There is no more chance at sleep. Instead, I wait under my bunk until the sun paints the room in light pinks and oranges. Other girls move through the room so I roll out of my hiding spot. Several girls circle around the scene of the crime, but I keep my eyes on the door. I can’t look into the face of a girl I left to the hidden bad seed.
The disinfectant spray chills my skin as I walk through the door of the dining hall. If only it could clean away my memories from last night. The tables are still mostly empty except the men who haven’t moved since dinner. I grab a bowl of mushy oats and find a spot alone.
“Well, look who’s here.” Elizabeth sets her bowl down across from mine and swings her legs over the bench. “You’re looking a little rough this morning, Princess.”
Daniel and Molly join her, and Eric sits down next to me. I should be relieved to see them. I’m not. They weren’t there last night and they won’t be there tonight. I wasn’t the one defiled a few hours ago, but I could have been. It could have easily been me or any of the other girls in my bunk. We are alone, and without protection, and this is permanent.
I can’t breathe. I open my mouth to suck in air, but my lungs flatten behind my ribcage. Strange gurgling sounds come out of my throat and I can’t stop them. I reach my hands up to cover my mouth, but my arms are shaking so much I can’t control their movements. I’m not breathing and the room is spinning and I’m going to die.
Eric’s warm hands cover the sides of my face and turn my head until our foreheads are touching and our eyes are no more than an inch apart. “Look at me, Becca. I’m right here. Look at me.” His voice is calm and even, but his eyes are wide. “I need you to breathe.”
I open my mouth again and a shallow trickle of air spirals down my throat. The others must think I’ve lost it. Maybe I have.
“Good. That’s good. Now take another breath.”
I obey. More air flows in and the room stops spinning as much. I’m able to focus on his eyes while we lean against each other, taking slow breaths. My heart rate slows down and my arms stop twitching.
“Are you okay, now?” Eric leans back, but his hands stay planted on my face like he’s afraid to let go. I’m afraid for him to let go.
I nod my head. If I try to talk, I’ll start crying and that’s only going to make the whole situation worse. Eric nods back and lets his arms drift down away from my face.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Eric’s voice is whisper soft, but that only makes it worse.
I shake my head and turn back to my bowl. When Daniel saved me from Susan he said I couldn’t let them see my weakness. He had meant all the dangerous people, but it still applies. I need to prove my worth to Elizabeth. That means pulling myself together. No more breakdowns.
Eating is the last thing I want to do, but after barely getting anything down yesterday my stomach is crying for food. Even of the barely edible variety. We’re having the same mushy oats they served yesterday. It reminds me of the glue my mother used to put the new wallpaper up in the dining room last spring.
I choke down a few bites, still keeping my eyes on the table. I can’t stand the idea of looking up and seeing their pity, or worse, their disgust. It would be better if they were talking, but all of my breakfast companions are slurping their mush in silence.
Minutes tick by and the dining room fills up with a boisterous crowd of Rejects, but our table stays silent. It’s so quiet I can practically hear the looks they must be sharing, the ones questioning my sanity.
I want to jump up and run out the door, but I can’t. There’s one thing last night made crystal clear; I need this group. The four silent Rejects sitting around me represent my only chance at surviving in here. Without them, I won’t last a month.
“I need to get to work.” I jerk my head up at Molly’s unexpected words. After such a long silence, her voice is like a splash of cold water on my face. “Rebecca, why don’t you walk with me?”
Elizabeth doesn’t bother to look up, but Eric and Daniel both flash me an encouraging smile.
Molly leads me in silence to the warmth outside. I have no idea what to say to her, but Molly doesn’t seem the type who needs small talk.
“I’m sure you found the bathhouse already,” she says, gesturing to the small building that smells like cow manure. “Inside are barrels of semi-fresh water you can use to rinse out your hair and wash off some of the dirt. The disinfectant spray at breakfast kills off the germs and diseases, but it doesn’t do anything about the grime.”
