I just don’t know. That was so different, so intense, and not in the way it usually is with him. It felt like that was more than just sex, yet now here he is acting like it wasn’t anything different.
Pulling the dark grey sheets around my body, and feeling the weight of Leo's measured breathing around me makes me feel somehow at home, like I've found my place. Do I dare dream that this could be my reality?
This is me getting in deeper, choosing to fly rather than run. I hope I come out unscathed.
Being with Leo for at least the next month is all I have to count on. Either he'll prove to be that same old heartbreaker, or something new and undiscovered will emerge where I get to see a new depth to him.
I'm hoping that's he's changed, that he'd never hurt me again, but until I know for sure which way the pendulum will swing, all I have to rely on is his steady breathing and the solid way he's been changing my life.
There's a season for everything and maybe now is my time for something new. I just pray this whole prostitution ring accusation falls by the wayside and that I come out with something besides a broken heart.
For now, all I know is that I'm stronger now then I was back then, and no matter what Leo Asher does to me, I'll find a way to come out on top.
Leo
Sienna and I have just had another wild night of passion.
The dawn is still a couple hours away, and I get up and make myself a drink, then stand and stare out the window looking over the city. I need something to calm down the fury of emotions assaulting me. I still can't see clearly where I stand in terms of Sienna.
Yes, I can't stand the idea of seeing her with someone else. But does that have to mean anything? I'm perfectly happy in my bachelorhood and I’m not seeking to change anything.
Unable to go back to sleep after she woke me up with her mouth on my cock, which then turned into something completely unexpected, I decide to get in a quick workout to tame the emotions that are still wrecking my brain.
I go to my private gym in the penthouse and I pump up the music and dive right into my regular routine lifting weights. This is how I maintain my physique, and exercising always calms me down and provides clarity.
I deadlift and do the pull-ups and bench presses that mark my early morning routine nearly every day. All the while the night's events are playing in my mind.
I'm going through everything that happened, reliving every moment of it, just wondering how I got into this mess. Where did I go wrong? Didn't I take care to avoid this exact scenario? Wasn't I set on keeping her at a safe distance?
I hit the treadmill and run a quick three miles. This really gets me in the zone, and as I run, I imagine all the negativity leaving my body with each stride. I have to make sense of this tonight. I can no longer hide from what's going on.
I hit the lights and leave the gym and head straight to the shower. As I walk by the bed, I see her hair and face lit up in the moonlight. Seeing her in my bed does something to me. I never allow a woman to stay the night, and now Sienna is living here, spending every night with me. And for reasons I can’t even begin to voice, I like it. A lot.
This woman is everything.
She’s stunning when she sleeps and when she's awake. And more than that, she has a beautiful soul. Sienna's a good person, always has been.
She’s fiery and independent and determined. And even when she was so much higher than me in the upper echelon of society, she never acted for a moment like it mattered.
Sitting beside her, I take my time to watch her sleep. There's a pull of emotion between us that I can't deny. But maybe it's just the result of an unfinished past? Maybe we need closure. I don't know.
Finally, I get up and hit the shower. I stand there for a little bit letting the hot water relax my tense muscles and then wash off and get ready for the day. It'll be all business as usual now.
She's still sleeping as it's now only six am. I walk past her wearing nothing but my pants and go to the kitchen to refuel and get some coffee. Maybe she'd like a cappuccino in bed?
I walk to the window once again and overlook the glittering lights that are fading in the dawn's arrival. The city that never sleeps always seems most unusual in the morning. All the debauchery of the night is over and people rise hungover and wondering what transpired the night before.
I never let myself get that out of control. I know my limits and I respect them. While others come to Vegas for a wild time, I live here and see that wildness all the time. I've made it my mission to be a force to be reckoned with in this town and yet I feel so self-conscious with Sienna.
It's as if all my wealth, and fame, and power does nothing to elevate me in her eyes. I think she sees me for who I really am, just as she's always done.
This makes me uneasy to know that the impenetrable fortress I've carefully constructed around myself can so easily be torn down by one piercing look from her golden eyes.
I make an espresso from the machine built into the wall and I spike it with a little bit of whiskey, to you know, get the day started right.
I stare out upon the view but I still don't feel better, despite my morning ritual. I feel moody and brooding and nothing can lift this fog.
I think about when I first met Sienna. She was so young then and yet equally as free-spirited. She took my breath away during that first visit home with Jax.
"This is my sister," he said dismissively, flippantly, in passing.
There was nothing about Sienna that I could dismiss, though.
And it was all over from there. I'm not sure there's been a day since that I haven't thought about her. And here she is back in my life, back in my bed.
She and I were friends before anything. I'll never forget those carefree days of getting to know each other. I hung around her mansion a lot.
I used the pretense of being Jax's friend but it was really all about her.
She and I were always attracted to each other. There's always been this heat between us that is still palpable today. Neither of us can deny that spark. I took her virginity and then her brother told me what he really thought of me.
