by April Lust
“Damnit Allison! Hold still!”
That was when I finally screamed. “Help!”
“Bitch!” Shae said, shifting his hands on me so that he had one arm wrapped around my front at my collarbone, holding me effectively against his chest. The other moved so that he could smack a hand over my mouth to stifle the screams.
My only hope was that someone had heard me. But in this apartment complex, I had the sinking suspicion that the people here were more likely to just deadbolt their own doors than come to my rescue.
“Don’t give me any shit, Allison,” he growled in my ear.
I didn’t listen. I struggled against his grip, but whatever I thought of his physique, he was definitely stronger than I was. Despite my efforts, he managed to drag me up and back, his arm baring me from any sort of escape or from really using my arms in my own defense. His back hit the partially open door and he dragged us both inside.
Once there, he released me by shoving me forward so that I stumbled and landed on the hard floor of my apartment. After only a couple of days with Jules, this apartment was tiny, cramped, and pretty close to worthless. But my mind barely even registered any of that, because Shae was still there, standing over me. He turned to slam the door closed, locking and dead bolting it.
I scrambled to my feet and mustered up all my courage. “Get the hell out of my apartment, Shae! We’re over! We’ve been over and I—”
He slapped me.
His hand was open and he moved faster than I’d ever seen him move before. It was like lightning and it seared across my cheek, sending me stumbling back to the ground. I’d only barely regained my balance from being shoved down a second ago, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I landed harshly on my rear end. It was shock more than pain that had me reeling, but it set the tone for everything else that was to come.
Shae had slapped me, hard, and there was every possibility that if given the chance he would do much, much worse than all of that.
“Why’d you go and make me do a thing like that, Allison?”
I stared up at him. What? How had I made him do a thing like that? Was he out of his mind? I thought of how Jules had punished me for disobeying. I thought of how he’d slapped my rear a couple of times. I thought of his rules and his demands and his orders. I’d been willing to obey all of them and had even wanted to. And I knew that all I had to do was throw out one little safe word and he’d stop, no matter what we were doing.
It was so different from Shae now that I was reeling from the shock of it.
“What do you think you’re doing Allison?” he demanded, rounding on me with wild eyes and a body that was trembling with rage.
I stared at him with wide eyes. I was still on the floor and knew that I needed to get up. This was not a good position to be in when you had a crazy man in your apartment. But my body struggled to move and was in shock from my last attempt of getting up. I was terrified of what Shae might do, because it was pretty damn clear now that he was out of his mind. He’d already slapped me. What else was he willing to do?
Phone, phone! I need to get to my phone! My mind screamed at me, finally offering a rational thought.
Except as I glanced around, I realized quickly that my bag wasn’t with me. It was still outside, probably sitting in the hallway where no one would even bother trying to return it to me. If I’d at least had a house phone, that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but I didn’t. Half the time I couldn’t afford to keep my cell phone on, much less think of paying for the house phone, too.
Now, I wished I’d shelled out the extra money, because it could have saved me right then.
Assuming he would have even let me get to a phone, I thought darkly.
In those terms, it meant that the phone was a stupid idea anyway. He’d never let me get close enough to make a call.
“Damnit, answer me, you stupid bitch!”
I flinched at his words, the anger lacing them so intense that I was honestly and truly frightened. “I… I d-don’t know what you’re talking about Shae. Please, just let me go.” I hated myself for stuttering, for showing my fear, but I was sure that it was already written on my face.
“Don’t play innocent with me!” he spat in my direction. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You think you can play me for some chump, but I know the truth! You’re a whore, just like the rest of ‘em.”
Now I really had no idea what he was talking about. Shae had turned out to be an abusive asshole instead of the decent guy I’d thought he was, but this was worse. Now he seemed… crazy. Like something in him had finally snapped, pushing him over the edge into whatever crazy land this was.
“Please, I don’t—”
He cut me off, not interested in hearing what he clearly perceived as my excuses. “Shut up! You wanna sit there and look up at me with those big innocent eyes like you haven’t just spent the weekend with another man, letting him fuck your brains out?”
I flinched again, but I finally got where this was going. For a split second, I thought he actually knew what had happened this weekend. That he knew about Jules and the bondage and the crazy things I did all weekend, all while I was naked. That he knew I’d done all of that for a million dollars. Which was bad, because Shae was the kind of guy who didn’t care what the reason was for doing something like that. He wouldn’t care that I’d done it to save Bree’s life. In his mind, he’d just see some prostituting slut and in that moment, I understood why that was so bad.
I’d refused to give my virginity to him. I’d refused to have sex with him.
