The doctor leaves us and Carter convinces the others to go with him to the cafeteria for coffee and food. I can’t bring myself to leave. I need to be here in case something happens. I sit alone in the waiting room with only my thoughts and the tears begin to fall. I haven’t cried since I was fourteen, the day I found my mother dead on the stairs going to our apartment. Every emotion, from that day forward, seems to be pouring out of me all at once and I can’t control it. What the hell is wrong with me?! Damn it to hell, I have to get a grip!
I wipe my face and regain my composure just before the others come back into the waiting room. The mood is solemn and I still seem to be the outcast. I understand why, hell I can’t stand myself right now either. I instantly rise to my feet when I hear the door open that the doctor had come through earlier. “Stollings family,” a bubbly voice calls out. We all gather around the nurse, “Miss Stollings is out of recovery. She’s still unconscious from the concussion she sustained but she’s in stable condition. I’ll show you to her room now, if you’d like.” She leads us through a maze of elevators and hallways, then into Sheridan’s room.
She looks so tiny and pale lying there with all the machines and tubes attached to her. My heart sinks, I’ve never seen her so fragile. Damn Caroline!! Damn her straight into hell!! I’m glad the motherfucking bitch is dead. If she was here, I’d kill her, my fucking self! The thoughts of how I’ve let Sheridan down wash over me again as I stand back and let Donna and Sophia have their time with her. Their tears flow again as they’re telling her how much they love her and to fight as hard she can to come back to them.
It’s early morning now and everyone is exhausted. Carter and Styx convince the ladies to go rest for a bit. I’m glad. I need a little time alone with Sheridan, to let her know just how much I love her, how much I already love our child and how sorry I am. I don’t know if she’ll be able to hear me but if she can, I need her to know. I pull a chair to the side of her bed and take a seat. I hold her hand and watch her for the longest time. She’s fucking gorgeous even in this state. I don’t deserve her love but I’m damn glad I have it…if I still have it.
Sheridan
I’m cold, freezing to death. Oh fuck, what the hell? I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I have a headache, my chest feels like it’s been ripped apart and I feel so damn weak. I can’t get my eyes to open but I feel the warmth of Blade’s hand in mine. I’d know his touch anywhere. Then I hear his voice, “Baby girl, I’m so very sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I should have been there. I should have protected you.”
His words bring a rush of memories from the past several days. Our fight and how cold he was when I told him I loved him. The pictures Bridgette sent of Blade in her bed. Caroline kidnapping me and the confrontation that ended in gun shots. The pain in my heart surpasses any physical pain I am feeling. Son of a motherfucking bitch!! Don’t touch me!! You don’t love me, you slept with Bridgette!! Don’t … I try to speak and take my hand from his but the darkness is back.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been gone but I hear more voices than just Blade now. “Blade, you should go home. Get some food and some rest. You won’t do anyone any good by letting yourself get ill,” Carter’s voice booms.
“I’m not going anywhere. I have to be here when she wakes up,” Blade replies.
“Damn it, Blade. You don’t belong here. You don’t have the right. If it weren’t for you, Sheridan wouldn’t be fighting for her life right now,” Mother’s anger is very apparent.
“With all due respect, Sophia, if it weren’t for you Sheridan wouldn’t even have been in New York to begin with,” I hear Blade speaking through gritted teeth.
I want to scream at them, tell them to shut the hell up. Neither of them have a right to anything where I’m concerned. One has never acted like she loved me the way she should and the other as well as admitted he doesn’t love me at all. I fight to wake up to tell them both to go straight to hell.
“Both of you, shut the hell up,” I hear Carter’s voice boom again. “Sheridan doesn’t need to be hearing any of this right now. She needs to concentrate on fighting her way back and I’ll be damned if the two of you hinder that in any way.” I’m so glad he said it for me. I think he may be the only one of the three who truly gives a shit about me. I want to fight my way out of this but I feel myself slipping under again.
