She snatched up the receiver on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Ms. Jansen?”
“Speaking.”
“This is Dr. Stevens, Daniel’s doctor. I hate to call you so early in the morning, but I needed to speak with you before I leave my office for my hospital rounds.”
“Uh-huh.” She struggled to her elbows and blinked her tear-swollen eyes.
“I needed to speak with you,” the doctor went on, “regarding my early therapy session with Daniel. Let’s see, it’s five-forty-five right now … Can you be here by nine this morning?”
“I’m sorry. I’m not participating in Daniel’s therapy. You’ll have to talk to Bradley Winters. He’s acting as Daniel’s guardian right now.”
“Actually, he’s not,” the doctor informed her. “My paperwork shows you as acting guardian.”
Faith closed her eyes, picturing the blue-bound documents lying on the bookshelf in her living room. Unsigned documents.
“I’ve had a very hard time trying to get past Daniel’s shell,” the doctor went on. “To be honest, I’ve had no luck at all. He won’t even talk to me, or anyone, for that matter, including Mr. Winters, who has attended each session. We’re up against the wall and frankly, Miss Jansen, we need a bulldozer. An emotional bulldozer,” the doctor added. “You’ve got quite a reputation with troubled kids. I could certainly use your expertise on this.”
“I’m sure there are people much more qualified. Besides, I doubt Daniel will open up to me.” She remembered the hatred simmering in the boy’s eyes. Not pain, but hatred, directed straight at her. “The last time I saw him, he told me to get lost.”
“But at least he told you something. He hasn’t said a word in the five days he’s been here. Please, Miss Jansen. I really think you could help. He’s a very troubled boy.”
Get out of here. Leave me alone. Daniel’s words echoed in Faith’s head, tugging at the heart she’d buried so deeply she’d thought no one could unearth it ever again.
“I …” can’t was there on the tip of her tongue, but it would go no farther. It just sat there, stubborn. Immovable.
“For Daniel,” the doctor added.
The boy’s image pushed into her mind, and Faith heard the words coming out of her mouth before she could stop them.
“All right. I’ll be there.” She hung up and cradled her pounding head in her hands, her heart beating double time.
What had she just done?
“What do you want me to do?” Faith’s gaze swept the therapy room, from the desk sitting off to one side, to the circle of chairs at the center. Cracked linoleum supported her feet as she stepped deeper into the room, all the while ignoring the urge to bolt back down the corridor, through the double doors, and out into the morning sunshine.
What was she doing? The thought pounded through her head just as the doctor captured her elbow and led her to the circle of chairs.
“Just make yourself comfortable.” He abandoned her to retrieve a clipboard from the desk. “I want to thank you so much for coming, Ms. Jansen. I hope today’s session will be the breakthrough we need.”
Faith sank down in one of the chairs while Dr. Stevens, a fifty-something professional dressed in khaki slacks and a matching polo shirt, sat in a chair across from her. He looked like he should be holding a nine iron instead of a medical chart. His casual dress soothed her nerves a little and she unclenched her fingers from the straps of her purse. She smoothed the edges of her skirt down over her knees.
“I’ve read Daniel’s case history with CPS and I have to say I’m not surprised at his behavior. Mother committed suicide when he was only four years old, and he was abandoned by his father shortly after. He grew up on the streets, in and out of juvenile homes, arrested on a number of drug and theft charges.” He shook his head. “And a family history of substance abuse. My first guess when he was brought here was that he was high on something, but blood tests have revealed absolutely nothing in his bloodstream. He’s clean as a whistle, but …” He scratched his temple. “It’s the damnedest thing.”
“What is?”
“Well, we’ve been giving him a prescribed medication to help his depression, but routine blood work reveals no trace of it. I have someone monitoring him twenty-four hours a day, so we know he’s swallowing it. I mean, he has to be, but if he were, then we’d find some trace of it in his bloodstream. Right?”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“Zilch,” he said. “Not a trace. He has to be ditching the medication, but my staff and I can’t figure out how or where.”
