by Jessi Gage
I took the laptop, feeling awkward about leaving when he was being so kind. Was I overreacting? The pain shining in his eyes was killing me.
I mumbled an inadequate thank you, nodded to Glenmore, and booked it out of there. As I crossed the driveway, the garage door went up of its own accord. Cole must have opened it from inside the house.
Every step I took away from him ratcheted up the tension in my chest. But I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop until I pulled his truck into the parking lot of a Motel 6 off Route 125 in Haverhill. Sitting behind the wheel in a king cab that smelled like ocean breeze and Cole, I doubled forward with my arms pressed across my stomach and cried. And cried and cried.
Chapter 17
Cole’s watch said it was 12:04. He stood on his porch in his socks and watched Glenmore make a three-point turn with his cruiser and drive away. The chief trusted Cole to hang onto the money and get it to where it needed to go. In the meantime, he’d taken a picture of the cash and duffel bag on his phone and written up a report of all Cole had told him. Said he was going to call Stacey and find out who her contact was on the Mass state patrol so he could get intel on the MC and share intel with them about the fire at Gripper’s, the theft, and the money. This situation was all kinds of fucked up, but Cole didn’t care about any of that.
All he cared about was that Mandy had left over an hour ago and hadn’t called. Had she found a safe place to stay? How was she coping with the fire? Was she still pissed at him for destroying Gripper’s will?
Jesus. The girl was smart. Intuitive. She would have made a damn good cop with that head of hers, drawing conclusions, making connections, calling out BS when she perceived it.
Only he hadn’t been trying to pull BS on her. It had never been his intention to hurt her or hide things from her to serve his own purposes. Everything he’d kept from her had been out of loyalty to Gripper or to protect her.
He leaned his forearms on the railing and looked across the driveway at the garage. His breath fogged in front of him as he remembered the cruel words some shithead had left for her to find, turning a heinous crime into a personal attack. She shouldn’t be off somewhere tonight, dealing with that alone.
She should be here. With him.
Fuck, it was cold out. Had to be below freezing tonight. Might see some snow before morning. Hopefully Mandy hadn’t come across any black ice. At least he had good snow tires on the truck. She’d be safer in his Ram than that old Blazer of hers with those bald tires.
He should go inside. But he didn’t want to. For a few minutes, his lonely house had felt like a real home. With Mandy gone, it was back to being just a house, a shell waiting for life to fill it up.
Maybe he’d been wrong to dole out his confessions bit by bit. Maybe he should have told her everything from the get-go, but wouldn’t that have overwhelmed her? She’d only been back in town a week. They’d only been a couple for a frigging day. He’d told her as much as he’d felt comfortable with in the time they’d had, and even that had been pushing it. This wasn’t just catching someone up on hometown news they’d missed out on. This was deeply personal, life-altering stuff. Gut-wrenching stuff.
It would have been so much easier if Gripper had stayed in touch with her, talked with her about the assault, the MC, the money, the will, everything. Cole understood why he hadn’t. It had ultimately been for Mandy’s safety, but he couldn’t help wondering if there had been a little cowardice mixed up in there too. Grip must have blamed himself for what happened to Mandy. Cole would have, in his situation. An impossible situation. But Cole wouldn’t have left the person he loved most in the world alone to deal with all that had happened to her.
Except he’d done just that, hadn’t he? He’d loved Mandy even then, yet he’d ignored his gut when it warned him she’d been violated. She’d left town, and he’d never once tried to track her down or call her and see how she was doing. He’d never reached out to Gripper to ask after her. Worrying about pissing Gripper off and fearing his attraction to a girl so much younger than him weren’t good enough excuses for abandoning her like that.
No more excuses with Mandy. No more letting her be alone when she needed him. Whether she needed a cop, a soldier, a lover, or a friend, he would be there for her.
Heading inside, he pulled his phone from his pocket and called up her number. He’d find out where she was and take his bike out for a rare winter ride. The sting of icy wind would be his penance for failing her so miserably. Then and now. He had a lot of groveling to do.
