by Lynn Tyler
Thantos leaned down and nuzzled her temple. “How long? All night.”
She moaned and had to grab on to Thantos’s hand for some kind of contact. The feel of his skin against hers was nearly too much for her. “Can we skip the tests and go straight back to your quarters?”
This time it was Kerek who crowded up against her. “No. Dr. Tabar is waiting for us. Besides, we need to know what’s going on with the three of us sooner rather than later if we’re going to go back to Helan.”
Right. They were probably going to go back to their home planet.
That thought was as effective at cooling her lust as a bucketful of ice water.
She followed the two men to the sick bay and hopped up on one of the examining tables when Dr. Tabar directed her to.
The doctor approached Thantos first, giving her some time to really think about what was going on. God, she was so confused.
She’d only been here for a couple of days, and yet these two men had somehow filled a space in her heart she hadn’t even known was empty. It made sense, though. She’d always felt like something was missing whenever she was with a man. Now she knew that she needed two men to really be happy.
Of course, things between her, Kerek, and Thantos were a little more complicated than her dating a simple human man.
She could feel Thantos and even Kerek in her mind, huge and soft, like giant cats rubbing against her and each other, purring up a storm. Well, maybe not cats. Tigers were probably a more accurate description of the two of them.
But the very fact that she could feel them in her mind, the fact that her body, for all intents and purposes, was not hers to control anymore, was scary as hell. And how was she supposed to make an unbiased opinion of the Helan intentions if she was involved with two Helans herself?
There was only one solution, and it broke her heart.
Shifting movements caught her attention, and she turned to find both Thantos and Kerek staring at her with concern. She had to shield these feelings from them, at least until she got back to the surface. If they knew how much it would kill her to leave them, they would probably never let her go.
And she needed to go. At least until she knew for sure that her feelings were her own and that they weren’t being influenced by the emotions of her lovers.
By the time the doctor got to her, Kim had worked herself into a right state. She hardly felt the sting when the doctor took the blood samples he needed.
The whole thing only lasted a few minutes, and Kerek was all up in her face again. “Let’s go back to our quarters, lira.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m sorry, but I have to go back to Earth. Immediately.”
Thantos was at her side in seconds, his face a mask of concern that matched his emotional state exactly. “Kim, we should talk before you go.”
God, no. She couldn’t talk to them. Not when she couldn’t think past what her body wanted to do with them. Not when the idea that what she was feeling for the two Helans, the love she was starting to feel, could possibly be the product of nothing more than hormones. “I need to think, and I can’t do that when you guys are so close. I have to go home and figure things out for myself.”
Kerek looked at her with dismay but wrapped his arms around Thantos, soothing their mate even as she was determined to leave. “Why? What changed?”
“Nothing changed. That’s just it. I feel like my feelings aren’t my own. How do I know what I’m feeling for the two of you is the real thing and not something I’m picking up from you two?”
Kerek’s eyes softened, and he reached out to stroke her cheek. “We can take the time to figure all of that out, lira. I understand that it’s overwhelming. When Thantos and I first mated, it took me a good month before I was able to sort out which emotions were mine and which were his. But it gets easier, I swear.”
Thantos was nodding his agreement even as he ruffled his fingers through her hair. “Kim, it’s only been a few days. Give us some time to settle into our bond. Things will be clearer then. Besides, you promised us a month, not a few days.”
The pounding that had started in her head a few minutes ago intensified. She rubbed at her temples, hoping to soothe her discomfort, but it didn’t help. “God, my head hurts.”
Dr. Tabar was there in an instant, frowning and flashing a small light in her eyes. “How long have you had your headache?”
“A few minutes. It started…” She trailed off and looked at the two males standing next to her. Thantos was resting his head on Kerek’s shoulder, panting and gripping Kerek’s shirt tightly in fisted hands. “What’s the matter with Thantos?” she asked instead, panic starting to well up in her as she watched her lover shift restlessly in obvious pain.
Kerek’s hand had slipped up under the thick red hair and, from the looks of it, was massaging Thantos’s skull slowly. “He’s in pain because you’ve cut yourself off from him. I bet that’s why your head hurts, too.”
The doctor was pushing on her shoulders gently, guiding her to lie down on the examination table. He waved some sort of instrument over her, and she had a bizarre feeling that she was somehow stuck in a Star Trek episode. Tabar frowned and concentrated his waving around her head. “I don’t see any neurological problems. Let me check the blood samples the three of you gave. I’ll cross reference them with the ones we have on file for Chief Kerek and Ambassador Thantos and see if there have been any changes.”
The pain was getting worse, the pounding becoming a steady, sharp pain like someone was hacking at her brain with a pick axe. Soft kisses were pressed against her closed eyelids. “Try and relax,” Kerek whispered in her ear. He slid his hands under her head until he cupped the back of her skull in his palms, using his long fingers to knead her head.
She melted into a giant puddle of goo. “Where’s Thantos?” she mumbled.
“He’s lying down on the table next to us.”
