Forever Changed Part One: A College Bully RH Romance (Forever Changed Duet Book 1)

by Amber Nicole

  “So what’s the plan for tonight?” I ask and they look at each other with a wince. “We have to go to Hawthorne House. There’s some Fraternity thing. Don’t you need to go to Kippa? I thought it was mandatory?” Connor says, confusing me. Do I? “I’m not sure. No one told me about anything,” I say quietly. Connor wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, kissing the top of my head. “How about we do something tomorrow? Let’s get off campus,” he suggests and I nod. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

  We finish eating and the guys leave. I walk around for a little while and find myself in front of the drama department. I open the door and walk towards the auditorium. It’s quiet so I don’t think anyone is here right now, but the lights are on. I walk over to the side steps and make my way to the middle of the stage. I look off at the mass amount of empty seats and hum a tune I have been working on. I double check that I am alone, before I start to sing the lyrics.

  When you were mine

  I was never alone

  I always had a place to call my home

  Now that's gone and everything’s wrong

  I’ll never find a place I truly belong

  Time is there until it’s not

  Talk about a twist of plot

  I once was all that you got

  Now all that’s left to do is rot

  No take backs

  You made your choice

  It was like I never had a voice

  Lies and misery so bittersweet

  You made your bed now take a seat.

  Time is there until it’s not

  Talk about a twist of plot

  I once was all that you got

  Now all that’s left to do is rot

  I collapse to the ground and let the tears fall. Music has always been a form of therapy for me. When my mama died I stopped writing and singing for about a year. Memphis didn’t like that and snuck me into an open mic night the next town over. He brought his guitar and signed us up. I threw up backstage in a trash can and screamed at him, but in the end I’m glad he made me. Clapping nearby pulls my attention towards the side door. Mr. Bourne stands there with a look of awe. “Who is this Carson, and why haven’t you introduced her in class? All that raw emotion and angst. It gave me chills,” he says, moving closer. I jump to my feet and wipe my face off the tears and snot. “I’m so sorry, Professor, I didn’t know anyone was in here,” I say quickly. He waves his hand in the air as if blowing off my comment. “I don’t care about that. I’m glad I was able to hear you. Not so much the crying. I hate when girls cry,” he says with a shudder. A small laugh escapes and he smiles. “You should try out for the music competition after the holidays. I think you’d be a perfect candidate.”

  I wrap my arms around my stomach. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. Maybe next year.” He gives me a once over and shrugs. “Your loss. It could open a lot of doors for a talent like yours.” I snort, and he raises a brow at me.

  “My best friend, well I guess stepbrother now, is a country star. If I ever decided to pursue music he would help me. I wouldn’t want to steal someone else’s opportunity, but thank you professor.” I glance down at my phone and groan. “I have to go. I have Kippa business to attend to.” He gives me a nod and watches as I rush down the steps and out the door. I don’t bother changing and run to the Kippa House. I guess I am required to be there tonight.

  I arrive and everyone is dressed in white, hair and makeup perfect. I sigh and walk into the kitchen where Penny said to meet her. “Ah Courtney, there you are,” she says with a huge fake smile on her face. I hate when she smiles like that. Reminds me of an alligator. “Hi, sorry I just got your message,” I tell her, before fixing my messy hair into a top knot. She glares at my appearance, but doesn’t say anything. “Oh that’s my bad. I told Ella to tell you, but she must have forgotten.”

  I bite my lip to hide my wince. Was that the time she tripped me on the stairs, or the time she dumped her ice coffee down my back this week? “It’s okay, I’m here now.” I offer, trying to appease her. “So you are,” she says quietly. “Let’s get you changed so we can get this initiation done shall we?” She walks out of the kitchen and I follow her up the stairs and to a massive room full of clothing. “I took the liberty of setting aside a dress for you, since I know your funds are limited,” she says off handedly. “Penny, you do know my dad is wealthy right?” I ask, because the way she treats me you would think I grew up in a cardboard box. She scoffs and walks from the room, “Just hurry and get changed,” she says, laughing as she leaves. I throw my hands up and place them on my head, gripping the strands tight, screaming internally. I take a few deep breaths then put the white silk dress on. I have to remove my bra and panties, because this material is so fine, they show. I’m sure I’ll get some slut comments and coughs, because my nipples are showing. I walk down the staircase and straighten my back, holding my head up high. I enter the ceremony room and stand beside Lena, another girl who pledged beside me and actually treated me like a person and not a nuisance. I will say that some of these girls will fit right in with these bitches.

