives in ways that are either fair or unfair.,” Anjelika said.
“What do you mean?” Charlie asked.
“We can both agree that it wasn’t fair for your friends Jeffy and Razor to suffer so much and die so young,” Anjelika said. “Right?”
Charlie nodded.
“That was a great injustice,” Anjelika said. “Much greater than your inability to read. You would agree?”
Charlie nodded.
“At that same moment, someone was treated fairly,” Anjelika said. “You, for example. You were living with your new family. And at the same moment, an animal was abused and a child went hungry and someone who worked hard achieved greatness and…”
“But we only see what’s happening to us.”
“That’s exactly right, Charlie,” Anjelika said. “In the moment, which is where we perceive our plight, we decide things are unfair. We feel great rage at our injustice. How can life be fair?”
Anjelika stopped talking and looked at Charlie. Noticing her pause, he turned to look up at her.
“But the truth is, we are uniquely incapable of perceiving anything outside of this moment, particularly when we’re upset.”
Fairplay, Denver Cereal Volume 6 Page 10