Turning her head, she got an eyeful of Thantos. He was flat on his back, one arm flung over his eyes. He was breathing deeply, but he didn’t look peaceful at all. Quite the opposite. He looked pale and drawn. “Why are you helping me instead of your mate?”
That earned her a frown. “You’re my mate, too,” Kerek said softly, still massaging her aching head. “Whether you like it or not.”
The doctor was bustling around in his lab, clearly visible through the glass wall. He kept walking back and forth between machines. She was no longer in any pain. Nope, it went way past pain. She felt sick and actually had to breathe slowly through her nose to avoid losing her last meal.
Kerek stroked her sweaty bangs off her forehead. “It would probably be easier if you stopped trying to block us. At least for the time being.”
Crap. She hadn’t even realized how hard she was trying to keep her thoughts her own. She blew out a breath and concentrated on bringing down the walls she had erected around her mind. The pain nearly became unbearable, and she clung to Kerek’s hand. “Why isn’t it working?”
There was some grunting over to her right, and she forced her head over to see Thantos writhing on the exam table, the doctor hovering over him anxiously.
Kerek brushed his lips over her knuckles and leaned down so that they were nose to nose. “Remember building the brick room in your mind earlier?” When she nodded, he kissed her knuckles again. “Picture that room, and then picture knocking down the walls.”
Fuck that. She’d picture a frigging wrecking ball crashing through the whole damn house if it stopped the pain.
And with that, the pain eased as quickly as it started.
“Good girl,” Kerek whispered in her ear. “You did good, lira.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him off for referring to her as a girl, but Kerek had already been pushed aside by the doctor, and he was waving that tiny machine thingy around her head again. “Is Thantos okay?” she asked instead.
The man himself sat up and swung his legs over the side of the table, completely ignoring Tabar’s pleas to remain lying dow
n. He hopped off the table easily and walked the two steps between the two examination tables, crowding up against Kerek’s side so that he could look down at her. “I’m fine now. Thank you for dropping your shields, lira.”
Her hand itched to cup Thantos’s cheek, but she forced it to remain at her side. If she was really serious about leaving the ship, she should not be touching either of her men. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them.
Kerek helped her up, steadying her when she swayed a little. “Did you see anything different about the blood samples, doctor?” he asked gruffly.
It seemed that Helan technology really was much more advanced than their medical equipment on Earth, because the doctor nodded. “The three of you have definitely bonded, but you already knew that. The blood samples merely confirm the link.”
Kim was horrified. “My blood changed because I had sex with them?” she shrieked. “What else is going to change?”
Tabar frowned. “Your pheromones are to blame, actually. You would have bonded with them regardless of whether you had slept with them or not.”
She cocked her head, trying to understand the details behind the bonding process. “So it’s like some kind of freaky fate thing?”
“No. It seems like Helan males are particularly sensitive to human hormones and will bond with any female they spend a significant amount of time with.”
Well, that took a little bit of wind out of her sails. So their bond had absolutely nothing to do with her as a person. That stung just a little. Okay, it stung a lot. But she was still confused. “I’ve only known Kerek and Thantos a few days. Is that really enough time for us to bond?”
Dr. Tabar looked at her thoughtfully. “I’ve been told that Consort Varin bonded with Queen Jacy rather quickly as well. But normally, a bond as strong as yours is not established for a number of years after the mates have been together.
“In your case, however, I believe that Ambassador Thantos’s lack of the particular enzyme Dr. Sathon was referring to earlier has caused him to bond much more quickly and completely than normal.”
Thantos didn’t seem to have the same concern about touching her and boosted himself up so he was sitting next to her, pressing their sides together. His warm hand settled against her lower back, the fingers of his free hand twining with Kerek’s. “So, did Sathon send you the details of my file?”
Tabar nodded and motioned for them to join him in his private office. The door slid shut behind them, enclosing the four of them in a space so small, if she’d been claustrophobic, she’d have been hyperventilating within ten seconds. He flipped a switch, and Kerek, who had been as stiff as a board, relaxed instantly.
What the fuck?
Thantos leaned forward, his breath wafting over the sensitive shell of her ear. “Dr. Tabar has just switched off the recording device. I believe on Earth it’s called doctor-patient confidentiality?”
Oh. Well, that gave her a little more confidence in what they were going to talk about. Not.
Dr. Tabar began drumming his fingers on his desk. “Dr. Sathon did send along his notes. He indicated that any lengthy separation between Ambassador Thantos and Chief Kerek is extremely uncomfortable, particularly for Ambassador Thantos.”
Kerek snorted and stood up to pace the length of the room. “Uncomfortable is an understatement. Try agony. For both of us.”
The drumming increased as the doctor nodded. “He also notes that he believes that Ambassador Thantos would not be able to survive the death of Chief Kerek.”
Thantos reached out and caught Kerek as he walked by. “Yes. My physiology is too closely tied to Kerek’s now. According to Sathon, my body has become accustomed to the enzyme Kerek produces, and I will not survive if we are separated for too long or if he dies.”
The doctor nodded and flipped open his vidscreen. He ran his fingers down the screen slowly, his eyes moving from side to side as he read something on the screen.