But as Shae ranted and raved at me, beginning to pace in front of my closed and locked front door, I realized that Shae didn’t really know anything. He was just guessing.
And it’s my damn fault, I realized. If I hadn’t told him I was spending the weekend with someone else, he never would have known.
Not that that justified what he was doing to me right then and there, but I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I’d just kept my mouth shut. But I’d been so desperate to get him to leave me alone! I’d thought that maybe if I told him there was someone else, he would back off.
I couldn’t have known that it would backfire on me so badly.
“You kept telling me that you weren’t ready, weren’t ready, over and over again,” he ranted, pacing and throwing his arms about wildly. “And I was a good, patient boyfriend—”
It took everything that I had not to snort derisively at him. And really, it was only my understanding that Shae was far past the point of being reasoned with that kept that little reaction down.
Shae had hounded me for sex over and over. It didn’t matter how many times I told him no or that I never felt ready, he would push and push until we were fighting and he was pissed. In the end, I was the one who had to come back and apologize just so that he’d stop being a jerk to me. And then the cycle would start all over again. The idea of him being a ‘good, patient boyfriend’ was laughable. He’d been a lot of things, but never that.
“And now you just throw yourself at the first guy that looks your way?” His eyes flashed at me, alight with anger. “Did you let him put it in your mouth, too? Hell, you probably let him go from between your legs to down your throat without even protesting, didn’t you?”
I shook my head, denying his allegations because I didn’t know what else to do. How the hell was I supposed to get out of this? He wasn’t looking to be reasoned with and he didn’t want the truth, obviously. He wasn’t even listening to me at this point. He was just raging.
My mind struggled to find a way out of this. It was obvious that I couldn’t calm him down. He wasn’t interested in that. I wasn’t sure what he wanted at this point, but I knew it wasn’t good. And I had the feeling it wasn’t just to yell at me. No, he wanted something. Maybe to hurt me for denying him all that time we were together.
I knew the people in my hall weren’t going to call anyone for help. They probably recognized Shae and thought it was a lover’s spat.
No one knew I was home. My sister was in the hospital and probably thought I was at work. Christel probably thought I was still at Jules’s – and she didn’t know where that was either.
God, how many stupid things had I done in a short amount of time?
Jules.
My mind pictured him perfectly. His tall, broad frame. Those rippling muscles. His commanding, fearless demeanor. He’d be able to take care of Shae in a heartbeat.
If he hadn’t told me to get out of his life. And if he had any idea where I lived.
With a cold feeling forming in my gut, I realized that I was completely and utterly on my own.
I need to get out of here, I thought, realizing just how bad the situation was. And in my pathetic little studio apartment, there was only one way out: the front door. The door that he was currently blocking.
With no help coming, I was going to have to figure out how to do it myself.
Shae didn’t pause in his tirade. In fact, he only got more vulgar as he continued. “Did you like it, you slut? You whore? How many were there, really? You kept telling me that you were a virgin and the time wasn’t right and you just weren’t ready, but I’ll bet you’re a little nympho. You probably love sex more than just about anything.”
“Shae, please—” I tried, still thinking around this huge problem. There had to be a way out of this, but all I could come up with was the door and Shae standing in front of it. I had to find a way to get him to move so that I could make a break for it.
“Shut up! All this time I wanted you and now you think you can just leave me?” he screamed at me, spittle flying from his lips. “Well, you can’t, Allison. You’re mine and you always have been. You belong to me and if you think I’m going to just let you go around fucking other guys, you’ve got another thing coming!”
It was then that I really understood how badly things could go. I’d been thinking only in terms of him hurting me, but now, I realized that this could be so much worse.
He was fixated on the sex thing and he clearly believed that I was still his – which I’d never been, in all honesty. Dating or not, I hadn’t belonged to him. But that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was already decided on this.
And that was dangerous, because there was always one thing he wanted from me that I would never give him. Sex. And now, with me trapped, and him so angry… I feared that he would finally take that, whether I wanted him to or not.
Panic welled up inside me. I couldn’t let Shae rape me. I wouldn’t. I had to get out of here now, before things got any worse.
But how?
And that was when it finally came to me.
Shae didn’t want to hear the truth, because he’d already made it up in his own mind. He wanted me and he wanted sex. If I could manipulate these things in him, maybe I could distract him enough to get out of the apartment and to safety.
Then I could call the damn cops, have him arrested, and at the very least get a damn restraining order against him. With any luck, a piece of paper and a record would be enough to keep him the hell away from me.
But until then, I needed to distract him and I’d come up with a plan – that was probably stupid, but I didn’t have a whole lot of options.
