I try to respond, but nothing coherent seems to come out. I try to say she looks amazing, sexy, like the hottest thing in the entire world, but everything comes out jumbled. More blood is rushing to my cock then my brain. How the fuck does she expect me to think or speak when she looks like this? I'm acting like I've never seen a half-naked woman before. Get a grip, Marine. And I almost do until she straddles me to the bed, her legs pinned down on each side of me. Oh. My. God. When the fuck did she become a sex kitten? I sit up and admire the perfect curves of her boobs, the way they are sitting at attention right in my face. Her perfect curves would easily drive any man over the edge, down to her perfect hips that have widened since she came into my life. I gently stroke down her backside, this feeling more like my birthday than hers, but manage to stop my hands at the top of her thong. God, I'm so hard that it hurts.
With a heavy sigh, my entire body restraining itself, I look into her eyes, “What’d I do to deserve you?” She smiles, and I slip her a very chaste kiss. I can't afford anything more, or I'll never get to give her her real gift. “Ready for the other part of your present?”
She lifts her eyebrows in a sexual fashion, “Sure.”
I stifle a groan. Take your time, Clint. Reluctantly, I lift her body off my lap and place her beside me. Maybe space will bring this raging hard-on down. I stand up and grab the hem of my shirt when she croaks out, “Clint, wait.”
The motion stops, my shirt falls, and I wait for her to say something.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Earlier, Mindy said something, and it got me curious.”
“About?”
“How many girls have you been with?”
The question baffles me. Wow. Never been asked that before. My body flops down on the bed beside her, and I stroke the stubble I meant to shave this morning on my chin. “Honestly?” She nods. “Not sure. If it's disease you're worried about, I get checked regularly at the clinic on base. And I had Striker check me out while you were in the hospital.”
“It's not that.” She looks down, embarrassed. What could she possibly be embarrassed about? It's me who can't remember. “I just, I just don't want to be another forgotten memory after we do this, you know?”
Dumbfounded. Heartbroken. Those are the only two words I can fucking think of to describe how what she just said made me feel. Fuck. I hate feelings. How can she question that she could ever be a forgotten memory? Having her say those words out loud feels like a shotgun blow to the chest, being pistol-whipped with my own weapon. Feels like someone trying to pull my beating heart and show it to me. My chest burns. My head aches. Why can't you just feel the good without the bad? Without the disappointment?
I do the only thing I can think of. I continue with what I had planned. My back turns so it's facing her, and I slide off my shirt, allowing her to see my back.
“Those wings have my mom's name sketched in them. Down the middle. Those are replicas of my actual tags, in case of the worst.” I stand and point to a spot close to my ribs below a scar. “I got stabbed my first deployment. I made a stupid mistake. Realized I wasn't invincible. Got Alpha and Omega right underneath. Alpha means the beginning. It also means one. Mom used to say ‘Alpha’ when Sir left, that even though he was gone, we were all still one. One family. One unit. Safe. Sir always used to say whatever begins must someday end. Omega. The end. The day I got stitched up, I realized he was right. Someday everything ends, but before it does, I wanna make it count.” I swallow, a bit nervous but a bit desperate. “And then I got this one when I realized I’d found the only person I’d ever fall in love with, the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
I lean down and reveal the tribal sun on my arm, partly on shoulder. One of the rays says “Haven” in a wave to match the other rays.
“I love you, Haven. I can't undo the women I've been with. I can't undo the one-night stands or carelessness of my past, but I can swear to you you'll never be a forgotten memory or just a face without a name I brought into my bed. You're the last face. The last name. You're it for me.” I lightly touch her face. “And if you're still afraid that this is some sick bet with myself to bed you, then let's not do this. Let's just lay in bed. Let's just–”
That’s all that comes out before her lips are pressed on mine. While it feels good—God it feels good—I can't help but feel these are guilt kisses. That's not what I want our first time to be about, especially not for her. I hesitate during the kissing, which is like torture. She's persistent, her tongue enticing. Tasting like candy and love. It's very tempting. God, it's temping. Now her hands are clawing at my back, exploring the wings as she leads me backward onto the bed. I want her. I have to have her. I have to show her that she's it for me.