Some of the fog is lifting again and I hear Donna’s voice, “Blade, you look like shit. It’s been two days, you need to go home and rest.” I don’t hear Blade respond, “I didn’t figure you would go for that so I brought you some fresh clothes so you can get out of those bloody ones. There’s some deodorant, razors, shaving cream and aftershave in there as well.”
Blade finally responds, “Thank you. I can’t leave until I know she’s okay.”
There’s distain in Donna’s voice, “I really don’t feel like you have the right to be here but that ain’t for me to decide.”
There’s a few seconds of silence before I hear Blade’s voice again, “I know you hate me at this point and I don’t blame you. Believe me, you can never hate me as much as I loathe myself right now. I know I’ve fucked up beyond forgiveness. I’ve let her down in ways I can never take back but if she’ll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to her.” I don’t want anything from you! I’ve had enough from you to last a lifetime! Damn it, how I want to get the hell at of this bed and smack the shit right out of him.
“You, Styx and Carter are the only ones who have done right by Sheridan. I have the utmost respect and love for all of you for that. I know she may never forgive me but I have to try,” Blades voice is full of pain now.
“Look, I know she loves you, I’m just not sure about you. I know you care or you would have never been there like you have but, when it really counted, you ran out on her. You left her alone, knowing full well someone was targeting her. Now, she’s fighting for her life because she took a bullet meant for you. You’ve got a lot of shit to prove mister, but if you love her, you will,” Donna’s angry voice is demanding.
Suddenly, I hear a strange voice in the room greeting everyone. They all seem to know one another. Then he’s over me, shining lights in my eyes and being way more invasive than I care for. “Miss Stollings is holding her own. She’s still stable and we’re hoping she will wake up in the next few hours,” I hear his strong, reassuring voice.
“What if she doesn’t wake up by then,” Blade chimes in.
“Let’s not think about that just yet. Let’s concentrate on the positive and keep encouraging her. I am a firm believer that she can hear us, so talk to her. Carter has called in an OB/GYN to confer on Miss Stollings case and she will be here sometime today.” OB/GYN? Why the hell do I need to see an OB/GYN? Considering the shape I feel like I’m in, couldn’t a check on the ole cookie wait for just a bit? “Her name is Dr. Sanchez, she’s very good and she specializes in problem pregnancies. The baby seems fine but we just want to make sure.” Baby? What baby?! What the hell…. sleep takes me again.
CHAPTER 15
Resurgence
I feel myself floating out of the haze again. I feel the weight of Blade’s head lying on our intertwined hands but I can’t figure out why there’s so much moisture. Then I hear it, small, quiet, uncontrollable sobs. Its tears, he’s crying. His voice is hoarse but soft, “Baby girl, please come back to me. I never realized how empty my life was until you. You make me laugh, bring me joy, infuriate the hell out of me but most of all you make me want love. I want to show you how much I love you and I want to feel the love you have for me. I’ve never wanted that from anyone before and I damn sure never wanted to give that to anyone else. You make me want to be a better man.”
“Water,” my mouth is so dry, I can barely ease out a whisper as I squeeze his hand.
He raises his head with a look of disbelief, “Oh, thank God! You’re back baby girl!”
“Water, please,” my voice is more audible this time.
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“Let me get the nurse and make sure it’s okay,” he runs out the door. I don’t give a shit what the nurse says, I want some damned water. She’s not the one with a fucking cotton field growing in her mouth.
Blade rushes back into the room with the nurse in tow. “Miss Stollings, we’re glad you decided to join us,” her bubbly voice is a bit more than I can stand right now.
“Water,” I insist in my gravelly voice.
“Yes, ma’am, I know you’re thirsty. I have some ice chips here for you to suck on. We’ll have to wait for the doctor to come in before we give you anything else,” she’s checking the monitors and begins to put the ice in my mouth. I feel like I could drink a gallon of water but if ice chips is all I can get, they’ll have to do.
Blade takes the cup from her and begins feeding me the ice himself. “When will the doctor be here?” he questions.
“It shouldn’t be long. I texted him on the way in with the ice.” She turns back to me, “Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss Stollings?”
