by Lindsey Kelk
‘Happy day, old friend.’ Al held out his arm and Kekipi gave him a courteous nod. ‘Janey would have been awfully pleased to have been here.’
‘It’s not the same without her,’ Kekipi said, clapping him on the back in a hug that made my eyes water again. ‘If we can find half the happiness the two of you had, I will go out a very lucky man indeed. Now, the sooner we get this part over with, the sooner we can all get drunk.’
And it’s very hard to argue with a man in a bedazzled tie on his wedding day.
As we all walked up the aisle, pausing briefly to accept our leis, it was almost impossible to believe we’d all been part of a six-way dust-up only moments ago. The splashes of blood on Paige’s and my dresses were a bit of a giveaway, but I hoped people might accept them as some sort of avant garde fashion statement.
Standing in front of the assembled guests, I held my bouquet of red roses as low as I could, hoping they would distract from the spatter. Or at least coordinate with it. Amy bounced up and down beside me, bristling with excitement for the wedding and the standoff in the dressing room, while Paige stood to her right, a steely determination in her eyes. I watched her watch Charlie, her eyes never leaving him, all while songs were sung, vows said and speeches made. I couldn’t quite tell if she wanted to kiss him or kill him, but either way, if I were him, I’d be afraid. I was still a little bit afraid for myself, and I was fairly certain we’d sorted things out. For the most part, Charlie didn’t look at anything other than the floor, a hastily put together ice pack on top of his head, while Nick sat beside him, Al’s handkerchief stuffed up his nose. Whatever he had to say to me, it had better be good, for his sake.
I just hoped he wouldn’t do a runner.
And then there was Nick, sat in the back row and determined not to meet my gaze. If he stood up to leave, I didn’t know what I would do. I was worried Domenico might have hired snipers to keep everyone in their seats – the wedding was planned with such precision, even the military might have said he was overdoing it a touch.
‘Aloha, everyone,’ the celebrant said with a strong Italian accent. ‘We come together today to celebrate the union of Domenico and Kekipi and their commitment to one another. They have asked that we incorporate and share in each of their cultures as we join their lives together. I see you are all wearing your leis, a traditional Hawaiian symbol of affection.’
Seeing Charlie and Nick sat beside each other, one concussed and the other bleeding and both with leis around their necks, and not being able to do anything, was excruciating.
‘The essence of our ceremony is the acceptance of each other as lover, companion and friend. This is a decision neither has taken lightly and I would ask you all, as you witness this union today, to stand beside the couple through the rest of their days. A wedding ceremony should set the tone for the rest of your lives together and it is with this in mind that I ask you now, if there is anything you wish to share with one another, before we go forward.’
‘No,’ Domenico said, Kekipi’s hands held tightly in his own. ‘Nothing.’
‘I think you know everything,’ Kekipi replied. ‘The worst of it anyway.’
‘The wedding ceremony joins you together and sets you free.’ The celebrant ignored Kekipi and went on with his script. Probably best, I thought. ‘At this point I would ask the assembled guests to take a moment and think on the love in their own lives and the love they share for the couple. I also invite anyone who has words of love to share with the congregation to please speak them now.’
Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t, I whispered inside my own head.
‘Can we make requests?’ Kekipi asked, looking hopeful.
‘Not traditionally,’ the celebrant replied.
‘What’s traditional about this?’ he asked, pointing at the crucifix, draped in an orchid lei.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ he replied. ‘Who would you like to speak?’
‘Do not,’ I muttered, pressing my high heel down on his toe, ‘do this.’
‘But it’s my wedding,’ he whispered. ‘It can be your gift to me.’
He had spent far too much time with Amy Smith.
‘Breathing is your gift right now,’ I said, staring straight ahead. ‘Don’t do it.’
‘Fine, fine, on with the vows,’ he said, rolling his eyes and ignoring the exasperated look on Domenico’s face.
I looked over at the back row: Nick still sat in the same place with a face like thunder, Charlie still peered out from underneath his cold compress. While Domenico professed his love, I stared at mine.