My lips begin kissing her neck. She moans and arches her back like a cat waiting to be petted again. Fuck me, that's hot. I let my lips kiss her again, this time on her collarbone, her shoulders, the top of her chest, each kiss receiving praise in the form of a moan. I lightly run my hand up her thigh. Her breath catches. My name slips out.
“Clint.”
I damn near come right on the spot. Determined to use my brain up top as much as the one below, I continue exploring her body with my mouth and my hands. Her perfect nipples. Her perfect breasts. Her perfect thighs. Each scar and faded bruise its own shape and shade of perfection. They are what make Haven, Haven. And if she is perfect, then so are they.
I spend what feels like hours listening to her moan freely with each perfected touch and kiss while navigating around her entire body. She occasionally gets the desire to run her lips and hands across me. I let her, against my better judgment. This night is supposed to be about her. Not me. Plus, every time she touches my cock or anywhere near it, I swear I'm going to lose it.
Naked. Both of us. My body hovering above hers, her legs parting way for entry, welcoming me without words. It feels surreal. I do my best to pull my lips away from hers, my hand reaching for the drawer that I put fresh condoms in today, when she lifts her lips back onto mine, dragging my attention down once more.
I let her. I let her slay my tongue again and again until my cock nudges against her, ready for the next step. Come on, Clint. Just grab a condom already. She swirls her tongue around and around, luring me into a trap I never want to leave. It feels like I'm suffocating.
Out of breath, I manage to say, “Angel, I gotta get a–” is all that makes it out of me before she lifts her hips up, her wetness closing in around my cock. And just like that, I've fallen into the point of no return. My head hits the pillow beside her face as I groan, “God.”
Senselessly, I push deeper inside, being as slow and careful as I can. Goddammit it, it's hard. The way her body, her slick core, just molds around me, it's like I'm the only key to a perfect lock. And that lock is fantastic.
“I-I-I-'ve n-never . . .”
Her lips begin tasting my neck, latching on in a sucking fashion that feels like her tongue is having sex with my neck. I take my time, moving in and out of her, not wanting to rush, not wanting to come from the intensity. I wasn't even aware sex was supposed to feel like this. Instead of some mindless forget-I-exist activity, I've never felt more alive. More whole.
The constant sound of our tags clinking as I dive inside her, dive deeper not only into her body but her heart reminds me that it's OK to feel. That everything Haven has made stir alive inside me for the last few weeks is worth it. That I'm done courting death. It's time to seduce and propose to life.
My hand strokes the side of her leg. My eyes linger in hers. This is the first time I've never used a condom. I'm glad I can share this with her. Make it even more unique. Though, I pray to God she never asks me to use one since she's on the shot.
“I-I-I've n-n-never n-n-not–”
“I know,” she whispers seductively in my ear before giving it the slightest nibble. I release a moan. Another move like that, and I'll be falling to fucking pieces.
Afterward, I roll off but leave my body tangled with hers. I need her near. I need for her to know she'll always be mine. That this was more than about sex. More than about coming, even though the coming was amazing. This was about melting into something more than just two people in love. This was some sort of connection to a lifeline to heaven. In fact, I think we may have just entered the gates.
.
28 Days Till Deployment
Like an angel. She looks exactly like an angel. I've said it before, but here she is in my bed, my white sheet wrapped around her, barely covering the tops of her boobs, which by the way, I am having a hard time not reaching out and touching, with one leg dangling from underneath it, her hair sprawled out, surrounding her face. She looks like a portrait of an angel. My angel.
I stroke the side of her arm, hoping not to wake her. I think Mom would be proud. Sir sure is. I'm thankful he worked an overnight shift last night. The complete shift in human qualities he has done since she's been around shows his approval. Mom would love her. Tell me, “Clint, for the love of God, don't fuck this up.” I stifle a laugh. I won't, Mom.
Sliding out of bed, I pull on my sweats, not really in the mood for a morning run—after all, I only fell asleep a couple of hours ago—but needing to stay in routine. I need to be the best Marine I can be. Not just for me anymore. For Haven. I need to return home to her. In the best shape. The best condition.
After leaving her a quick note that, after the run, I'll grab us breakfast, I get out the house keys and put wallet in hand.
My morning runs have always been about focus and dedication. Pushing myself to the limit. This morning feels different. The air seems thicker. The sun seems brighter. The world seems to be buzzing in a new way. I feel as if I can feel everything. It's quite amazing and, at the same time, terrifying. I beat my previous time and almost reach my goal. One minute over. Not bad for a guy on a couple of hours of sleep.
