by Pamela Ann
Lines started to form on his forehead, his expression one of pleading as he penetrated my soul with his gaze. “Please … don’t break my heart. I won’t ever mend. You’re the one, Ava. You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my days with, to be the mother of my children, my wife,” he shakily whispered as his voice got eerily serious. “Marry me.”
“I …” my throat ran dry. I was aghast as I stared at him numbly. “I beg your pardon?” I parroted as the words hounded my thoughts. Marriage. Babies. Wife. Babies. Marriage. Wife. His wife.
His …
Forever.
His face clearly showed how nervous he was, but he somehow produced a ring from one of his pockets before he got on his knee, looking up to me with hope in his eyes. “Ava Watson, you came into my life unexpectedly. Your sass and your unparalleled beauty captured me the very moment I saw you. You spark a fire inside of me, and I want it lit up for the rest of my days.
“Loving you is and will always be my purpose. Grant me this honor of becoming my forever, and I will swear to you, my parents, and to all of jolly England that I will not rest until you are happy. We will continue as one until you take your last breath.” He paused, looking a tad teary. “I am mad for you, and I hope you’re going to consider my proposal.”
He then took my shaky hand and slid the simple gold ring with a tiny diamond embedded in the middle onto my finger. “I know this ring might not be as grand as you certainly deserve, but I vow to you that I’ll work hard and give you a new one each year until I can fully afford to buy you a massive rock.”
Fuck.
As proposals went, this was the most unconventional one, although I knew he was being heartfelt and sweet, just like the man himself.
Uncontrollable tears streaked my face as I stared at the ring on my finger.
“Reiss, I’m too young for this.” I sobbed, distraught that a major part of me wanted to say yes and to hell with the rest of my life. No man, not even Ashton, could make me feel like a bloody goddess. But the other part argued, hard. Giving me bleak scenarios. And, much to my despair, my mother’s words kept ringing in my head, making things worse for me.
“Princess, I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait even if it takes forever. I’ll fucking wait for you,” he fiercely growled before he passionately kissed me.
My tears mingled into our kiss, making me feel helpless inside because the truth remained the same. I wanted him so much it made no sense anymore.
“Reiss,” I said wretchedly. “Please ... I can’t.” I had to break off the kiss as he held on to me, not letting me go.
“I know the future might seem drab, but I promise I’ll go to university and pursue a degree that will make a lot of money to support you. I swear on my life and my honor that I will take care of you. You will come first before anyone or anything else,” he kept on persisting. “If money is the issue, I’ll work twice as hard until I’m filthy rich and your mother finally accepts me.”
In the background, we vaguely heard a man’s voice almost yelling. We both stopped breathing as we tuned our ears to listen properly.
“Ava?”
It was Ashton, looking for me.
“Who’s that?” Reiss’s face had this accusatory look mixed with indubitable pain. “Why is he looking for you? Is he a friend of yours?”
Hearing Ashton’s voice merely cemented what I had decided beforehand. “He is…” I hated myself, but I knew I had to. It was for the best. “He’s my boyfriend,” I finished saying.
His shocked face stared back at me, unblinking. The agony in his eyes would forever haunt me.
“Boyfriend?” The grip on my shoulders became almost too painful as he tried not to shake me. “Boyfriend? What the bloody fuck am I? Your booty call?” He was almost yelling, yet I wasn’t scared. I deserved his wrath. “You’ve been toying with me all this time while I handed my heart over for you to slaughter.”
I wanted to deny it all. That, no, I was just as crazy for him; however, I kept my mouth shut while I saw him fester and seethe with profound loathing for me.
“You’re not even trying to redeem yourself,” he clearly noted as he was wracked with pain. Tears were visible in his emerald depths. “You really mean this, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, Reiss … I truly am.” I tried to reach out to him, but he jumped backwards, as if I was infected with a deadly virus.
