Daniel grabs the camera and sticks it in his pocket before handing me the Noteboard. “I want to keep these separate just in case. You’ll need to keep that out of sight.”
“I don’t have pockets. Where am I supposed to put it?”
The smirk on his face tells me exactly where it needs to go. “I’m afraid down your dress is the only option.”
“Of course.” Nothing says high class like smuggling a Noteboard in your bodice. I turn my back to him. “I need you to undo a few buttons so I can get it down the front.”
It’s my turn to smirk as Daniel fumbles with the buttons at the back of my dress. The tips of his fingers brush down my spine sending tingles along my arms. My face is on fire, but at least he can’t see it. I shove the computer down to rest against my stomach and wait for him to redo my buttons.
Daniel finishes the last button, brushes his hands along my shoulders and places a single kiss on the back of my neck. My legs are having a hard time holding me up. I hate the PIT for letting me finally find love only to rip it away again. We have to make this work.
Daniel takes my hand and we walk out the door.
He’s right about this being the perfect time. Everyone is making their way to the dining hall and no one notices the two of us walking in the other direction. A few blocks from our bunk, the cleaned up version of the PIT fades away to reveal rundown buildings where the garbage has crept back in. It’s just a short walk to our new headquarters.
Overly loud laughter stops our silent walk only a few streets away from the stinky bunk. None of the prisoners have a reason to laugh that hard. It can only be guards or workers. Their boisterous voices get louder but there isn’t anywhere for us to hide. We don’t need a bunch of guards wondering what we’re doing out here instead of eating dinner.
Daniel shoves me up against the side of a mostly collapsed building and presses his body up against mine. His head bends sharply and he whispers, “Kiss me.”
I don’t hesitate to lift my face to his, but this isn’t like our other kisses. We press our lips together but neither of us can relax or enjoy the moment. If we get caught with this equipment the plan is ended before it even gets started.
The voices get louder and I grip the front of Daniel’s shirt like a drowning woman clinging to a life preserver. They come up along the side of us, their eyes burning holes into the side of my head. Daniel’s hands cut into my waist and his shoulders press farther into me as if he’s trying to hide me completely.
I want to yell at them, tell them to keep moving, but I bite back the words and chant go away over and over in my head.
A harsh voice barks, much too close for comfort. “Enjoy it while you can, trash.” They laugh, it must be half-a-dozen different voices, but no one moves to stop us. Their cackles fade with their pounding footsteps off to terrorize someone else. Daniel and I hold our pose until we’re certain we’re alone.
Daniel straightens up, but I pull him back to me. We need to keep moving, but I need a moment for him to really hold me because in his arms I can pretend everything is fine and our lives aren’t in danger. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my head until I stop shaking.
“Almost there, okay?”
I nod and relax my hold on him. He takes my hand again and we walk the last few blocks to the deserted building where we’ll make our last stand. Inside Daniel helps me with my dress again and we hide the camera and Noteboard behind the stack of mattresses. It’s the best we can do to keep them safe until tomorrow.
In the dining hall, most people are already done with dinner. The masses head back to their bunks or wherever else people go in the PIT to stay out of or get into trouble. I’m jealous of their ignorance. Without any idea what’s coming, tonight will be just like any other night.
I’ve checked every table, but Elizabeth isn’t here. Daniel catches me looking around for her. “I’m sure she already ate. It’s late.”
“Yeah,” I say after swallowing a mouthful of weak broth. “I guess she’s already back at the bunkhouse.”
Elizabeth isn’t back at the bunk. Daniel makes a quick check of the surrounding blocks before it gets too dark, but she isn’t anywhere nearby.
“She was really mad at me, but I never thought she wouldn’t come back.” I sit up from where my head is buried in my arms on the table top. “You don’t think something happened to her?”
“No. Not again.” I can’t tell if he’s telling me nothing happened or pleading that it didn’t. Daniel opens the door and looks out one more time in the growing darkness.
