Allie said all of this while still tapping away at her phone, but she knew Gillian well enough to know exactly what she was thinking. Well, Allie knew what was best when it came to hair, so she piled it all up on top of her head and did what she was told. She went into her closet, pulled on her jeans, and had just pulled a tank over her head when Allie appeared and started perusing the clothes.
“Any idea what you’re wearing tonight?” Allie asked. Considering her friend already planned her day out, she knew what she was asking. So Gillian wasn’t going to fight it.
“No not yet, but that’s because we haven’t gone shopping for you to tell me what I will be wearing.”
Allie turned to her and smiled a big smile before leaning in to hug her. “I love it when you see things my way, Gillian! Let’s get going.” She grabbed her hand and dragged her from the closet. Yep, this was gonna be a busy day, because when Allie was excited like this, it was full steam ahead.
Allie tossed Gillian the keys to her SUV and said, “You drive, I’ve already driven close to two hours today, and I have some catching up to do on my phone.”
“Just remember that when you’re tired of making that drive, you can come back home to all of us.”
Allie looked up with a sad expression and nodded. “I know that, Gilly, I know.” Then she turned and made her way out the front door. Feeling that she said all that she should about the subject of Allie moving back down to San Diego, she followed her best friend out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jake was just finishing his workout when his phone vibrated. The notification that he’d received a text filled him with anticipation, hoping it was Gillian. Even though it was only nine in the morning, and he knew it was her day off and would probably be sleeping in … he hoped she was awake. He had decided to try and spend some time with her today, maybe put his plan in motion. But trying to wait ‘til his self-imposed timeline of ten o’clock before calling her didn’t mean he wasn’t hopeful that she called first. The day was all planned out, and he was excited about it. He knew that her kids would be with Logan tonight and that Ryan was going to be with Dylan, so they were both without children for the next twenty-four hours.
He looked at his phone and saw that it was Allie who texted him. Although he loved talking to her, she was not the her he wanted to talk to.
Allie: Hey you! I’m in town…meet at Gillian’s house at 6:30 for dinner.
Jake: You here already?
Allie: Yep! Can’t you feel my awesomeness from there??
Jake: LOL, you with Gilly?
Allie: Of course, on way to get girly stuff done…want to come?
Jake: Will you make me get something waxed?
Allie: Hell yeah! Price of admission to hang with us…you game?
Jake: I’ll pass…have great day…see you at 6:30.
Allie: Later Little Bitch =)
Gotta love Allie. Well at the moment, he really didn’t. He had plans for Gillian today, and Allie had to come into town and screw them up. “Dammit!” he grumbled as he threw his water bottle across the garage before storming back inside the house. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? Spend the entire day sitting on his ass stewing over this? The night was already long enough; he didn’t know how he was going to do it all day, too. Standing there in the middle of his living room, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down.
Working out was his usual vice when angry or frustrated, but since he already worked out, that was out. He could always go for a run … or have sex. Sex would take care of it for sure, which of course brings us back to the original problem. Wanting to be with Gillian. And hello erection … this is ridiculous! Just a quick thought of Gillian had his dick up and ready to play. Jake was set in his path; he didn’t want any other woman, and he wasn’t that kind of guy to begin with. He wanted Gillian. No … he needed Gillian. It was becoming more and more painful as the days went on. But he knew what he was going to do now—he just needed a little more patience.
“Well since sex is clearly off the table, running it is.” Grabbing another water bottle from the fridge, Jake pulled his shirt off over his head, plugged his ear buds in, and out the door he went. Pounding the pavement a little harder than he needed to, since he had just worked out his legs, was probably going to make his legs feel like Jell-O when he was done. But he needed it. He needed to feel the physical exhaustion to help distract him from the ache he felt when he thought of Gillian. When he thought of taking that terrifying step and making her see that they could be together, the ache intensified. He knew it was a risk, but like Eddie said, it was time to take a chance or put out that torch.
Quickly modifying the plans he had spent last night coming up with in his attempt to making his intentions with Gillian known, he pushed through five miles and made it home before ten o’clock. Now he just had to find something to occupy his time for the rest of the day so he didn’t go crazy. After a quick call to his son to say good morning, he decided to head over to his brother’s to see what he was up to.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After Gillian spent the morning being waxed, buffed, and polished at the spa, she and Allie had lunch at the mall before hitting the stores to buy what Allie insisted was the perfect outfit. This was followed up with a root job, insisted upon by a more than determined Allie. Since Gillian loved the personal treatment she got from having a best friend who happened to be a beautician, she gave in.
Now, here she stood, in front of her mirror, staring at herself, trying to come to terms with the fact that she was about to go on a date with a man—a man that was not her husband—that she really didn’t know. It was slightly surreal and a bit overwhelming to realize where she was in her life. A separated, soon-to-be divorced, thirty-something year old going out on her first first date in roughly eighteen years.
