by Pamela Ann
Without ado, I excused myself from the investment bankers and Hilary, who seemed to have bonded with one of the wives who had one of the top of the art facials that could make any woman shed ten years off without surgery. She was a pure example of the kind of superficiality this world had come to. Pathetic.
Striding towards the Ice Queen of Hell, I ground my jaws together as I composed myself, ready to see where this meet and greet could lead us. The second I reached her, my hand pressed against my chest as I gave her a small nod, as if she was of importance.
“Good evening, Charlotte. You look well, and truly lovely, as expected.” Lying through my teeth was an expertise I had acquired through years of practice. One had to learn the art of deception when they had to mingle amongst the high ranking, rotten lot; it was mandatory. Thou shall not offend thee ill-gotten society, or thou wouldst risk being shunned.
Charlotte gave me a scathing glance with a raised brow while she seemed to be appraising me from head to foot. “Well, once being a lowly gardener, you certainly know how to dress deceivingly. I don’t like you, and I doubt I will ever accept you as my daughter’s husband since you’re far off the mark when compared to a lovely man such as Ashton Westwood. But, being as my opinion isn’t highly valued by my daughter, it seems, I have no choice other than to stand behind my husband’s decision since she’s carrying your child.”
Her opinions mattered little to me.
When she cast her eyes towards Hilary’s direction, I knew there was more to come from her toxic tirade.
“Is this how you disrespect my child, by parading your mistress at social functions while you hide her away from the world? Charles begged of me to give you a second chance, but given the present situation, I doubt I will ever see you in a different light. I don’t tolerate dalliances when it’s my daughter’s life in question. Does she know about this woman; is that why she’s here out in the society while you two parade around like lovers while you keep my daughter in hiding until she gives birth to your heir?”
How could she even understand what the depth of my situation with Ava was, given that she had already made a very low opinion of me?
“Ava is in good hands. I will provide of her for as long as I am capable of doing so. She will want for nothing. And, if you’re so curious about what our relationship is built on, why don’t you go ahead and ask your daughter instead?” My quip wasn’t the sharpest, but she was bombarding me with all these things at the wrong time—at a very high-profiled fundraiser!
She reddened, looking like a volcano about to erupt as she tried to control herself. “I never thought the day would come when I wished you were the same boy who was in love with my daughter. I’d rather have you poor and in love with her than have you as a wealthy tycoon who cares little for my daughter’s heart.
“Pay heed, the moment she gives birth to my grandchild, I’ll do everything in my power to take you down. You don’t deserve her, nor do you deserve the child she’s going to bear you.” She immediately strutted into the crowd, feeling high and mighty with her belittling treatment of me.
I could’ve argued. I could’ve said a lot of things that would paint me in a much brighter light. However, she had a point. Having her point out that she’d rather have me poor while still in love with her daughter had given me a glimpse of her thawing ice queen personality. I wasn’t sure why, but I had a feeling she was looking forward to meeting her grandchild. As was I.
Joining the bankers and Hilary’s company once more, I tried to draw some interest in their conversation, but I somehow ended up wanting to scream like mad. Charlotte Watson’s voice kept hounding my mind. It was as if she had planted a seed that wouldn’t eject itself from my conscience. I felt like she had successfully triggered something I’d squashed ages ago. I was about to go mental.
I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to breathe, to run and get the bloody hell out of here. I had to pull Hilary to the side and told her there was an emergency of sorts that I immediately had to handle. Then, I apologized for leaving her before the dinner had even been announced.
Dashing towards the nearest pub available, I hastily went inside and sat my troubled arse down on one of the red leather seats before asking for a double shot of the best brandy they had.
Five double shots down, I shut my eyes as I pressed the bridge of my nose while my mind recalled the night that had changed my life.
It had started very similar to this. I had been heated and about to go mental. Ava’s absolute rejection of my pitiful hand in marriage had forced me to seek out my friends. I had wanted to hear them tell me walking away from the woman I loved was the brightest and soundest decision I’d ever made, since I had fallen into the deep end of madness. Love was poison. I had felt its vile, acrid taste on my tongue as I had tried to keep myself together and not shred into pieces because of the only person that mattered to me repeatedly rejecting me in one day.
My self-confidence had been abysmal by the time I sat down to drink with my friends. My ego and pride were bloody non-existent at that point. Consequently, like the jolly old, brilliant friends they were to me, they had also drunk until we couldn’t coherently form a sentence.
At first, it had been rather hilarious. Tom and Benjamin would start singing a blasted song then, after a verse or two, they’d start putting their own words into it, making it all the merrier as we had kept on downing one drink after the other until the pub had closed and booted us out of there.
I wasn’t sure what truly occurred thereafter. Although, from my vague recollection, I had actually offered to drive. I was told I might end up driving them all to Ava’s house to take on her posh boyfriend; thus, someone else had taken the seat.
It had been in the wee hours of the morning, with the roads practically empty, so it was all good and well. However, halfway through, I felt ill from the thoughts of Ava and that posh boyfriend of hers divulging in sexual activities in one of the rooms in the manor. I had ultimately ended up wanting to chuck up everything, as if to dispel all of the bad things that had happened to me hours prior. Subsequently, the car stopped while I vomited on the side of the road, hugging my abdomen as I retched.
