“How’s this?” Alana showed her a costume. Bea was just happy that she’d found something and whipped out her credit card and ordered it on the spot.
While they ate dinner, Bea mentioned her idea of having a dinner party for Sophia. She needed to put her eyes on her, inspect her movements the way she had with Alana to assure that she was all right. Be assured that her illness had not affected that precious baby.
“No kids”—she waved her fork—“except for Sophia.”
“I want to come,” whined Chico.
“Me too.”
“Whatever you want,” Lonnie added.
“No fair.”
“Life’s not fair,” Chico said.
“Life is what you make it, son.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like being social. I’ll start planning.” The pills must have been working.
“Mama, why can’t we come?”
“Because.”
“Because what? We live here too.”
“I know, sweetie.”
“Make sure you hire the caterers. I don’t want you slaving in the kitchen. I want you to enjoy yourself.” He rubbed her hand.
Lonnie had not been home much in the past few weeks but when he was he turned all of his attention on Bea. It felt like he was trying to make up. Constantly going over the top to reassure her that their life together was good. For Bea, it was good to coast and not argue but things weren’t fixed. There was a wedge there that flowers, gifts, and even the upcoming dinner parties couldn’t fix.
Something inside of Bea had shifted after the birth of Sophia but she didn’t know what to do with it. Some nights Bea lay awake wondering if this was all that marriage was for most people. Sloppily placed bandages over wounds that never healed, for the sake of sharing a name, the bleachers at kids’ events, and eating dinner together. Was everyone’s life like this or was theirs a special nuptial? No matter how much she thought about it she couldn’t figure it out. Bea resolved to keep moving and not do anything, until something would push her down into the gaping hole and force her to look up. Like on Thursday morning, when she sat down to write her shopping list for the dinner party and heard the ding on her phone alerting her of a new e-mail. She touched the screen. It was from Connie. Every time her name appeared in her in-box it was like a stiletto through her heart.
The next payment for Alonzo’s school is due on the 15th. Thanks so much for your agreement. He’s received all As on his progress report and seems to be adjusting to the new environment well.
Yours in parenting,
Connie
Bea hated that Connie always signed the e-mails yours in parenting. Bea had agreed to pay for the boy’s schooling but could do without the updates. She never passed them on to Lonnie anyway. Never wanting him to get the idea of bringing that boy into their fold. She filed the e-mail into her e-mail folder called X and shut down her phone.
TWENTY
Adult Social
Preparing for Sophia’s dinner party gave Bea something to focus on. She found herself humming to an old Whitney Houston song while pulling down the nice china to set the table. Bea had not exercised in ages and it felt good to move her hips to the beat. Two days prior she had decided to stop force-feeding herself the horse pills that Dr. Spellman had prescribed. Bea wasn’t crazy and she wasn’t going to find her happy in a pill. They’d served their purpose and helped her to get over the hump. She had not cried in more than a week and had not binged in three full days. She just needed to get to twenty-one days. Studies showed that it took twenty-one days to break a habit and Bea believed it. Twenty-one was her magic number.
Lonnie had left to drop the kids off at her mother’s house when the caterer, Malcolm, arrived. Once Bea gave instructions on the layout, she dipped upstairs for a shower. She took extra care in combing her hair. At the last minute she decided to blow it out and wear it in a high bun, putting a silver butterfly clip on the side for pop. The lavender cotton dress fit well enough and she could hear her mother’s voice in her ear telling her to wear her good bra and put on her Spanx, so she did.
The house smelled of love when Bea went back downstairs.
“Thank you so much.” She smiled at Malcolm and his young assistant. They were both busy, chopping, sautéing, and moving around the kitchen. “You make the best Beef Wellington on the planet. I can’t wait for dinner.”
“It’s always a pleasure to cook for you, Beatrice.”
