“It means we don’t have to take public transfer to Auberon. If that’s where Rian still wants to go.” She pushed off the material covering her head and stepped out of the flowing garment, making him think about stripping her out of the rest of her clothes.
In the very near future.
He laced their fingers together, holding her hand tighter. He could tell by the slight tilt of her lips that her thoughts had gone in the same direction as his.
By the time they crossed the hangar, the hatchway had already lowered and Rian sauntered down the ramp to meet them, with everyone else behind him.
“Agent Cabell wasn’t really Agent Cabell,” he told Rian, handing the nucleon rifle back.
“Not surprised.” Rian also took the jacket after he shrugged out of it, with Callan taking the weapon belt. All that stuff weighed a ton.
Tannin looked up the ramp, where at least four people stood between him and Zahli’s quarters. On a scale of one to ten, how enraged would Rian be if he hauled Zahli over his shoulder and carried her up to her cabin?
Mae stopped beside him, glaring at Rian. “What am I supposed to do now, Rian?” She sounded more than a little pissed. Of course, shock could do that to a person.
Rian shrugged. “About what? Nothing’s changed. Agent Cabell has probably been a Reidar for months and you never noticed.”
Mae crossed her arms. “How am I supposed to go on working for UAFA when I’ll be looking at all my superiors and fellow officers, wondering which of them might really be a shape-shifting alien?”
“Then don’t. Go back to the IPC. I told you I had a favor to ask you anyway. But we’ve got reason to believe the Reidar have infiltrated every government, military, and major private corporation in the galaxy. Or if they haven’t yet, they soon will.”
Mae’s shoulders tightened up. “Then who am I supposed to trust?”
Rian shook his head. “No one.”
“What about you?”
Rian laughed. “You know you can’t trust me. Why even ask?”
She sighed. “That’s really helpful. And what am I supposed to report when the other agents wake up and find you all gone?”
Tannin glanced back at the body. They should probably do something about it before people started returning to the hangar, although it was already melting into goo. “Tell them Agent Cabell took us to Erebus on his own.”
Rian nodded. “We’ll get rid of his uniform. No one will ever know otherwise.”
Mae cocked her hip, irritation evident. “You really think anyone will believe that? And what happens when you don’t arrive at Erebus?”
“Most UAFA agents are total droids. They’ll believe what you tell them. I don’t know how you can stand working for them.” Rian made a face.
Mae deflated a little. “Yeah, well I don’t know how a career-military guy like you can not work for anyone.”
Rian’s bearing turned somber. “I’m not that man any longer.”
Rian might not be fighting for any specific organization these days, but what he was fighting for was a whole lot more important.
Which reminded him of those few desolate weeks when he’d thought he’d lost Zahli forever.
Her fingers were warm and slender in his, awareness of her soft palm against his zinging all the way up his arm. Tannin looked down to find her gazing up at him. He thought he’d learned a lot about life from living on Erebus, but he hadn’t really known anything. Not until he’d met Zahli.
His hands slid from her fingers, up her arm, drawing her closer. Her clothes were still damp from the dash through the rain earlier, as were his, but in the midst of all the chaos, he hadn’t noticed. Until now, anyway. Hadn’t he planned a steaming, hot shower for them both?
Rian and Mae were still talking, but he didn’t care anymore. Hell, they could have been plotting his return to Erebus and he wouldn’t have noticed, not when his imagination had already sped him on to the moment he could get Zahli naked and flush against him.
She shook her head. “I can see what you’re thinking, and I feel it’d be better for all concerned if you kept a lid on it. At least until we can talk to Rian and lay down some ground rules.”
Tannin grinned, knowing he was looking for trouble, but unable to help it. Zahli made him reckless. “Telling me what not to do is always the best way to guarantee I do exactly the opposite.”