I walk up behind him, adding my eyes to the search, but there’s nothing to see. Going out to find her would be useless. She could be anywhere. “Wherever she is, I hope she knows what she’s doing.”
“Me, too.” Daniel joins me at the table and we sit silently, holding hands across the rough wood surface. There’s really only one thing to talk about and it’s the last thing I want to discuss on what could be our final night together.
The sun kisses the horizon and the darkened room is bathed in shades of red that make everything look sinister. It falls below the surface and the light in the room fades until I can’t even see Daniel’s face a few feet away.
“Tomorrow’s a big day,” he says, his chair scraping against the floor as he stands up. “We should get some sleep.” Still holding my hand, Daniel guides me toward him for a goodnight kiss.
Pressed up against him, his lips greedy for mine, I try not to think about how few kisses we might have left. Instead I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tight. His hands pull against the small of my back, drawing me in even closer.
This is what I need. A lifetime of these moments. Of standing in the dark in our fake kitchen and pretending like right outside our door is a normal world where people don’t get sent to the PIT for knowing the wrong things or questioning the actions of our leaders. Inside this world our time would be measured in decades, not hours, and tomorrow wouldn’t feel like the end of everything.
But we can’t live in that world, not yet, and maybe not ever. Daniel pulls away and I grudgingly let go. We stumble to opposite sides of the room and the squeak of bedsprings is the only sound.
I close my eyes, but sleep is out of the question. I can’t relax. I can hardly breathe. A weight like a boulder crushes my chest. This hurt is almost enough to wish I’d stuck to the original plan and tucked away the feelings I had for Daniel. Almost. Now that I’ve known that kind of love, I don’t know that I would give it up. Even if it meant never knowing this kind of pain.
I want to be strong for him, but that’s not who I am, no matter how Daniel sees me. The day I was Rejected, I thought that was the worst pain a person could feel. Then Quarantine numbed me from feeling anything and I thought that numbness and lack of feeling was the worst hurt imaginable. But I was wrong. It’s not the pain of experience, but the death of a chance for experience that hurts the most.
I bite back the tears for as long as I can, but the tightness builds until I can’t hold them in any longer. I suck in a huge breath and a single wet sob escapes in the exhale before I can pull it together. Daniel is on my side of the room in an instant.
Without a word, he crawls into the tiny bed next to me, his chest a warm security against my back. He wraps his arms around mine, our hands finding each other in the dark and tangling in a desperate mesh of fingers.
I could hold on to a small piece of hope that somehow this will all work out, but I’m afraid of what that might cost me. Deep down we both know that we’ll either end up dead or separated forever in Quarantine. I push those thoughts away. We still have this one night left to comfort each other before the real pain begins.
I could kick myself for all those months wasted, too unsure of myself to own my true feelings for Daniel. We could have had that time together to solidify these emotions destined to burn hot and quick. Does he even know how much I love him?
I picture Constance and Thomas lying in a deser
ted, crumbling bunk out near the edge. They’re lucky they’ve had so many years out here together. No matter what the Cardinal does tomorrow, he could never undo their years of marriage. What if the Cardinal couldn’t take that from me either?
“Daniel?”
“What, my love?” I can’t see him, but his voice is warm against my ear. The darkness makes the words easier to say.
“Will you marry me?”
The silence is a cacophony of noise in my ears. Long, slow minutes pass waiting for him to answer me.
“I, Daniel Whedon, take you, Rebecca Collins, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, till death do we part.”
My chest swells with his words. This moment is as far from a white dress and fancy wedding as you can get. Nothing at all like what I pictured in my head before my Rejection, when I still had the luxury of day dreams. It’s perfect. If we die tomorrow or by some stroke of luck live to be one hundred, I will never doubt Daniel’s love for me.
I squeeze his hand and roll to my side. His face must be only inches from mine and I lean in to press my lips to his.