An opportunity to wash off some of this dirt sounds perfect, but Molly heads in the opposite direction, across the courtyard to another small building. She pushes the door open and I’m hit with the smell of musty cotton. Not at all pleasant, but an improvement over cow manure.
Inside, a petite blonde girl stands behind a rough, wooden counter, folding stacks of clothes that have seen better days. A curtain hangs from the ceiling blocking off a small corner. Another girl steps from behind it and hands a dirt-covered dress to the girl behind the counter.
“This is where I work. You can come here to trade in your dress and undergarments for clean ones. Sometimes you can get new shoes, but they’re harder to find.”
Molly pulls a plastic card out of the front of her dress and scans it against the small black box along the wall. The lights flash green and another door leading to the back of the building clicks open. Molly walks through, an abrupt end to our one-sided conversation, but turns around before the door closes behind her.
“I know being on your own isn’t easy.” Molly shuffles her feet and stares at a spot on the wall behind me. “I’ll see what I can do to speed things along.” She heads into the back room and disappears behind the closing door.
What does Molly know about being on her own? She has Elizabeth, Daniel and Eric. All I can do is head back to my bunk and hope I get to join them soon.
Seven
Exhaustion weighs down my eyelids, but I can’t fall asleep. Every time I nod off, squeaky bedsprings fill my nightmares. So much worse than the red. At the front of the bunkhouse the door squeaks open, the rusted hinges protesting against the movement. I jerk up, my back pressed into the corner. The sliver of moonlight at the door disappears for a moment and a dark shadow slips into the room.
Please no, not again. He bends over, searching the bunks. He won’t find anyone there. Everyone is packed into the bunks at the back of the room. Several girls whimper. No one is sleeping tonight.
The dark form moves to the other side of the room, still searching for his next victim. One of the empty beds screeches across the floor and the attacker grunts out a string of profanities.
“Becca?”
I throw my thin blanket aside and leap out of bed. In three giant steps I crash into Eric, almost taking us down in my haste to reach him. He wraps his arms around me, and I lean in to him, my heartbeat still racing.
“It’s okay, Becca. I’m here.” He pulls back enough to look me in the eye, the small sliver of moonlight reflecting off his short blond hair. How could I ever confuse him for a monster?
“It’s time.”
I nod. He’s finally here. Am I ready for this? Too late to worry about that now.
Eric loosens his hold, and I do my best to smooth the wrinkles out of my dress. After wearing it all day yesterday and sleeping in it half the night, I can’t imagine what I look like. Cardinal knows I don’t smell any better. The disinfectant spray each morning before breakfast is the closest thing to a shower I’ve seen in almost a week.
I tried using the dingy water in the bathhouse, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never be clean again. Not that Eric seems to mind, but I wouldn’t put it past Elizabeth to dock points for sloppy dress.
We slip outside and pick our way through the narrow paths by the moonlight. Summer isn’t far away, but the nights are still cold here. I wrap my arms around my torso and walk faster to keep up my body heat.
“Once this is all over, we’ll have to find you a sweater.
” Eric is trying to be comforting, but right now I can’t think about sweaters or staying warm. The test is everything. I will not spend another night lying awake waiting for the monsters to come out.
The others are waiting outside the bunkhouse when we arrive.
“Are you ready?” Elizabeth’s arms fold across her chest. Whatever the test is, she’s already convinced I’ll fail.
Molly is silent by Elizabeth’s side, so close their shoulders brush together. It’s clear how close they are, but I don’t understand why Molly puts up with her. Sure, Elizabeth is a strong person and smart enough to take care of herself in the PIT, but she’s a bit mean-spirited. Of course, that could be something special she saves for me.
“We better get started if you’re going to have enough time. Your test tonight is a scavenger hunt.” Elizabeth hands me a wrinkled scrap of paper with a list scrawled on it. “You have until dawn to find every item on the list and bring it back here without getting caught. Any questions?”