‘Kekipi, it’s your turn.’ The registrar nodded at my friend, nudging me back into the moment. I turned and tuned back into the wedding, forgetting everything else as best I could. Which wasn’t terribly well to be honest.
‘I love you,’ Kekipi began, holding Domenico’s hand in his, all jokes forgotten. ‘While everyone here can see I give you this ring, what only you and I know is that I give you my heart. I give you my life. With this ring, I give you all that I am. Whether you like it or not.’
OK, I thought, as the congregation tittered, maybe not all jokes.
‘I will be a faithful husband to you,’ he promised as Domenico wiped away the same tears that were falling on all of our faces. ‘I promise you my unconditional love, my unwavering trust and all that I ask in return is that every time you look at this ring, you remember these words and know that I will love you, always.’
I glanced out at the crowd and saw Al in the front row, happily rubbing his wedding ring, lost in memories I wished I could share. Turning back to the happy couple, I heard myself make a tiny sobbing sound. Happy wasn’t even the word. Joyous. Ecstatic. Beyond. As much as Kekipi liked to joke about his romance, I could see how much this meant to him and it filled my heart to know someone so deserving had found something he had thought he would never have.
‘I now pronounce you husbands,’ the registrar declared with an Italian lilt. ‘You may kiss.’
‘My first kiss!’ Kekipi declared. ‘I hope I’m doing it right.’
‘My husband, the joker,’ Domenico replied, leaning in to press his lips to Kekipi’s. ‘What have I let myself in for?’
As the music struck up and the crowd stood to clap and cheer, I inhaled a deep, anxious breath as we followed the happy couple down the aisle. It had been a long twenty minutes since Al had sent Nick and Charlie to join the wedding congregation while Paige, Amy and I pulled ourselves together, and the protection offered by the service felt all too short-lived. The whole time I had stood beside Kekipi, I felt like time was ticking backwards. All I wanted was to grab hold of Nick and tell him exactly how I was feeling.
‘Tess!’ Charlie grabbed hold of my wrist as I walked by, still arm in arm with Domenico’s brother on the aisle. ‘We need to talk.’
‘I can’t right now,’ I said, looking past him at Nick who was still refusing to make eye contact. ‘Give me a minute?’
‘Tess, please,’ he insisted, following me out and pulling me to one side while everyone ran out onto the steps of the palazzo, throwing rice and confetti and cheering Kekipi and Domenico. ‘I’m sorry.’
Looking up at my friend, I felt several strands of hair fall out of my bun and tickle the back of my neck. I handed Charlie my bouquet and attempted to pin it all back together.
‘What for?’ I asked, looking past him to see Nick still sat stock-still in his seat. Good, he wasn’t going anywhere. ‘Getting off with my mate or not telling me you’d already got off with my mate?’
‘I didn’t plan it,’ he replied with the same shaky shrug I’d seen him do a million times before. ‘Sometimes these things happen, don’t they? You know how cool she is, she’s your mate.’
‘Seriously?’ I looked up at him, completely incapable of staying mad at him for more than seventeen minutes. ‘You’re going with that?’
‘We didn’t want to do anything until we’d told you.’ He rubbed the back of his neck and looked
at his shoes. ‘But it didn’t quite work out like that. I know you know how it is.’
‘I know things don’t always go to plan,’ I agreed, folding my arms in front of me. ‘I’m not mad about you being together, I was hurt because neither of you told me.’
I took my bouquet back from Charlie and felt my world begin to shift back to the way things were supposed to be.
‘We both felt shit about it. Paige wanted to tell you but I didn’t want you to be mad at her like you were mad at me and you know you’ve had loads going on, neither of us wanted to dump more shit on your plate. It’s all my fault, honest.’ Charlie pressed his fingertips against his left cheek as it bloomed purple in the low winter sun. ‘I really did miss you. Uglies should never have been bumped, I should never have made a move, and we should still be mates.’
I nodded. He was so right. To paraphrase that wise old woman, Taylor Swift, this was exhausting.
‘And I really should have known that, years ago.’ I said, looking across the room to see Paige watching, her face taught and anxious. ‘You really like her, don’t you?’