I slip into my Charger and take off for a place down the road for donuts and muffins. She's going to need her strength because we're not getting out of bed again until dinner. If then. The thought of having her in my bed underneath me for hours causes my dick to rise. I know. I'll be back home as soon as I can.
The quick trip to the bakery in which I buy a dozen donuts, half chocolate and half glazed, a dozen kolaches, half cheese and half not, and a dozen muffins, half chocolate chip and half blueberry, is anything but. There’s a longer line than expected, so I can only assume by now my angel is up and moving. Waiting on me. God, I miss her.
Pulling onto my street, I immediately notice something that wasn't there before, an older tan car parked beside the curb close to my house. Paint chipped. One of the rims missing. A broken taillight. A slight dent in the door. Doesn't look like anything that belongs here. Can't imagine it does. The neighbors don’t get many visitors from their lives before moving here.
The moment I step from my car, I encounter a sight I’m not prepared for. I see an older man, partially balding, shutting the passenger door. I've never seen him before, but from his stature, I feel I know him. His hunched-over ways. His stained but loose clothing. His demeanor.
“And you thought you could get away darlin' . . . tsk tsk.” The words bounce around in the air, an immediate angst rising in my throat as he begins his journey around to the driver's side.
And then I see her, Haven's face slack against the passenger window, struggling now to regain consciousness. Briefly, my body is paralyzed in disbelief. I can’t be seeing what I’m seeing. A long, slow breath escapes me as I clutch the doughnut box tighter. My eyes glance at the old man, who’s grumbling under his breath, fighting with the keys. Movement brings my eyes back to the passenger window, and I see tears and fear pouring out of Haven. Her hand is banging against the window, begging, pleading it to break open for her freedom. Her mouth is now stretched wide in agony, crying out for help. For her release.
I feel the air in my lungs sucked out of my chest. Here is the one person I swore I would protect her from. The one person who tried to eradicate her very existence. The one person who will haunt her until her last breath. Old Man Banks. It's at that moment I realize why last night was so special. Why this morning I felt so extra awake. Death wanted me to have one last moment of peace, one moment of perfection, because it knew it was coming. Coming to claim someone else I love.
Dropping the box, my hand shoves itself in my pocket, fingers automatically closing around the KA-BAR I never leave behind. Death seems to have turned this into a competition, laughing at me as I'm desperate to save her. To tell her everything is going to be OK. To whisper, “Alpha,” knowing that it's never been less true.
No. Not this time. Death won't claim her. Not while I'm breathing. This time, I am Death. This time I'll tell her something we've both been longing to be true. Omega.
The End…Thank you for reading and reviewing Havoc. Watch for Chaos, coming soon!
Acknowledgements
Thank you!!!! I just wanted to take a small moment and thank those of you who matter so much to me.
Crazy Lady- May I only make you proud and one day retire you.
Her Husband- I know you wanted me to go away to college and graduate, but I hope that you see this path is better for me.
The Law Student- You saw this book when it was just a story in a different form. Without you, Havoc might not have transpired. Thank you.
The Lumberjack- I'm sure listening to me write books is funny and drives you up the wall equally. Thank you for not telling me to shut up even when you wanted to.
Editors- Marine Master, The Guru, and Final Editor, all three of you were needed for this project. From the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful.
Katniss- If you get a new couch, it has to have a writing spot as good as your last one.
Mrs. H- Thanks for the lessons you've taught me and standing by my side to kick me in the ass.
EC- Cheers too many more.
My Crew- Boss Lady, Warrior Swagmasta, Genie, The Bel, and Bama Mamma, ya'll keep me crazy and you keep me sane. I am beyond blessed to wake up with you in my lives every morning. And as this journey continues I want you to know, I'm in it with you. You have my heart and I'll go to battle for any one of you at any moment of the day. My success is yours.
Bloggers, Betas, Street Teamers- I bow to you in thanks for the time you've put into making me go from a girl with just a crazy dream to actually living it. May you buckle up for more wild rides with me.
Readers- Thank you!!! Without you...what's the point right? I'd just be a crazy person with a keyboard. Thank you for letting me bring you into my world and thank you for giving it life. I hope you know how much I need each and every one of you.
Havoc Page 24