“Kids like Daniel are smart, Dr. Stevens. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past five years at Faith’s House, it’s never to underestimate them, no matter what they look or act like. Just because they lack formal education doesn’t mean they aren’t as streetwise as they come.”
“Amen.” Bradley’s voice carried from the doorway, and Faith turned to see the counselor as he walked into the room. Worry had deepened the lines around his eyes. Responsibility had furrowed his forehead. He looked tired, drawn.
A sliver of guilt worked its way through Faith, and her gaze dropped to her purse and the papers folded inside. Her reason for being here, she reminded herself. She’d convinced herself of that as she’d stood in the doorway at home watching Trudy sleep. The girl had seemed so young and helpless. So needy.
She was needy, but she would just have to need someone other than Faith. So would Daniel. They all would. She couldn’t do it anymore. Rather than call and cancel with Dr. Stevens, she’d decided this would be the perfect opportunity to break ties altogether. She intended to get Bradley’s signature once and for all, and be done with Faith’s House.
She stiffened and took a deep breath. Bradley was tired and drawn by choice. He could walk away if he wanted to. No one was forcing him to stay or to care.
“It’s good to see you.” Bradley dropped into the seat next to Faith. “A real surprise, but then you’ve been surprising me a lot lately. I almost dropped my punch when I saw you at the dance. You and Jesse are getting to be … pretty close.”
Heat crept through Faith to settle in all the wrong places and she stared down at her hands. “We get along.”
“Just get along? This is Bradley you’re talking to, Faith. I know you better than that. You don’t just ‘get along,’ not when it comes to men. In fact, I’ve never seen you with a man. You turned down all Mike’s dinner invitations.”
“He’s younger than me.”
“By three years, and that’s nothing. And you don’t so much as glance sideways at Mitch Walker, Estelle’s assistant, and he’s had the hots for you since you faced off with him about getting Ricky’s probation reduced. Admit it, you and Jesse are getting along pretty darn well.”
“Look, Bradley—”
“Speak of the devil,” Bradley cut in, staring over his shoulder.
Faith knew it was Jesse even before she turned around.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention and an answering wave of heat rolled across her.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as he came up beside her.
“I invited him,” the doctor offered. “Daniel needs all the help he can get.” He motioned everybody into their seats while three orderlies ushered Daniel into the room.
The boy jerked to a dead stop when he saw Faith. He stared at her; then his gaze dropped to her neck and he smiled—a slow, evil smile meant to intimidate, to frighten.
Sympathy plucked at Faith’s heart, but she stiffened, fixing her mind on the papers. She would sit through this session, then talk to Bradley. Period. No participation. No involvement. No risk.
“That’s fine,” the doctor said when the orderlies had steered Daniel to a vacant chair. The doctor sat next to the boy, Bradley on Daniel’s other side. “Now, Daniel. We’re all here today because we care about you.” He patted the boy’s hand, which protruded from the white cast on his broken arm. “You h
ave a lot of problems, but we want you to know that we understand. That we can help you, if you let us …”
He went on for the next half hour in a monotonous droning that was wasted on Daniel. The boy sat in stony, belligerent silence, his unblinking gaze fixed up on his lap, his wiry body slumped in the chair.
He didn’t change position, didn’t shift his pale blue gaze, nothing.
“We need to share our thoughts. Why don’t you go first, Bradley.”
Bradley’s voice echoed through the room as he talked about his job at Faith’s House, what he liked and didn’t like. Then he passed the gauntlet to Jesse.
Jesse talked about Ricky and Emily and the others at Faith’s House, and how Daniel would fit in if he just gave the place a chance.
It wasn’t so much what he said that struck a chord inside Faith. It was the way he said it. His deep voice resonated with so much sincerity that Faith felt her eyes burn.
She blinked frantically, counting the lines in the wallpaper. No attachment, no risk. No tomorrows.