Jogging up the stairs to change, he listened to it ring. “Pick up. Come on, baby. Pick up.”
The doorbell sounded.
Holding the phone to his ear, he jogged back down the stairs and looked out the peephole. Mandy.
He practically tore the door off the hinges in his hurry to open it.
Her lip quivered. Her eyes were swollen and red. She looked like hell. She looked like the most beautiful thing in the world. A sad angel on his doorstep.
Relief sang through him. He almost sagged into a heap there on the threshold.
Music was coming from her purse, her phone. She ignored it.
“Hope that’s not anyone important,” he said, with what was probably a goofy-ass smile. Nothing like a huge crush on a beautiful girl to turn a man into a teenager all over again.
She answered with a wobbly smile of her own. “Just some guy probably wondering where his truck is.” She reached into her purse, but didn’t pull out the phone like he’d expected. Instead, she held out a bag of Dunkin’s. “Got a room for the night? I can pay in coffee.”
He dragged her into his arms and buried his face in her hair before she could see how choked up she’d just made him.
“I’m so sorry, Cole.” Her shoulders shook. He heard the tears in her voice. “I was so…so mean. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain. I know—” She hiccupped. “You wouldn’t do something like that without a good reason. You wouldn’t do it to spite Tooley. I can’t believe I even thought that for a second. I’m so—”
“Mandy?”
“What?”
“Stop talking.”
She laughed.
It was infectious. He let go of her long enough to haul her inside and shut the door. Then he brought her in for another hug. Even with her heavy wool coat on, she fit just right against him.
“I am sorry,” she insisted, craning her neck to meet his eyes. She was still holding the bag of coffee. She swatted his arm with it but made no move to extricate herself from his hold. “And I’m not going to stop talking until I’ve said my piece. You going to let me talk, or do I have to get physical with you?”
Jesus, she made him happy. “I don’t think I could take you, honey. I guess the floor is yours.”
“Good,” she said with a gorgeous smile. Then she got serious. “I’m not mad about you changing Dad’s funeral or getting the money out of the safe. I shouldn’t have brought those things up. I understand why you did them without telling me first. One was a wonderful surprise, and the other was way too complicated for you to explain while I had Dad’s funeral on my mind. You’ve been nothing but helpful and sweet since I’ve been back, and it was unfair of me to imply otherwise. Can you forgive me?” She stepped back, looking terrified that he might refuse.
They stood toe to toe. He rested his hands on her shoulders, loving the way her hair tickled his knuckles. “Nothing to forgive, honey.”
“Cole.” It was a warning. She was demanding he acknowledge her faults.
He wasn’t having any of that. “Babe, you just watched the house you grew up in burn to the ground. One day after seeing your dad put in a vault at the mortuary. I dropped some major-league bombs on you the last couple days relating to shit that happened years ago. That nasty message on top of everything else? Honey, you’ve been through the wringer. If you snap and bite my head off over some morally questionable thing I did, I’m not going to hold that against you, yeah?
I’m just glad you came back to give me the chance to explain.”
Her chin did that quiver thing that made him want to kiss it. Her eyes got shiny again.
“Come here.” He wrapped her in his arms, tucked her head under his chin, and let her cry. “Let it all out. You’ve been so strong. This is the place for you to be human. Right here.” Right fucking here. In his arms, in his house, in his life.
She clutched his shirt and wept like a woman whose life had been turned upside down in the last week. He held her like a man who wished he could take the pain for that woman. After a while, she sniffed and said, “I’m ready to listen if you want to talk about why you destroyed the will.”
“Baby, just give me a minute to hold you, and I’ll tell you whatever you want.” He held on and absorbed her warmth. He couldn’t get over the way she felt. She was tiny, probably a whole foot shorter than him. But even through her coat, he felt the strength in her. Not just inner strength. Her body was toned, conditioned, disciplined, and yet she was soft in all the right places. He’d love her however she looked, but Jesus, she’d managed to get even hotter since leaving town. Adulthood suited her.