“Hold on,” he says, pulling back from my kiss. “I didn’t hear ‘kiss the bride.’ Now it’s your turn.”
I press my free hand to my chest and try to still my surging heartbeat enough to match Daniel’s vows. “I, Rebecca Collins, take you, Daniel Whedon, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward.” I suck in a deep breath, unable to recognize an end of my love for him. “Not even death shall part us.”
With my last words, Daniel’s lips find mine in the darkness and we share our first married kiss. I focus on my joy and try not to think about how few kisses I’ll share with my new husband.
Twenty-Eight
Sunlight streams through the windows after too few hours. I squeeze my eyes tight and pretend I don’t hear the stirring of people outside, heading to breakfast. Daniel must have the same idea. Behind me, he pulls his arms tighter and nuzzles his head down into my shoulder.
After a few more minutes of blocking out the world, we both know our moment of peace is up. We have to get to breakfast, sneak back to the building where we stashed our equipment and get everything set up in time for our big television debut.
Elizabeth still hasn’t come back. I hope that wherever she is, she’s safe, but I don’t have enough space in my head to worry about her today.
There isn’t anything for us to do in the bunkhouse except put on our shoes, but we both linger over our laces, taking the extra moment to be here. It’s a dreary box with a leaky roof, a dirty window, and wobbly fake furniture, but it’s been my home for the past year.
I take a minute to make all the beds and push the chairs up around the table. Maybe when we’re gone, someone else will find this bunk and make it their home. It makes me happy to think of a group of women or men coming here after a day of working in the kitchens or picking up trash to sit around the table and share a story or a quick joke. This house deserves to hear laughter again.
The PIT has a holiday-like atmosphere today. I understand, there aren’t a lot of entertainment options available to us, but I don’t get the draw of watching the Acceptance ceremony. Maybe everyone is excited about the idea of seeing who’ll be joining our ranks before they actually get here. Or maybe they’re hopeful they’ll see friends or family in the crowd. Whatever the reason, people are smiling and laughing and the ceremony is the topic of conversation at every table in the dining hall.
Elizabeth isn’t at breakfast. I have to assume she knows what she’s doing, but I’m sad she’s not here. We may not be as close as I would have liked, but I still wish I could tell her good-bye. If she were here, I’d thank her for letting me be a part of her family, for accepting me even when she didn’t want to, and for sharing in the few moments of happiness I’ve had in the past year.
Daniel’s eyes stay glued to the door. He must be hoping to get another chance to see her, too.
We sit in the dining hall as long as we can, but time isn’t something we have a lot of today. Daniel sets down his bowl and spreads a forced smile on his face. “Are you ready?”
I nod and hold out my hand to him.
“Attention prisoners.” Up at the front of the room a guard in a pristine red suit stands up on top of a table. “All prisoners are to report to the courtyard for a mandatory viewing of today’s Acceptance ceremony. No exceptions. All prisoners should finish eating and make their way to the courtyard immediately.”
Daniel gives my hand a quick squeeze and leans in so his words aren’t overheard by anyone nearby. His warm breath tickles my neck and I lean in to get closer to him. “I’ll head out first and act like I’m going to the bath house. Wait here a few minutes and then make your way to the fence.” He brushes his lips against my ear and leaves a light kiss on the side of my neck. “I’ll see you out there.” With one last squeeze of my hand, Daniel strides out of the room.
I should be nervous, or scared, or even sad. Instead, it’s hard to say I feel anything at all. Daniel and I said our good-byes last night in the best way we knew how. Other than Elizabeth, I don’t have anyone else I want to see before the end. And I know this will be the end.
It actually brings me a bit of peace to accept the truth of the situation. I’ll get on camera with Daniel and we’ll fight back in the only way we can. When the guards come for us, and they will come, we won’t go quietly. We’ll fight and they’ll fight back and that will be the end for both of us. But we’ll be together. I won’t let the PIT separate us.