It was better this way. She couldn’t have a future with a man as committed to the kids as she used to be. It would only remind her of the past. Of Jane—
“Faith? Are you with us?”
She blinked. “Uh, Yes.”
“It’s your turn. Share your thoughts with us. Tell us about Faith. What makes her tick?”
“I … Let’s see … I like pizza, Mel Gibson movies. I hate to exercise …” She went on about likes and dislikes in a superficial speech that lasted all of forty-five seconds.
“Deep, Faith. Really deep,” Bradley muttered for Faith’s ears only. Then he glared.
She chanced a peek at Jesse and wished she’d kept her eyes glued to the wallpaper. He looked … murderous.
So her answers hadn’t been exactly what the doctor had had in mind. They would just have to do. She couldn’t begin to verbalize the turmoil inside her, nor did she want to. She felt too many things.
The realization brought a hysterical laugh to her lips. How had she gone from feeling nothing to feeling so much in such a short time?
She wanted to feel again; that wasn’t the problem. She just didn’t want to hurt. She wanted only good feelings. Safe ones.
No attachment. No risk.
“Well, now, Ms. Jansen,” the doctor remarked after a thoughtful second. “That was very … insightful.” He turned to Daniel. “We’re all friends here, Daniel,” he went on. “We’ve trusted you with our feelings; now you need to do the same.”
Silence closed in as they waited. And waited.
The urge to reach out, to take his bony hands in hers and warm them hit her like a Mack truck. One minute she was watching the clock, and the next she felt a pull, a desperation stirring inside her, looking for an outlet. For Daniel.
He was cold. And scared. She knew on a gut level and every instinct screamed for her to lean forward. She could reach him so easily. Just a shift in her seat, a stretch of her arms, and she could ease his fear and his chill.
“Come on, Daniel,” came the doctor’s voice, like a dousing of cold reality.
Then as quickly as it had stirred, the urge to comfort fell silent. Unanswered. Thank goodness.
Faith forced her attention from Daniel and concentrated on breathing slowly, evenly, which wasn’t very easy to do with Jesse right beside her. It wasn’t enough that his jean-covered thigh rested so close to her. To make matters worse, he glanced at her every few minutes. She felt his gaze, a caressing pass of warmth that heated her cheeks, her shoulders, the hands she clasped tightly in her lap—everywhere that he looked.
Even more disturbing images fought their way into her head, only to be quickly shoved out. She had to relax. Like a bad visit to the dentist, this would all be over in a matter of minutes.
“We all want to help you, Daniel. We want to be your friends, if you’ll just let us. But you have to talk to us. Let us inside,” the doctor was saying, all the while Faith stared at the clock. Five more minutes.
Then she could corner Bradley, get his signature.
Five … Four…
“… Bradley and the other kids will be there for you once you leave the hospital, if you want them to be. You have to give a little, Daniel. Talk to us. Tell us what you’re thinking.”
Three.
“There’s an entire world waiting for you. I know your past, Daniel, where and what you come from, but you’ll be surrounded by kids who know what it’s like. You’re not alone, son …” The doctor’s voice droned on and Faith watched the second hand ticking away. Anything to keep from looking at Daniel.
From feeling Jesse’s presence.
Two.
“Come on, Daniel. I want to help you, man.” It was Bradley’s voice, so worried. So eager. So …
So much like Faith used to be.
She cut herself off from the thought, watched the skinny black arm wind down.
One.
“I can see you’re still not ready,” the doctor said. “We’ll try again tomorrow. Think about what we’ve said, Daniel. That’s all for today.”
Zero.
The orderlies moved forward and Faith reached for her purse. It was over. Now to corner Bradley—
“I told you to leave me the hell alone.” The venomous words sizzled across the distance to Faith.
Her head jerked to attention and she stared directly into Daniel’s eyes. Where there had been nothing throughout the session, just pale blue pools of emptiness, now hatred and anger and deadly intent glittered there in full brilliance.