  “Okay ladies, now that everyone is here, let’s get this over with so we can go party with the boys.” Ella says, moving along the group, handing out candles. Penny follows lighting the wick with a candle of her own. After the last candle is lit we all start singing the song of Kippa Nu. I’ve known the words since I was little. My mama used to sing it to me in the bathtub while she would wash my hair. A tear slips from my eye and runs down my cheek. I really wish she was here. After the song is over Penny calls us one by one and gives us a pin. It’s pink with a K and N on it. When my turn is called she jabs me hard with the pin. I try not to flinch, but I don’t fully manage it. Her eyes brighten with glee and I thank her, then turn and stand in line with the others, ignoring the spot of blood forming on the white dress. “Okay bitches, let’s party,” Penny says, and all the girls start to clap and jump up and down.

  I blow out my candle after watching some of the other girls do the same. I set it down on the table and move for the door. “Courtney,” Penny calls out to me and I sigh, pasting a big smile on my face. I turn and wait for whatever else she plans to do to me. “Before you leave, there is just a tiny thing I need you to do.” My shoulders slump, but I nod, following her to the kitchen. When I enter I freeze. Oh my god. The counters are covered in a white paste, and the sink is full of dishes. I already know what she’s going to say. I turn and walk away. I grab my bag from upstairs and leave the house completely. I know she’s screaming my fake name behind me, but I just don’t care anymore. I’m done with Kippa Nu. I got my pin, just like my mother did and hers before. I can pass it on to my future daughter, but I will never try and convince her to join the sorority of horrors.

  I find a bench and take out the card Jase gave me earlier, taking a few deep breaths I open it. I shake out the contents on my lap and laugh. There’s a letter and a homemade coupon book for really silly and sweet things. I flip through the book and smile, before reading the letter.

  Cara,

  I don’t know how to start this so I’m just going to come out and say the most cliché thing I can think of. I’m sorry. I fucked up.

  I know you are probably rolling your eyes at this right now, but I want you to know I’m an idiot, and I know that I’m an idiot. Besides Lay, I’ve never had a relationship before, and I got scared I guess. I know you haven’t deserved the way I’ve treated you. Especially after giving me something so rare and precious. The thing is there are some things behind the scenes which I can’t disclose just yet, but I’m hoping to soon. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, so I’m going to play the Lay card. He’s broken Cara, and I worry about him. Not seeing you, not spending time with you has put him in a nasty funk, and I know I am the one to blame. I let my personal issues sabotage one of the best things in our lives. I don’t want you to just let me back into your world. I’ll work hard to prove to you I’m worth it. I just ask that you c
all Lay, and give me a chance to make it up to you.

  I miss you.

  XO Jase

  I wipe a tear from my eye and place the coupon book and letter back in the envelope. I toss it in my bag, then lean back and rest my head on the wood of the bench. I gaze at the night sky, missing the way the stars shine on the ranch in Kansas. Too many lights in this Texas city. I pull out my phone and text Connor, I know he’s at the party right now, but maybe he can sneak away. I really need to talk to someone, and he’s a great listener. He answers quickly, but says he can’t leave. I sigh and go to toss my phone back in my bag, when I think of what Jase said about Lay. I try my luck and ask if we can talk, before standing and walking back to Jhonson Hall. I know Sassy isn’t there since she left for home this morning. Someone in her family is getting married and her mother told her her presence was mandatory or they’d cut her off again. My phone buzzes, and I stop outside my building to glance at it.

