Love Realized

by Melanie Codina

  “Did you get a good look?” she asked as she strode past him and out of the bedroom to find their daughter.

  “Oh, it was good. Definitely not long enough, though, so could you do that again, but in slow motion?” he asked as he followed after her.

  “You wish,” she shot back at him over her shoulder.

  “You’re right, I do.” She heard him say before she yelled up the stairs.

  “Madison Marie Baxter!” she yelled in her best Mom-means-business-voice. “Do you want to tell me why you told your father that I was making you walk to school today?”

  Her beautiful daughter came trotting down the stairs in her cheer uniform with a big smile on her face, eyes only for her father. “Hi Daddy!” she said as she kissed him on his cheek and walked past both of them, ignoring Gillian and her question entirely. As soon as the teenage drama queen had passed, Logan looked to Gillian and raised his eyebrows in question.

  She grumbled under her breath at her husband, “This is how she has been toward me for the past few months, and it’s worse than she used to be with me.”

  “Madison!” Logan’s stern use of her actual first name, and not her nickname, had her halting her stride and turning around to face them. “Your mother asked you a question; do you want tell me why you completely ignored her?”

  “I didn’t hear Mom say anything, Daddy,” Madison said in a sickly sweet voice. Damn, that kid was a piece of work all right. She was actually trying to play her father right in front of her. If it wasn’t her own daughter doing it, she might actually be impressed, or even amused by it.

  “Now I find that hard to believe. I was standing right next to her when she called you, and there is no way you didn’t hear her.” Madison must not have had a response to that, so she remained silent and tried to look all sweet and delicate.

  Undeterred, he continued, “Do you also want to tell me why you told me that your mother was making you walk to school today, because I get the feeling, based on your mother’s response, that this information is incorrect?” Gillian could see her daughter’s body stiffen when she realized that she had been caught trying to pull a fast one on her father.

  She had obviously intended to leave before Gillian got out of shower, or figured that her father wouldn’t come in the house to seek her mother out. Madison apparently assumed that because her parents were divorcing, they didn’t speak to each other. It was clear that this was a play from the my-parents-are-getting-divorced-let’s-pit-them-against-one-other playbook; thankfully, Logan wasn’t an idiot and didn’t fall for it.

  Madison was clearly mad at Gillian because of the separation and took Logan’s side in the matter—especially since they had decided that the information about Logan’s infidelity was not something they needed to share with the kids. All that the kids knew was Mom and Dad were not going to live together anymore, and that they were going to share custody of the kids.

  Even though it was slightly refreshing to see her daughter squirm under the glare of her father, Gillian said, “Are you going to tell him the whole story, or should I? If you want to play games, you should remember that you are no match for me.”

  Her daughter was once again silent. Gillian didn’t like to tattle on the kids to Logan. She was not one of those moms that used the ‘wait ‘til your father gets home’ line unless the situation seriously warranted it. To hell with that, they better be just as worried about what Mom thought as they were about what Dad would think. No way was she a weak person, and her children better fear her wrath. But the fact remained that her daughter was trying to make her look bad in front of Logan, and it needed to be handled. Separations and divorces are hard enough without the kids causing unnecessary drama and pitting parents against each other was not something she was going to sit back and watch, especially when everything seemed to be going smoothly between the grown-ups.

  “Got nothing to say about that, huh? Okay.” Gillian turned to Logan and continued, “As I was getting into the shower, without so much as a ‘Good morning, Mom,’ Madison yelled to me that Jonathan told her she had to be in his truck within five minutes, or he was leaving without her. So I told her that was fine, to tell Jonathan that I would drive her to school. Madison’s response was something to the effect of ‘Eww, I can’t be seen at school being dropped off by my mom.’ My response to that wonderful remark was, ‘Well then, I guess you better be in your brother’s car in four minutes, or you would have to walk.” Gillian looked over to her daughter, smiled, barely restraining her desire to stick out her tongue, and said, “Your move, little girl.”

  Madison had the smarts to realize that she had been out-maneuvered, and that her father would be mad at her. Logan had a slightly amused expression on his face as he looked at Gillian and asked, “She actually said eww? What the hell is that all about?”

  Gillian shrugged her shoulders at him and said, “I'm guessing it’s because I either dress in an embarrassing manner,” she continued, counting the options on her hands, “my car is not something a teenager wants to be seen in, my big hairy mole on the tip of my nose is showing again, or she just plain doesn’t like me.” Gillian watched Logan stifle a laugh at her smartass ways before addressing their daughter.

  “Well, which is it, Madison?” Again, no response, but she clearly understood that it wasn’t going in her favor. But seriously, what could she say? “So, you have nothing to say for yourself, and you lied to me.” When Madison predictably tried to speak up, most likely to defend herself about being accused of lying to him, he stopped her and continued, “You omitted information about why your mother said that. I'm not sure what your deal is, young lady, but treating your mother like that is not going to be tolerated anymore. So since your brother is already gone, and you don’t want your mother to drive you, I guess you better get to walking because you have twenty-five minutes ‘til the bell rings.”

  Logan looked to Gillian and smiled like he was so proud of how he handled Madison. Gillian had to laugh at that just a little bit.

