Diary of Latoya Hunter

by Latoya Hunter

  Happy Birthday Granny!

  April 3, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  School is such a drag! Whenever I look forward to things, anything that comes before it seems to drag and drag. I’m looking forward to the wedding—it better turn out good! I have such high hopes for it. A part of me wants the excitement to go on and on, the other part wants it to be all over. That’s just a small part though. This wedding is all I can think of and talk about. It’s getting to my head!

  April 5, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  It’s Courtney’s wedding day eve. I think I’m as nervous as he is. I take that back. He’s a wreck! I’m quarter way to a wreck.

  The rehearsal went well. I hope tomorrow will go on the same pace. I’m at Michelle’s house right now as are all the other bridesmaids. Michelle is sleeping and the rest of us are watching t.v. It’s 12:30 in the morning!

  I don’t think Michelle is really sleeping. She’s probably just lying and thinking.

  April 6, 1991

  (early morning)

  Dear Janice,

  In only a few hours my brother will say his I dos. I can’t help but be nervous. I’m in Brooklyn at the moment. The rehearsals went on really well. I’m walking with Michelle’s cousin Chris. He’s 23 but he’s my height. The way we walk is he puts his hand over mine and we go down the aisle. When we reach the end we turn to each other. He bows and I curtsy. It’s really cute.

  Well, it’s like 12:30 a.m. and this house is packed! Michelle’s relatives from all over the place are here. I don’t know where I’ll sleep. I guess right here on the couch. All the bridesmaids are here except one who lives close by. The plan for tomorrow is at 5:00 a.m. we will get up and go get our hair fixed at the hairdresser, after that we’ll go fix things up at the reception hall. After that we’ll come back to the house and get dressed. The limos will come pick us up and we’ll be off to the church. I wonder what Courtney is feeling right now. He must be so nervous! He’s that type that gets really jumpy. Michelle is calm now but I guarantee she’ll be a mess of nerves tomorrow.

  My cousins, aunt, and grandparents came in from Canada earlier today. I wish I was up in the Bronx with Ann. I want to spend as much time as I can with her. She was at the rehearsals watching and giving me tips. I think I’ll make her my maid of honor at my wedding which I calculate will be 8 years from now. I want to get married at 20 or even 21. I want to have a huge wedding with 500 guests. So I suppose I would have to become a millionaire between now and age 20. It’s not impossible, if everything fails there’s always the good old lottery. Well, I’ll write to you tomorrow after the big event. Tonight I’m going to pray it’ll turn out good. I’m so nervous.

  April 6, 1991 (Saturday night)

  Dear Janice,

  It’s all over. The wedding bells have rung. The service was a lot of things but most of all, long! So many things seemed to come before the minister said “I now pronounce you man and wife.” My feet were killing me, I felt like going out and sitting in the audience. Being a bridesmaid isn’t all the glamour it seems to be. I gave out so many fake smiles to so many cameras today, I think I’ll never smile again. Those were the not so good parts but everything else was just great. Michelle looked gorgeous. Courtney looked handsome. They took their vows and now they are man and wife. Another Hunter is added to the family tree. I’m really happy for them.

  I was so nervous at first walking down the aisle but about halfway down I heard my grandmother calling to me and cheering me on and I felt better. Everyone was there and they all looked good. It’s so nice that they turned up. Some travelled from as far as Canada and England. (By the way, today was the first time I rode in a limo and hopefully not the last. It was really nice.) About the reception … it was fun. My mom made her toast and she did really well. Dave did too. I think what he said was, “I’d just like to say I’m really happy for my brother,” then finished with, “That’s it.” He was never a master when it came to words but, come on! However, I know he meant it. I think he’s really proud. We’re also glad Michelle’s now in our family.

  Rondah catched the bouquet! That means she’s up next. I certainly hope so. Janice, there a lot more details to tell, but not right now. Tomorrow is another day. My aunt has decided to leave on Monday instead of tomorrow. So, Ann and I will spend time together after all. It was a lovely day and sadly it has to end now.

  April 7, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Ann and I were together all day. The whole day was really busy. I wasn’t really working, but when you have guests, days seem busy. You always have to make sure they are happy. My mom was really getting on top of my nerves this evening. I think when a lot people are around it gets to her head. I didn’t like her at all today. It happens sometimes that you love a person but sometimes you just don’t like them. It’s all very complex.

  Ann and I went out for a while, when we came back she was making her noise and that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. I wanted to enjoy my time with her. I went on the phone and I made her talk to Derek, she thinks he’s a nice person too. Well anyway, my mom was yelling at me to get off the phone. You have no idea how irritating she gets sometimes.

