"It looked a hell of a lot like you lied to me, and I'm not sure us living together is a good idea if we're not going to be honest with each other."
Hearing the accusation out loud was almost as painful as the disappointment in his voice. It was just like high school all over again.
I let my arms fall limp at my sides, trying to ignore the way my body shook and my lip quivered. "I realize it looked like I spouted off some crap about not being willing to use magic even if I could, then turned right around and attacked you with magic when you wouldn’t let it go. It's not how it looks, though. I didn't lie to you, I promise. I stopped using magic when I almost died because of it. I rejected it for so long that I can't control it anymore, even when I sometimes wish I could."
All this begging and fawning for his approval is disgusting. I squeezed my eyes shut and balled my hands into tight fists, silently willing Shadow to shut the hell up.
"So you had absolutely no control over what happened at the hospital?" Ray's voice was detached and undecipherable.
I turned my back on him, nauseated by my own weaknesses. "None." I spoke the words through trembling lips. "Sometimes it just...happens when I'm upset or angry or when I let her—" I paused, shaking my head. There was no reason to tell him about Shadow. "It happens when I let my nasty, negative feelings get the better of me."
"Why do I feel like there are still things you aren't telling me?" Ray's voice was soft.
"Maybe there are," I murmured. "And maybe I'm afraid that if we talk about them, it's going to cause yet another fight, and we're going to lose any and all progress we've made toward finding my little sister and stopping whoever's killing these women in our community."
Ray blew out a blustery sigh. He rested his hand on my shoulder, and I startled. "I kind of get where you're coming from on that, but I also feel like we won’t function well as a team if we can't find a way to be fully honest with each other, whatever the consequences."
I opened my mouth to argue, but my thoughts were so jumbled I couldn't decide what to say first. So, instead, I just shook my head.
He gave my arm a gentle tug. "Can you at least look at me, please?"
I bit down hard on my bottom lip and turned on the spot, looking up at him through the fringe of my eyelashes. "I'm as honest with you as I can be without dredging up horrible things I don't ever want to relive, Ray."
He tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling before looking at me again. "We all have regrets and moments we'd rather not relive. All I'm asking is for you to stop burying things when we'd both be better off if you told me about them. If I'd known that you have this problem with not being able to control your magic when you're upset or angry, I probably would have handled things differently at the hospital."
I grabbed the hem of my shirt and tugged at a loose thread while I tried to get my racing heartbeat under control. Everything in me wanted to run away screaming because all I could ever seem to do was end up fighting with Ray. My thoughts splintered and overlapped, sounding like too many tracks on an album all playing at once.
"It hasn't happened in such a long time that I didn't even think to warn you about it." I sighed and shook my head. "I thought I had it under control...that it wouldn't happen anymore. I guess I was wrong."
Ray tilted his head from side to side, like he was weighing pros and cons in his head, but he said nothing. Instead, he grabbed the blanket off his desk chair and started folding it into a neat, compact square. "I have so many questions right now, but I'm too tired to ask any of them. If the offer to stay at your place still stands, let's go get some sleep. We'll figure things out tomorrow, after we've had a chance to rest."
"Of course the offer still stands." I shook my head and shoved a hand through my hair. "I wasn't just making an empty gesture. I feel awful about what happened to your condo, and I plan to do whatever I can to make it right."
He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I didn't say you made an empty offer, Rox. I just thought you might have changed your mind over the course of the conversation."
I snorted and rolled my eyes. "I don't care how much we disagree or fail to see eye-to-eye, Hammond, when I destroy a man's home, I consider it my duty to put a roof over his head until I find a way to fix the damages."
He grabbed his car keys off a hook beside the office door and jingled them while I picked my way around the piles of clutter stacked on his floor. "Let's go to bed before this day finds a way to get worse."
What he means is let’s go home before you have the chance to go off the deep end and have another out-of-control meltdown, Shadow taunted.
Me? That was all you, Shadow.
Dark laughter flooded my mind as Ray and I shuffled out to his SUV.
It was a lot more you than you think, Roxanne.
Once we got back to my house, I slept fitfully knowing Ray was just on the other side of my bedroom wall, sleeping on my living room couch. Of all the times I’d fantasized about us sleeping under the same roof before our disastrous senior year, none of them had gone the way of us sleeping in separate rooms. As a matter of fact, neither of us had done much sleeping in those fantasies, either.