Dropping my eyes – which was hard enough considering he was volatile and my only means of escape was on the other side of him – I did my best to appear contrite. If I were submissive, showing him that I was apologetic and deferring to him, then maybe he’d drop his guard. Maybe he’s stop screaming and give me a chance to make a break for it.
It was a long shot, but I didn’t know what else to do.
Doing my best to imitate how I was with Jules – impossible, really, since I’d wanted to be like that with Jules – I spoke in a soft voice while keeping my gaze pointed downward. I could just see his shoes at the edge of my gaze. “You’re right.”
That stopped his shouting right away. “Huh?” He sounded legitimately confused. He’d stopped his pacing and based on where his toes were pointing, I was pretty sure that he was staring at me. “What did you say?”
“You’re right,” I repeated, keeping my voice soft and doing my best to hold back the fear that wanted to show up in it. “I’m sorry for b-being a bad girl.”
I felt slimy just saying the words, but I did my best to keep that off my face. I needed him to believe this lie or I was done for. And probably worse off than if I hadn’t tried anything at all.
“Yeah,” he said slowly, his tone still laced with a little confusion about the whole thing. “Yeah, you should be sorry.”
“I am sorry. So sorry,” I repeated.
“Yeah. You have been a bad girl.”
I shifted slightly, making a point to move slowly, so that I was sitting with my knees tucked underneath me. This was how I would sit for Jules when I was waiting and he was working on something. It could get uncomfortable, but it was better than just sitting there sprawled out on the floor.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I said, keeping my gaze down and my hands folded in front of me. I could feel the stinging in my cheek and the warmth there, reminding me that I had to play this smart or I was going to get hurt. “I don’t deserve a man like you.”
The words tasted sour in my mouth, the way only big lies can, but Shae seemed to buy it.
“That’s right,” he confirmed, aggressive still, but not as loud. He seemed to be a little bit calmer, maybe reacting to my body language and the softness of my tones. I hoped so, anyway. “I was a great boyfriend and you treated me like dirt.”
“I treated you so badly,” I confirmed. “You deserve so much better than me.”
He was quiet for a long time and I thought maybe I’d screwed up. That maybe I’d said the wrong thing and he was getting ready to take a swing at me. It took everything I had and then some to not look up to make sure, but eventually I heard him speak again, this time a little calmer than before.
“I’m glad you’ve finally realized how good of a guy I am,” he said smoothly, fully believing his own words. “And I want you to know that I’ll take you back anyway. I’ve always wanted you, Allison. I’ve always needed you in my life and I won’t let you go. Now that you finally understand that, we can move forward like adults.”
I felt sick to my stomach. This asshole thought he was honestly a good guy and that I had been the problem the entire time we were together. Even though he’d put me through the ringer, pressuring me for sex every second of the way and getting furious when I didn’t put out. He didn’t understand about Bree or how stressed out I was. He did nothing to help me out. He didn’t want to take care of me, he just wanted to have me and use me however he wanted.
Not like Jules.
Thinking of Jules hurt, but it also brought me a strange sort of calm. It was easier to deal with things when I thought of him. His strong, yet gentle hands. The way he pushed me, but no farther than I was willing to let him. Jules was a man who had needs… but still put mine first. He was everything I wanted and comparing him to Shae right now only confirmed that fact.
But I had to push those feelings aside for now and focus on what was happening to me. If I got out of this, I swore I would try one more time to convince Jules that we were made for each other, but the first step of that was actually getting out of this.
So I pulled in a deep breath through my nose and forced myself to be as polite, demure, and submissive as possible. “Thank you for giving me another chance,” I told him meekly. “Can I make it up to you?”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized how bad they sounded. And then I heard the clinking of his belt as he undid it, confirming my suspicions. He thought I was talking about sex.
No. I refuse to sleep with him! I’ll fight him tooth and nail before I let that happen!
“Yes, of course, baby. I’d like that,” he told me in a thick voice that was full of lust and things that made me intensely uncomfortable.
Before things got farther – and before I looked up – I blu
rted, “Let me make you a cup of coffee. I remember how you like it. I’ll do a good job.”
I bolted up from the floor before he responded and as I passed him for the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of him. He was halfway to undoing his pants and had a wide-eyed expression on his face. He almost looked goofy, like some cartoon character that was the butt of someone’s joke. It helped with some of the panicky terror I was feeling, which allowed me to focus.
Get to the kitchen.
Start the coffee.
Stall him.
Distract him long enough to run.
If I could do those things, I told myself I’d be okay. I didn’t think about what would happen if I didn’t move fast enough or he decided he didn’t want any damn coffee. All I could do was move one moment to the next.