Before she could come up with any more too-damn-reasonable sounding arguments, he pulled her to him. He caught her mouth, groaning at the sensation of her lips beneath his and her body limber against him. They might have been standing outside the ship in front of the entire crew, but he had no way to control the bright, hot flash of desperate yearning that surged through him. Zahli pressed closer to him, one arm around his shoulders, while her fingers threaded into the hair at the base of his neck, sending a lush shudder all the way to his toes.
His heart thundered in his chest, urging him onward to oblivion, but he pulled back a little. “Zahli, I owe you something.”
She smiled, arching gently against him. “Your life? Your very existence outside of Erebus?”
His laugh came out a bit breathless, since her breasts were pressed against his chest and her hips cradled the hardening length of him, a little awkward considering their not-so-private location.
“Yes, all that. But I meant, when you were leaving from Tetsu, god, it was like tearing my heart out. No, what came after tore my heart out. When you left, you know what I wanted to tell you.”
A mischievous gleam lit her dark blue eyes. “That I’m the best lover you’ve ever had?”
He frowned at her. “You really make a guy work for it when he’s trying to tell you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.”
She shrugged, but some of the playfulness left her expression, softening her gaze into something breathtaking. “Do I? I wouldn’t know. No guy has ever tried to tell me that before.”
He leaned down and kissed her hard, but too briefly for his liking. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. One day we’re going to get married and have lots of chubby babies. I love you, Zahli. And instead of telling you, how about I show you?”
Bending his knees a little, he grabbed her just below her damn sexy ass and lifted. With a laugh, she wrapped her legs around his waist and wound an arm around his shoulders, her other hand coming to rest against his jaw as she kissed him again.
“You’re going to get us in big trouble,” she said between kisses.
“I don’t care.” He nipped at her collarbone, tasting the delicious warmth of her skin as he started walking them toward the ramp. “Screw Rian. He’s just going to have to learn to live with me being his brother-in-law.”
Rian glared as they passed him. “What was that, Everette?”
“I said, screw you, Rian.”
Rian yanked out a pulse pistol. “You and I need to have words, scumrat. How about we start by you putting my sister down so I can shoot you in the balls?”
“I’m not putting your sister down, not until I find a bed. And when Zahli and I come out, then we can have words. About getting married. See you in a couple of days.”
Rian swore under his breath, loud enough for him to hear of course. But Rian’s bluster didn’t scare him, not when he had Zahli in his arms and a future to look forward to. One he’d never dreamed possible.
“Tannin?” Zahli leaned back to look him in the eye as they made her room. “I love you, too… But I’m just wondering, when you say ‘lots of chubby babies,’ exactly how may do you mean?”
He knew his smile was wicked as he dropped her on the bed and came down on top of her. “Let’s start making some and see where we end up.”
She helped him wiggle out of clothes until they were both naked. “No plan sounds like a good plan to me.”
He pressed against her, warm naked skin to skin, a feeling of home stealing through him. “As long as I’m a free man and I’ve got you, nothing else matters.”
Epilogue
Rian glanced over the nav chart Lianna had sent him, plotting the most backward, out-of-the-way course to Barasa they could possibly take. It would be weeks before they arrived but the alternative—getting nabbed by the authorities because of their new status as intergalactic terrorists, or the Reidar making another move against them—made being stuck on this junker, in each other’s pockets seem like a tropical fiesta.
Point of fact, they were currently re-supplying on an unmanned mining platoon—Callan had switched up the Imojenna’s authorization beacon yet again, and now they were traveling as a sonic drill hauler, bouncing between excavation and quarry outposts.
“Rian!”
Zahli’s yell echoed up the stairs to the bridge, her tone heavy with indignant expectation. In the week since they’d left Dalphin and he’d grudgingly resisted every impulse within him to damage her ex-inmate boyfriend whenever the guy touched her, she’d been in a deliriously sweet mood that left his teeth aching. She was happy—and considering the mess he’d mired them all in, he should probably be grateful for it.
More than one set of tread thumped up the stairs, which probably meant Tannin was trailing Zahli around like usual.
