by Alyson Noel
Only instead of being fated to love her—to forge a life together—I’m fated to kill her.
And yet, while a part of me still manages to thrive, I owe it to Daire to pull myself together and handle this better. From the moment I arrived I’ve been shutting her out. Immersed in the inner turmoil of trying to figure out the best way to say goodbye to the one person I can’t imagine ever living without.
Instead of being up front, finding the right words to tell her myself, I let the prophecy do the job for me, state what I couldn’t. A cowardly act I need to redeem.
I take a moment to gather my courage, my thoughts, then I rise to my feet and address my friends first. “Just to be clear, the Shadow the prophecy speaks of is me. I witnessed the same prediction in a bone-reading ritual earlier today. Despite my normal appearance, it won’t be much longer before the beast completely takes over. And from what I’ve seen, there will be no way to stop it, much less control it. So, for your safety and well-being, I’m leaving now and I won’t be returning.”
Lita gasps, clasps a hand to her mouth.
As Xotichl seeks comfort in Auden.
Only Axel nods his consent. Only Axel truly understands.
While Daire looks a lot like she did when she came to me in the dreams—a beautiful girl trusting me to do the right thing.
I try to say more—want to say more—but the words just won’t come. So like the condemned man I am, I lumber for the front door, aware of Daire racing behind.
I reach for the handle, step onto the stoop. Wanting so badly to pull her into my arms, press my lips to hers, though no longer sure if I should. “When you first discovered I’d stolen a piece of Cade’s darkness, you wondered if it wasn’t a mistake—that maybe the darkness within was part of my fate. Looks like you were right.” My gaze roams over her beautiful features now blunted with pain. “I wish things were different. I wish I’d never—” Before I can finish, she presses a finger to my lips, halting the words.
“Don’t waste your wishes on a past we can’t change.” Her green eyes meet mine. “What matters now, is what we do next.”
The hope in her voice is like an arrow to my chest, piercing my heart. There’s no room for hope—not for someone like me. The beast inside negates all the good I once owned, and I need to convince her of that if it’s the last thing I do.
“Daire—you don’t know what I saw. It’s worse than you think. Worse than you could ever imagine.”
“Oh, don’t be so sure. I’ve had the dreams too. I’ve also had my heart slashed nearly in half by your twin. And, what I haven’t experienced firsthand, well, my morbid imagination can fill in the rest.” She cracks a brave smile, and I hold the image in my mind long after it fades. Wanting it to be the picture I’ll carry forever. After all that she’s been through, all that she faces ahead, it’s incredible the way her radiant spirit still manages to shine.
I will do whatever it takes to keep this girl safe.
Even if it means keeping her safe from me.
“Despite all evidence to the contrary—despite what the bones and the Codex claim—they will not succeed. I plan to win, and I plan to win big. I won’t go down easily, and I certainly won’t go down alone. I will drag Cade Richter right along with me if it comes to that.” Her chin is determined, her gaze resolute. But her voice trembles ever so slightly, betraying the deeply rooted uncertainty that lurks behind every word.
Though I know I shouldn’t do it—though I know I should go quickly, quietly—I can’t resist reaching toward her one final time. My fingers thrumming with warmth the moment they meet her sweet flesh and I cup her face in my hands.
It was only this morning when I reveled in the surety of being lucky enough to love her forever. And now, the future I’d dreamed of is gone, just like that.
Once again, fate gets the last laugh.
“I meant what I said earlier.”
She tilts her head, shoots me a curious look. The weight of her gaze meeting mine sparking a small flicker inside the abyss where my soul used to shine.
Won’t be long before the beast eclipses that too.
“You said a lot of things this morning,” she says. “Things it seems you no longer believe.” Her face darkens, as though she can already see the shift occurring within me.
And I can’t leave her like that. Can’t end us this way. So I go on to say, “When I said that someday we’d live together. Build a future together. Live a normal life together—I meant it. I still want that.”