  “Coffee?” she asked him.

  “Would love some,” he said, and they both walked away from a stunned teenager.

  They made their way into the kitchen and found Dylan sitting at the table, eating his cereal, and deep in video game mode, complete with headphones. He looked up and saw his dad and smiled. “Hey Dad!” Logan hugged him when he leaned over and kissed him on top of the head.

  “Hey yourself, little man.” Gillian’s heart ached a little at the smile on her son’s face when he saw his dad, like it was a surprise to see him. She had never wanted to raise their kids this way, but she could only sacrifice so much of herself.

  “What are you doing here, Dad?”

  “Your sister tricked me into thinking your mother was making her walk to school.”

  Her son gave him a horrified look and said, “Mom would never do that.”

  “I knew that, but I couldn’t turn down a chance to say good morning to you,” Logan said to him, and again her heart ached. She had to remember that he did this to them. He was a great father—that had never been an issue, so she would do everything in her power to make sure it stayed that way. Regardless of what was going on between them, she would make sure that her children had their father in their lives completely. There’d be none of that every other weekend and three evenings during the week crap. They would figure something out so that the kids were not as affected by it, but until then, it would hurt.

  “Hey Dad! Could you drive me to school today? I have to be there early for safety patrol duty!” Dylan spoke with such excitement about it that she couldn’t help but smile at him.

  Logan smiled back at their son and said with as much enthusiasm, “Sure, I can. I'm here already, that would make my morning perfect. Go get your stuff, and we will get going in just a few minutes, okay?”

  With that, Dylan got up and ran from the room in search of his school bag. She gave Logan a pointed look and said, “You do know that Madison is only going to be mad at m
e for having to walk to school today, don’t you?”

  He looked confused by her statement and responded with, “Why? I'm the one who told her she had to walk.”

  Gillian just shook her head, wondering if he would ever understand the teenage girl psyche. In her best high-pitched, teenage girl voice she declared, “Because, not only did I tattle on her, I told you that she was mean to me, and then she got in trouble.” Then she rolled her eyes at him, doing an exaggerated version of Madison’s eye roll and turned toward the coffee maker. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t talk to me for a couple of days,” she said as she got Logan a portable coffee cup ready to go. She was slightly excited about the fact that she would have the whole house to herself, and she didn’t have to go anywhere.

  Looking ever so stumped at what she told him he said, “I don’t think I will ever understand her. You said she has been terrible to you lately … like what?” She didn’t think it necessary to point out specifics to him because she knew it would pass. Jonathan had been acting strange, too, lately, so clearly it was because of the separation. Dylan seemed to be the only one unaffected, which was odd since he was the youngest.

  Gillian shook her head as she sipped her coffee and handed him his. “It’s not worth going into specifics about it, but she and Jonathan are clearly having issues with everything. We need to come up with a permanent arrangement so we can work on their structure.” He nodded in agreement as he took his coffee from her. “Madison gives me attitude. Jonathan is quiet, but seems angry and Dylan is well … Dylan.”

  Logan thought about that for a moment, and then said, “Jonathan won’t speak to me except to answer a direct question—with a one word answer. He is clearly mad at me, and Madison is clearly mad at you.” He paused and then continued, “We could tell her, you know. Maybe that’s why she’s mad at you; she doesn’t know why you are mad at me.”

  “No, there is no reason for us to burden our children with that kind of information. As far as they are concerned, their parents don’t have sex—never have and never will. Why would we tell them that not only do their parents have sex, but that Dad has had it with someone else, too.” Logan visibly flinched. “Sorry, but that’s the truth of it. I will not be pitied by my children, and your sins against me will not affect how they feel about their father.”

  Visibly taking in a deep breath, he sighed before talking. “Thank you, Gillian. Any other woman would have been yelling from a rooftop how they were wronged … but not you.” He shook his head as he looked down at his coffee cup then back up at her. “We should talk about what we are going to do soon so you aren’t tortured by our daughter for much longer.”

  Gillian nodded at him in agreement. “I’ll text you with my schedule, and we can find time to sit and talk about it, okay?” He nodded, and then Dylan came bounding into the room, ready to go to school. She kissed her son goodbye and allowed Logan to kiss her on the cheek when he left. And then she stood in her kitchen—her house—alone. Suddenly, she wasn’t as excited to have the time and space that she used to welcome. Being alone with her thoughts wasn’t healthy these days.

  Maybe she would go see Morgan and the baby. She and the baby had come home from the hospital just under two weeks ago, and both were doing great. But Gillian knew that the routine of newborn babies could be overwhelming, especially with two other little ones at home. She decided that would be just the therapy she needed for today. Shooting a text in her sister-in-law’s direction, she made her way to the bedroom to make herself presentable to the world. And so it wouldn’t be obvious that she was still broken on the inside. She was obviously doing much better than she had been those first days—well, those first weeks was more like it.