‘Really really,’ he nodded. ‘She knows all the words to Back to the Future.’
‘Brilliant basis for a relationship,’ I said, finding a smile. ‘Anyway, it’s not like I can tell you you’re not allowed to go out with each other, is it? Wait, it isn’t, is it?’
‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ he said. ‘Tess, I think I might actually love her. It’s really unsettling. In a good way.’
I must have heard Charlie proclaim his love for a hundred women in the last ten years, but something about the music in his voice, and the way she hadn’t taken her eyes off him the whole time we were talking, made my heart happy.
He looked over at his new girlfriend with a smile I’d never seen before. ‘So, you’re OK with it?’
‘I’m not going to say it’s not weird, but yes, I’m totally OK with it. And I’m going to be in New York while you get the honeymoon period out of the way anyway,’ I said, waving at the space between them. ‘If you could get all the public snogging out the way while I’m gone, that would be brilliant.’
‘Wait, you’re going back to New York?’ Charlie’s smile was quickly replaced by a much less giddy expression. ‘You’re not going to take the job with me?’
Shaking my head, I tucked a few of the stray strands of hair behind my ears and felt my blood fizz with anticipation.
‘Better offer?’ he asked, glancing over at Nick.
‘An amazing offer,’ I replied, following his gaze to where Nick still sat, shoulders slumped. ‘But not what you think. I’ve been offered an apprenticeship, I’ll tell you all about it later.’
‘Tess, that’s such good news!’ He swallowed me up in a familiar hug and I was almost certain I heard a sigh of relief. ‘Gutted to lose you, but I’m so proud of you. But what’s the deal with him?’
‘That’s what I’m about to find out,’ I said, patting his back and breaking off the hug.
‘I know we’re probably still on thin ice,’ Charlie said. ‘But if he messes you around, he’ll have me to answer to.’
‘You, Amy, Kekipi, Al, a woman called Jennifer Lopez who isn’t that Jennifer Lopez,’ I replied. ‘You don’t have to worry but it’s nice to know you’ve all got my back. Go and see your girlfriend.’
I watched as he crossed the foyer to Paige, almost running, and I smiled as he swept her up off her feet and spun her around in his arms. I had to admit it: they were a sickeningly good-looking couple. She looked over his shoulder and mouthed something my way. It was either ‘thank you’ or ‘fuck you’ and I chose to believe the former as I gave her a thumbs up. I wondered if, when things had settled down, I couldn’t charge some sort of Bizarro World matchmaking fee. Possibly they owed me a pony.
Rather than follow everyone out into the gardens, I slipped back into the ceremony room, away from the celebrations, away from the music and laughter.
‘Hello,’ Nick said.
I sat down in the seat next to him, Charlie’s empty seat, and smiled, entirely uncertain of what came next.
‘Hello.’
The colour from his lei was beginning to run into his white shirt, leaving a pale pink stain right over his heart.
‘Come to give me the consolation prize?’ he asked.
I squinted, confused. ‘Come again?’
‘You might think I’m an arsehole but I’m not an idiot,’ he replied. ‘You told me he was the love of your life the first time we met. Good for you. Just don’t ask me to be happy for you, all right?’
‘Charlie?’ I asked, trying to add up the numbers to make the same conclusion he had come to. ‘You think I’m with Charlie?’
‘You were the one who said there was someone else who needed you,’ he said, not quite so certain of himself this time. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have come. Too little, too late.’
‘We’re not back together,’ I corrected him and saw a spark of something. ‘I meant Amy, you arse. Charlie and me weren’t ever together. But showing up to the wedding would be too little, you’re right.’
The spark flattened, leaving his skin grey and his eyes bloodshot, the toll of disappointment and an overnight flight showing on his handsome face.
‘The article, on the other hand,’ I said as lightly as I could, ‘and all the letters. They were quite good.’
Nick stiffened but didn’t say a word, the corners of his mouth twitching in an almost-smile.
‘And the camera case. And the note that I didn’t know was from you. You really should sign your name to things, you know. It’s terribly arrogant to assume you’re the only man sending me beautiful letters and thoughtful gifts.’