My friends rumbled on about the football match that we were all betting on—Manchester United and Arsenal. I had heard the car engine turn on as they all had continued to argue about the bloody idiotic match while they’d somehow overlooked that I wasn’t in the car, which had been rather absurd because the door had still hung wide open while Benjamin’s head had stuck out the opposing window to sing the Manchester United song.
The whole scene had been rather comical, and I had found myself laughing to my wits end until my laughing had turned to tears of horror just as I witnessed the crash of the car. They had hit the tree at such a speedy rate that the car had been immediately engulfed in flames, leaving me no choice other than to call for help.
However, before the ambulance had come to the scene, I had run towards the car despite the front being wildly engulfed by fire, which had left Tom and Rory with no hope of escape. Benjamin and Felix had been in the back with me, but when I tried to pull the car door open, it was jammed.
Feeling hopeless, I had been a wreck as I had tried to scream and kick the door with all my might to no avail. The entire time, Benjamin and Felix had remained unconscious as I had bellowed at the top of my lungs, telling them to wake up. When all hope had left me, I had actually thought Benjamin had opened his eye a crack, smiling at me as if he had been telling me it was okay, that I should stop acting hysterical and save myself before the whole thing blew up.
I remembered screaming through my tears as my hand had imprinted on the window glass, saying goodbye to Benjamin, Rory, Tom, and Felix—my best friends.
They had all died in one fatal blow because I had been too rotten and selfish to think about anyone’s welfare. I had been too pathetically heartbroken to take it like a real man should.
And, just like that, I had started running as far as my legs coul
d take me with no direction. I didn’t know when I had fallen asleep, yet when I had woken up, Charles Watson had been there to greet me with a proposal that had changed my life for good.
Accepting his proposition was the coward’s way out; however, I hadn’t seen another option at the time. With all of the guilt from losing my best friends in the blink of an eye and the hate-filled fury I had possessed for Ava, I couldn’t fathom going back to my old life. The mere thought of being surrounded by the people who reminded me I was the only one living when all of my friends had died was unconscionable. What’s more, I hadn’t needed a reminder of Ava. If possible, I had wanted to forget her altogether.
Therefore, I had, or so I had led myself to believe.
Not fairing any better than when I had first gotten to the pub, I kindly asked the barman to call me a cab. I was no longer the reckless teenager who thought he could take on whatever when drunk. Losing my friends had taught me my limitations—to know when I’d had enough.
The ride from the bar towards my home went by in a blur. I arrived past midnight, and just as expected, the house was still and quiet. Racing up the steps, I sought Ava’s room, thinking how inconvenient it was to be staying in separate quarters when most of the time I found myself there, anyhow.
That was one of the things I wanted to address. I wanted her to move all of her things to my room so we didn’t have to pretend as if we truly wanted privacy. It was high time to fix the huge misstep I had taken by pushing her away.
Standing outside her door, I stretched my neck from side to side, hoping to release some of the tension, before taking a lungful of air and willing myself to open the door.
What was on the other side was as terrifying as it was splendid. My next steps could lead me to everything I had ever wished for …… or everything my nightmares were made of.
Chapter 30
Reiss
The room held little to no lighting. Usually, she left one curtain parted to allow some light, yet tonight, it was almost black, and I could barely make out the details of the room and its furniture. Thank the gods I knew the familiar route towards the bed.
The second I reached the side of the bed that I usually occupied; I focused my eyes on her, wanting to see a glimpse of her loveliness. For a moment, I simply admired her.
Taking one shoe off after the other, I took off my tie before shedding the rest of my clothes, only leaving my bottoms on. Sliding into the bed, I placed both hands behind my head and shut my lids to recap the horrid night I’d had. Of all the venomous people to see tonight, I had to have the unfortunate luck to be greeted by the leader of the pack.
“You’re here …” I heard Ava mumble before saying, “How did it go?” She sounded as if she was asking how my day or a meeting had gone, totally the polar opposite of the shrieking woman I had pictured in my head.
“Ava, about tonight, we can talk about it if you like.”
I heard her sigh before saying, “Reiss, please, you don’t have to do this. It’s fine. You can go by yourself to these events. There’s no need for you to explain yourself or feel bad about. You were clear in the beginning, and I have accepted that. As I said before, having you this way is better than nothing, and I stand by that decision.”
“What do you mean?” I sounded exactly as I felt, frustrated as hell. “So are you telling me you’re fine with me going out, wining and dining other women, just as long as you have me come home to you every night? Am I getting this right, or am I off the mark?”
She made another sigh, the sound starting to grate on me. “I don’t need you to feel like it’s an obligation to take me with you when you socialize since I’m carrying your baby or we’re sleeping together,” she grounded out, sounding more level-headed as the time ticked away. “It’s fine, and I mean that, Reiss. So, please, you need not worry.”