  Right now the men in the family are in the living room watching wrestling and my mom, aunt, and grandmother are talking in my parent’s room. I love it when everyone is in the same house. Did I ever tell you that? It’s one of my favorite feelings. It’s like when people take drugs and they get high, but my high is a safe, loving high. I wonder if I’m the only person in the world who feels that way. The love birds, Courtney and Michelle were here today. Their first day married and where are they? At their parent’s house. What a bummer! They’re putting off their honeymoon for a while because the wedding was such a big expense that they need to wait. They have a special glow to them I never saw before. Everything is going great around this side of town. I wish my relatives didn’t have to go back to Canada tomorrow. I’m going to have to go to school but they’ll be here when I get back. They’re leaving around five. Like somebody once said, all good things must come to an end.

  April 8, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  The house is so dead now. It’s moments like this that I feel like crying. They all left me—why did they have to leave? It’s not fair. My life is back to its normal, boring self again. I shouldn’t really say that. Jamaica is coming up soon. Not soon enough though. I’ll know by tomorrow when I’ll be leaving. Rondah’s going to a travel agent today.

  Did I ever tell you how sometimes I miss Jamaica not in the normal but in a gut wrenching way. My brother rented a video one night and it showed an outdoor festival in Jamaica that had a lot of performers in it. It was in the night time in Jamaica and just the way it looked made me want to cry. I wanted to be right out there. I’m not sure what it was; it was how the night looked, I think. Is that strange or what? The night just brought on a certain feeling. The way the trees looked far away behind the stage, just brought me back to how, when I was back home, I used to love to go out, anywhere at all, as long as it was in the night. That day watching the video, I felt so homesick. I think it was the worst case of homesickness ever in history. I just can not wait to go back. I don’t just want to go, I need to go.

  April 10, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  We’ll be leaving the 23rd. That’s 13 days from now. We got the flight booked and everything is set. School will just have to go on without me for two weeks. I’m really excited. I need clothes! I need a lot of summer clothes because as everyone knows, the sun’s always shining in Jamaica. I remember when I saw snow for the first time. In Jamaica, the closest anyone came to snow was if they got married and people threw rice at them. When it snowed for the first time when I came here, it was so pretty. The houses were covered and the ground was like a big white blanket. It was gorgeous. I loved it. Now when I walk home from school in the snow and it’s like ice, and it stings my face as it blows, I say it’ll be better if I was in Jamaica dr
eaming about it.

  I’ll have to tell my teachers about me leaving. I guess they would want to give me work to do to keep up while I’m gone. I’m going to miss a major Social Studies test and Reading but I’ll make them up when I get back. My mom isn’t on it all the way for me to go because she thinks I’ll miss too much work but I begged her so she said okay. She could be cool sometimes.

  April 13, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Just last week I was a princess for a day in that beautiful dress and parading in a limo. This week I’m just a plain, boring twelve-year-old. Yuck!

  I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Michelle says so too. She said her dress is way too expensive to put away forever. I agree. I want to feel like a princess for forever and a day.

  April 15, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Eight days left until Jamaica. My mother got me some summer clothes to wear while I’m down there. I’ll be in 90 degree weather in less than a week and now I’m in 30 degree weather. It’ll only take like four hours to reach from here to there. Thank goodness for technology. We’ve come a long way since the day of horseback.

  I can’t wait for these eight days to be over. Here I go again, it’s like the wedding—until it comes I think of nothing else.

  April 17, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Even though I’ll miss a lot of school, at this point I don’t care! All I want is to be there in Jamaica. Kids I told at school that I’m leaving envy me. While they’re busting their brains I’ll probably be on the beach. Lucky me! Poor them! I’m really happy for myself.

  April 19, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Jamaica doesn’t seem too far away now. Rondah and I confirmed our tickets today. In the beginning Rondah wanted everyone to go, but it ended up working down to just me, her, and Devoy. It will be so nice to get away from this place for a few weeks. I don’t think I’ll miss anyone to be very honest. Maybe I’ll miss the presence of them but not the idea of them. I definitely won’t miss my parents telling me what to do and what not to do every minute. That’s exactly what I want to get away from. It seems like everything I really want, not always material things, but things I want to do or experience, I never get. I know they have their parental reasons, but I have my adolescent reasons.

  Like today I was talking on the phone and my mother just grabbed it and was about to say something to really embarrass me. Before she had the chance I just hung up the phone. It was Derek and I guess she knew. Embarrassing isn’t quite the word I should have used. By the way she grabbed the phone she was going to say something like “get off the phone” and then hang up.

  I know she doesn’t approve of him or anything but come on! She wants me to respect her but she doesn’t respect me. When I’m doing innocent things like talking on the phone, and she makes me feel like I’m doing the worst thing in the world, it makes me want to go out and really do something! She sits on top of my every nerve. Today I just felt like leaving, that feeling is becoming a regular thing for me.

  April 20, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Derek got jumped today. They took his jacket and his money. When I first called, he was like, “I can’t talk right now.” I was mad because I thought he was just trying to get out of talking to me. I said something like, “Don’t call me back,” and hung up. When he did call, I found out the reason he couldn’t talk was because he was bleeding. He said he was walking home by himself and about six guys attacked him. I felt so bad. He tried to play tough guy, but I know he was shaken up. All I could say was I’m sorry. He didn’t want to talk about it, I suppose he wanted to forget it. I’m glad he didn’t want to discuss it because I didn’t know what to say. It’s like a girlfriendly duty to comfort a guy. I don’t have any experience in things like that—I’m just really angry at whoever did it! Poor thing! It always happens to the good guys!

