Hide and Seek Her

by H. B. Stumbo

  When I didn’t respond he continued. “She’s not coming back is she?”

  He looked at me then and his face twisted into his own version of sadness. I knew Riley loved her and I knew Charlotte loved him. I knew it was a different type of love that I had for her, but I knew this would break a piece of Riley’s heart too.

  “No,” my voice was cold but it cracked on the hardest one syllable word I had ever spoken. I wasn’t just admitting that to Riley, I was admitting it to myself.

  He exhaled and looked back down, “Why?”

  I rolled my head around and closed my eyes, “Because I fucked up.”

  Riley eyed me oddly like he didn’t understand and I didn’t expect him to. I could tell by his facial expression that he assumed I meant I had been unfaithful and I shook my head. His face settled into thinking mode as I chewed on my lower lip.

  “She knows about the night you saved her now, doesn’t she?”

  It didn’t take him as long as I expected to figure that out. I nodded and this time I looked down. Riley knew enough about that night because he knew enough about Jackson, I was suddenly thankful that I wouldn’t have to go into grave detail, I couldn’t handle that right now.

  “Did she figure it out on her own or did you tell her?”

  I sighed, “If I had told her it probably would have been better than it is now.”

  Riley took a step towards me and rested his hand on my shoulder, it burnt where he touched me; it always did. Riley had no idea how deeply I cared for him and how much I worried about him. It was not nearly as scorching as when Charlotte touched me though. That was the ultimate burn to my soul, a sensation I’d never forget. Third degree burns couldn’t compare to what Charlotte’s touch did to me.

  “You should have told her early on, Vance.”

  I brushed his arm away then and walked back towards the bed and sat down. “I know that.” My voice was cold as I admitted the truth.

  Riley nodded and rubbed his own temple, “Do you think over time she will understand why you kept it from her? Maybe when the dust settles-“

  “She won’t come back.” I snapped at his words and he took a step back. “She can’t trust me and she thinks I’ve lied to her all along. She didn’t even want to hear my side, she didn’t want to know anything, and I didn’t even have the chance to explain things or tell her how it happened. I shattered her heart. I shattered the heart that I had put back together and she’s not going to be forgiving. I don’t blame her. I knew what she went through and I made her live through it again.”

  Riley looked at me oddly as I continued, “I let her tell me the whole thing from start to finish. I let her explain how he beat her for years, I let her relive the worst night of her life; the night she almost died until some stranger saved her. I watched her face contort into grief and pain as she told it, I watched her literally shake and fall apart as she relived it verbally just to try to get me to understand why she is the way she is, and I never once told her the truth.”

  Riley could sense that this conversation was only going to get deeper and he rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Vance…I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say, Riley.” I looked down at the floor and sighed, “He ruined part of our lives before and he’s going to do it again but this time it’s not just his fault, this time it’s my fault, too.”

  Riley turned on his heels and walked out of the room, I knew he couldn’t think about Emily right now, he couldn’t think about Emily ever. When I heard him descend the staircase and shut the door to the back porch I let my head sink into my hands and I exhaled deeply.

  Jackson Greene had been a plague upon my life for far too long now. I came back to this town three years ago because I heard Jackson moved to New Haven. I came back because I wanted to live where my family had made roots, I came back because I wanted to start fresh here, and I came back because I wanted to keep an eye on the man who ruined my families’ lives. I wanted to kill him and I almost did. I had been so close to his death that I could taste it. Emily’s perfect face and her melodic voice was so fresh in my mind that night that I could almost feel her next to me. Killing Jackson was going to be the only way I ever accepted Emily’s death and found peace. An eye for an eye, a soul for a soul. I wasn’t worried about going to Hell, I was doing God a favor by ridding the world of this man.

  It didn’t happen though. I never got to finish what I started, I never got to end his life the way he ended Emily’s because fate had other plans. My mind jumped to that night, the night Charlotte would never remember. No video surveillance or subconscious thoughts would ever bring those memories back.

  I was outside of his house in New Haven and it was so dark, I knew that I could slip in, sneak up behind him and attack. He would never hear me, I had gotten so good at sneaking around and following him for the last few months and he had yet to notice me or even look over his shoulder. I was ready, Emily’s spirit was wrapped around me like a snake and I was ready to do this and end this bastard’s life. I couldn’t think of a more perfect night to end his life. It was raining lightly and thundering to the North, a perfect night for someone to die.

  I waited outside of the back door, I could hear him yelling and shouting about forever and trust. I had no idea who he was talking to but I assumed it was a phone call. The house had been vacant for weeks other than a car that came and went sometimes during the day. I could have cared less about any car that wasn’t Jackson’s, I was looking for him, I was staking him and when I found him I wasn’t going to let go. I had lost track of him for a few weeks but I spotted him earlier that day and I had followed him to his house that night. There was no doubt in my mind that God had led me there for a reason, this was the last breath he would take.

