Stewie tilted his head to the side, and I could tell everyone was watching us. Not wanting to cause a big scene, I took the seat. Stewie sat on the other side of me with Annalisa next to him.
I touched Stewie's shoulder, getting his attention. "Stewie, this is Linda, Abigail, Tommy, Lutz, Derek, and Alvin. Everyone, this is our friend Stewie." As I adjusted myself in my seat, Alvin leaned closer to me until his arm was touching mine. I scooted closer to Stewie, and he patted my hand lightly. He knew. It was obvious from the sympathetic look he gave me that Sean must have mentioned the name Alvin to him. He leaned over and whispered something to Cerise that I couldn't hear.
Alvin put his hand on the back of my neck the way he used to when we were alone, and I cringed, glaring at him. What on earth was he thinking? He hadn't even done that in public when there was something going on between us.
"I was going to say the same thing," Cerise said loud enough for everyone to hear. She leaned forward and caught my eye before speaking at the same volume. "Morgan, give me your keys. I'll be the sober driver tonight. You're clearly gonna need some drinks." She put her hand out, and I caught Lutz snickering. Being Alvin's brother, I knew he must have an idea what was going on even if Alvin hadn't outright told him that we were sleeping together. I just wondered if he knew I had ended that portion of our relationship because Alvin's behavior did nothing to show it.
Dinner was amicable. I spent most of my time turned toward Stewie, asking him more questions about Sean. I knew Alvin was listening to our conversation, but he didn't say anything. He didn't know who Sean was or why I was asking about him. He likely thought Sean was just a friend. I really wanted to say something that would tell Alvin that Sean and I were more than friends, but even with the alcohol I had consumed, I couldn't delude myself into believing we had anything more going on. I mean, really, we'd only spoken on the phone for a few weeks. I knew we both wanted to meet and kiss and yeah, okay we were more than just friends, but nothing close to a commitment or anything.
When Stewie talked about him though, I felt like I really knew him. I tried to imagine him like I would a character from a book. His antics and protectiveness over his friends were my favorite things to hear about.
I had just finished my third Whiskey and Coke and was feeling pretty good when Stewie started talking about their senior prom. It was funny at first because Sean had apparently gotten up on the stage to sing Bruce Springstein at the top of his lungs, but then the story shifted.
"His date—his high school girlfriend—was a twin, so her brother was there, too. Sean was all over her, and she was all over him. They were an extreme example of two people who needed to get a room."
My stomach dropped at that. Maybe if I hadn't been in an alcoholic haze, I would have been able to reason through that this was over ten years ago, but emotions were swimming all through me. I didn't like hearing about him practically having sex on the dance floor, and imagining his hands on another girl made me sick in a horrible way. And I really didn't like that I didn't like it. Hadn't I just concluded that we had absolutely no commitment between us and here I was feeling a little crushed at the mention of a romance from ten years earlier?
"Her brother dragged her outside and was yelling at her pretty rudely. Sean got into it with him and punched him for talking to her disrespectfully. He really loved her, and you just don't mess with someone Sean loves or you better believe he'll make you sorry. So she and Sean took off to the hotel—"
Stewie shook his head and looked over at me. My cheeks burned and the sound of my blood pumping in my ears made me feel even shakier. I didn't know what I looked like, but something told him to stop the story. It was probably the same something that led Alvin to put his hand on my lower back, but I shifted forward to the edge of my seat and looped my arm through Stewie's. He glared at Alvin behind me, but I tugged on his arm to get his attention and shook my head at him. I didn't want to embarrass Alvin, and I didn't want a confrontation between us. I really just wished Alvin wasn't there, but then I felt guilty about that. He was still my friend—if he'd just freaking act like it.
Stewie nodded slowly, looking slightly annoyed at Alvin before letting out a breath and returning to the conversation. "That's Sean though, always protective. I'm sure he'll be even more protective of you. When he comes here in a few weeks, you'll see what I mean." He'd said that last sentence much louder and clearer than anything else, and I knew it was meant for Alvin's ears.
Alvin stood up beside me and put his hand out to me. "I need to talk to you."