“Rian, you need to see this.”
A commpad was thrust in front of his face, close enough to make his eyes cross.
He took it with a brief scowl shot toward Zahli.
He scanned the newsreel, a picture of himself years younger, standing at attention in his IPC uniform, next to the charming headline of War Hero Turns Intergalactic Terrorist. He started to hand the commpad back, annoyance compressing his lungs. “The last thing I want to do is read about myself—”
“Not that.” Zahli pushed the commpad back and tapped a smaller article in the lower half of the screen, enlarging the text. “This. Did you have something to do with this?”
A few brief lines of careless reporting stated that Tannin Everette, of the wealthy and prominent Everette’s from Barasa, had died in custody on Erebus. If not for his parents’ reputation, it probably would have gone unreported altogether.
He glanced up to where Tannin stood behind Zahli, his fist clenched and expression like someone had just smacked him upside the head with an asteroid.
“They think I’m dead.”
Rian handed the commpad back to Zahli. “Apparently so. Convenient.”
“The article says there was a fire in one of the decommissioned buildings, slated for upgrades. The body was burned beyond recognition, but they identified it through DNA.”
Rian braced a hand against his mouth, glancing back to his viewport, where the route to Barasa flickered. “Fascinating.”
Zahli kicked the bottom of his chair. “Rian!”
He sighed, pushing straighter in his seat. “What do you want, Zahli? The authorities think he’s dead. No one will be looking for the scumrat any longer.”
“Did you do this for us? I know you have connections all over the galaxy, but this is—” A sheen glinted in Zahli’s eyes, and he clenched his jaw over a curse as he glanced away from her again.
He couldn’t claim he’d done it for Zahli or Tannin’s benefit, though that had been a small part of it. Mostly, he’d done it because the entire crew were already wanted intergalactic terrorists. If he could take away the one small element of his tech analyst being an absconded prisoner, then he’d take the pragmatic route. Besides, this also covered up the little issue of his sister stabbing an IPC officer. Not that the bastard hadn’t deserved it. Zahli had helped him cover up too many bodies over the years, so it was probably about time he returned the favor.
When an old buddy of his, stationed in security and surveillance on Erebus had sent him the footage of Zahli being attacked, he’d had half a mind to take his ship and his huge-ass illegally modified nucleon cannon mounted on the bottom of the Imojenna to blow half that frecking planet into space dust. Instead, he’d called in favors and arranged to have the officer’s body burned and identified as Tannin Everette.
“Let’s just enjoy the fact that certain dead ends have been taken care of, and leave it at that.”
“Thank you.” Zahli lightly touched his shoulder. He tried to keep a lid on the ripple of unease that tripped through him at the contact, but from the brim of disappointment in her gaze, hadn’t been all that successful.
She shot him a small smile and stepped back, brushing by Tannin, who still stood, shoulders bunched with restless tension.
“I have no idea how you managed this, but thank you. I really mean it. I owe you—”
“You don’t owe me anything.” Rian pushed to his feet, all this touchy-feely-crap-a-doodle conversation making him antsy. “Just don’t ever hurt my sister and we’ll call it even.”
Tannin nodded, his gaze set with a steadfast determination that told him Erebus would have to freeze over before the guy ever did anything to upset Zahli.
Rian left Tannin standing on the bridge and headed down to his quarters, about the only two places he’d stepped boots in the last week. Anywhere else risked running into Ella. While he might need her on his ship for the long haul and smack bang in the middle of his plans against the Reidar, he sure as shite didn’t have to acknowledge her existence in the meantime.
Maybe she thought he was her little pet Arynian-savior project, maybe she thought she was doing him a favor, bringing him back from a fatal injury, coming to him when he’d thought Zahli was dead, telling him it wasn’t his fault. And she might think she knew him, after seeing the shadowed recesses of his mind that even he shied away from. But the truth was, he was nothing but seething, bubbling darkness inside and most days, even he didn’t know what he was capable of.