  My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a scream. The scream cut through my soul and severed me. It was a girl, she was begging, no pleading that he stop. I heard things fall, I heard things break, I heard her shriek and it hit my heart like a Taser gun. Something deep in my soul shattered then and I lost sight of what I was originally focusing on. My thoughts drifted to Jackson’s past with my beloved cousin, I wondered if this is what it had been like. The screaming and yelling continued and something shattered inside the house.

  Emily.

  My thoughts ran wild and my heart pumped in my chest, I couldn’t get any air, I couldn’t think and the screaming continued.

  I shook my head fiercely, I closed my eyes and sucked in a huge breath of air as the girl screamed again, and gurgled and choked. This was not Emily, Emily was dead, Emily was the reason I was here to kill this man, she was not on this Earth. This was someone else, it was happening again.

  Adrenaline punched through my veins and my view changed. One second I was crouched down around the house and in the next I was throwing a lawn chair through a glass door and running inside.

  I heard more banging and pounding as the glass fell in shards around me on the deep wooden floor. I sprinted through the house and followed the sound to a back bedroom, I kicked the door and it separated from its frame and that’s when I saw him.

  Jackson Greene was standing over someone. His hair was tied back into his signature bun but he was dripping with sweat and something else; blood. He turned around as the wooden frame splintered into pieces, his eyes met mine and recognition spread across his face.

  So we meet again.

  I was shaking, caught between Emily’s ghost and my urge to slaughter him, and the figure on the floor. She was shaking but she wasn’t conscious, I didn’t have to be any closer to her tell that there was no way she was aware of what was going on. The blood spilling out of her and staining the floor was more than an okay amount, it was critical.

  My gaze fixed on the dark man standing feet from me. He was breathing heavy and after a few seconds, that smile crossed his face. It was the same smile that he bared to me the day he was found innocent and he passed by me on his way out of the cour
troom. I began to shake and in that second, I lunged at him and knocked him to ground.

  I don’t remember how many times I hit him, I don’t remember how many times he hit me. I don’t remember his words, just the fact that he was shouting at me. I don’t know what he said or what created more adrenaline, but whatever it was it crept over me like a fog and I hit him harder and quicker. I knew I had knocked him out but I didn’t stop. I kept hitting and hitting as Emily’s face filled my mind. It might have been minutes but I knew it was only seconds before I heard a small moan from behind me. It chilled me to my core and cooled me enough to drop Jackson’s lifeless body to the floor.

  I crawled over to the girl who was still bleeding and still shaking. Her hands were bound together and she was only wearing her bra and underwear. I grabbed her face and turned it towards me, she was coughing up blood and her eyes were closed. I knew she was a lost cause, just like Emily. The man had killed not just one girl, but now another was going to die because society didn’t think he was a danger.

  I wanted to finish him off; I needed to end this before it happened again.

  I moved away from the girl on the floor but stopped when she coughed again. I reached towards her and tilted her head upwards, this time her eyes flew open and met mine.

  I was done.

  In that moment the entirety of my life flashed before me and everything made sense. For a brief second, I knew the answer to every question I had, I knew the meaning of life, and I knew there was a God. I stopped breathing as her eyes took me in. She scanned the room briefly and looked back at me before she started coughing again. I held out my hand as the blood spilled out of her mouth and into it and she began to cry. I shushed her and rocked back and forth as this beautiful creature lay dying in my arms. I untied her wrists and they fell lifelessly on top of me, one hand grabbed onto my wrist and a fire coursed through me, she held on like she was holding on for life and cried harder which in turn made her cough more. I didn’t know what to do so I started humming, it used to calm Riley down maybe it would work for her. She eventually stopped crying and I allowed another gaze at her, her eyes pierced through me again briefly before they closed. Her heart was still beating and she was still breathing but I knew she had fainted again. It was my luck that the one woman that would resonate a feeling deep within my soul would last in my life a mere five minutes. At least I would get that with her, at least I was able to find her; some people go their whole lives never meeting their soul’s counterpart. I was lucky enough to have met mine, but my luck ran dry because this was the only time I’d hold her, she was dying in my arms.

  Time stopped as I looked around the room. Jackson Greene was feet from me, lying on his back bleeding. He was still alive, the rise and fall of his chest gave him away. I looked back at the nameless girl on my lap and contemplated my duty. I had two options at this point, either finish the man off who ruined my family’s lives, or save the girl. I had been wanting to do this for years, I had been waiting so long for this chance and it was finally here just inches from me. One more swift kick to the ribs and I could break his neck and be done with it. Jackson Greene would be a bad memory, a fragment of one of the worst parts of my life, it could all very soon be over.

  It wasn’t going to happen. My life that had up until this point been pointless and a matter of a bad luck and happenstance suddenly had meaning, and it came in the form of a bleeding, beating heart that was almost out of beats. Even though I didn’t think she’d make it through the night, I had to try, I wanted to try. For her I’d do anything.

  Save the girl.