She places her hand over mine, entwining our fingers until they’re laced nice and tight. “I’m not sure I was ever meant for a normal life.” She blinks. Rubs her lips together. The usual signs of my girl refusing to cry. “But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming of one with you. Just the two of us growing old together, enjoying the kind of ordinary moments normal people are lucky enough to take for granted. We can have that, Dace. We will have that. I won’t give up on us. I won’t let you go.”
“Daire—” I’m shocked by her words. I thought I made myself clear. I thought she understood. With me she’s in danger. Without me, she’s . . . well, while not exactly safe, she stands a much better chance of surviving.
“Yes, I read the prophecy.” Her voice is hurried, her face tense. “And yes, I heard everything you relayed about reading the bones. But I also know this—you were right this morning when you said that evil is no match for love. I could literally feel the truth in your words. I admit, at the time, I did what I could to deflect them, but only because I thought I needed to remain in warrior mode in order to win. I was sure that my arsenal of tricks had no room for such soft, fuzzy sentiments. But once I had a chance to really stop and reflect, I realized there’s not a Seeker in the Santos family tree that didn’t act from the heart. And while they may have failed at keeping the Richters permanently contained, that doesn’t mean I can’t succeed where they failed. It doesn’t mean I can’t honor my heart, keep you by my side, and take the Richters down once and for all, because that’s exactly what I plan to do. I have every intention of winning, and I plan to do so with you by my side. There’s no reason that with the two of us working together, we can’t fight this thing. Maybe you can even use the beast to help me defeat them.”
Her brilliant green eyes blaze with conviction, clearly she believes every word. The sarcasm and cynicism from the morning eclipsed by her love for me.
I press my thumbs to her cheekbones, smooth them across her soft, smooth skin. The feel of her causing an unbearable ache to stream through my body, as the beast thrums and pulsates within. His constant hum a bitter reminder of how after tonight, I’ll never be this close to her again.
“Turns out I was wrong,” I say, my voice tight, choked, on the verge of breaking. “There is something stronger than love, something that’s ready, able, and all too willing to conquer us both—and it lives inside me. Try as I might, I can’t control it, Daire. The beast has its own life force, its own agenda, and it won’t be long until it completely overwhelms me. I need you to believe me when I say that you will all be better off without me.”
Despite my warnings, she remains undeterred. “Fine. I hear you,” she says. “But that doesn’t mean I have to go along with your plan. You can say goodbye to our friends, but you can’t say goodbye to me. I won’t give up on us, Dace. Not now, not ever.”
Her eyes find mine and we hold the look much longer than we should. Reluctant to relinquish the cache of dreams that, thanks to fate, we’ll never get a chance to experience.
She’s made her vow, and I’ve made mine—both of us led by our hearts. When I swore I would do whatever it took to save her, I meant every word. And as hard as this moment is, the saving starts now. The longer I stay, the more I risk putting her in harm’s way.
I fold her hands in mine, pressing for one, sweet, brief moment before I release her for good and my arms fall cold and alien to my sides. “I left a bag by my place on the couch. I purposely left it there because I want you to
have what’s inside. I also want you to show Axel, Lita, Auden, and Xotichl how to use it. I want you to train them until they’re proficient. And, when the time comes, I want you to give them firm instructions to use it on me.” She starts to protest, but this time, it’s my turn to hush her. “No hesitations. No second guesses. From what I’ve seen, that time will come, and I want you all to be ready when it does.”
We’ve come to an impasse, with me determined to leave, and her determined to save me. And as hard as it is, it’s my job to see this thing through.
Without another word, I lower my head and press my lips gently to hers. Hoping the kiss will convey what words can’t—my undying love—my deepest regrets. Then I pull away just as quickly and hurry down the path, resisting the urge to look back.
FOURTEEN
DAIRE
I press my back against the door, relying on it for support as I watch Dace cross the stone-and-gravel path, make his way through the gate, and disappear from my life. And despite a house full of friends, the truth is, I’ve never felt so alone.