Bea flicked on the switch for her fireplace in the family room, thinking that baby Sophia might enjoy a little extra warmth. Then she lit a mix of taper and pillar candles on the dining table. She loved her dining table. It was handcrafted walnut and had been purchased from a specialty furniture shop she’d stumbled upon when they took the children to Baltimore for the weekend. The only reason she’d gone in there was because Alana needed to use the bathroom and she’d gagged at the price tags. But then she saw the table and couldn’t stop running her hands over the wood. Lonnie bought it on the spot for her.
He came through the front door. “Everything looks beautiful. Especially you.”
She blushed. “I hope Mena and Clark have a good time. I remember how hard it was to relax when Chico was born.”
“We know how to throw a party, baby. Everything will be perfect.”
He kissed her lips, long and loving. Bea found herself leaning against him, surprised at her sudden desire for him.
“I’m going to go shower, but I’m putting in a reservation for tonight, after the guests leave.” He ran his hand across the curve of her backside.
“Go get dressed.”
Bea watched him walk up the steps and then took a long exhale. It amazed her that after twelve years of marriage, and all that they had been through, that man could still excite and confuse her. She turned her attention back to the planning. She wanted to document the evening so she went into the hall closet in search of her camera. It was fully charged. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually printed pictures to make a photo book. That’s what she planned to do. Make a book: one for her and one for Mena. The thought delighted her. Bea was snapping pictures of the table setting when the doorbell chimed.
“Hi, guys,” she squealed. It was Mena, Clark, and Sophia.
“Bea, you look beautiful.” Mena kissed her cheek. Clark carried the baby’s car seat. A blanket was thrown over her. Bea kept snapping pictures as they walked through the door.
“Is it cold out there?”
“Temperature is definitely dropping for it to only be November.”
“Come in here, I’ve got the fireplace already going for you.”
Mena’s eyes looked hollow. Even under the piped floral shift dress Bea could tell that she had lost weight.
Clark unraveled the baby from all of her layers and bundled her into Bea’s arms.
“Hi, little miss precious,” Bea said, taking a seat on the sofa and gesturing to Mena to join her. “You hot with all of these clothes on?” Bea teased.
Mena sat next to her and gave her the low-down on Sophia’s sleep schedule. Bea pretended to be listening but she was really watching Sophia. Looking into her eyes, watching her take in her new surroundings. She squeezed her fingers and toes to see how she would react.
“How’s she eating?”
“A lot. The child is always hungry. It’s like she’s starving all the time. She eats until she throws up so I have to monitor the bottle.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“Right now they just want to make sure she’s gaining weight. Last we checked she was seven pounds six ounces.”
Bea tried to hide her concern as Awilda and Derrick walked in. It had been over a week since Bea had seen Awilda. She wore her hair straightened and her button-down blouse and jeans were simple. She looked more conservative than usual but her skin had an undeniable glow. Bea handed the baby over, picked up her camera, snapped their picture, and then they hugged.
“Hey, Beasely.”
>
“Wilde, you look great. Did you get a facial?”
“No, I bought some new hair.” She ran her fingers through her tresses and giggled. “Trying that Olivia Pope look. Whatcha think?”
“Love it.” Bea leaned in and whispered while taking her coat, “Things better with you and Derrick?”
“Just a little.” Awilda surveyed the room. “Anyone want a drink? The bartender is in the building.”
“I’ll take one.” Clark lifted a finger.
Bea took Derrick’s coat and then leaned in for a hug. “Just the man I wanted to see. How have you been?”
“Good.”
“Keeping active?”
“Actually I have. All of a sudden I’m like the neighborhood handyman. My phone is ringing off the hook.”
“That’s wonderful, Derrick. I have a project in my garage that I’ve been putting off. We need some shelving and waiting on Lonnie to get to it is like expecting snow in July.”
“I got you. Just tell me when.”
Lonnie strolled down the stairs, commanding the attention of the room.
“Hey, now.” He went around the room like a politician, shaking hands, kissing women, and then tickling the baby.