The chain of her necklace felt tight as she fought the panic that started to rise in her system as her mind started to play the reel of what-ifs through her head. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he only wants to get in my pants? What if I don’t like him? What if, what if, what if. She closed her eyes and tried to take in a deep, calming breath. This was just the next step in moving forward. She knew this was the natural evolution of her personal life. She wasn’t someone who needed to be with someone, but it was very nice to have someone. Calming breath my ass … I need a drink!
Just as she was about to turn and head out of her room to find one, Allie walked in. “Knock it off, Gillian. There is no reason why you shouldn’t relax and have a good night out. You look fabulous … thanks to me.” The modest person that Allie was took a bow as she accepted her own compliment before continuing, “So stop doing that internal freak-out thing you do. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you panicking?”
Trying to force her voice out past her tight throat, Gillian managed to squeak out, “I don’t think I can do this, Allie.”
“Of course you can, so stop worrying about it. You said that you were able to flirt with this guy, so there has to be chemistry there.” Gillian smiled a little as she recalled how she did enjoy flirting with Mike last night.
“I stalked him on Facebook and he appears to be an upstanding citizen.” Allie paused and came up to Gillian, turned her to face the mirror and wrapped her arms around her from behind. Then she made eye contact with her in the mirror. “But most importantly, it’s time to move on and be happy. You deserve to have someone who will treat you the way you should’ve been treated all along.” As Gillian began to speak up and repeat the same defense for Logan she had already done with Allie countless times, she was cut off.
“Yeah, yeah I know, it was the only mistake he made in your marriage. He was always good to you other than that … blah, blah, blah. You may have forgiven him Gillian, but that doesn’t mean I have. He’s my big brother, and I hold him to a higher standard than others. He wronged my best friend in a way that he never should have. So you can keep your defense for Logan sta
shed away for someone else.”
When she was sure that Allie had finished her little tirade, Gillian smiled at her. “You know you’re more than my best friend. You’re my sister … I love that you always have my back and would kick anyone’s ass for me if I asked.” She turned around and hugged her friend. “And I love that you knew just what I needed at that moment. Thanks Al, I am glad you came down for me today. I probably would’ve just cancelled it.”
“And that is the exact reason I kept you busy all day. Here, stand back; I want a picture of you and all your hotness. You’re totally a MILF.”
Gillian laughed out loud at that comment. “Yeah right,” she said while watching Allie once again tap out a message on her phone to someone.
“What, you don’t believe me? I’d totally do you.” That comment brought more of Gillian’s laughter out, making her realize that Allie had worked her magic. She was more relaxed and was feeling like she could do this … and then the doorbell rang.
Allie smiled big, and in a slightly mischievous manner, before smacking Gillian on the ass. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?” She tugged Gillian toward the front door where her “moving on” was waiting for her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
After finding every possible thing to do to kill time today, it was finally time for Jake to make his way over to Gillian’s. Even though he knew Allie was there, too, and they wouldn’t be alone, he just had this innate pull to be closer to her right now. It was almost like something was telling him to get over to her. Very weird. He was freshly showered and got dressed as quickly as he could. As he pulled a shirt over his head, he heard his phone chime in the bathroom where he had left it. Heading that way to finish doing his hair and other grooming, he saw he had a text from Allie.
Once again, he was slightly bummed it wasn’t Gillian; he pressed the button to access the message. When he spoke to Gillian earlier today, she had said that they had ‘done all the wonderfully female things that women liked to torture themselves with.’ Jake could only imagine what that meant. Some could be good and some could be very good … but he wasn’t gonna go there right now. Trying to maintain control of the southbound blood flow, he refocused on the message from Allie, instead of what Gillian could have had done at the spa today. A picture popped up on his screen and he felt his heart pick up its pace. On his phone was a picture of Gillian, completely done up to go out for the night. She was beautiful in a simple dress, which left her shoulders exposed, showed off her cleavage, and stopped a few inches above her knees. Her long brown hair flowed in waves over one of her shoulders, and she had a flower or clip just above her ear on the opposite side.
The shy smile on her face told him that she was not so sure about something, and it made him smile when he realized exactly how well he knew her facial expressions. And then he focused in on the boots she was wearing and how they accentuated her toned legs. Her perfectly toned legs, which he wanted to run his hands over. Her perfectly toned legs that he wanted to have wrapped around his waist. Her perfectly toned legs that he wanted to be buried deep between … So much for maintaining control of the southbound blood flow.
He needed to get to her. The purely predatory sensations that came over him lately when he thought about Gillian were becoming slightly uncontrollable. Saving the picture to his phone, he shot a text to Allie letting her know he was on his way as he rushed to grab his keys and hop in his jeep.
It only took him five minutes to get there, but it felt like longer. At least he had gained control of his body in that timeframe. He knew he couldn’t step out of the jeep in front of Allie without her making some smartass comment about what he might be “packing,” so he was damn grateful to have gotten himself under control. He could feel his pulse quicken again, and his physical excitement started to jump as he gained sight of his destination. The sight of an unfamiliar truck in the driveway made it falter a bit. But it damn near stopped completely at the vision of Gillian in the driveway … with some man … being helped up into the unfamiliar truck. Once she was inside the truck, she turned and smiled down at the man and all the air left Jake’s body. What the hell is going on? That smile is supposed to be for me!