“How can you sound so calm and tell me not to worry? Everything about this is making me bloody worry. You acting rather nonchalant about other women makes me believe you would readily tolerate such behavior from me. I truly apologize if my past actions led you to believe such, but I don’t want any of this. The more time I’ve had to think about it, the more I have come to believe that I don’t want anyone else sparking your interest due to my neglect of you.”
“Reiss, you haven’t neglected me. I just know how these marriages work. I see this sort of relationship happen all the time, so you don’t have to feel awful about it.” She reached out to touch my chest, as if trying to soothe the tension that was wired into my body.
“You’re not getting my point, Ava! Just for a second, please, just listen to me.” Pressing my temples, I pulled myself together and sat up on the bed, somewhat slouched as I blindly stared into the ocean of comforters and sheets. “I want this to work. I don’t want some complicated relationship with you that’s based on an agreement and nothing more. I’m trying to tell you that I want a marriage— a real one—with you.” I suddenly felt nervous when she didn’t respond; however, I didn’t glance back, needing courage to finish what I had to say before facing her and what she thought of it. “I want a family, maybe a couple more kids after this little bun. Marriage has always been on my mind, although I never really thought it would happen since I paid little attention to making it happen before.
“What I told you at The Savoy about me telling the woman I loved to wait because she was who I wanted to marry … it was all a lie. I made that up to somehow build a protection around me, and at the same time, for you not to have any designs other than what we’d agreed upon. I was in the wrong to that because, you see, I had underestimated your power over me.
“I should’ve taken a lesson from the past—it would be an impossibility for me to ever resist you, Ava. Apart from the brilliant chemistry between us, we also have this bond that I’ve shared with no one else. I’m comfortable with you. I can be myself without having to always worry about my partner accusing me of being neglectful. We enjoy each other’s laughter as much as we enjoy our joined silence while we simply drift into our own worlds.
“I have no doubt in my mind that you’re going to be a splendid mother. I also have no reservations that you will do everything in your power to keep us both—the child and I—happy in your care and in our home. You have this calming energy about you that lulls my troubles away. Maybe it’s simply how much you represent one of the happiest times of my life. But none of it matters if you don’t see a future for us, or anything past having the baby.
“Tonight … tonight, I realized how much I wanted you to be there, standing next to me. I actually pictured you whispering silly things or rather fun facts about the people we’d encountered. Your sense of humor is off beat, but I think it’s cute, and I want all of that. I want all of you.
“These past weeks have been nothing short of amazing, and I want this—us—to continue. I want us to be weathering all the good and the bad, hand in hand, as we tackle them together.
“Being with you made me realize how much I need you with me. You make me feel as if I’m truly living. For years, I have been living a lie, believing that everything was perfect and nothing would ever crumble the world I had made for myself, but you came along and proved me wrong. You appeared out of nowhere, just as you had that first time, and effortlessly took my breath away.
“I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. I have the oddest tendency of being a bastard and unapologetically irrational when jealous. Also, I have the hardest time trying to put my emotions into words, which must tell you how difficult of a journey it was for me to get to the point where I can openly tell you I want this to work, forever if you’re willing.
“I’m sure you already know that you didn’t marry a saint, but I can give you my word that I’m loyal, and I’ll be your greatest advocate, to cheer you on when you’re feeling blue or when your mother decides to grace us with her superiority. I’m going to be here, next to you, holding you because you and I are a unit.
“I also can’t promise that, along t
he way, I won’t let you down a time or two, and I hope, when that time comes, you won’t give up on me, because even though I know I can be a stubborn fool, I won’t ever leave you. So, to save us both the argument and screams, I’m giving you an advanced warning where that’s concerned.”
I took a moment, recalling everything. “The past made us who we are today, and even though it was a turning point in my life, I didn’t ever regret loving you. True, I hated you on sight, but that all stemmed from rejection, amongst other things. But I have moved past that, setting it aside, and all the emotional baggage I have harbored is gone. I won’t ever forget what it did to me, but it’s time to bury the hatchet and move forward.”
Letting myself look at her, I shifted to fully face her before gathering both of her hands with mine, holding on to them to show her how much I meant all of this. “I care about your happiness, and if you think or doubt for a moment that I’m not the man to give you the kind of joy you’re seeking from a partner, then I’ll gladly step away and let you go, though reluctantly, of course.” Seeking her eyes, I held my breath as I read her eyes, hoping they could clue me in on how she would respond.
“Reiss, I appreciate you telling me this. In fact, you spilling all of those pent up emotions enlightened me as to what you have been going through. But, for the past weeks, haven’t you listened to a word I’ve told you?” She frowned as she made a small shake of her head, as if she couldn’t believe how clueless I was. “Men!” she ferociously exclaimed before giving me the evil eye.
“When I said I loved you, it meant that I’m here for as long as you want me, for as long as you need me. It might sound tragic to some, but I don’t have any pride or ego left, because for ten years, I’ve used it all up. And, now that I have you in the most unconventional ways, I’m willing to make this opportunity work, one way or the other. So, when I say I love you, you shouldn’t think that I will walk away because you’re acting like a bloody fool or the complete insufferable prick that you can truly be at most times … because that’s the thing, I love you even when you’re being such a dastardly bastard.