  Lay: Yes, get me away from this cesspit. Can I crash at your place tonight?

  I laugh and send him a thumbs up. I’ve missed him and he’s always made me laugh. I know he struggles with some PTSD, I don’t know what from, and I will never come out and ask him, because that’s rude, but I hope someday he’ll be open to me about it. I rush inside and up the steps, unlocking my door in no time. I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight, but I do know that I need to change from this slip and clean up the kitchen. Sassy is a seriously messy roommate.

  Fifteen minutes later he knocks just as I’m walking out of my room a sweaty mess. I couldn’t resist throwing on his hoodie to tease him, and I know I made the right choice when I open the door to let him inside and he gives me a huge smile, pointing to it. I shrug and grab his hand pulling him to the kitchen. I whipped up some brownies and they are still baking in the oven. I pull out some vanilla bean ice cream from the freezer and set it on the counter to thaw a bit. I miss my ice cream scoop from back home. The handle would use your body temperature to soften the scoops. It's such a pain to scoop hard, frozen deliciousness. I’m impatient, especially over a hot, double chocolate hazelnut brownie. Yum.

  I hop up on the counter by the fridge and he immediately moves in between my legs, pulling me into a bear hug. I sigh and laugh when I feel him sniff my hair.

  “I’ve missed you,” he says softly. I release him and he steps back, taking a seat on the counter opposite me. “I’ve missed you too, Lay,” I tell him, while playing with the pocket of his hoodie. “Thanks for coming tonight. I wasn’t sure if you would be busy with the pledges.” He groans and tosses his head back against the cupboards, wincing.

  “Can I ask something?” he says, not giving me a chance to reply, “Did I do something wrong? Because I know Jase is being stand-offish, which I don’t understand, but I always thought we were friends. I get that I’m dating Jase, and things might be awkward now, but I need you in my life, Carson.” His voice breaks. His eyes water, but he doesn’t try to hide it. I climb from the counter and walk over to him. He doesn’t move, and lets me hold him as he cries. I rub his back gently and kiss his chest. Why are all these guys so tall? “You didn’t do anything, Lay, I was just hurt and didn’t want my anger to fall back onto you because you’re with the guy that broke my heart. I’m sorry. I should’ve known pushing you away would hurt anyway.”

  The timer buzzes on the oven, and I gently pull away from him. He watches me as I grab the oven mits, open the hot oven and pull out one of my favorite comfort foods. I place them on the stovetop to cool and he laughs. “I think I can forgive you, if you tell me you baked those special because I was coming,” he says, shooting me a wink. His eyes are glassy and bloodshot, but when he smiles my heart starts to race and I know I’m in trouble. I think I’m falling in love with him.

  e

  Talking with Lay helped me decide what I wanted to do about Jase. I’m not ready to take him back, but I am willing to be his friend for Lay’s sake. I know a broken person when I see one and he is seriously the kindest, most caring guy I have ever met. He deserves all the love and nurturing he can have, and if that means I pull up my big girl panties and let the jerk that broke my heart back into my life, I will.

  We start out slow, eating dinners as a group, hanging out, and watching movies together. Lay and I have become a lot closer, and because of that I’m starting to worry he’s becoming dependent on me. Connor and Xavier are starting to get jealous of all the time I’m spending with them, and East is becoming super clingy, only to push me away. I think I’m too inexperienced for all this unnecessary drama. Penny and the girls have left me alone since the night I walked out. I think she knows she pushed me too far. I did learn that she found it strange that the Hawthorne guys were following me like puppies. A rumor started about me having a golden vagina or something. I’m so sick of the bullying and bullshit, but thankfully things are calming down. It helps that I’m never alone much these days. One of the guys always meets me at my classes and walks me to the next.