I take a second to scan the list. Bicycle tire, dinner bowl, one sock (not my own). Random items, but nothing that should be too difficult to find. The PIT is littered with cast off items smuggled in by the guards. I start to fold the paper to tuck it into the pocket of my dress, but an item I didn’t see before catches my eye. The last item on my scavenger hunt list is a Noteboard.
“Is this a joke? Where in the world am I supposed to find a—?”
“If you think the list is too difficult,” Elizabeth says, her eyes gleaming with the thought of my failure, “you’re welcome to quit now.”
“No,” I answer instantly. Elizabeth isn’t my favorite person, but if there’s one thing I learned in the last several days, it’s that I need these people. The PIT isn’t like outside where a stranger will help you without batting an eye. Here you can get beaten for an extra slice of stale bread. Or worse. If I’m going to survive, I need friends and these are the ones I want.
“Let me see that list.” Daniel holds his hand out, and I give him the scrap of paper before Elizabeth can stop me. His eyes flare as he gets to the bottom. “Cardinal on a cracker, Elizabeth. We talked about this.”
“We talked about it.” She grabs the list back and thrusts it into my hand. “I made a decision. I’m doing what’s best for all of us.”
“I’ve been trying to get my hands on a Noteboard for the past year. We both know it’s not possible.”
“We don’t know that. And we don’t know if we can trust her.” Elizabeth holds her hands up, palms facing Daniel to stop his argument before he can get the first word out. “If we’re going to trust her with our lives, we need to know how far she’s willing to go.”
Daniel opens his mouth, but shuts it again, his lips pressed into a hard line. He nods once and it’s done.
“You have until dawn, then.” Elizabeth turns to head inside, but spins back to me before she takes a step. “Make sure the guards don’t catch you.”
“Are we not supposed to be out here? Is it against the rules?” I glance around the dark alley, my eyes darting to every hidden shadow.
“There aren’t any rules in the PIT.”
“Then why do I need to watch out for the guards?”
Elizabeth’s mouth pulls into a thin line and her eyes droop, almost as if she feels sorry for me. “Because the guards don’t have any rules, either.” She doesn’t wait for my response and heads inside the relative comfort of their bunk with Molly following hot on her tail.
I just assumed the attack last night was another Reject, some low-life criminal taking advantage of a room full of girls. What if he wasn’t one of us? My pulse beats against the side of my neck. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Panicking now won’t do me any good.
“You’ll need this,” Daniel says slipping a cord around my neck. His arms brush against my skin and a light tingle runs down my back, followed by a hard splash of guilt. What is wrong with me?
“What is it?” A slim plastic card like the one Molly used hangs from the end of the cord, but other than a black scan line, it’s blank.
“It’s the PIT version of a OneCard. You’ll need it to get into the Admin building.”
“Wait, what? Why in the world would I want to go in there?” The scavenger hunt seemed difficult a few minutes ago, but going into a locked building in the middle of the night sounds dangerous.
“Admin is the only place you stand a chance of finding a Noteboard. It’s the tall building behind the dining hall. They keep all the computer gear on the fourth floor.” Daniel takes a step forward like he might hug me, but stops with his arms only slightly extended and turns to follow Elizabeth into the bunkhouse.
Eric is the only one left outside with me. I am completely unprepared with nothing but a scrap of paper and a borrowed OneCard to help me.
“You can do this, Becca.” His eyes flash to the closed door before turning back to me, a devious grin on his face. “Elizabeth doesn’t want me to do this, but I’m going to anyway.”
Eric takes a worn bag from around his shoulder that I hadn’t noticed he was wearing and loops it over my head. “We don’t have many of these, but you’re going to need a way to cart all those items back here. Elizabeth won’t let me go with you, but at least this way I can help.”
“It’s perfect, Eric. Thank you.” The bag, still warm from his back, makes me feel less exposed out here in the night air.
“Just be careful. I’ve become quite fond of you and I’d hate to see you come back with even a scratch.” Without warning, Eric leans in and places the softest of kisses on my cheek. I’m thankful for the darkness because my face must be five shades of red. This is different than a kiss on the hand. His face that close to mine is more personal, more intimate.