Outside, the courtyard is packed with everyone jostling to get a good view of the huge screen that’s been erected to show the ceremony. Other than meals there isn’t another time that everyone is all together, and even then people tend to congregate in shifts so they can have a place to sit while they choke down the burnt rice. The size of the crowd is overwhelming. I have to shove my way through to the far side by the bath house.
I find my way to the edge of the mass of bodies and walk as quickly as possible without drawing attention to myself. I need to blend in if I have any hope of getting out of here undetected. The bath house is only a few feet away and I’m home free, but a pair of rough hands grab me by the upper arms and spin me around.
“Are you too stupid to understand what mandatory means?” The red-uniformed guard jabs his hand into my back and pushes me toward the boisterous voices of the congregated prisoners. “Get back to the courtyard. Now.”
“I just need to go to the bath house.” My voice is a panicked whine in my head, but I can’t help it. I need to get out of here. I need to get to Daniel. “I’ll hurry. I promise.”
“Hold it.” A sneer slides across his mouth. What does he care if a prisoner is in discomfort?
“What’s going on?” Eric’s familiar voice joins in the argument and I don’t know if I should be thankful or concerned.
“Caught this one trying to sneak off to the bath house.”
“And?” Eric doesn’t look at me. I have no idea if he even realizes I’m the subject of the conversation.
“Our orders were clear. Everyone stays in the courtyard. You want to explain to the boss why one of them wasn’t there?”
“You want to explain why the Cardinal’s broadcast of the PIT includes a woman standing in a dress covered in piss?”
“I…well…”
“Right.” Eric grabs my upper arm in the same harsh manner the other guard did and pushes me ahead of him. “I’ll take her.” He shoves the back of my shoulder without another word and we march off toward the bath house.
What am I supposed to do now? We reach the bath house without Eric saying a word to me. I reach out an arm to push open the door. Eric grabs my arm before my hand makes contact and drags me wordlessly to the side of the building. In the shadows of the cramped walls, we’re hidden from the prying eyes of the packed courtyard.
There isn’t any reason to trust Eric, but I don’t have a choice. There isn’t time for me
to sit around and make up excuses for why I have to leave. “Eric, I can’t stay here. Please let me go.”
“I’m not stopping you.” Marching in front of him, I didn’t get a chance to really see him, but now I do. Eric’s uniform is wrinkled. I might think he slept in it, except the dark circles under his eyes are evidence he isn’t getting much sleep these days. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I hope it’s worth it. Now get out of here.”
He stands there, head down, hands in his pockets. He’s putting himself at risk letting me go. When my face flashes on the screen, the guard he shamed into letting me go will know Eric was responsible for letting me get away. “Thank you.”
His head jerks up. The hopeful pleading of his eyes is pathetic. The confident Eric who kissed me on the roof of an abandoned bunkhouse is gone. “If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d do everything different.”
“I know.” I know he’s sorry. I know he wishes things could be different. I know he wants my forgiveness. What I don’t know is if I can give it to him.
Eric lets his chin drop back down to his chest and turns around toward the courtyard, kicking a loose pebble from the path. “Tell my sister…” He stops, his head turning to stare off into the PIT. “Never mind. Nothing I say is any good to her now.”
I count one, two, three of his steps before the words come tumbling out. “I forgive you.” Eric stops but doesn’t turn around. “I hope you don’t get in trouble for this.”
A harsh laugh shakes his shoulders. “What are they going to do? Send me back to the PIT?”
“They might.”
“Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.” Pain pours out of his red-rimmed eyes. “The Cardinal may have let me out of the PIT, but I’ll never really get my freedom back.”
I wish there was more I could say, but we’ve both used up all our words. All that’s left for me is to suck up huge breaths of air to keep the tears at bay while Eric walks back to the life he wishes wasn’t his. I turn and race toward the end of the life I’m dying to save.
Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) Page 23