Eventually he would destroy her, of that he had no doubt. And his own end was likely to be nothing but blood, pain, and annihilation. He only hoped he didn’t take anyone else down with him. Anyone except the Reidar.
For them, the end was just the beginning.
The End
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Author’s Note and Acknowledgments
This book has been a long time coming. I wrote it in 2008 at a time when, besides a handful of authors doing the almost impossible, there was really no such thing as science fiction romance.
Admittedly, I was still a newly-minted sci-fi fan when I started this book. I think I’d always been one but just hadn’t realized it until I read Linnea Sinclair. I want to say thank you to Linnea, though I don’t know her personally, however her books had a huge hand in getting me where I am today. I’ve seen her working to build SFR’s profile through things like the Science Fiction Romance Brigade, as well as a number of other authors who are tirelessly passionate about this genre. To all of those authors (especially those who run the Science Fiction Romance Brigade), you are awesome, and I can only hope your continued efforts make sci-fi romance shine like it deserves to.
Atrophy spent a long time being the book that almost was. I submitted it to almost every reputable agent and publisher I could think of, both in the US and Australia. The number of “good” rejections I got was staggering. But the same problem kept coming up—the romance agents/publishers said it was too hardcore sci-fi for romance readers, and the sci-fi agents/publishers said it had too much romance for sci-fi readers. Most agreed it was a good book, however they didn’t know where to “shelve” it. To all those agents and editors who sent me a good rejection, or took the time to give me some feedback, thank you. Every one of you played a small part in this journey.
At some point in the middle of all that submitting, I sent the first few chapters to Kylie Griffin. And I need to make sure she realizes that without her encouragement to continue, without her telling me
“we (sci-fi romance fans and authors) need more books like this out there!” I may have decided it was too hard and frustrating, and simply given up. So, thank you, Kylie, because everything you said in that email after reading my chapters has stuck with me to this day.
Late 2010, after over two years of the submission/rejection cycle, I could see that sci-fi romance was really starting to emerge as a bit of an underground, but exciting genre. I decided to put Atrophy away—with no time frame in mind—while I kept an eye on the industry and watched sci-fi romance slowly grow. But I’d found my stride as an author in sci-fi romance, so I worked on other projects.
Throughout that time, I was also supported by my very fabulous critique partner, Erin Grace. Thank you, Erin, I know it can’t have always been easy keeping track of what I was doing, bouncing back and forth between genres. But you definitely helped ground me, and your unapologetic crits got me ready for working with an agent and editors.
In late 2013, I submitted Escape Velocity to Entangled, and met a very awesome and enthusiastic editor, Robin Haseltine, who was excited about my sci-fi romance. After several months of emailing back and forth, I realized that Robin and Entangled were the ones I needed to send Atrophy to, and with sci-fi romance continuing to gain in popularity, I thought the time might finally be right.
As they say, the rest is history. If there was anyone I’ve forgotten, who helped shape Atrophy in some way over the past seven years, thank you and sorry if it’s slipped my mind.
As always, thank you to my wonderful, extraordinary editor, Robin. I could spend another entire page gushing about how great I think you are, and the awesome things you’ve done for my books and writing in general, but I think you already know.
Thanks to Production Editor Heidi Stryker for simply putting up with me and my demands. Also, thanks to Liz Pelletier and the team at Entangled, all the people working in the background who made this book possible. You’ve made a long-time dream of mine into reality, and I am beyond grateful.
Like usual, I want to thank my family, especially my husband, Mario. I’ve been making promises that this will all work out for almost as long as we’ve been together, and despite the years going by without me being able to show you any evidence to support my stubborn belief, you kept faith in my word, believed me and never once suggested I should maybe be doing something else. To my sister-in-law, Lisa. We spent so many hours talking about Atrophy, Rian, Ella, and the whole crazy concept. And now we’re going to be able to hold it in our hands.
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