Joney walked in with a man Bea had never seen. He was squat and Asian, with long, dyed-brown hair and wood-framed glasses.
“This is my friend, Bill.” Joney smiled.
“Welcome. Let me take your photo,” Bea said. Joney and Bill leaned in and just that quickly Bea saw the halo over the two of them, the light between their oceans that joined them together. Clark and Mena had a similar energy between them.
Bebel Gilberto’s album Samba da Benção was playing. Being a Brazilian artist, the album was in Portuguese. Bea didn’t understand a word but she understood the feeling and loved the way the music made her float through the room like a beautiful quill. The baby was passed around and Mena followed everyone with hand sanitizer and a burp cloth, still sporting the new mom jitters. The appetizers were on display and drinks flowed. Bea didn’t drink anything stronger than a ginger ale because she didn’t want the alcohol to make her sleepy.
When it was time, they all fit comfortably at the dining room table and the conversation ping-ponged from heavy to light.
“Sophia’s christening was so beautiful last week,” Bea squealed.
“They did a great job,” said Mena. “Your children looked adorable.”
“Honey, Alana had that dress picked out for weeks.”
“Yum. This soup is delicious.” Awilda dabbed her mouth.
“It is, isn’t it?” Bea snapped a picture of Awilda and she wagged her napkin at her. Bea needed to accost her alone and catch up.
“You know they still haven’t caught the man who broke into that house around the corner,” Joney said. “It’s hard to understand why this is so hard for the local police. They had to get the state involved.”
“I thought it would have been easy,” Lonnie added. “They brought in two men but they didn’t match the man on the nanny cam.”
“I hate it when they act like any black man will do,” Derrick said lightheartedly.
“It’s not just black men,” Bill added. “I was arrested in San Francisco for minding my own damn business. I was down at the wharf buying fresh shrimp when these two officers grabbed me from behind and threw me to the ground.”
“Really?” Joney’s eyes widened.
“This was before I knew you. They hauled me down to the station and roughed me up a bit before they realized that I was the wrong man. They were looking for a Chinese mobster and I’m Korean.”
Everyone laughed.
“Mistaken identity.”
“Did you sue?”
“I thought about it but then I just let it go. Decided to change my energy and focus on aligning with my future desires. A few weeks later, I met Joney.”
She blushed. “When I practiced law, I saw those types of cases all of the time. Lucky for me, criminal wasn’t my expertise. I don’t think I could stomach it.”
Bea leaned across the table. “Thanks for looking out for the kids, Joney, while I was having little Miss Sophia. You were a lifesaver.”
“Oh, please. That’s what neighbors are for, darling.” She winked.
Sophia dozed off in Bea’s arms while dinner was served. Mena watched her, barely touching her food. When Sophia opened her mouth to yawn, Mena reached anxiously.
“She wants her mama.” Bea handed the baby over. Sophia curled up in Mena’s arms and was soon again fast asleep. Bea moved the food around on her plate.
“What’s fatherhood been like for you so far?” Lonnie asked Clark.
“It’s the best feeling in the world, to know that this person depends on me. On us. I just never want to let her down.”
Mena shook her head. “I still can’t believe she’s here. I still can’t believe that you did this for us, Bea.”
“Wait until she gets bigger and starts talking back. See how thankful you’ll be to Bea then,” piped Awilda.
The crowd chuckled.
“The first word Amare learned was no. Drove me insane.”
“Or when they become teenagers. I didn’t think I’d survive it. I have two kids, two years apart, and I was going through a messy divorce when they were going through puberty,” inserted Joney.
“Enjoy each moment, Mena. Sophia won’t always be this easy to please.” Bea rubbed her arm.
“Even though the journey twists and turns, it’s joyous and fulfilling.” Joney raised her glass of wine. “To the new family. May your life be filled with great health, love, and understanding.”
Everyone raised their glasses and toasted.
