Aaaand Coming Soon: More Books on Writing!
Now, just in case you get a pernicious pink slip, we whipped up Whiskey-Pissing Unicorns: How to Lose or Quit Your Job and Become a Badass Writer. Better snag a copy before you actually get started as a full-time writing couch pilot.
This little gem includes three critical questions (and one sneaky-ass trick) you should consider when deciding whether you really wanna be an ink-slave, shares two rather embarrassing descriptions of the life of a full-time writer, and gives you our pie-in-the-sky advice for how you should do this thang.
We also explain precisely where badass writers find paying jobs (not counting Wal-Mart, hah), and tell you what does and doesn’t keep the baby in Huggies.
Expected Publication Date: April 2013
Vampires and Tantric Sex: How to Publish Your Book Like a Bona Fide Badass is a follow-up to the book you’re reading now, and will teach you how to publish the book that you brought into being… and why you should never, ever call your book your “baby” (like we just did a few paragraphs above. Right. Never do that.). Also it has vampires, because we wanted to cash in on that whole Edward/Buffy/Lincoln thing.
You’ll learn exactly how to proceed if you want to publish in print with a large traditional press, a small boutique press, or online on your own or with big, well-paying clients. We’ll explain the specific timelines for each kind of publishing, and we’ll help you figure out exactly what kind of publishing is the right fit for you.
Expected Publication Date: May 2013
Your First Assignment: Beat The Fear Factor
Throughout this book, you’ll find some simple worksheets. Actually, since this is a digital book, they’re less traditional worksheets and more like assignments to help you master the material and make your next steps.
For this introductory section, your assignment is simple. We're going to help you name your fears, then move forward anyway.
1. Name your fear.
Get yourself a sheet of paper. It can be a journal, notebook, or even a bit of scrap paper from the recycle bin. Sift back through the various lists of reasons you can’t, shouldn’t, or don’t want to write your book, and write down all that apply to you. Leave room beneath each one.
2. Ask if each fear is true, what happens when you believe it, and who you could be if you gave up that thought.
Go through your list one at a time and allow each item to have its moment in the sunlight. Name it, say it out loud, laugh if you want to, then ask yourself the serious question: Is this true?
Here's an example:
Fear #32: I'm really scared of criticism.
Is this true? Yep, pretty much. (Feel free to go on; you may find your fear is not what you think it is, but instead is hiding something else.)
What happens when I believe it? Well, I might not write my book.
Who would I be if I gave up this thought? A thicker-skinned person. A confident person. Someone who is not stopped by fears. A hero. A warrior who refuses to allow the naysayers to win. A writer. A writer who has written an actual book!
3. Write down what you could do about it.
Continuing the example above, you might say:
I could simply not show my book to anyone, ever. But I could still write it!
I could show my book only to people I know and trust to encourage and support me.
I could work on the underlying issues of self-esteem that are dragging me down.
I’m my own worst critic. I’m pretty hard on myself. I could turn that around. I could set up positive affirmations to help me.
I could ask a particular accountability partner, someone who understands what’s going on inside my head, to relentlessly cheer for me as I write.
I could replace my fear with gratitude. Every time I get criticized, I could think about how glad I am to have written a book that is powerful enough to draw critique.
I could get hypnosis or therapy.
Every time I get criticized, I could put a dollar in a jar and start saving for something I love. Gourmet chocolates and champagne sounds good.
I could respond to critique with a 10-minute yoga or meditation session, or a walk.
I could write down each criticism, collect them in a box, and burn them in a lovely little campfire on the beach. And toast marshmallows over the fire.
I could find a writing coach who could help me.
I could find or start my own writing group with people who have the same issue I do. We could all agree to support and encourage each other on a regular basis.
4. Decide what you are willing to do about it.
What specific actions will you take? Circle, highlight, draw arrows toward your choice(s).
5. Write down when you’ll do that.
This one is particularly helpful because your best solutions are not only very specific and actionable, but they are also time-bound.
Fear has lots of energy. What you use that energy for is up to you. Let your fear fuel the life you want to live!
CHAPTER TWO
Idea, Audience, and Motivation: The Absolute Minimum Requirements for Writing a Book
Your Big Idea (If You Don't Have One, You Need One)
You can’t write a book without an idea. (Or maybe you can. Skip ahead to the next section if you want to hear another perspective on this whole thing.) But where the hell do you get ideas? It’s not like they grow on trees.
My theory is that everyone has a book in them. Hell, I’ll be even more specific: I think everyone has a novel in them. Yep, I think you already have ideas fluttering around in your awesome writer brain, and all you have to do is stick your hand up and pluck one out of the air.
If you’ve already plucked an idea (fiction or non-fiction, choose your poison), you’re good to go. You can skip to Chapter 6 and get started with the actual writing of your book.