Damn. He was getting wood.
Clearing his throat, he set her away from him but held onto her shoulders. Don’t look down, he mentally projected her way. “Where did you go tonight?”
“Wal-Mart. I bought some jammies and a toothbrush. Something to wear tomorrow.” She held out the Dunkin’s bag, and he took it so she could peel herself out of her coat. “The coffee won’t be as good as getting it freshly ground at Shaw’s, but I hope it’ll buy me a bed to sleep in tonight.”
“Best bed in the house,” he assured her. “You want me to make up some of this?”
“Better not if I want to sleep. Rain check?” She hung her coat beside his in the closet. As she shut the door, her eyes got wide. “Oh! You have to work in the morning, don’t you?”
“I’ll call Stace and see if she can cover. I want to take you shopping and help you with whatever you need tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “No. I—I need to stop relying on you. But thank you for the offer. I wouldn’t say no to borrowing your truck, though. I have no idea if my keys can be found in that mess or if they’ll even work. I’ll put gas in it for you.”
He thought carefully before answering. Everything in him wanted to insist on taking tomorrow off so he could be there for her, but maybe she was right. Maybe she needed to do some things on her own. Gripper had raised her to be independent, and he’d barely let her do anything for herself since she’d been in town.
What had she said earlier? She needed space? He didn’t get that since all he wanted was to be with her every second of every day. It hurt that she didn’t seem to want the same, but then he was the one with the major crush. He should be counting his blessings she’d come back tonight and was agreeing to stay in his house. If she needed space, he’d give it. There was just one problem.
“I don’t mind you using my truck. Any time you need it, it’s yours. And you never have to put gas in it. But I’m asking you not to go out alone tomorrow. Maybe not until we catch the people who burned down your dad’s place.”
She frowned.
He explained, “If it was the cash they were after, they obviously didn’t get it. We have to assume they’re going to keep looking.” He raised his eyebrows, trying to explain she could be in danger without scaring her. The last thing he wanted was those criminals to try and contact Mandy and ask her where the money was, but if he were a bad guy, that’s the next move he’d make.
Her eyes widened as she made the connection. “Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. I might be vulnerable until they’re caught.”
He exhaled sharply out his nose. “Hate to say it, but yeah. I don’t want to take any risks with your safety. You want me to go to work, I’ll go, but I need you to stay here with the security system armed and your phone on you. I’ll take you shopping after dinner?”
She considered that with her lower lip out in a contemplative pout. “Okay,” she said. “I guess between my phone, your laptop, and Max, I can get to work on the insurance claim. You got a handgun that won’t kick like a mule I can keep on me? My Luger is probably buried under a ton of debris.”
He felt himself grin. She was Gripper’s daughter through and through. “Yeah, honey. I got a gun you can use. And a holster that should fit. You got a concealed weapons permit?”
She nodded.
“Atta girl.”
A faint smile. God, she was beautiful. She’d be even more beautiful with his .45 strapped to her side.
“You should go to bed,” she said. “You work at six, don’t you?”
“Yeah. But don’t worry about me.” He’d gone to work on less sleep than he’d get tonight. Being a little tired tomorrow would be worth making sure Mandy got settled in okay. He couldn’t imagine how displaced she must feel. All her luggage and toiletries burned. All her clothes. Her weapon.
“Come on.” He took her hand and led her up the stairs. “Let me show you my room. You’ll sleep there. I’ll take the guest room. Let’s get you settled. Then I’m going to lie down and hold you and tell you about your dad’s will. When you fall asleep, I’ll leave you alone.” He didn’t make any part of that a question, and Mandy didn’t argue.
At the top of the stairs, she eyed him with amusement. Thank God it wasn’t suspicion.
