by Simone Elise
“Do you, or don’t you?” I asked him.
“I do. It’s simple to make if I ever run out.” Ryder reached for my hand, which I didn’t realize was shaking until he wrapped his around it. “I can’t just hand it out, Allie, but if you really need it, just tell me who and why.”
I couldn’t tell him who.
I couldn’t tell him why.
So, I let out a low sigh. “I was just asking, didn’t say I wanted it.”
Our eyes locked, and his racked mine for answers. Answers he wasn’t going to find.
“What are you two doing?” Zane’s voice pulled us out of our little thing.
“Um, nothing.” Ryder let go of my hand and turned to look at Zane. “What… what are you doing here?”
“Called you two and didn’t get an answer.” Zane’s hard eyes looked at me for a moment. “We are finished and why the hell aren’t you two?”
“Got distracted,” Ryder shot back as an answer. It was somewhat true.
“Well, can you two hurry up because I really want to head home.” Ebony was at Zane’s side now, and I noticed her new handbag. It looked like someone had managed to do some shopping for herself.
“We’ll pay for these, and then we are done.” Ryder grabbed the cart and shot me a wink as he headed to the counter.
I felt like a bomb of information had just hit me; hard.
Zane’s fingers wrapped around my upper arm, stopping me as I walked past him. “You ok?” His eyes weren’t cold, but they were numb. I never could see into his emotions, and it bothered me.
Yet it seemed he could see mine easily.
“Fine.”
“You’re lying.”
“So, what if I am? Isn’t any of your concern.”
“Actually,” Ebony spoke up. “It kind of is, considering you’re his mate.”
My mouth dropped, and I turned to look at her, then back at him. “You told her?” I hissed. Why would he do that! “You actually told her that!”
“Oh, come on, Allie, he’s my best friend, so you can’t expect him to keep secrets from me.” Ebony crossed her arms and tapped a foot. “He needed someone to talk to about this mess.”
“There isn’t a mess,” I snarled at her. “There is nothing.” I gave Zane a pointed look. “Nothing at all between us.”
“Between you?” Ryder was back, shopping bags in hand.
“Nothing.” I went to take a few of the bags off him. “Let’s just go.”
Yes, let's go before I either punch Ebony for not keeping her nose out of our business, or punch Zane for sharing it with her.
Ebony gave me a smug look as we walked past her. I could feel my temper building, so I increased my pace.
Why would Zane tell her that? My anger was blanketed for a moment when I really thought about it. If he had told her, that means she knows he can’t really love her. Why would he tell her that, when it is sure to end anything between them?
Chapter Twenty-one
We didn’t speak about the antidote again. I had a strong feeling Ryder wasn’t keen on discussing the subject in a house filled with people with excellent hearing.
I was planning on sneaking out tonight as I had heard rumors about this band playing down at the local club and a night out sounded like the best idea ever.
I didn’t have anyone to go with, and it wasn’t like I had an endless list of friends that would go with me, so I saw tonight as me going solo, but that really didn’t bother me, because I didn’t need other people to make my night fun.
It was after ten at night, and I saw the number of people walking around the mansion had thinned, so I poked my head out my bedroom door to be sure.
I didn’t know what the rules were living here. Are we allowed to go out? I don’t know. Alpha Harris was a strict dad, so I was going to assume he was also a strict host.
“Where are you going?”
Really, out of all the people up and about, it just had to be him!
Turning around, I met his cold, dark eyes. “Out, isn’t that obvious?”
“By yourself?” Zane crossed his arms, arching both eyebrows. “You sure that is safe?”
I scoffed at his demeaning tone and rolled my eyes. “Really, you are lecturing me on what is safe? How about you just go back to doing whatever it was you were doing and let me be!”
I found it really suspicious that he just happened to come out the moment I left my room.
“I’ll come.”
“I do not think so!”
“Why, scared I might ruin your fun?”
“More like scared I might run in front of a bus trying to get away from you!”
“Good thing the buses stop running at nine then.” His lips twitched with a smile, and I watched in complete horror as he closed his bedroom door and shrugged his jacket on. “Come on then.”
I couldn’t think of one sensible thing to say as Zane held the front door open.
“You really want to come with me?” I could think of a handful of reasons why he and I shouldn’t be alone together and the most important one being; I might kill him.
“You can hang out with my brother, can’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s give it a go.” He gestured for me to walk past him.
“I don’t see this ending very well.”
“Don’t be negative.”
“There’s a difference between negative and honest.” I shook my head, yelling internally at myself. I shouldn’t be leaving the house with him.
“Come on, Allie, lighten up. Who knows, we might have the best time ever.” He gave me a sarcastic look.
“I suppose you’re right.” I looked at him with mischief running through my eyes. “I could push you in front of a bus.”
He winked at me. “Now that’s the spirit.”