But if you seriously, OMG, do not have an idea at all, or you can’t lay your hands on one of the ones that’s flitting madly though your subconscious, and you need an idea right now, stick with me for a minute here.
I get that sometimes it feels like inspiration must strike before you can begin anything. And sometimes you are struck with a bolt of idea-lightening while you are in that just-about-to-fall-asleep state, and you shoot straight up in bed and shout, “EUREKA!” and run to the nearest writing implement, and scribble until your arm falls off. It’s euphoric and wonderful and addictive… and, unfortunately, pretty damn rare for most people.
Here’s the good news: Ideas are not magical fairy farts from the land of muses and whimsy. Or at least they don’t have to be. You can create ideas.
I’ll show you. Here’s a little activity for you. Go get your journal or your Word processor or, hell, a page of printer paper or the back of a piece of junk mail. I don’t care. You also need a writing implement. (I’m partial to roller-ball pens, myself.)
Make a list of all of the things you like to read. Is it novels? Be more specific. What kind of novels? Is it comic books? Which types are your favorite? Is it memoirs? The ones where someone beats a disease, or conquers a fear, or moves to a brand new place?
So now you’ve got your general list of the types of things you like to read. Start a new column (or envelope or napkin or whatever). List the reasons why you like to read those things. Do you read romance novels because love conquers all, and you can’t get enough of that shit? Write it down. Do you read mysteries because the bad guys always get their comeuppance? Write it down. Do you read computer how-to books because you love to learn? Write it down. You get the idea, right?
So now you have these two lists: One list of things you love to read, and one list of the reasons why you love to read them.
Time for one more list: Make a list of all of the elements that are your favorites in whatever it is that you like to read. I read romance novels, and my favorites are reunion stories and second chances. I also like Regency-set historicals and pirates. If you read how-tos, maybe your favorites are cr
ocheting books. You can get more specific than that, too. What tone do you prefer? Do you like the straight-forward ones, or the ones with a little bit of humor? Lots of illustrative pictures, or more words? Do you prefer your computer books to be bulleted and outlined, or paragraph-form?
So now you have this great list of all of the things you love to read, and why, and the specific elements in those things that are your favorite. Here’s the fun part: Now you get to mix and match! Have a blast. Cut everything up into little strips of paper if you want to, and throw them in the air and pick the ones that land first. Maybe I pull out adventure novel with superheroes and a love-conquers-all theme. Can I come up with an idea based on those three things? You bet.
And I’m willing to bet that your ideas are going to start flowing once you start mixing and matching your favorite things, too.
There’s nothing magical about this process if you think about it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun or creative. So stop pressuring yourself to have a shit-ton of lightbulb moments, and just have a good time coming up with what you like. Chances are, once you figure out what you like to read, you’ll know what it is you’d like to write.
One more caveat for you: We writers sometimes fall into the trap of writing what we think we should like to read. Dude, I’ve done it. Many a time have I started writing some deep, introspective, depressing-as-fuck “literary” piece of art, only to stop two chapters in because I was bored and sort of vaguely wanted to throw things and bite people.
Turns out I don’t really like “literary” books. I want to like them. But I’d much, much rather read a swashbuckling tale of adventure and love with a happy ending than some depressing shit about a woman who drowns herself in the ocean. That was a little bit hard to admit at first, especially since I was an English lit major in college, but once I allowed myself to like what I like, life got a whole freaking lot easier. So like what you like, and don’t be ashamed about it. Own that shit.
Now go come up with some ideas and meet me back here when you’re ready to go.
Why You Don't Even Need a Big Idea (And What You Can Use Instead)
You could write an entire series of books without having a single solitary (I love saying “single solitary.” My book, dammit.) idea in your pretty little head, did you know that? True story.
Think about this: What if you knew five powerfully important people, all of whom had taught you something that changed your life. Maybe it was five teachers, five relatives, five master workers, or a mix of people. Let’s say you interviewed all five of them, recorded their life story or best teachings, and put them together. Voila, book. That’s not a fluke. I can give you another one.
What if you decided to learn a new skill. Say, boxing. Sounds normal, and there are lots of others learning to box, but as it happens, you are a corporate suburban woman in her forties with three kids and a failing marriage. You don’t have any idea about writing a book, but damned if learning to beat the holy living shit out of stuff doesn’t lend itself to some odd little blog posts and an unfinished garage full of positive life change. Voila, book. (Yours truly. It’s in the making.)
Or let’s say you have been keeping a Twitter account or journal of all the funny shit your dad says. It’s almost too easy, right?
Here’s another one. What if you did a funny podcast, week after week. People loved it! So you decided to have it transcribed and glued together. Voila, book. You never even touched a keyboard, but your name is on the cover.
Take a look at your life. What valuable assets (friendships, experiences, journals, articles/posts, recordings, etc.) are just laying around, waiting for you to turn them into a book?