I turned to look at him, and everyone seemed to be watching us. Alvin had that stubborn look on his face that told me he wouldn't let it go until he said what he wanted to say, so I gave in and nodded, pulling away from Stewie.
I was a little wobbly, but perfectly capable of handling myself. Still, Alvin grabbed onto my elbow. His touch made me feel uncomfortable in a way it never had before. It made me a little fearful, but I'd had too many drinks to be judging things 100% correctly. I let him steer us to the hallway where the restrooms were and where we'd be out of sight and earshot of the table.
"What's going on?" he demanded.
I breathed out a hostile sigh. "What do you mean, Alvin?"
"With this Stewie guy." The rude face he made when he said Stewie's name pissed me off. "And who the hell is Sean?"
"He's a guy I—you know what? I don't owe you any explanations. You act like I'm your girlfriend when I made it very clear to you that whatever that was between us is over. You're the one who wanted to play friends, and now you can't handle it. Well, tough, Alvin. Grow up or get out of my life." I turned to storm off, but he grabbed my arm.
"Wait! I'm sorry, okay? I'm just—it hurts, you know. You're going out with some guy I've never heard of, and his friend shows up here, and you're gushing all over these stories he's telling you. It's just—we just broke up the other day."
"I'm sorry, Alvin. I really am sorry that you're hurting. I didn't mean to hurt you. But I also never committed myself to you. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. We didn't break up because there was never a relationship to break up. All we did was stop having sex, and if you stop and think about it, it's been almost a month since we even did that."
He was hurt—really hurt. I could see it in his eyes and in the way he just stared at me, but I had to say it. I had to put it all out there so he could see I was serious. This wasn't going to happen between us. I placed my fingers on top of his which were still gripping my arm and slowly peeled them away. I returned his stare so he knew I was serious, and once his hand was no longer on my arm, I walked back to the table feeling like a bitch.
Cerise handed me a shot of something I downed quickly. "All right, I think we should get out of here," she said as Alvin came back to the table. "We'll meet you guys at the club." Tommy nodded and Lutz moved to the seat next to Alvin. I didn't have the nerve to look at him.
A few steps from the table, I stopped, and Stewie put his arm around my shoulders, pushing me forward. "We didn't pay," I said, looking back at the table.
He patted my arm. "I took care of our half of the bill and then some."
"I can't let you—"
"You most certainly can. Besides, as I told Annalisa, I'm not asking. I already did it so you can both just deal. Come on, we've had enough drama for one evening."
I covered my face with my hands and let him steer me out of the restaurant.
At the club, I switched to beer since I was starting to feel a little too loose and free. I didn't want to wind up dancing on tabletops or anything. Stewie had me laughing about a clubbing story involving one of the only times Sean got shot down. The way he described Sean's surprise was hilarious.
While the purpose of the evening was to get Annalisa and Stewie together, it seemed to have shifted to trying to keep me from losing it, and I felt horrible for that. My only consolation was that Annalisa had enough alcohol in her system to allow her to hang all over Stewie. She was a great drunk—comp
letely giggly and kindhearted. Cerise, of course, had no trouble finding dance partners—she was always a social butterfly. Annalisa, and I were dancing together with Stewie, who was more than holding his own between us. I certainly didn't mind that his hands were spending more time on Annalisa's body than mine.
I had all but forgotten about Alvin, that is until he walked in. He came directly for me, and I was so not interested in another confrontation. Turning to the first available stranger I saw, I asked, "Would you dance with me? Please?"
The tall blond smiled and drawled out, "Don't have to ask me twice, sugar."
This didn't seem to deter Alvin, who walked between us and turned to the blond guy I was dancing with. "I'm cutting in."
"No, you're not," I said firmly. "I don't want to dance with you, Alvin."
The blond stepped around Alvin and held his hand out to me. I took it and walked with him away from Alvin, thankful that he didn't follow. After a few minutes, I figured Alvin was going to leave me alone. The blond guy could actually dance, and I was enjoying myself despite the drama. Stewie and Annalisa danced near us with Stewie keeping a close eye on me. We were all having a good time until Cerise came over and pulled on Stewie's arm, saying something in his ear. Stewie's face went from smiling to pissed off in a heartbeat. He wrapped Annalisa's drunken arms around Cerise and came to me, which was my cue to say goodbye to blondie.