***
Everything about Zane seemed to intensify once I had a few drinks down. My senses seemed to be cued to his every movement; like right now as he leaned over and handed the cash to the bartender for our drinks.
I watched the way his upper arms flexed with the simple movement and admired his half-chiseled smirk. He gave me a sideways glance, and then a second look; his mouth frowning while his eyes flashed with curiosity.
He leaned forward, his head tilted down to my ear, “What’s got your attention?” His voice was just audible over the music.
He slid the drink across the bar, and my fingers locked around the cold glass. I really shouldn’t be having another one.
I rose on my toes, keeping my eyes locked on his. “Nothing.”
“Liar.”
This little unneeded conversation brought our bodies closer, and I hated myself for liking it. I was pressing myself against him, on my tippy toes trying to speak to him, while he was making the most of the moment, and slinging an arm around my waist, keeping me in place.
“I think I need to stop drinking,” I yelled in his ear.
The deep thud of the bass really wasn’t helping the moment. It was the type of music that just made you want to let go, and be loose.
He chuckled, and threw back his shot before leaning forward, and lowering his mouth to my ear. “The night’s just beginning, didn’t take you as a lightweight.”
“Please! Have you seen me?!” Grinning, I pulled my head back to look him in the eye.
“Oh, I’ve seen you alright.” He licked his bottom lip, and I watched fire spread through his eyes. “You going to drink that?”
I looked at the shot and shrugged my shoulders. His arm was now firmly around me, and I was pinned against his chest. I was stepping on his toes and had one arm wrapped around his neck.
Finally, I shook my head. “No, I really shouldn’t.”
“Give it to me then.”
He took the glass from my hand; our fingers brushing. Skin on skin really was something we should avoid if we didn’t want this to get too heated. I knew that instantly when m
y stomach twisted into a tight knot by the simple touch.
Zane threw the shot back and put the empty glass on the bar.
The one side effect of alcohol is you don’t really think before you act. So, when I ran my finger across his bottom lip, I really wasn’t thinking. Nor was I thinking when I licked the remaining alcohol off my finger.
I might be nearly drunk, but there was nothing wrong with my eyesight, and I watched Zane’s face twist with desire; desire I could feel running over his skin.
His hand moved, running up my back. It wasn’t gentle; it was raw and firm, making me press into him. He wanted me against him, I could see it in his eyes.
“We should leave,” I said, breathless.
“You’re right.” His words hid a different reason for leaving.
When our bodies separated, I felt like I got my better judgment back. Such an intense feeling consumed me when I touched him; when I was near him.
It wasn’t fair, and it certainly wasn’t healthy.
The noise of the traffic and drunken chatter filled the air once we stepped outside.
Zane reached for my hand, and I didn’t pull away from it. Instead, I let his hand engulf mine, and I knew I was going to regret this in the morning.
‘You ok?’ Zane’s voice floated through my mind.
If he was trying to get my reaction to our, um, whatever that was; he wasn’t going to find answers in my mind.
‘Yeah, just…well…yeah.’ I looked up at him, my jumble of words making no sense.
He gave me a nod of understanding. “It’s strong, the pull.” I saw his eyes drift down to our tangled hands. “I can’t keep my hands off you.”
I laughed and looked up at him. “Well, apparently neither can I.”
“Remember at the start of this whole mess, we were going to try and just be friends?”
I nodded my head while my mind flowed back to that dinner.
“Well, I think we should try.” He stared down at the ground while we kept walking hand in hand. “We never really gave it a go last time.”
Zane and I were only good at one thing, and that was fighting. “How about…” I came to a stop, pulling on his hand. His eyes met mine. “How about we see how we feel in the morning? Then we can decide.”
He frowned but nodded. “That way you can make an informed decision.”
“Yep, while not thinking about how much I want to touch you.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I slapped a hand across my mouth.
“Really?”
“Oh, shut up will you and take me home.” I whacked his stomach with the back of my free hand.
“Just can’t keep your hands off me?”
“You’re cruising for a bruising, mate.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “Take me home.”
Would we regret this in the morning? Would I even be able to look him in the eye come tomorrow? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
Chapter Twenty-two
I had always seen the world as two-sided, white and black if you must. There was good, and there was bad. I never really saw a middle ground, so it was hard for me to admit what happened last night with Zane was good when really it was so wrong at the same time.
“So, you going to tell me how your night was?” Ryder smirked across at me. “Or are you just going to keep staring at me.”
“I’m not staring!”
“Sure, you’re not,” he scoffed and handed me an empty plate. “You better start serving up your plate before it is all gone.”
“I can’t.” I sighed and jumped off the counter I was sitting on. “I have an appointment with the pack doctor this morning, so I guess I’ll have to miss out.”
Ryder gave me an exaggerated look of disappointment. “Bugger, the breakfast feast is always the best of the week.”
“I know.” I gave the row of freshly made food a deflated look.
Ryder wasn’t joking either, the pack house always went all out for Sunday breakfast.