Jake swung his jeep into the opposite part of the semi-circular driveway and slammed it into park as the truck began to pull out of the driveway. Feeling everything begin to slip away as he watched it slowly back out, he started to panic. He threw his door open and jumped out. Feeling an eerie sense of déjà vu come over him as he recalled the last time he watched her climb into a car and drive away from him, his heart stuttered in his chest. Not knowing what to do, he momentarily thought to run toward the truck, to stop it. Then he realized how crazy or desperate that might look, gave that thought pause, and ultimately decided he really didn’t care how crazy it made him look. Gillian was not going to slip through his hands again. He made that mistake once, and it cost him eighteen years. He was about to take off in the direction of the road when he felt a hand curl around his arm and form a firm grip around his tense muscles.
“Hold off Jake, don’t do it,” Allie said to him in a calm voice. But before he could turn and say anything or pull out of Allie’s grip, he saw Gillian turn and look at him from the truck. She had a small look of surprise when she saw him, and then she gave him one of those smiles he loved so much. It was almost like that smile was all his. She gave him a small wave and he was paralyzed in place. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t smile, he couldn’t even wave back as he watched the truck start to accelerate and make its way down the street—taking her away from him. His knees threatened to buckle and toss him on the ground. A small recollection of Logan in that position in this very driveway two months ago flashed through his head. He remembered what it felt like that first time he watched her drive away, but this felt worse. His head began to spin; his stomach felt sour and his chest physically hurt from the emotions that were swirling around in his body. I have to stop her … I have to go after her!
He shook off Allie’s hand, which still gripped his arm and turned to jump back in his jeep, but fumbled with his keys. Dropping them from his shaky hands, he cursed as he bent down to pick them up when another hand snaked out in front of him and grabbed them. Momentarily surprised, he followed the hand with his in an attempt to snatch them back, but failed as Allie swiftly moved away from him. He didn’t have time for this—she was getting away.
“What the hell are you doing, Allie?” Jake barked at her, not caring that he sounded like an asshole. His level of panic was starting to spike higher with every passing second that Gillian got farther away from him.
“Don’t do it, Jake,” she said again in a firm, but calm, voice. “You can’t go after her. It will mess everything up.”
Mess everything up? “I don’t have time for this Allie. Give me my damn keys … now!”
Raising her voice, Allie implored, “Why Jake?”
“I have to stop her. I can’t let her go this time.” He knew he was mumbling as his fog of desperation started to choke him, but all he could think of was how he needed to get his keys and get to Gillian. “Not again.”
His determination to get those keys from his friend faltered when she dodged his attempt once again and then slipped his keys inside her shirt. Taken aback by this maneuver, he stopped and just stared at her. “No Jake,” she said again as she took another step back. Still holding his keys hostage. Still preventing him from getting to Gillian.
“Why do you have to go after her?” Allie asked him calmly. He just stood there staring at her, trying to figure out his next move. Knowing that if Gillian were here, she would just reach into Allie’s shirt and grab his keys, but Allie knew Jake would never do that, so it was a great move on her part. But desperate times called for desperate measures. He was actually considering going in after them, but Allie must have figured that out from the look on his face because she put her hand out in front of her.
“If you so much as think of going anywhere near my bra, Jake Michaels, I
will totally take your ass down!”
Considering that he was actually contemplating crossing an inappropriate line and doing just that, he immediately stepped back, away from his friend. God, what the hell is wrong with me? He jammed his hands into his hair and gave a tight squeeze of the strands between his fingers. The slight bit of pain helped calm him a little as he let out an anguished growl into the night air. He started to pace the small space in front of his jeep. Staying clear of his pacing, Allie made her way to the front of the jeep and perched herself on the bumper, watching him as he paced like a caged animal.
He fought the agitation he had at her for stopping him. He cursed the fact that history was repeating itself. Just the thought of that deflated his anger and allowed the other conflicting emotions of fear, desperation, and severe need to surface. He had no idea what to do. The fear of not getting a chance to let Gillian know how he felt again was becoming a suffocating feeling that threatened to take him down. He stopped his pacing, bent over and placed his hands on his knees for support as he began to feel the dizziness associated with hyperventilating. I'm really losing it.
“Relax, it’s only a date, she’ll be back before you know it … it’s not forever this time,” Allie said to him in a comforting tone, extending her hand and placing it on his back, as he tried to slow down his breathing. The tingling of his lips started to dissipate, and he looked over at her.
A flash of embarrassment for behaving like this passed through him, but then he disregarded it when he processed what she said, “What?” he asked.
“I said that it’s only a date. It’s not forever this time,” Allie replied with a knowing smile.
“How do you know that? And why didn’t I know that she was ready to date?” he asked in an irritated tone that was completely ignored.
“First of all, I know everything, so don’t question me. Secondly, she didn’t even know she was ready to date ‘til this guy asked her, so don’t act like you have been kept in the dark or something.”
Love Realized Page 13