  I don’t know much about this dating multiple people thing, but I can’t say I mind it too much. Lay was right, we’re young, and there is no need to be tied down with one person. I’m having fun, and as long as everyone is cool with it, then so am I. College is a time for exploring and experimenting right? Might as well take full advantage then. I’m not sure how this relationship is going to work out in the long term, but I’m enjoying the benefits, and the many orgasms they like to give me. I’m really enjoying those.

  Thirty-Six

  Carson

  “So what are you guys doing for the holidays?” I ask, cuddling on the bed between Lay and Jase. We’re watching one of their favorite movies, relaxing after the grueling midterms we just took. Lay looks off with a sad expression and Jase pauses the movie. “We don’t really leave for breaks anymore so we’ll just hang here,” he says with a shrug. I glance Lay’s way and crawl closer to him. “Do you maybe want to come home with me? We have a huge house, lots of room, but my dad will probably put y’all to work. Plus I know Connor will be swinging by at some point so you won’t have to just be stuck with little ole’ me,” I say with a wink. His face brightens and he leans down to kiss me hard. Jase moves up behind me and kisses my neck, “Thank you,” he whispers so soft I know it was just for me. I don’t know much about what Lay’s family is like, they always change the subject, but I know it isn’t a good situation. If I had to guess I would say he and Memphis had a similar childhood. I pull my mouth back and turn to press a soft kiss on Jase’s lips. I gaze into his eyes and smile. I’m not ready to move on with him, but things are slowly getting better between us. He was honest to a fault in his letter and he has been trying so hard to make things right between us. I’m still waiting for the full explanation, but he told me ‘soon’ when I brought it up the other day. He glances back at Lay and winks. Next thing I know I’m on my back, Lay’s kissing me hard, and Jase is walking out the door. Lay worships my body like I’m his queen, not stopping till I can hardly move. I could get used to this.

  After I have had more orgasms than I can count right now, Jase drops the bomb on me. “I can’t wait to see East mucking stables.”

  Fuck. I forgot about East. I don’t know what to call our relationship: I think we’re friends, maybe more. He has me so confused with his constant change in moods. Hopefully this trip isn’t a huge disaster.

  e

  We pull up to the ranch around dinner time, and I’m starving. I know no one is here right now, but Frankie had made something for us. I just have to heat it up. The guys all climb out, and East offers me his hand, helping me down from the truck. “Why don’t you guys explore and I’ll go fix dinner,” I say, stretching at the waist. I stand up and Jase kisses me quickly, before grabbing Lay’s hand and dragging him to the door, I told them earlier it was unlocked. “I think we need a shower,” he says nonchalantly over his shoulder. I laugh and shake my head. A warm body comes up behind me and I relax. “If you want to join them, I can manage to reheat some food.
” East says into my neck. I turn and give him a quick hug, resting my head on his chest. I don’t know how to define our relationship. We kiss, we cuddle, but that's as far as things have gone. “No, it’s okay. Let them have their time alone. But if you wanted to help me, I wouldn’t say no.” I lean up on my tippy toes and give him a quick kiss, before turning and rushing into the house. He grabs me as soon as I reach the fridge and slams my back against the cold metal, gripping my wrists. He places them above my head and kisses me hard. I whimper into his mouth and he growls, before backing away. “Fuck Cara, I want you so bad, but I know I don’t deserve you,” he says, before walking out the door, slamming it in his wake.

  I bang my head against the fridge then rest it there for a minute. He’s so hot and cold, I get a serious brain freeze. Stepping back, I open the fridge, pulling out the casserole Frankie made and a side dish. I preheat the oven then walk out the back door. I let the country air sweep me away and sigh. It’s good to be home.

  Layton

  After dinner East and J decided to go check out the town life. I think they just wanted to give us some time alone, which I appreciate. I know I’ve been monopolizing a lot of Carson’s time lately, but when she’s with me the bad thoughts disappear. I’m happy. She makes me happy. I love spending time as a group, but just us two is pretty great too. I walk into her room and freeze. Her shower door is open and she’s singing a beautiful song about friends turning into lovers. I lean against the door and just listen. Letting the haunting melody wash over me.