“What a stupendous liar you are, Ava.” He shook his head, eyeing me with utter disdain. “Well, I’ll leave you to be with your boyfriend, seeing as how the bloody fool is looking for his beloved.”
He granted me one more hateful glare before he sniffed and tugged the side of his hair. “I love you—all I ever did was love you—and yet, you spat on that love. I hope you’re happy being a cheating, deceitful, and the most despicable kind of woman out there. Goodbye.”
I watched him leave as I gripped the ends of the sink to hold myself together. My system felt like it was crashing, and I had no one to blame but myself.
This will pass, I silently kept chanting.
This. Will. Pass.
I didn’t emerge from the powder room until forty-five minutes later. The words were still continuously being repeated in my mind. With my red eyes, I knew I had to quickly change and immediately reapply my make-up. Knowing Ashton, he’d spot these imperfections in a heartbeat. Therefore, I had to apply drops in my eyes to make the redness diminish. Then, in order to get the puffiness under my eyes to lessen, I dabbed on some eye gel and doubled the layering of my concealer.
Changing, I chose a short, lilac, chiffon dress that made my eyes look predominantly purple, concealing the blues.
Giving myself a last look over in the massive mirror, Reiss’s face—not the hateful one, but the loving face that had proposed to me—flashed in front of me. I could feel my heart contract as my gaze dropped to the ring on my finger. With a heavy heart, a sob escaped me as I pulled it off my finger and carefully placed it on my dresser.
“I’m sorry. I wretchedly am.” I was talking to the ring, knowing the owner of it wouldn’t care to hear me say it any longer.
Chapter 13
Ava
Allie and I along with Ashton, Winston, and Jameson discussed what we were inclined to do after finishing school. Allie wanted to be a veterinarian. Winston was most decided to pursue his passion for theatre. Jameson aspired to become a professional gambler—i.e. poker and such. Ashton couldn’t see his future other than the corporate world.
As for me, well, I secretly wanted to travel through France and Italy and learn the arts of proper pastry crafting. However, that was truly wishful thinking. My mother wouldn’t allow it. If it were up to her, she’d rather I do charity work or be a part of her committee where they held fundraisers to support whatever causes were trending globally.
It was fantastic—it truly was—but the shallowness of these people was astonishing. Most didn’t go to these “functions” to support; they were there to maintain the status quo, to keep up with the rest of the gossips in the snobbish society heralded mostly by my own dearest mother.
“We’re out of ice,” Winston stated as he tried to scoop up the very last one.
The men went through ice like it was nothing whilst drinking. They had once argued that it was the difference in their body temperature, which made them tend to appease their uncontrollable hotness by replenishing themselves with ice-cold beverages. These three liked to horse about, always claiming they were part of the beautiful species, a title only granted through the process of ensuring one was well-endowed. I was just about to say something quirky in reference to that farce when something caught their attention, halting their conversations as they stared right behind me.
“What? Has the ghost of Lady Prescott just appeared behind me?” They used to tease me about the befallen Lady who had apparently hung herself in one of the parlor rooms after she’d found her husband shagging one of the housemaids back in the 1800s. Of course, the house had come a long way since the
n with renovations and an upgraded sewage system as well as whatever else my mother thought would attract more gossip precisely aimed at her delicate taste. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Allie grinned. “Not the Lady. Mister Prescott, perhaps?”
“I apologize for interrupting your party, but I was hoping I could speak to Ava … in private.”
Fuck. I cursed inwardly as I momentarily shut my lids to gain some sanity back. I thought he had left. Questions bombarded my mind as I slowly turned my neck to see Reiss standing in the middle of the room, nervous, although his eyes were dead-set on me.
“Ava?” He was asking for my permission, silently pleading with his eyes.
“And who might you be, young man?” Ashton asked jokingly, but I could detect a hint of suspicion in his voice.
Reiss took a moment, possibly deciding if he should respond to it or not. Panic rose to my throat as I watched this scenario slowly play before me.