My voice is still at a whisper but more clear now, “Yes, I need to pee.”
“You have a catheter in so just let it go, don’t try to hold it,” she smiles.
The thought of my piss hanging on the side of the bed for all to view is a bit repulsive. “Take it out. I wanna go to the bathroom.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t until the doctor gets….,” the door opening interrupts her sentence.
“Well, well, Miss Stollings, it’s wonderful to see those big, brown eyes of yours finally open,” he immediately begins examining me. I realize it’s the voice that was talking about the OB/GYN and the baby. “I’m Dr. Griffin, your surgeon. We were able to remove the bullet and repair your lung. You’re going to be really sore for a while and you have to take it easy but you should be just fine,” he smiles down at me. I hear Blade on the phone talking to Carter.
“The baby?” my voice is soother now.
“The baby seems fine but we’re going to have Dr. Sanchez take a look at you just to make sure,” he reassures me.
“I want the catheter taken out so I can go to the bathroom,” I insist.
“No problem. I’ll have the nurse remove it while I examine your incision. Mr. Hawthorne, would you mind stepping out for a moment,” he says, turning to Blade.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he barks.
“OUT!!” I shout as much as I can. There’s an instant pitiful look on his face and then a flicker of anger in his eyes as he heads for the door.
When Dr. Griffin is finished, he tells me everything looks wonderful and leaves the room. Blade, of course, heads straight back in. The nurse has removed the catheter so she’s helping me to sit up on the edge of the bed. Holy Mary, mother of Christ!!! This was a bad fucking idea. I’ve never hurt so badly in my life but I’m not about to let them put that thing back in me. Blade rushes over to help the nurse get me to my feet. I don’t want his help but at this point, I don’t have much of a choice. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as they’re sitting me on the toilet. I look hideous.
“Could I have some privacy, please,” I plead.
“I’m sorry, I can’t leave you in here by yourself,” the nurse apologizes.
“I’ll stay with her,” Blade insists.
“OUT,” I give it to him again. This time there’s no pitiful look, just pure anger and he slams the door on his way out. I see the pan of toiletries that the hospital provides so I ask the nurse to help me wash my face and brush my hair. She goes further and helps me take a whore’s bath then puts deodorant on for me. I brush my teeth and change into a clean hospital gown. Every move is painful and draining but I feel at least bearable now. As we leave the bathroom, Blade rushes over to help her put me back in bed.
When she leaves the room, there’s complete silence. Blade walks over to take his seat beside my bed again. “Baby girl, I know you’re pissed at me and I don’t blame you but please hear me out,” he softly requests.
“Blade, damn it, I don’t feel well and I damned sure don’t wanna hash this out with you right now. You’ve fucked up big time and there’s nothing you can say to change it,” I blast him.
“I know. I know,” he leans forward and puts his head in his hands. I’m tired so I close my eyes to rest when the door opens again.
It’s Mother, Carter, Styx and Donna and as much as I love them, I wish I didn’t have to deal with them right this second. They all converge around my bed, holding my hands and professing their love. We make small talk but Blade just stands back in the corner seeming to be in a world of his own. Mother finally sits on the edge of my bed, stroking my hand, “Sheridan, honey, I want to take you back home when you’re released so I can take care of you and the baby.” I know she means well, I can hear the sincerity in her voice.
Blade is quickly yanked back into reality and is by my bed, “Back home? I’m going to take care of Sheridan and our baby.”
I see the fire rise in Mother’s eyes, “Well, you’ve definitely done a bang up job of that so far, now haven’t you?”
“I know I’ve screwed u…”
“Stop it! Both of you just fucking stop it!!” leaps from my mouth before I even think about it. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I’m a grown ass woman who is quite capable of taking care of myself and my baby so neither of your services will be needed.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Mother breaks the long silence in the room. I give her hand a slight squeeze and manage a smile to let her know that I understand. The door to the room opens again….this damn place is like Grand Central Station. A very petite, beautiful Mexican lady enters and introduces herself as Dr. Sanchez.