Of course, most of these kinds of books fall into the non-fiction category, but we’re guessing many of you who are reading this are considering non-fiction. Why wouldn’t you? It’s the most obvious, easiest thing you could possibly write. Idea optional.
The Chicken and Egg Dilemma: Which Comes First, Your Audience or Your Book?
When you write a book, it’s pretty obvious that you’re writing that book in order for someone else to read it. (That’s not to say I haven’t written any books that an audience shouldn’t read… but I still wrote them with an audience in mind.) (WHOA! Triple negative! There should be some kinda prize, I think.)
But how do you know who you’re writing for, and how do you know what they want to read?
Well, believe it or not, you are yourself a great barometer for what other people are going to want to read. Do you want to read a cowboy Western with space aliens? Can’t find one? Maybe you should write one. Do you wish there was a book that would have helped you out when you started your exotic heirloom cucumber garden? Write that one.
It’s like your teacher always told you: “If you have a question, go ahead and ask it. Someone else probably has the same question, but isn’t brave enough to ask.”
So do you have to have your idea in mind first, or your audience in mind first? Honestly, it doesn’t matter at all.
If you have your idea first, it’s probably a good exercise to think about who might want to read it. And be realistic here. If you’re writing an erotic zombie/ninja romance, there might be a smallish audience, but you probably know them pretty well because you’re the president of the club. That’s cool, as long as you know it’s not going to be a whole shit-ton of people running out to buy your book right away.
Can you have an audience in mind before you have your book in mind? Of course! All that talk we just did about getting an idea — and whether or not you even need an idea — is made so much easier if there’s already a group of people you’re writing for.
We’re going to talk more about rules a little later in this book, but here, the only rule is that you need to know your audience. Whether your idea or your audience becomes apparent first doesn’t make a lick of difference.
But what if you’re writing something so off-the-wall wackadoo that no audience yet exists? Hey, that’s ok, too. Some books actually bring people together, and sort of create their own audience. (Do you think people were clamoring for a book about an elementary-school aged orphan boy wizard before Harry Potter came out? Probably not too many, but it found a huge audience.)
Anyway, here’s a high-five for your crazy-ass idea. Don’t worry about your audience. If you write it, they will come. Maybe not immediately, and maybe not in droves, but you are probably not unique in all the world. There are more people out there who like what you like and are interested in seeing what's in your head. (Ooo, that sounded like zombies. Cool!)
What to Do if There Are Already 10 Zillion Books In Your Area (Or, Why Writing is Exactly Like Porn)
There are lots of ways to get an idea of what kind of books are in the area you’re thinking of writing in. Google it, or head to the bookstores where you live and see what’s on the shelf; that should give you a start.
So let’s say you do that, and you come back feeling depressed. You thought nobody else would be writing about the natural hazards of observing bison in the field for National Park Services (that's an actual job, and it pays a touch better than minimum wage, no cubicles involved), but, amazingly, there are dozens — maybe hundreds or thousands — of books that touch on what you thought was your exclusive field of expertise.
When I first started writing about dating and relationships (like many writers, I have pen names for the different areas in which I write) I thought it might be a little crazy to be doing work in that area. If you type “dating” into the search box on Amazon, you get 37 thousand results. If you type “dating” or “dating books” into Google, you skyrocket into the hundreds of millions. That's, like, porn numbers. Yikes.
Or maybe not yikes. The fact that there are so many books in that area indicates tremendous interest in the subject. Which you want, right? Because you want people to be interested in the subject area of your book.
If it still bothers you, consider writing in a unique or lesser-known subset of the big subject area
. Dating for goths, or people with a mermaid fetish. You get the idea. You might have a smaller audience, but there’s nearly always an audience. Hey! Just like porn!
I used to spend some time worrying about subject area. Now I just write, and know that there are audiences for nearly everything. Size just doesn’t matter as much as you might think (that was really satisfying to write); the real secret is that you need to know your audience in order to write for them. And you can learn that part.
Money, Haters, and Cheer Squads: Motivation for Getting Shit Done
Motivation can be a pretty personal thing. What motivates you to run a mile might be something completely different than what motivates your best friend. (Maybe you’re doing it because you’re working your way up to a 5k, but your friend does it because she’s running away from a scary clown, just for example.)
But there are a few factors that can be pretty motivating no matter who you are, so we’re going to spend some time talking about those.
Money
Of course, money can be a motivator to get your writing done. It’s maybe a little crass or unromantic to be motivated by money, but hell dude, you gotta eat. And it’s a lot easier to make yourself put your butt in your chair and write when you know your paycheck depends on it. Money is the reason for my very careful and conscientious blog schedule. No posts equals no traffic equals no money, and that will get my ass in gear faster than just about anything else.
Bagels, Dirty Limericks, and Martinis: The Badass Guide to Writing Your First Book (Badass Writing) Page 2