“He’s the gardener’s son who’s working with his father for the summer. His name’s Reiss.” I looked away, not wanting to see the reaction on his face after what I had just said.
It wasn’t directly insulting him, but a part of me wanted to put him in his place because he was risking too much by appearing here, amongst my friends with Ashton in the mix. I had to save face somehow. It was horrid, yet I still had done it. I was a terrible person, truly rotten to the core.
“Perfect,” Ashton finally spoke up, breaking the heavy silence that hung in the air before he glanced at me, as if to see what I was going to say. “Get us more ice and a variety of olives and cheeses, will you?”
“I’m here to speak to Ava,” Reiss grated out loud enough for all of us to hear. “If you need ice, it’s located in the kitchen.”
Reiss’s barbed reply made Ashton clear his throat, not liking the fact that he was being disrespected by one of the staff. Bloody Hell, I better do something before this turned into a fight. My mother would truly disown me then.
Huffing out loud, I was about to get up when Ashton threw me a steadfast stare.
“Ava?” Ashton gave me a speculative look. “You never said you were good friends with the gardener’s son.”
Like I had to detail everyone I knew so he could get updated with everything. “I’m friends with everyone that works here.” My poor aim at sarcasm was pitiful.
I ignored Ashton’s and the rest of my friends’ curious gazes as I stood up and walked towards where Reiss was standing. Then I zoomed past him, hoping he’d follow me out.
I was fuming within. He had better have a good explanation, or I wouldn’t live it down. My friends would ceaselessly keep inquiring about how this had come about since it was obvious Reiss was truly smitten with me.
I had been nothing other than appalling to Reiss since Ashton had come to visit, and I felt like I was being choked with not much room to move. Everything was moving too fast and too soon. I couldn’t fully process what was happening around me.
I was truly confused as I navigated around the dimly lit hall, pacing towards the informal living room. It was one of my favorite rooms because it had an old, grand fireplace with cozy chaise lounges and other plush furniture that molded to your form the moment you sat on one. Hundreds of books had been read in this area. From the tales of Charles Dickens to the heart-warming romance of Jane Austen’s novels, I had seized it all here, basking in the warmth of the hearth and the fresh scent of flowers in antique vases about the room.
This room had an immense effect on me. It never failed to bring that inner feeling of comfort and peace you got when you were surrounded by things that brought nostalgia and good memories of your childhood. And I was about to make another memory in this room. Nothing heart-warming or thoughts of comfort came to mind with this one, however.
Even though it was summer, the fireplace was ablaze, dancing before me as if it hoped to calm me inside like it always did when it greeted me in all different seasons. But tonight, no comfort came.
I patiently waited for him, hoping and dreading he’d show up. I was wagering to myself that, if he had simply left and walked out of the door from my snooty behavior, then it was for the best. But, if he hadn’t, if he was gradually making his way towards me, then…
Well, I was doomed, to put it mildly.
After five minutes, my stomach started to feel like I was going sky diving, making me feel nervous and hollow. Glancing at the mahogany mantelpiece clock, I meticulously watched the hand, counting down the time.
I silently counted another two minutes before I heard the familiar sound of him clearing his throat. I hadn’t heard him come in, which was odd because I was quite good with these things. You see, I needed to be alert when reading vulgar scenes that I shouldn’t. As a result, for years I had trained my senses to detect these things, which only made me wonder how I hadn’t heard or sensed him at all until he had made the sound. I supposed I was out of practice.
Snapping myself back to my present dilemma, I trained myself to keep gazing at the clock, concentrating on projecting my frustrations and anger towards him.
“What the hell do you think you’re trying to accomplish here, Reiss? You can’t simply walk in here when I’m entertaining. Ashton will start getting suspicious, and that’s the last thing I need—more bloody drama!”
“Fuck. I don’t give an arse about that stupid wanker. I surely don’t bloody care about what he thinks, for that matter. Who. Bloody. Cares?” Reiss came closer to me, seething with anger, simmering with undeniable frustration. “Let him think whatever he fancies—you’re mine, and he should know that you’re with me. When are you going to tell him? You have to break it to him soon, Ava.”