First my abuela. Now Dace.
I’m not sure how much more I can take.
That’s the thing about loss—no matter how often one experiences it, it never gets any easier.
And yet, this is nothing like losing my abuela. While my grandmother has left the physical world, Dace is still firmly entrenched right here within it. As long as he remains among the living, I won’t relinquish the dream of a future together.
Where there’s life, there’s hope. And despite what he says, I’m determined to get through this.
It’s just like I told him, Seekers have always worked from the heart—and I see no reason to change that.
I take a moment to compose myself, run a hand through my hair, and dry my tears with the back of my hand. Then I head inside and face my friends, and hoping to hide the pain of what I’ve just gone through, I keep it nonchalant when I say, “While I’m still up for pizza, I think the movies might have to wait.”
Collectively, they stare at me, until Axel is the first to speak. “Daire, is Dace okay?”
I nod. Feign a brighter look than I thought I was capable of.
“And you? You okay too?” Xotichl leans forward, studies me intently.
I take a moment to look at each of them, ensuring I have their full attention. “I am. I’m better than okay. And you know why?”
Lita groans loudly, paces before the giant rock jutting boldly from the middle of the wall. “Daire—you don’t have to pretend to be strong on our account.” She shoots me a knowing look. “We know perfectly well what just happened out there. After saying goodbye to us, Dace proceeded to say goodbye to you and break your heart. You gotta be dying inside and it’s okay to show it. We’re your friends, you don’t ever have to hide your feelings from us.”
I shake my head and dismiss the thought with an impatient wave of my hand. There’s no point in indulging my heartbreak. Not when I have every intention of getting Dace back.
“Don’t blame Dace,” I say. “He did what he thought was right. He’s only trying to protect us.”
“Protect us from himself ?” Auden cuts in, clearly struggling to grow used to the idea of Dace being dangerous. “Because deep down inside he’s not what he appears to be?”
I avert my gaze, reach for the fresh glass of iced tea they poured for me. Hoping they don’t notice the way my hand trembles as I bring the glass to my lips.
“Daire, what’s going on here?” Lita settles against the rock with her arms folded defiantly across her chest. “You’re taking this way too calmly. Is there something you’re not telling us? Because in my admittedly limited experience, prophecies are rarely wrong, and this particular prophecy is about as bad as they come.”
I place my glass on the table, indulging a moment’s delay before I say, “You’re right, prophecies are rarely wrong.” Lita nods, seemingly satisfied to see we’re in agreement. “But that doesn’t mean they’re infallible.” Her eyes narrow, her lips tighten. “Destiny really can be shaped by free will, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.”
“Meaning?” Xotichl shoots me a concerned look.
“Meaning that Dace’s absence is temporary.” An uncomfortable hush falls over the room as my gaze moves among them. Lita is the first to react.
She jabs a thumb toward the Codex, not one bit convinced. “Did you not read what I read? You’re doomed. And because of that, the rest of us are doomed too. Yeah, I tried to put on a happy face earlier, tried to pretend it wasn’t true, but facts are facts, Daire. And the fact is that Dace is destined to destroy us all, starting with you. As much as I’ve grown to like him, now that I know what I know, I’m really not up for sharing a pizza with him. And if you insist on bringing him around, then . . .”
She shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to finish the thought, though it’s not like she needs to. The silence that follows when no one jumps in to defend Dace, tells me they’re all in agreement.
While Dace may have succeeded in scaring them, he hasn’t scared me. I know I can help him exorcise the beast. At the very least, I have to try.
“So that’s it? We just turn our backs on him? We just run away the moment he needs us the most?”
“Daire—he’s beyond our help! He’s—” Before Lita can continue, Axel moves to her side, his presence enough to silence her. Still, I can’t help but notice how he fails to come to Dace’s defense, seemingly content to add no dissent.