‘Fair point,’ he replied.
‘I didn’t know about any of it, Nick,’ I said softly. ‘My mum’s been getting my post for months.’
‘You didn’t get my letters?’ he asked, softening towards me.
I shook my head and reached out for his hand. ‘And your gift got delivered with some other stuff. I really didn’t know.’
‘I really didn’t think the note was that cryptic,’ he said, and the smile that twitched the corners of his mouth grew, covering his entire face and finally finding his eyes. ‘But possibly, a signature would have helped.’
I nodded, gnawing on my already bitten-down thumbnail, and squeezed his thumbnail between my thumb and forefinger.
‘Why didn’t you say anything when I was in your apartment?’ I asked, watching the white nail turn red again.
‘I was so angry. You turned up at my place out of the blue, all righteous indignation and really, that dress was very off-putting.’ His eyes flashed with the memory. ‘All those letters, Tess, I poured my heart out and you sat there in my kitchen, demanding to know why I hadn’t called you. It felt like I was talking with someone I’d never met before.’
‘New Year’s resolution,’ I suggested. ‘We really need to work on our communication skills.’
‘You say it like it’s easy,’ he said, ducking his head, just for a second, as two high spots of colour appeared on his unshaven cheeks. ‘I flew to Milan to see you after you ignored a dozen letters, a thoughtful Christmas gift and a declaration of love. Doesn’t that tell you anything? Other than that I’m a complete masochist?’
‘Getting on a plane is easy, trust me,’ I told him, taking my turn to try a wry smile. ‘Telling someone how you feel isn’t.’
‘How weird is that?’ Nick asked, pulling my hand away from my mouth and holding it in his as he spoke. ‘There are things we do every day that should be terrifying, and we do them without blinking, but telling someone we love that we love them is still the scariest thing in the world.’
‘Did you mean it?’ I asked. ‘What you said in the note. You really want to try?’
‘I meant it,’ he said. ‘I want to.’
He turned towards me, pushing the chairs in front of us out of his way before getting down on his knees, still holding my hand.
&nbs
p; Oh, fuckityfuckityfuckballs.
He cleared his throat and ran his thumb over my bottom lip then grinned.
‘I’m not going to ask you to marry me.’
‘Oh,’ I said, breathing out. ‘The whole kneeling on the floor thing was a bit misleading then, wasn’t it?’
‘It was a bit,’ he agreed. ‘But I wanted to look you in the eye when I say this.’
‘All right then,’ I said, impatient and excited. ‘Let’s hear it.’
‘I love you,’ Nick said, his tired eyes, his grey-blond hair, his strong brown hands, all of him on his knees in front of me. Tears stung my eyes. Wedding make-up be damned, I was going to cry. ‘I argued with myself, I made excuses, I told lies – and it was all because I didn’t want to be in love with you.’
‘Not really feeling this part,’ I said, the tears wavering. ‘I think the kneeling bit might have given me false expectations.’
‘Shut up and let me finish.’ He rapped my knuckles hard. ‘I didn’t want to be in love with you because the last time I felt anywhere close to this, I got hurt. Painfully clichéd, I know.’
‘I didn’t say that,’ I replied. ‘You did.’
‘I did,’ he agreed. ‘And those clichés cost me six months with you, but if they cost me the rest of my life, I don’t know what I’ll do.’
‘Go back to New York?’ I suggested. ‘Get on Tinder? I’ve heard it’s very good.’
‘I suppose I could,’ he said, his fingers so tight around mine they almost hurt. ‘But I don’t want to. I want to be with you.’
And there it was.
‘I love you, Tess,’ Nick Miller, all blue eyes and bended knee, said with a smile. ‘You make me laugh, you make me want to try and you make me better. I visited some of the most beautiful parts of the world in these past few months and the only thing I could think about was you. The only person I wanted to share it with was you. And I know it defies logic and I know it won’t be easy but I love you and I want you and if you feel the same, it’s got to be worth a go, hasn’t it?’
‘Probably,’ I replied, my ears tickling as my tears began to fall freely. ‘That wasn’t that hard, was it?’