That I wasn’t good enough for his sister. That I was just trying to play games and see if I could fuck a rich girl. That I’d never amount to anything worthy of Sienna Reid.
It was a betrayal of our friendship. We’d been like brothers.
And instead of standing up to him for Sienna, for us, I left. I never felt worthy of her. She was this beautiful social butterfly. Her wealthy family had rank and power. And here I was, this young guy from the wrong side of the tracks. I never thought I’d fit in but I also never counted on falling in love with Sienna.
I essentially abandoned her after taking her virginity, and I wonder how she perceived that? She must have thought I was an asshole who walked out on her as soon as I got what I wanted. But that wasn't the case at all. I ran away for fear of not being good enough, fear that her very own brother put voice to.
And I’ve spent every day since trying to build my fortune and become a man worthy of her.
All of this dawns on me like a lightning bolt.
I realize so clearly now how everything I've done, all of my accomplishments, were all for her. I’ve been desperate to feel worthy and to put myself in a place in society that would match hers. That would make me good enough this time.
It wasn’t a conscious effort, but the reason behind it is still the same.
Now she's penniless and I'm the one with wealth, but it all seems for naught. I should never have run away like that. Innocent, trusting Sienna probably thought I was a snake.
I look out over the beautiful sun that's rising higher, highlighting the desert that spreads out on every side, and I sip my espresso just wondering how I could've missed this.
I wonder what life would look like if I’d just been man enough to stay. Would she and I have remained together? Would she have cared that I was a poor boy with nothing to offer her? Would she have stood by my side while I worked my
way up in the world? Were these last ten years just waste of time, not being together?
I’ll never know because I took that choice away from her.
Were these last ten years just waste of time, not being together?
I regret what I've done, and that's a new emotion for me. Normally I plow forward and keep going no matter what. But having Sienna back in my life has made me reflect on all the wrong choices I may have made. I might have lost the girl of my dreams forever just for some misplaced sense of inadequacy. But no, it wasn’t completely unfounded. Jax solidified what I’d already been feeling, made sure I knew he felt the same way.
Just then a pair of arms slide around my bare waist from behind. It's her and I don't know what to do, where to go. I don’t feel ready to talk about this.
"Why are you up so early?"
"Hey." I spin around and meet her lips in the early morning sun. "Coffee?"
"Yes, please. It's still so early. Why don't we go back to bed?" She gives me a suggestive grin.
"Tell you what," I say. "Let me bring you the coffee in bed, okay? You like cappuccino, right?"
She looks beautiful in her little silk camisole and shorts. Maybe I can forget all these fucking deep thoughts and just spend the morning with her in bed. Maybe I can erase them completely and not have to wonder about any of this shit ever again.
"Yes, thank you, Leo."
She's disappears into my bedroom, and I go about making her the perfect little breakfast. I want to wait on her when she looks so fucking perfect.
I make the coffee and take her some eggs. She's waiting for me and the curtains are closed. It's dark in the room except for the dimmed lighting.
"Here, baby." I hand her the tray.
"Mmm, thank you so much. So it looks like you're fresh from the shower. How long have you been awake?"
"All night. I had some thinking to do."
"About me?"
I have to shut this down before it starts.
"I was just thinking about everything. The situation."
She frowns, then forces a smile. "Well, tell me. Maybe I can help."
She's determined to get to the bottom of whatever's bothering me. Is it that obvious? Is it written across my face?
"I don't want to talk about it," I say gruffly and rise up from the bed.
She tugs on my arm.
"Stay, please stay. Just talk to me. It will help."
I attempt to walk away.
"Fine, just walk away again. You're really good at running. It’s kind of your thing." Her voice is hard now.
The words cut through my heart. I turn around and grab her roughly. I hold her in my hands and I stare into her eyes, aching to reveal all my regrets and everything I've come to realize. Instead, I deflect and I kiss her hard, putting all my pent up frustration into it. She returns the affection, and for a minute I think this kiss can erase all the turbulent feelings I have. It can erase the past and we can just start over.
And then just as I have her nice and pliable beneath me, in the perfect position for me to turn things up a notch, all of my feelings come rushing up.
It's like a tidal wave of truth, and I see in this moment that I still love Sienna.
I always have.
And I guess I'm no longer willing to run from that.
Sienna
Wrapped in the strength of Leo's arms, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this. He’s everything I've been craving. Everything I need. He's the man of my dreams and yet he comes from my past.
Piecing together a new life with him and trying to understand his conflicting emotions hasn’t been easy. I don’t know what’s going on with him right now, but he’s dealing with something he’s not ready to share. I can only hope he’s starting to realize there’s something more between us than just sex.
Leo pulls back and looks at me, his gaze intense, and I wonder if he’s finally going to open up to me, an early morning knock at the door interrupts us.