  On another note, I told my teachers at school that I was leaving and they didn’t hesitate to swamp me with homework. Oh, well. It’s still the school year, what did I expect?

  April 21, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  I don’t know what’s going on with me. I really try to be a good daughter, I try to get good grades at school, I come home every day in one piece, and I would never do anything to hurt or harm anyone. Is there anything more I need to do? It’s just that whatever I do, I always feel like I haven’t done enough to please everyone around me. It’s not that I want desperately to please everybody, it’s just that I feel I have to get approval.

  With my mother it’s like I can’t please her. She was looking in my notebook and she saw two tests. On one of them I had 100 percent and on the other one I had a 95. When she turned to that one she turned to her friend and said “she’s getting so backwards, it’s like she’s not learning anything.” It was only five points. With her it seems they all have to be hundreds. She says I’m going to end up cleaning floors for a living. What kind of words are those to live by?

  I love my mother but sometimes she makes me feel less than I really am.

  Anyways, tomorrow I’ll be one day away from being away from it all.

  April 22, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Tomorrow is the big day. Even though this packing I’m doing is driving me crazy, it doesn’t feel so bad because tomorrow I’ll be in Jamaica! I’m still trying to get used to the thought. I just know it’s going to be good. As soon as that plane lands tomorrow, I’ll know I’m home, or at my second home I should say. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

  April 23, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  I do not know how to start this entry. Should I start out by telling you about the horrible and life threatening plane ride, or about the beautiful place I’m writing from? I think I’ll start with the ride.

  Janice, for a moment or should I say quite a few moments in the plane ride I thought it would be the end of Rondah, Devoy, myself and everyone else on flight. Somewhere between America and Jamaica the plane started shaking violently. Some of the containers from the breakfast that had just been served just started falling over. The pilot was repeating over and over again the everyone had to remain in their seats with their seatbelt fastened. He said we were in a very dangerous situation.

  Maybe what happened was just another common case of turbulence but you really think about your life when you feel it’s going to end in a few moments. The first people I thought about I think are the most important to me at this stage in my life. Up there thinking I was going to die I thought of Rondah, sitting beside me praying as it looked like, Devoy sleeping in her lap (that kid sleeps through anything), and my parents who were unaware of everything going on. I thought of my brothers of course, who I pray will only be taken from my life when my life is taken.

  Those people I always knew were important. I thought of my other relatives of course. My new sister Michelle was in my thoughts too, that was no surprise. A surprise though was that Derek was one of the first. My mother would kill me on the spot if she knew this but I just got to tell someone my feelings about Derek. Over the four months I’ve known him or have gotten to know him and understand him, I’ve really grown attached to him. Just to hear his voice on the phone makes my days complete. I don’t know what you call these feelings I have. It’s just so new to me. Whenever I talk to him I feel important. He makes me feel like I count in his life. I suppose that is the reason he’s special—he makes me feel special. If there’s any guy I should be kissing, it’s him. He’ll always be sort of like a first love. Why am I talking about Derek when I’m on a gorgeous island? I don’t know. It’s one of those things that I can’t understand.

  April 24, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Today I spent settling into my home for the next fourteen days. Rondah went out with friends and I had to baby-sit. My aunt was kind enough to allow my cousin Oudia to stay home with me. I was so bored! I was hot, drowsy, and cranky. I couldn’t really go out or even take a walk because Devoy would be too much
trouble. It was an all in all terrible day. Tomorrow however, will be better. Rondah and I are going to stay up in St. Ann until Saturday. As you know that’s where I was born and raised. I can’t believe I’ll actually be going back there. I can’t wait to get there and visit my old teachers and all my friends. And of course Janice, Janice. I’m going to see the person I named you after.

  April 25, 1991

  Dear Janice,

  Today was mostly filled with disappointment. I don’t know where to begin. I’m not writing to you from my old home in St. Ann, but instead my Aunt’s house in St. Catherine. The three day trip to St. Ann where I would see everyone again turned out to be a tour trip where I would only see one cousin, one friend, and a couple old ladies I hardly remember.

  First of all, we couldn’t get any transportation to where we wanted to go. It seemed like hours waiting at that bus stop. Since there were a lot of buses going to where another aunt lived in St. Ann, Rondah decided to go and get a ride from there. We spent at least two hours at her house before she got a friend that drove a taxi to take us.

  Then Rondah broke the news to me. We weren’t going to stay very long—we would just say hi and go back with the taxi. Can you believe it? However, we would go straight to a hotel in Ocho Rios where we would stay until the next day and then go to a nearby beach. Anyway, when we got there, memories started rushing back to me. At every house I passed there lingered some memory of something.