"Thanks for the dances. You're pretty good."
"You too, sugar. Can I get your number?"
I smiled at him, flattered. "Sorry, I'm seeing someone." Seeing someone? Why the hell did I say that? I was having phone conversations with someone whose name I still didn't fully know and whose face I'd never seen. Seeing someone? Ugh! I was getting pissed off at myself, but Stewie's angrier face knocked all previous thought out of my head.
He firmly grabbed my arm and tugged me away from the dance floor. His grasp didn't hurt like Alvin's had, but there was an urgency to it. He leaned closer to my ear, but still had to yell to be heard over the music. "Alvin's drunk and being an ass. We need to go before he causes trouble."
I nodded and followed him. My feet were tired, and the alcohol seemed to make things fuzzy. I nearly fell forward as we walked up the steps from the dance floor. Stewie put his arm around my waist to help me, or I would have tripped. About ten feet from the door, Alvin appeared in front of us.
"Get your fucking hands off her!" His speech was slurred, but he was angrier than I had ever seen him. He was always so gentle and full of laughter. It felt all wrong, like he was a different person.
I could see Cerise holding up Annalisa on the sidewalk outside, her eyes were wide with worry. "Stay away from me Alvin," I said tentatively. I tried to pull together my courage and anger. "You don't own me!"
"So you're just gonna screw every guy you see? Is that it, Morgan? Don't wanna screw me anymore, but you'll screw shortie here?"
"Shut up and get away from me!" I meant to make my feet move forward to intimidate him, but out of instinct they moved back instead.
"The town is really gonna talk about you now, won't they? Slutty Morgan who runs a sex house must be workin' hard tonight."
In the blink of an eye, Stewie let go of my waist, did some kind of a spin grab thing and had Alvin's arm twisted back so hard he was crying out as he pushed him out the front door. I followed them and Cerise took my hand.
"You fucking apologize to her you selfish prick or so help me I'll dislocate your damn shoulder. You hear me!"
The pain seemed to sober Alvin up, not to mention the surprise. I had no idea Stewie was so tough. He was at least a head shorter than Alvin, but he had him crying like a baby in seconds.
"I love her," Alvin cried.
"Well you might fucking remember that when you're calling her a damn whore, you piece of shit!"
"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Morgan, I'm sorry."
"Stewie." I put my hand on his shoulder. "Let him go." He nodded and let go. Alvin dropped to the ground at my feet, holding his shoulder. I leaned down. "I was always very clear with you, Alvin. I said it a hundred times that we would only ever be friends. I wish I didn't have to hurt you. And I wish you'd stop trying to hurt me, but I don't love you. And we clearly can't be friends. Don't come near me again."
I looked up to see Tommy and Lutz standing by the door. Tommy looked impressed, but Lutz looked like he wanted to kill me.
Stewie leaned down so that only Alvin and I could hear his words. "If you come near her again, not only will I make sure to fully dislocate that shoulder, but I'll help her slap you with a restraining order and maybe even some jail time for harassment. You hear me?" Alvin nodded, and Stewie grabbed my hand to lead me to the car.
I must have cried the whole way home. I wasn't crying about not being friends with Alvin, which was depressing in and of itself, but I was devastated that I had hurt him so badly. I clearly wasn't a good judge of character or of my effect on Alvin. Just one more thing I should have seen coming.
Back at my place, Cerise and Stewie supplied me with more alcohol until I was singing a happier tune. The last thing I remember was posing for pictures on Stewie's phone before I must have passed out.
Getting in Deeper
The next morning was the worst I'd had since college. I thought I must have drunk an entire bar full of alcohol with the way my head throbbed. I barely had time to get to the toilet before my stomach decided the alcohol had been with me for too long and tossed it out on its butt. Feeling a little better, I took a hot shower and sifted through my memories of the night before. Alvin, on the ground crying that he loved me was what stuck in my head, and I kept asking myself how I managed to let that happen.