Leo seems relieved as he moves to answer it. I guess he got out of this one. But I’m pretty pissed. It's taken forever to get Leo to open up to me and just when he was about to, we’re interrupted. And who the hell is coming around at six in the morning? It better be important.
I let him take care of it, and I make my way to the kitchen where that fancy espresso machine is all mine. There's nothing better to wake up to than your own personal Starbucks. This thing must've cost him twenty thousand dollars, which I know is just a drop in the bucket for Leo.
He really has made a name for himself, a life. Though his abandonment still stings, I’m starting to want to trust him again, and that's scary territory. I opened my heart before to this gorgeous man and to do so again might be a fool's mistake.
Leo comes into the kitchen with the last person on the planet I ever expected to see.
"Jax!” I pull my robe more tightly around myself and cinch the belt. “What are you doing here?” I haven’t seen him since I told him I was going to start working at the Inner Sanctum. He hasn’t spoken to me.
He's all enraged now, his face bright red, and I brace myself for what I know is coming.
"No, Sienna, the question is, what are you doing here?" He turns to Leo. "What is she doing here, man? You promised to stay away from her."
Jax pisses me off when he acts like this. He has no control over my life and I don't see why he doesn't get that.
"Jax! Leave him alone. This is my life."
I say the words but it's like I’m not even here. They both completely ignore me.
Leo crosses his arms across his broad chest "Jax, I told you that it needs to look like we're dating. The most believable way to achieve that is by making it seem like we're living together. It's just temporary."
He takes in the scene...the absence of Leo's shirt. I take it in, too.
And then Jax looks over at my bed head and tiny silk robe. It doesn't take a genius to see what's gone on here…and we have history already that points to exactly what is going on here.
"This is going too far. You're exploiting the situation. You guys are obviously having sex." Jax looks like he’s about to bust a blood vessel in his forehead.
Leo approaches him, holding his hands out in attempt to placate my brother. "Come on, Jax. You're being a little extreme, don't you think?"
My brother turns aggressive, getting right up in Leo’s face. It's this tendency that has strained our relationship. He's always been too damn protective.
He sticks a finger in Leo’s face. "I told you to stay away from her. It looks like your cock just couldn't resist, could it, Leo? What's new?" he snarls.
Leo instantly shoves him back and the two guys start throwing punches. They’re both huge and there's little I can do to stop it.
I try to break them up. "Stop it, you guys. Come on. You're scaring me."
My cries fall on deaf ears. The two of them go at it like testosterone fueled teenagers. I can't even believe I'm in this position. They could kill each other and it feels like there's nothing I can do to stop it. I pull at Leo and beg for them to stop. Finally, I guess they wear themselves out.
"Had enough?" Leo asks.
"You're the one who's banging my sister."
"Don't talk about her like that, asshole. You don't own her."
"Well, neither do you."
It's time for me to step in and to at least say something.
"So what if we are, Jax? What are you going to do about it? I've had enough of you butting into my life. Why are you even here?"
My words stop him in his tracks and I suddenly see that there's more to the story of why Jax has shown up here in the early morning hours. Something I’m completely unaware of.
What has my brother gotten himself into now? I didn't even know that he and Leo were still in contact. I thought they had a huge falling out years ago.
I repeat myself. "Why are you here?"
Surely he can't be here to walk in on Leo and me. There has to be more.
He
puts himself back together and then raises his arms as if to say he surrenders.
"Fine. I'm here because I'm being blackmailed okay? I didn't know who else to turn to."
Leo and I both stare at him in shock. My brother is being blackmailed?
That is so unlike him. Usually he's on top of his game and he pulls the whole family together under his wing with his political power.
We're penniless, but Jax has been working to rebuild the family name and bring honor back to the Reids. He's been working tirelessly.
But then to hear that some asshole is trying to destroy all that, to bring our family back down to the trenches…well, it's unbearable.
My instinct is to protect my brother, to help him out, and I know that’s Leo's instinct as well. We used to be inseparable, the three of us. Can we find that again? Can we band together and help Leo in his time of need, despite all the shit we’ve been through?
Lee offers him a seat at the breakfast table outside on the terrace.
We drink coffee and go over the details until the sun is rising high in the sky and the desert heat starts to descend upon us. His story is chilling, and all I know is that there has to be a way to fix this.
Because basically? Well, it's all my fault.
Leo
Jax, Sienna, and I are sit on the balcony sipping our coffee. I've ordered up room service to try to make them both feel at home. It's more than Jax would ever do for me.
Frankly, it's fucking weird being together again with him and Sienna.
And it's even stranger that Jax would come to me for help about anything. He made it pretty clear that I should stay away from both of them.
Despite his usually calm composure, Jax seems pretty worked up about the blackmail. You'd think he'd be used to such things working in politics.
"Aren't we all cozy sitting around this table?" I joke with him.
It's his fault that none of us are friends anymore. He broke up the trio. Jax glares at me now, and I know he's not in the mood for levity.
The Marriage Mistake Page 98