As soon as the dinner dishes were cleared from the table, Mena stood and announced that they needed to go.
“Don’t want to keep Sophia out too late. We’re trying to get her on a schedule.”
Bea snapped a few more pictures of them and then Lonnie walked them to the door. Dessert was on the table when he came back. Lonnie offered up more drinks.
“Me.” Awilda raised her hand as Derrick’s mobile rang. “Who is that?”
Derrick got up from the table and walked toward the kitchen. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
Awilda looked at Bea and turned her lips up in a way that said, see what I mean?
Bea smiled back. “How’s the blueberry pie?”
Awilda put a big bite between her red lips and beamed. “Amazing.”
Lonnie placed her drink in front of her. “I’ll have to have some of that pie too.”
Derrick returned. “Babe. Mom locked herself out of the house. We need to head over and let her in.”
“I just started my dessert.”
Derrick looked like he didn’t want to upset her. “Okay, I’ll go and come back for you.” He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
Joney and Bill were cuddled together, eating pie from the same fork. The music was jazzy and soft. Lighting dimmed. Bea couldn’t remember feeling such bliss. It was like a high that she wished she could hang on to forever. Everything had turned out right. The camera was on the table in front of her and she clicked back through the photos she had taken, half-listening to the conversation about the recent oil spill and the effect it was having on wildlife. It was amazing how many photos she had taken in such a short space of time and as she flicked through them, the folks around the table seemed to grow louder until they were too much and she tuned them out.
Bea had reached to scratch a mosquito bite on her ankle when she noticed something in one of the frames. It sent a sensation through her chest that made it hard for her to form words. A halo. It was an active energy that she had not detected before. Moving her face closer to the camera she went from photo to photo, studying what all of a sudden she knew with all of her heart to be true. She clenched her knees together under the table to stop her stomach from swaying and shooting up her food. How could she have missed it before? Her nose was so close to the frame that she bumped
it before pulling away.
“You should see Lonnie swim.” Awilda cackled. “The water barely moves. What was your record in high school?”
“I went to the state finals,” Lonnie bragged.
“So you two went to the same high school?” Joney asked.
“Yeah. Bea and Lonnie met through me. Our mothers worked together at the same school. That’s how we became besties.”
Joney said something in return but Bea couldn’t hear her. It seemed like Joney was speaking bubble language under water. Bea closed her eyes to regain her composure. The colors behind her eyelids began to spin like saucers and spun her from the table out to the garage. It was not until she stepped onto the cold slab of dusty concrete that she remembered that she was barefoot.
The force piloted her. Then the outrage pulsed through the tips of her fingers as she swept the top ledge for her key to the safe box. Inside that box was the key to the gun storage. From a distance, she could hear Joney calling to her that she was going to walk Bill out. Bea mumbled, knowing that Joney couldn’t hear her but that she would continue on her way anyhow. All night it’d felt like the two of them couldn’t wait to be alone.
It was funny, the hand that life dealt, Bea thought with the weight of the .22 in her hand. Bea knew how to load a gun. Lonnie had taught her. They used to go to the gun range very early on when they lived in D.C. It was before they’d gotten married but after his cheating the first time. That was how Bea kept time. Children born. Lonnie’s affairs. She hadn’t been shooting in years but that didn’t stop the memory of how to do it from climbing to the top of her thoughts.
Bea pointed the barrel in a safe direction and then ejected the magazine. She knew to check that the gun was completely empty before inserting one round at a time. It had been a while so she had to push hard with her thumb on the center of the round and slide it back until it was below the retaining lip. Once full, she reinserted the magazine and pushed firmly until she heard the familiar click. Bea walked soundlessly back into the house. Chico always got mad when Bea startled him because she was that good at creeping through the house. It was part of her Carmen Santiago detective persona that she put on when she had to find things out. She moved as quietly as a mouse undetected.
And Then There Was Me Page 17