With her physical issues, he’d respect it if she refused to let him hold her in bed, but it would be hell on him after watching her drive away like she had earlier. She was back now. He needed her in his arms. He needed to lie down with her, breathe her in, and stroke her hair. He needed to feel her relax against him, needed to know he made her feel safe. He craved her trust like fresh pine air and the wind whipping his jacket as he sped his bike along the winding highways up north.
“Aye aye, captain,” she said, agreeing to his plan.
He did a mental fist pump. “I ain’t a captain. Just a state trooper.” He paused in front of his bedroom door because she tugged on his hand.
When he turned around, she fit herself against his stomach and said, “Yeah. You’re my Officer Oakley.” She went up on her toes to kiss him. Soft, plump lips met his, and he nearly passed out from the southerly rush of blood.
Officer Oakley. He liked that. He liked the my even more. He was happy to be her anything. Hopefully, if he played his cards right, she’d let him be her everything.
* * * *
“Hey, baby. Wake up for a sec.”
Cole’s voice pulled me from a deep sleep. I rolled toward that familiar, purring sound and found him bending over the bed, looking like a wet dream in his state trooper uniform, all broad shoulders and muscles filling out that forest green polyester. And that beige tie. I wanted to grab it and pull him in for a kiss. But morning breath. I would not be instigating any kissing until I’d gotten my hands on some Scope.
His bedroom was dark except for a sliver of light from the hall. A peek at the clock showed it was 5:34. I’d been sleeping like a log since a few minutes before two, when I’d finally insisted he go get some rest. After I’d changed into my Wal-Mart jammies and climbed into his king-size bed with its navy blue comforter and pale blue sheets that smelled like him, he’d crawled in beside me in sweats and a T-shirt. Spooning me, he’d told me all about Dad’s last hours. Cole had been there. Right up to the end.
He’d told me about Dad’s request that he destroy the will. Leaving the business to Tooley had been Dad’s way of protecting me from the MC even after he was gone. If he left the only thing he had of value to someone other than me, it validated our years of estrangement. It made it look like he truly didn’t care about me. Cole said that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Not only had Dad confessed he wished he’d been a better father to me, but he’d point blank told Cole that he’d always wanted the business to go to me if something happened to him. He figured To
oley was a good choice if it couldn’t be me, but Dad hated the message it sent me. That’s when Cole had told him it didn’t have to be that way, that the MC had been brought down.
“Your dad stared at me for the longest time,” Cole had said. “For a minute, I thought he’d…you know. But then he blinked. Then he grinned, and it was like Grip, you know? Like how he was before he got sick. ‘Shit,’ he said. ‘Then there’s no reason to leave the business to R-Too.’ He lit up with this second wind and told me to find that will and tear it up. ‘Mandy gets the business,’ he told me. ‘Make sure it happens,’ he said. So that’s what I did.”
I’d cried at the thought of Dad wanting to reach out to me but holding back to protect me. Talk about tragic. If only I’d had a chance to see him before he’d died. If only he and Cole had mended their fences sooner and Dad had learned before his last hours that the MC had been dissolved. Maybe I could have come home sooner and reconnected with him before it was too late.
I’d apologized again for accusing Cole of wrongdoing. Technically, destroying Dad’s will had been illegal, but it hadn’t been wrong. Not as far as I was concerned. He’d done the right thing. He’d made sure Dad’s wishes were honored, even though it meant taking some pretty big risks. It wasn’t lost on me that he’d also taken a risk in trusting me with the truth. Yet he did it without hesitation. He trusted me.
I trusted him.
No more running away from this man like I’d done last night. He was the one person I could count on. He was the only person who could have made my being back in Newburgh bearable, and he’d made it more than bearable. He’d made it wonderful. I wouldn’t take that gift for granted again.
I blinked away the memory of his warm embrace from last night and the way the bed had seemed so cold and lonely after he’d left. “Good morning,” I said, touching his smoothly-shaven cheek.
“’Morning, honey. You go back to sleep. Just wanted to say goodbye. I’ve got to run.” He pecked me on the cheek. “Call me when you’re getting ready to head to the station, and I’ll come pick you up.”