Wrapped in only a towel, I sat on my bed trying to make the sun go back down when my phone rang. I think I knew who it was before I'd heard the ringtone.
"Hi, Sean." My voice sounded haggard and tired.
"Hello, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" The quiet way he asked told me plenty.
I groaned. "He told you everything didn't he?"
"Yeah, sweetie, he did." He sounded a little upset, and I couldn't figure out what he had to be upset about. Alvin wasn't his problem.
"You're sad about knowing my business? I thought you liked knowing all about me. I thought that was why you sent Stewie." Okay, I was rehashing things we'd already been through, but in my defense, I was so incredibly hung over it wasn't funny.
"Morgan, I sent Stewie there to help you and to give you a way to get to know me. I didn't send him there to spy on you or call me every second about what you're doing. He only told me what happened because he's worried about you. Frankly, I'm worried about you too. And, to be honest, I'm really worried about what you feel for this guy because I like you, Morgan. I can't make that clearer to you. Now, I don't need an answer right now. You're tired and hung over, and if I were in your shoes, I'd want to be left alone, so that's what I'm gonna do. I just wanted to make sure you're okay." He took a loud, long breath. "Are you okay, really?"
I let out a big sigh into the receiver. "I'm fine. I'm just… I'm tired. I'm not ready to examine all this right now."
"Fair enough, we'll talk about it later. But Morgan, I really want you to think about it. I need to know what you feel for him. Go get some rest, and drink some water. I'll call you late tonight around eleven if that's okay."
"It’s fine."
"Good."
I turned off my phone and lay face down on my bed for several minutes. When the bed shifted, I felt someone sit beside me, but I didn't bother to look up. I knew it was Cerise.
"That sounded like a good conversation."
"Urrrgggghhhhh."
"Yeah, I get that." And the nice thing was that I knew she did. She knew me better than anyone. She knew how hard the whole Alvin thing was for me—how easily I'd walked into a mess without meaning to. She got it. Part of me wanted to ask her to call Sean and explain it to him, but I had to clean up my own messes if I wanted anything with the guy. The question
was did I really want something with him?
I liked him. Our phone conversations felt like we'd known each other for years. He made me laugh and called me on my bullshit like when I was trying to hide from my past. I felt like I knew a lot about him from all the stories he and Stewie told me. And his voice—it was everywhere in my dreams. But I had no idea what he looked like or whether we had chemistry in person. I wasn't superficial or anything, but there were plenty of good looking guys I'd never be in love with. Sometimes it just wasn't there. Maybe we didn't have any hobbies in common. Thinking back, I didn't even know if he had spare time. He sounded like a freaking work-a-holic.
When I coupled all that uncertainty with the image of Alvin crying out that he loved me on the street, well, I didn't feel great about the situation I'd gotten myself into at all.
"I just want it all to go away, Cerise."
She patted my back softly. "Sean, too?" I didn't answer. She let me be silent for a few moments before continuing. "I wanted you to give him a chance, Morgan. I pushed you for that. And you have, honey. You've gone further with this than I thought you would. I'm proud of you. I was so worried you'd hide yourself away and never try again, never put yourself out there where you could find someone real and be happy and in love. But this is getting out of hand. I didn't think it would get this complicated for you."
"You're telling me to forget about him." I could hear the sadness in my voice over that possibility.
"Hell, no. I'm just saying this is a tough spot to be in. I'll completely support you wherever you take this. No arguments, no interference, this is all yours now. I've pushed you enough."
I groaned into the bed. "It'd be easier if you just told me what I should do."
She laughed and spread out next to me. I turned my head to look at her, and she pushed my wet hair out of my face. "I wish I had some great advice to give you—something brilliant that would make it all make sense and work out. I couldn't stand seeing you all numb and closed off, but this… this is worse. Just make the choice that's right for you." I rolled my eyes at her and she smiled. "I know that's just a nice way to say figure it out for your damn self, but it's all I've got this time." She poked me in the arm. "Now get up and get dressed. You need food and water."
Accidental Texting: Finding Love despite the Spotlight Page 9