My mind flashes back to the first time we met, when Eric asked for a spot on my dance card. It’s a golden moment from before everything changed. The memory strengthens my resolve. I want to make more memories like that. Good memories to erase the bad ones I’ve already made since getting here. In order for that to happen, I need to find all the items on my list.
“I can do this,” I whisper, hesitant to break the spell of our tender moment.
“I know,” Eric says, kissing my hand one last time before turning to join the others.
***
I’m lost. The PIT is bigger than I imagined and it didn’t take long to get turned around on the deserted dirt paths running haphazardly between the rows of identical buildings. The patched bag across my shoulder is heavy with the items I’ve already found, but I still have several to go, including the Noteboard. I’m saving that one for last.
Before that I need to find a sock and a piece of food.
Somewhere to my right, raging shouts soak into the dark air. I can’t make out all their words, but it’s clear two men are having some kind of argument. Their deep voices echo off the buildings, pushing me forward. I want as much distance as possible between me and their angry shouts.
A panicked scream stops me mid-step. My heartbeat muffles the screaming. Is there anywhere in the PIT where women are safe? I lean against a cool, concrete wall, hidden in the shadows. I need a minute to pull myself together. The voices grow louder and their words ring out clear in the still night air.
“It’s mine; I found the little bitch fair and square.”
“The Cardinal can have what’s fair, I’m taking the ginger and anyone who wants to stop me will find out what my blade feels like between his ribs.”
I’m not waiting around to find out who’ll end up with the girl. Whoever she is, she’ll be in trouble either way and I don’t really care. What is this place doing to me? I dart into an alley hidden in the darkness on my left and fall forward, my face pushed into the rocky soil. I hold my breath. Did they hear that? My lungs ache with a need for oxygen. Please don’t come over here. Their angry voices move into the distance, and I let out a painful gush of air.
I run a quick hand along my elbows and knees to check for any scrapes o
r cuts. Other than a skinned right knee, I’m fine. I could use a bandage, but I’m as likely to get one as I am to finding everything on this stupid list. The raw skin burns, but I can keep going. I have to. Favoring my stinging knee, I shuffle back to the mouth of the alley to investigate what tripped me.
I stare into the almost complete darkness and scan the rocky ground. My foot lands on something squishy and I jerk back. Squinting I can just make out the form in front of me. It looks like a thick stick. Except it’s not a stick because it’s soft and there’s another identical shape right next to it.
I stick my hand out again and bite back a scream. I tripped over legs. The bulk of the body is clear now that I know what I’m looking for. By the size, it’s a man, his back leaning up against the concrete wall of a bunkhouse, arms hanging limp by his side. Holding my breath, I listen for sounds of breathing or snoring. Don’t be dead. Please be an old man who fell asleep outside.
The night air is quiet. Unable to hold my breath any longer, I let go of the stale air in my lungs and suck in fresh air. Only, this air isn’t fresh. It’s putrid. I bury my nose into the crook of my elbow, but it doesn’t help. Whoever this was, he’s long gone now. I need to get as far away as possible before I toss up my dinner.
Keeping close to the other side of the narrow alley, I pick my way back out to the main pathway. Staying in the shadows, I pull the crumpled list out of my pocket. Sock, food, Noteboard. I know where the Noteboard is, though getting it will be an issue. The other items have me rattled. I need time to think, but by my best estimation there’s less than an hour before sunrise. I stare at my scuffed shoes and force my mind to focus, but I’m coming up with nothing. I pull my foot back and kick at loose pebbles on the side of the path.
I snap my head up and charge back into the rancid alley. My stomach churns, but I have to do this. I need everything on the list. Holding my breath, I grab the bloated foot of the dead man and peel a damp sock off his foot. I can only imagine it smells as bad as the decaying body it came from, but that’s Elizabeth’s problem now. I stuff it into Eric’s bag and dash out of there before my breath runs out.
Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) Page 7