She wanted to scream at the doctor to hurry up, to put her out of her misery and just tell them how her body had changed.
Finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably only thirty seconds or so, Dr. Tabar looked up. “The computer has been analyzing the samples the three of you gave. From what I can tell, while it would certainly be painful to separate from Kim, it would not be fatal for anyone.”
For some reason, she didn’t feel any better. At least she wouldn’t be killing Thantos when she left, though. “So, it would be okay for me to leave the ship?”
The doctor looked at her as if she’d suddenly grown an extra limb but simply nodded. “If you wish to leave, then yes. But don’t get me wrong. It will still be extremely uncomfortable to be separated from your mates. The sexual frustration alone is enough to drive some Helans crazy.”
That didn’t sound like much fun, but maybe she would be able think clearly about what she wanted to do.
She stood up and smoothed the skirt of her dress down. “Then my original decision stands. I will leave the ship immediately, provided there is a pilot available.”
Thantos cleared his throat even as Kerek began growling. “Doctor? May we use your office for a few minutes?”
Tabar rose from his chair and circled around them until he was standing in the doorway. “Of course, Ambassador. Take your time. But a word of advice?” he said, looking at Kerek and Thantos. “Don’t push her for more than she’s ready to give. Despite bonding quickly, a true mating takes time and work, and you can’t do that if she doesn’t trust you to let her make her own decisions.”
Then he looked at her and she felt his sorrow and loneliness almost as if it was a palpable sensation. “And Kim? Don’t push your mates away because of pride or fear. If you let them in, they will show you why fate decided to pair you together.”
The doctor, now looking pale and shaken, left the room with his head held high. Who had turned him away? Or had he done the walking away?
Her questions for Dr. Tabar would have to wait because Kerek was pacing again. “Can you tell us why you have to leave?”
Her heart, which had been pounding almost painfully against her rib cage, slowed just a little with his words. At least he recognized that it was something she had to do and not something she simply decided arbitrarily. There would be no arguing over her leaving the ship. And he was ready to actually talk to her and find out what made her tick, rather than just throwing out an order.
“I can’t think with the two of you around. I need you both in me every second I’m in your company, and it makes it difficult to know if every single emotion and every single opinion I’ve developed has been nothing more than a side effect of my hormones.”
Thantos propped himself against the edge of the doctor’s desk and nodded. “And you want some time away from us while you sort things through.”
“Yes, and since there are no other quarters available on board, I need to leave.”
Kerek leaned against the desk so close to Thantos that their arms were pressed together. “I’m not sure that separate quarters would really give you the space you need, even if there was something available.”
She had to struggle for breath. This was it. They were really going to let her walk away without even batting an eyelash.
In an instant, Thantos was kneeling at her feet, forcing his wide shoulders between her knees so that he could look up at her properly. “No, lira. We are not letting you go without a fight, but Tabar is right. It’s not fair for us to push you for something you’re not ready to give. But make no mistake. We will do everything in our power to win you over.”
The heat in his eyes, the determination in his expression, and Kerek’s answering growl all combined to make her shiver. She’d never had anyone look at her quite like they were looking at her now, and it was the hottest thing ever.
Thantos chuckled and stood up so that he loomed over her. He picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Kerek will arrange for a shuttle immediately, and I’ll escort you back to Earth. But be prepared fo
r us, lira. You will be seeing us regularly.”
She supposed that was as good as either of them was willing to give her. But the idea of seeing them regularly while she figured things out was not altogether unpleasant.
Chapter 13
Her apartment seemed huge and empty, which was strange because the space was tiny and barely had enough room for her kitchen table, couch, and bed. She had a sneaking suspicion that the feeling was due to the lack of two big men crowding up against her at every chance.
She squirmed around in her chair, trying to relieve some of the ache that had been building up in her core for the entire three days since she’d left the ship. No amount of masturbation could help relieve the itch between her legs. She could orgasm, sure, but nothing could take the need away.
It didn’t help that Thantos and Kerek were in contact with her every single day. Kerek had given her one of the portable vidscreens he and Thantos owned, and the two of them had been hailing her at every possible second.
Thantos was back to lecturing here on Earth, but she hadn’t seen the man in the flesh yet. She’d been tempted to go down to one of the lecture halls, but both Kerek and Thantos had insisted that it was too soon.
Thantos in particular looked exhausted and just a little drawn. Kerek had told her that their lover was experiencing a little bit of withdrawal with her absence. She’d already known that, of course. She could still feel his emotions, even from such a distance.
Both of the men were determined to give her the space she needed to think, to really decide if the feelings she had developed for the two males on the ship were genuine or by-products of her freaking hormones.
The vidcreen beeped, and she rushed to it, pushing away the little embarrassment that she was essentially waiting by the phone for a guy to call. She flipped the screen on, smiling when Kerek’s face came into view. “Hi.”
He smiled back and inclined his head. “Hi, yourself. I had a need to hear your voice, lira.”
The heat creeping up her throat and cheeks told her she was blushing like a school girl, and she smiled almost shyly. “I’m glad you called, Kerek.”