“Listen,” I say, exerting great effort to remain calm and on point. Getting upset will only give them further reason to doubt me and with the way things are going, I can’t take the risk. “I understand how you feel. Really, I do. But here’s the thing, here’s what you don’t know: We can and will win this. But not if we continue arguing, taking sides, and accepting defeat before we’ve had a chance to get started. The only way we can win is by intending to win.” And possibly with another idea that I’m not quite ready to share . . .
“Is it really that easy?” Auden strives to keep his tone light, but his skeptical expression betrays him. “I’m sorry to say it, Daire, but I’m with Lita. Dace is dangerous, and what you’re offering sounds a little too woo-woo to effectively go against the beast he described.”
“I don’t expect any of this to be easy, but when has that ever stopped us from trying?” They all look at each other, but I can’t help but notice how they avoid looking at me.
“Daire, you need to understand that you make it nearly impossible for us to trust that you care about our safety when you insist that Dace can be rehabilitated. He told us point-blank that it was too late. That it wasn’t his to control. And, seeing as how it’s happening to him, I think he just might be the authority on the topic.”
I look from Xotichl to Axel, willing him to chime in. I can understand my friends’ unease, but I thought for sure Axel would be on my side.
“You too, Axel?” I fix my gaze on his. “Just this morning you said intent was magick’s most important ingredient—that belief was the spine of intent. Did you believe what you said, or were you just humoring me?” His eyes meet mine but his mood is impossible to read. “Are you willing to stand behind your words, or have you changed your mind? And Lita—” I switch my focus to her. “What about when you said that I didn’t have to go it alone? That you were all willing to help? Is that no longer true? Because it’s really starting to feel like you’re all standing on the sidelines shouting for the kill, when I’m the one in the arena—I’m the one fighting the fight—which means I just might have a better perspective than you.”
Lita flinches, drops her gaze to her feet, as Axel pushes away from the wall and swipes a hand through his halo of curls. Looking from Lita, to Xotichl, to Auden, then finally to me, he says, “I’m here for you, Daire. But, I guess there are limits. If it comes down to it, I won’t hesitate to save all of you over Dace and I think we’re all hoping we could get that same assurance from you.”
They nod in u
nison, and I take a moment before I reply. “I assure you, that if it comes down to making that choice, your safety will be my first priority. But it’s really a moot point, since it will never come to that.”
“Not exactly the reassurance I was hoping for.” Lita scowls.
“Well, it’s the best I can do. Which means we’ll just have to call a truce on this one and agree to disagree because I’m not going to lie to you. So, that said, I was hoping we could put this behind us and move on. We have a battle ahead and we need to prepare.” I turn my attention to Axel, motioning for him to follow when I say, “I need your help in the bedroom.”
“Uh—should I be worried?” Lita feigns a look of mock concern that soon shifts to curiosity when we return with a beautifully carved, hand-painted wooden trunk balanced between us. “What is that?” She leans in to get a better look.
“Think of it as my tool chest.” I crack a smile. “Paloma gave it to me, along with all the tools I keep locked inside.”
“Tools of the Light Worker trade?” Auden says. He’s the least initiated among us, but that’s about to change.
“Something like that.” I spin the wheel of the combination lock I placed there shortly after Paloma passed on. How silly it seems now in light of all that’s just happened. Like this simple, metal lock could ever keep a Richter at bay.
Then again, a Richter would never have the slightest interest in the tools I’ve stashed here.
And that just may turn out to be one of my biggest strengths.
In every encounter with Cade, every time he seemed to get the upper hand, he always made sure to mock the wisdom of my ancestors—my collection of magickal talismans. The pouch I wear at my neck—the small double-edged knife imbued with Valentina’s essence—it’s all a big joke to him.
Cade relies solely on his devious mind, his abyss of a soul, and the snake-tongued monster residing within. Though last I saw, the beast had abandoned him. Unlike my tools which have never once failed me.
Where failure’s concerned, I’ve only failed myself.