Her voice is soft and sweet with a very thick accent, “I’ve talked to the physicians who have taken part in your care so now I need to examine you and run some test to make sure your little bambino is doing well.”
The others step out of the room while Dr. Sanchez proceeds. “We’re not going to do anything very invasive, the little one has been through enough for now,” she smiles with a twinkle in her eye. When she’s finished, she says things look great but she’s going to order some blood work to be on the safe side. She informs the others they can come back in then she and Carter speak a few words by the door before she leaves.
I’m so tired that my eye lids feel droopy. “Sher, you look so tired. You’ve done a lot today for the shape you’re in. Styx and I are gonna go so you can rest but we’ll be back later. We love you,” she says as they both hug me good bye.
Mother comes back to sit on the edge of the bed and strokes my hair back, “Sweetie, we’re going to go too. You sleep and we’ll be back later.” She and Carter give me a long, lingering hug before leaving the room.
Blade is back in his seat by my bed, holding my hand but I don’t return the affection. “Baby girl,” he almost whispers.
“Later, Blade. I’m tired,” I say as I close my eyes. He doesn’t say another word, all I hear is his breathing as I’m drifting off. Sleep comes fast and hard but with it comes sheer terror.
It’s so hot, I feel like I’m cooking. The darkness is full of evil demons, clawing and tearing at my skin. I’m running but I’m going nowhere. A shot rings out, the demons have me in their grasps and they pull me down into nothingness….. I jerk myself awake. Sweaty and disoriented, I try to gather my thoughts.
Blade’s sweating and thrashing his head about on the back of the chair. His face is twisted with fear and anger. “No! Don’t hurt her!” he screams as he jumps to his feet.
“Blade…Blade, it’s okay. It was a nightmare,” I shout as his looks around as if he’s trying to figure out where he is.
He takes a deep breath as the horror drains from his face. “I’m sorry. I…I,” he seems confused and at a loss for words.
“It’s okay. It was just a nightmare,” I reassure him as he returns to his chair.
We sit in silence for a few moments before the door swings open. Hail! Hai
l! The gangs all here, again. “How ya feelin’?” Donna asks as she approaches my bed.
“I’m starving,” I smile.
Carter steps up, “I’ve talked with your doctors, they say you can eat but you have to start out on a light menu. Broth, jell-o, ice cream, things like that.”
“At this point, I’ll take anything,” I assure him.
“I’ll take care of it,” Blade pipes in as he’s headed for the door. Donna and Styx decide to join him to give Mother and Carter some time with me.
Mother takes a seat on the edge of my bed again, “Sheridan, I know you have no idea how very much I love you. That’s my fault. I’ve never been good at expressing it. My mother was the same way and I swore I would never be like her but I am.” The tears begin to stream down her face as her voice begins to crack, “I’m really sorry. I’ve done to you just what she did to me but I promise it won’t be that way anymore. No more judgmental, cold bitch of a mother. You deserve a real mother who shows you how much you are truly loved.” Her tears are replaced by uncontrollable sobs.
Carter’s love for her is beaming from his eyes as he caresses her shoulder. I’m a little stunned. I never knew her mother, she died before I was born. “Mother, it’s okay,” I reassure her while squeezing her hand.
“No, it’s not. You deserved so much more. Have you ever had that one thing that you wish you could go back and change more than anything else in your life? This is that thing for me. I would give my left arm to go back and give you the mother you deserved,” she sobs.
I begin to cry too, “I love you, Mom.” The words bring a huge smile under her tears. She hugs me so tight it almost hurts.
The door opens again, the three musketeers enter with arms full of liquid food. “Blade insisted on buying one of everything that you could possibly eat,” Styx laughs as he holds up his bags. The mound of food sitting on my tray table is enormous and I’m sure I have eaten some of everything. It may have just been liquid food but it tasted better than any filet mignon I have ever eaten. It could be all in my mind, but I feel like I have more energy now.
Broken In Pieces: Billionaire Stepbrother Romance (Wounded Hearts Book 1) Page 15