  Allie and Jake had rallied and basically supported her through some serious ugliness in those first days. The hardcore sobbing and overwhelming sadness, coupled with the overdosing on Rocky Road ice cream, would’ve scared away lesser friends, but not hers. Nope, even Jake handled the crying jags and ice cream bingeing well. He just made sure he not only had her favorite, but had his too, that way he would sit and eat it with her. Of course he would make jokes about it and say stuff like, “I'm sure I'm going to grow a uterus any day now. What with all the crying and chick flicks I’ve endured. Then there’s all the ice cream I'm taking in—my dick already fell off. I figure the spontaneous growth of a vagina and uterus has to be next.”

  This of course would make her laugh, and then Allie would chime in with her take on that with, “Cool! So if you grow a snatch, do you think you’d want chicks or dicks?” And then the whole conversation would spiral out of control from that point, the crying would’ve stopped, and we all would weigh in as to whether that made Jake gay or not. It was the perfect therapy, they were the best, and she didn’t know what she would have done without them.

  Allie had stayed with Gillian for the first two weeks after everything happened and basically kicked Gillian’s ass back in gear. She let her wallow and grieve the death of her marriage and helped snap her out of her funk, but then had to get back up to her clients. She handed the reigns over to Jake, with everyone else as back up, but Jake made it his personal mission to look after her. At that point, she was able to go about her daily routines without appearing like a zombie. Fortunately, she loved her job, and it gave her some direction and allowed her to forget about what was going on at home. That, of course, was after taking four sick days to get to that point. She was embarrassed about appearing so weak that she needed to call into work sick, but her supervisor had reassured her that there was nothing wrong with it at all. Especially since that was not something she frequently did.

  When she did go back to work, Jake always came by to check on her. He always said it was because he had a call and just brought a patient into the ER, but Gillian knew better than that. Jake would’ve found any reason to come see her. He had seen her at her worst, and she was sure that all that sobbing would haunt him for the rest of his life. She was so thankful to have him around. Especially after that scene she caused two weeks back when he had come by, and she was alone, feeling sorry for herself.

  She had been standing in the game room, drinking a glass of wine, listening to music, just staring at the pool table, dwelling on the whys of her failed marriage, when Jake walked in. She looked up, and he gave her a great smile.

  “Hey sexy, I knocked, but you didn’t answer so I just followed the music,” he said with a smile that must have been contagious because she smiled back. Which was funny because a minute before he came in, there was no smile to find anywhere in her. Jake seemed to have that power, though. It was never hard to smile around him.

  She took a big gulp of her wine and said, “Yeah, I was just out here sulking and ignoring the world, trying to drown my sorrows just a little bit.” It had been a rough day after speaking with an attorney about divorce advice. The whole thing seemed so nasty and clinical, and she felt the need to escape from it all. She drove her point home as she tilted her head back and polished off the rest of the wine in her glass. When her head came back down, she saw Jake glaring at her, so she just glared right back.

  He shook his head at her and said, “The Gillian I know doesn’t sulk.” He continued to press her with his stare as he rounded the pool table toward her. Looks like he wanted to challenge her. Well, she could prove him wrong; this Gillian wanted to sulk. Bring it on, Michaels!

  “Well, the Gillian you know is a pathetic chump!” she declared with a pouty huff as she made her way over to the counter to pour some more wine before turning around and continuing, not even bothering to offer him any, “The Gillian you know couldn’t even keep her husband from seeking out another woman. That sounds pretty damn pathetic to me.” Putting her wine glass to her lips, she downed a big gulp before coming back up to continue, “And that same Gillian is so tired of trying to be strong and protecting everyone else, when apparently she was the one that needed the protecting!” Then she polished off the rest of wine in the glass in an attempt to
stop the tears she was holding at bay. Further proof of how pathetic I am. God, cry much, Gillian?

  Those wretched tears that she thought had been all cried out started to gather and spill over. Jake was good, though, because he just stood there and let her rant and get it all out. He didn’t hide from girls’ tears like most men did. “The Gillian you know is spineless and weak. She is just a useless housewife, completely devoid of anything remotely attractive or sexy.” Ouch, that hurt to say out loud. But it was how she felt lately—ugly and blah. She wanted her sexy back.

  When she completed her little tirade, the emotions she was feeling, combined with the half bottle of wine she managed to consume in less than ten minutes started to overtake her. She dropped her head into her hands and let those damn sobs take over as she once again felt shame and embarrassment over her failed marriage. Once they fully took over, she dropped herself to her knees and sobbed some more. Jake bent down to the ground, too. He placed himself in front of her, with his knees spread open, surrounding hers as he pulled her to him, engulfing her in his embrace and just holding her against his body. He was so warm, and it was so comforting.

  “Get it out, Gilly. Just get it out, so you can let it all go,” he whispered to her in a soothing tone as he rubbed her back in a soft, circular motion. Sigh …

  When the sobbing ceased a bit, she whispered against his chest, “How could I be such a fool, Jake? How could I let him do that to me?” She pulled her head back to look him in the eye and asked, “How come I wasn’t enough for him?”

  Jake then shook his head at her. He looked as if he was searching for the words to say as he lifted one of his hands and brushed the hair out of her face—the hair that just so happened to be stuck to her tear streaked cheekbones. Or at least she hoped it was only tears. There is no way I have snot up by eye.