He finally reached my side before he stepped a hairsbreadth away, his lips touching the back of my ear, imprinting it with his love. “I was so bloody miserable when I left earlier. For hours, I racked my brain to find answers, and I couldn’t. But at the end of the day, the truth surfaced, telling me I was the only one who’d made love to you. It’s me you chose, not him, Ava.”
He gathered air into his lungs, emphasizing the shakiness of his breath. “It’s such heartache to be away from you this long. Our argument earlier on—whatever you said—I forgive you, but you must end this, Ava. You must break the news to him, or this will never be resolved.”
“Break it to him?” I gasped, baffled as I spun to face him. “As in officially kaput?”
Didn’t he see this wasn’t going anywhere? Why couldn’t he just give this up and leave it be like he had with the rest of the women he had slept with. Sure, he loved me, but love … love could be replaced. Well, it could, couldn’t it? Why else would the divorce rate be so nauseatingly high?
“What else is there?” He looked entirely broken, even a little withdrawn, but he still kept on fighting, unwavering from his eternal vows of love he had declared earlier today.
It gutted me to see him this way, as if the light had gone out of his eyes; however, I was almost assured he’d fully recover given the next woman who was appeasing to his eyes and his needs in the bedroom.
As for me, playtime was over. I had known the moment Ashton had appeared I had to do what I had to do. I should’ve cut ties before this, before it had gotten deeper than I had expected.
“Reiss, you’ve mistaken me—I can’t.” My voice broke as I stared at him, frowning while at the same time smiling as I tried to fight between what I thought was for the best and what my senses thought were satisfying. “Ashton … how do I explain it? It’s complex. You see, he and I…”
The air to my lungs momentarily halted because his face held that look that said he was afraid of what I was about to say next. The look that told me he felt helpless stopping me from breaking his heart. He stood there, immobilized, as I was about to butcher his heart and eviscerate his dreams of the future along with his proposal of marriage. I saw it all—the reflection of fear in his emerald eyes as it mirrored my very own.
“He and I are compatible in ways that you and I ar
en’t. Besides, we have things in common—similar interests and beliefs. I have nothing with you, Reiss. There’s nothing there for us. Don’t you see that?” I persisted, hoping he’d hate me more. “Let it go. You have to let me go.”
He took a sharp intake of breath like he was being cut alive. His body language told me he was already broken, his mind had already understood, but his heart kept on beating, fighting for survival.
“Ava, I promise you I’ll be smart. I’ll make a huge amount of money so you won’t be embarrassed of me. Don’t end it—I beg you …” Hot tears fell down his face before his arms swallowed me, hugging me for dear life. “Please … don’t leave me, Ava. I love you. I love you so bloody much that I’m willing to be someone who would be worthy of you. Let me prove it to you, just don’t end things with me.”
“I’m sorry …” Hell was where I was going when I died because Heaven didn’t welcome selfish, despicable beings like me. “But that’s never going to happen.”
He halfway yanked me off his body, searching my face for answers. “Why not? You don’t even bloody love the bloke, or you wouldn’t be seeking me almost every night for the past eight weeks or so. Have you forgotten that you gave yourself to me? Have you forgotten that you gave me your virginity?” He was almost yelling at me. “Did that mean nothing at all?”
This is it, I bleakly acknowledged as I stood on the precipice, knowing that, whatever I was going to say next, I could never take it back.
Hardening my will and resolve, I kept to my decision, lying to myself and to his face. “It’s just sex; it’s nothing personal.”
That truly got him. He was beyond offended and appalled at what I had just declared.
“Not personal? Seriously?” He gripped my arms, shaking me lightly as his eyes thundered before me. “What are you, a whore? Might as well open your legs then and let me shag you for the last time. I’ll show you how I shag a disrespectful, lying cunt!”