  I stood up with her in my arms, grabbed a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her. She didn’t have much time; I didn’t even allow another look at Jackson. I knew I’d never see him again, I had my chance but I was choosing something else instead, something that was more important to me in way I couldn’t explain or understand. I ran out the back door and back to my truck parked along the side of the road. I tried to be gentle but I knew I was almost out of time, I had to get her to the hospital and I couldn’t afford any extra time. I laid her across my bench seat and slid in, I was aware of her labored breathing and I heard a few moans escape but I pushed forward and focused on getting her to the hospital. Her head was on my lap as I sped off towards Mercy Center, I hummed that same tune from before the whole way, in hindsight I think I did it more for me than for her.

  Save the girl.

  My mind filtered itself back to the present. I had saved the girl, I saved her in the deepest way I could and then I spent the next year obsessing over the fact that she was my reason for living. She didn’t remember me, she didn’t remember that night. I overheard people talking about it weeks later in town. She didn’t remember anything and Jackson got away just like I knew he would.

  It was all over the papers, everyone knew about it even people that didn’t know about it, knew something about it. Everywhere I went I heard comments about the “girl who was almost murdered” and about the “stranger that happened to save her”. I couldn’t escape the haunted memory of that night if I wanted to. Not only was Emily’s ghost still wrapped around my soul, but now I had a fresh wound in the form of a beautiful woman whom I did save to dig at, and unfortunately she would never remember it. It just so happened that this wound affected me more because she affected me more. There was something so daunting about her that resonated a deep feeling from somewhere inside of me, a feeling I couldn’t put a word to. Maybe it was love, maybe it was something more than that, unfortunately though I would never be able to find out. I had two ghosts now, and one wasn’t a fragment of my imagination, one was a walking breathing soul who just couldn’t remember me.

  Time ticked on without her and I longed to touch her again, to sear my soul with the feelings she brought out of me. I had failed Emily’s soul, I hadn’t avenged her death and I had done so because I felt compelled to save another, another that I still didn’t have.

  I saw her sometimes. I’d pass her in her car, or see her going in and out of businesses. I wanted to reach out and grab her, tell her I was the reason she was alive and she was the reason I was alive, she was the magnet holding me to this Earth. I wanted to approach her and get to know her, form a friendship and hopefully form some type of bond with her. Even if she never knew the truth that would still be enough for me to get by, at least that is what I was hoping for. Any kind of attention from her would be better than no attention at all. I thought about just walking up and talking to her on several occasions, just even saying hi as we passed on the street. I never did though, I never saw her again, not until fate threw her at me again in the form of a landscaping remodel. I didn’t expect that the Charlotte that Rick spoke so highly of to be the Charlotte, the one that gave me a reason to live. I didn’t expect it to be my Charlotte.

  She was my reason for being, she was my reason for breathing and for getting by, and judging by the look on her face even the first day we officially met, I was her reason, too. I could see it in her eyes, even the heat of the Alabama summer couldn’t cool off the raging fire behind her eyes that ignited when they met mine. When we finally shook hands, that searing feeling from a year ago coursed through me and pierced my soul like a bee sting. She felt it too, I knew it because she jumped, and I knew it because every time we touched from there on out she reacted the same way. I did to her what she did to me, it finally all made sense.

  But now, all of that was gone. The woman that I had saved had in turn saved me. We were each other’s salvation, each other’s life force, but now she was gone and I couldn’t blame her.

  I sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed my temples hard. Not my parent’s death, not Emily’s death, not even the year I spent longing for Charlotte had severed me the way her saying goodbye to me had. It took me almost twenty eight years but I was finally doing it, I held my head in my hands and sobbed uncontrollably for the first time in my life.

  I hadn’t saved the girl, the girl saved me.

  Epilog
ue

  And so she was alone again; what a tragedy. The poor girl had been through enough and just when she thought, when everyone thought that things were going to change and the world that was so dark might tilt on its axis and turn towards the sun something else came an knocked it off it’s angle.

  What a damn tragedy.

  The only good thing in all of this was that she now belonged to no one and I no longer had the threat that was Vance Wait hanging around. She was guarded by no one unless he was lurking in the shadows, hiding somewhere just out of sight to keep an eye on her, but I would have noticed. That’s where I had been hiding and the shadows belonged to me. I was there before Vance entered the picture, watching from the roof of the warehouse as she made her way to work, watching from the safety of the park that bordered Rich and Lara’s house on Second Street. I was behind the bar at the club the night she so gracefully fell into the asshole’s arms and I kicked myself in the ass for not getting that damn pill into her drink quicker than I had. That moronic college frat boy she was dancing with should have offered to buy her a drink sooner, but idiots like that didn’t think like normal gentlemen. Of course Vance had to be there that night, of course she had to chug her drink faster than I anticipated, and of course he had to save her…again. He was always saving her but I would always be there.

  I was there the night Vance and his stupid brother threw that fucking party, I could see then how she fell so perfectly into his arms as the fireworks shot into the night sky. That would have been the perfect time to shoot her, no one would have heard the gun go off at least. That was what set me off enough to call her, what a stupid move on my part but at least it put some fear back into her soul, although when I saw them in Brooks it looked like she had forgotten how dangerous I could be. They walked hand and hand around the unfamiliar town and it really pissed me off that she forgot what it was like to worry.