“I’ve got to go.” I waved over my shoulder.
“Ok, I’ll see you when I see you.”
I left the man with his bacon and pushed open the swinging doors. Why did I have to get an appointment first thing Sunday morning? I know now why that appointment was still free.
I was walking up the hall deep in thought when I accidentally walked straight into someone.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I looked up apologizing, and when my eyes met his, I lost all thought.
Zane rubbed the back of his neck, looking and acting as awkward as me. “It’s ok, I um, wasn’t watching either so, um, yeah.”
Hearing Zane stumble over his words caused me to smile. “So, this is, um…” I rocked on the balls of my feet.
“Awkward?”
“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “It shouldn’t be, as we had a good night.” I was saying the words, but even I was struggling to believe them.
He raised both eyebrows at me, looking at me curiously. “Good night? Here I was thinking you would be regretting it by now.”
“Well, it’s only nine in the morning, so I guess we will have to wait and see.” Remembering the time, I really had to speed this up. “Um, look I’m not doing this to run away from you, but I have an appointment on the upper level with the doc, so I have to get a move on.”
“You’re going to miss the feast.”
“Yep.” My luck sucked like that. “So, I’ll see you, um, next time.” I gave him another awkward grin, and before I said another word to embarrass myself, I walked past him.
My eyes widened, and I really wanted to just go invisible. Could that have been any more awkward? What was worse was I felt like I was the one making it awkward. Of course, I would choose that moment to act like a girl.
“Allie?”
I froze and looked back at Zane. “Yeah?”
“Good luck at the doctor.” He gave me a quick nod and turned to walk towards the kitchen.
I swallowed sharply. It was only a brief moment, it hadn’t lasted long before he masked it, but it was there, clear on his face - concern.
He was concerned about me and why did that cause something in my stomach to twist?
***
“So, Alison, how long has it been since you were able to shift?” The doctor twisted in his chair to face me.
I hated being called Alison, but I also hated coming to the pack clinic, so I guess today was just the day for it.
“A few months.” I chewed my bottom lip; I felt so…so useless coming to a doctor about this. “Every time I try to bring on a change, it is like I can’t…” I stopped, exhaling slowly. “I can’t connect with that side of me.”
I knew something was off when I couldn’t shift the other day. There were also other small things that told me something was wrong with me. Like my strength was weaker and my energy levels lower, not to mention I was always cold lately.
I explained all of this to him and watched as he nodded his head understanding.
“Alison…
“I prefer Allie.”
He smiled faintly. “Allie, what I believe you are experiencing today is a classic case of disconnect.”
It was official, I was broken. My face must have shown my disappointment and concern because he was quick to continue.
“It is common these days for young wolves to spend more time in their normal state, which is human, than shifting and connecting with the other side of them.”
“So, it’s fixable? I mean, I can regain what I have lost.”
He was quick to nod his head. “Yes, of course, all it will take is for you to spend more time shifting and connecting with your inner beast.”
Realization hit me harder than a brick wall falling on me. “I can’t do that! I have school, not to mention I can’t even shift to begin with! I don’t know how to be a wolf either, and I’m pretty sure if I wandered around in that form, I could be taken down by a
wild deer!”
“Allie, calm down.” He patted my knee. “First, all you need to do is find someone you trust to be with you while you shift, and they can help you regain the connection.”
“I don’t have anyone I trust.”
“I can talk to the Alpha…
“NO. NO!” I quickly said, shaking my head. “No, um, I’ll sort it out myself.” I gave him a forced but not very confident grin. “Thanks.”
“I’d like to see you in a month to see how you’re doing.” He opened the door for me. “Good luck, Allie, I know you can do it.”
I wasn’t sure if I could. Who could I find that I trusted? I can’t shift, and how the hell can I go walking around as a wolf more? It wasn’t possible, and I felt my stress levels rising quickly.
***
ZANE
Pack meetings weren’t my favorite event of the week, but I would take a whole week full of them over a family meeting.
Dad was rambling on about the current power usages of the pack house, while Ryder looked as bored shitless as me, and mom looked down at the bill dad was reading off.
“Why do I need to know how much power this place uses?” Ryder groaned, “Seriously, why am I here?”
“Because it’s expected of you.” I smirked across at him, enjoying the fact he hated it here.
“Zane is correct, Ryder.” Dad’s tone was official, cold like normal. “Now, as I was saying, I believe we need to be setting more of an example…”
I’m sure dad’s speech was nowhere near over, but I tuned out and focused on something more important.
Allie.
My protection and concern for her were on maximum at the moment. It didn’t help seeing her all vulnerable this morning.
My jaw clenched as I searched for her. Her mind, as usual, was busy, and I was quickly attracted to it.
‘What the hell am I going to do? Why is this happening to me?’
Bingo, I found her. Her emotions were strong, so strong I could nearly taste the stress attack she was currently having.