The orderlies moved toward him, but it was too late. He lunged across the two-foot radius of the circle.
“I told you, bitch! I told you!” His good arm swung and his fist smashed into her right temple. Jagged streaks of pain splintered through her skull, and the floor tilted.
Chaos erupted around her. Bradley and Jesse and the doctor’s voices blended into the shrill ringing in her ears. The orderlies were a white blur closing in on a kicking and screaming Daniel. He’d caught everyone off guard.
Especially Faith.
Then the noise faded.
The images blurred.
Faith crumbled to the floor.
Chapter Fourteen
“Faith? Can you hear me?”
Faith blinked and found herself staring up into Jesse’s concerned face. He knelt beside her, his large form blocking the overhead fluorescent lights, making him more shadow than man. Cold linoleum seeped through her skirt and bit into her backside.
“What—” The word faded into a groan when she moved her jaw.
“Daniel,” he reminded her, anger simmering in his gaze, mingling with the concern that glittered back at her like twin beacons of light. “Think you can stand up?”
She nodded and he helped her to a sitting position.
The room shimmied and swirled for a few seconds. She swayed.
“Dammit, you do need a doctor.” Jesse touched tender fingertips to the small lump at her temple.
“No, no,” Faith murmured. “It hardly hurts at all.”
“But you’re dizzy.”
“I’m just a little stunned.”
Jesse wasn’t convinced. “I’m going to find a doctor anyway. Just to be sure. Now don’t move.” When he seemed certain she was going to hold her sitting position, he stood and strode from the therapy room.
Voices carried from outside as a team of doctors, nurses, and orderlies tried to subdue Daniel. Faith glimpsed the chaos as Jesse left the room. Then the door shut and she was left sitting on the floor, her mind frantically trying to grasp what had just happened.
Daniel had knocked the living daylights out of her.
Faith tested the lump, mentally readying herself for a burst of pain. Instead, she felt only a dull ache when she pressed her fingers to the sore spot. It didn’t make sense. She should have a full-blown concussion after the punch he’d given her. Not a measly headache.
“Are you all right?” Bradley rushed into the ro
om, giving her another glimpse of the crowded hallway.
Faith abandoned her thoughts and struggled to see through the maze of bodies. She couldn’t quite make out Daniel, but she knew he was there. Fighting.
Something tightened in her chest.
She fought for a breath and ignored the strange feeling. Now was her chance. She struggled to her feet, swayed a dangerous moment; then the dizziness passed.
“You ought to stay put. Jesse’s hunting for the doctor. Someone really should take a look at you before you do so much moving around.”
“I’m fine. Daniel just knocked the wind out of me.” She took a deep breath, located her purse, and retrieved the papers.
“I still think you ought to stay put.”
She thrust the papers at him and rummaged inside her purse for a pen.
“What’s this?”
“You know good and well what they are. Sign them.”
He shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Please.” She blinked at a sudden onslaught of tears. “Just do this for me, Bradley. I’ve never asked anything from you.”
“Liar. You always ask for the moon.”
“Then I’m asking again. The kids need you; you need them. This is the right thing.”
“They need you.”
She shook her head. “They need me the way I used to be, but not now … I’ve changed. I’m different. I’m no good for them.” And they’re no good for me, she added silently.
Nobody’s savior.
He stared long and hard at her and she resisted the urge to snatch back the papers and rip them into tiny little shreds.
“You’re sure this is what you want?”
She nodded and reluctantly, Bradley put pen to paper.
“The doctor’s tied up, but he said to give you this ice pack and he’ll be here in a few minutes—” Jesse burst through the door, his words falling short when he saw the documents in Faith’s hands. “What the hell are you doing?”
She stuffed the signed papers in her purse, took the ice pack from Jesse, and held it to her head. “Leaving, if one of you will give me a ride. I don’t feel like waiting for the bus. Bradley, how about it?”
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