Until he chose to believe the lies and rumors, rather than giving you the benefit of the doubt, Shadow hissed.
I tossed and turned, dozing intermittently until I couldn’t ignore the morning sunlight filtering in through my curtains any longer. I limped from my bedroom to the kitchen, sore and tender from my injuries. My ankle throbbed despite the brace I wore to stabilize it, and I cursed under my breath.
That's what you get for running off and leaving your familiar home alone, heifer. Logan grumbled from his chosen sulking spot on top of the refrigerator.
"It's probably a good thing I didn't take you to Ray's place with us. You might have burned alive in his condo, and then where would I be?" I countered, keeping my voice low as I started the single-cup coffee maker.
Ray's quiet, rumbling snores from the living room sounded a bit like a dog growling, and I suppressed a chuckle.
How long are you going to let him sleep? Logan probed.
"Until his body decides he's had enough rest. The past couple days have been really exhausting." I grabbed my mug of coffee and did my usual sugar and creamer routine.
Logan sniffed and sneezed, shaking his head. That smells like liquid diabetes.
"And it tastes delicious, mister judgmental." I stuck out my tongue at him and set my coffee down beside my laptop on the kitchen table. I wanted to check the news without disturbing Ray, so I grabbed my earbuds off the sideboard and plugged them in.
I thought you weren't doing transcription work anymore.
"I'm not." I only put in one earbud so I could make sure to keep my voice quiet when I answered Logan. "The cops had a suspect in custody yesterday that might have had something to do with the murders. I wanted to check the news's social media account to see if there have been any updates about it."
Gee, thanks for keeping me in the loop. Logan's sarcastic tone held notes of genuine hurt.
"You actively ignored me and sulked after we got home last night, so that's on you." I took a big gulp of my coffee, desperate to shake off the sluggishness brought on by a bad night’s sleep.
"Are you talking to me or the cat?" Ray's yawn-slurred question made me cringe.
"I was talking to the cat," I mumbled. "Sorry. I tried to be quiet and not wake you."
Ray sat up and stretched with a prolonged groan. "So...were you talking to the cat in a thinking out loud kind of way or having an actual conversation kind of way?"
I drummed my fingers against my coffee mug, torn between the desire to preserve what little dignity I had left and the drive to start building genuine trust with him, since he felt like we needed it to function as a team. "I was carrying on a real conversation with him."
Ray's eyebrows shot up and I held up a hand to stay whatever question had been coming.
"And before you start thinking I'm cra
zy, it's a witch thing. Logan is my familiar, which means he can communicate with me telepathically. I just usually end up answering him out loud because it feels more natural to me."
Ray perked up. "So, can you have more than one familiar? And can you talk to all animals, or is it more of an exclusive thing with a familiar? What do familiars do? How do you get one?"
His questions all tumbled out in a rush and I chuckled at his childlike interest.
"Okay, to answer your questions in order: witches can only have one familiar at a time, we can only talk to our familiars, they protect us and help us grow into our best selves, and there are a couple different ways to get one. Sometimes witches summon a familiar when they feel they need help. Other times, familiars can sense a witch in distress and choose to present themselves."
I could practically see the wheels turning in Ray's head. "When we first started working together, you said the cat just showed up, which means you were in distress and he picked you, right?"
"I kind of thought the distress part was pretty obvious." I shot him a teasing smirk and he rolled his eyes at me. "You want some coffee or something to eat?"
He nodded and I started to get up, but he shook his head, pushing up off the couch and pacing the few steps to where I sat at the kitchen table. The house was small by modern standards, and felt downright tiny compared to his luxurious condo. "You do realize you don't have to wait on me hand and foot, right? Besides, judging by how purple your toes are, your foot probably hurts like hell. I’ve got this. Just point me to the instant grits and I’ll have breakfast made in no time."
I thought about arguing, but my foot pounded in agony. "You're right. It definitely hurts like hell, but you're a guest in my house and the rules of hospitality still apply. There’s a box of grits in the upper cabinet closest to the stove."
Ray snorted and plucked my empty coffee cup out of my hands. "You want another cup?" I nodded. He paused and pointed at the open laptop, then the earbud hanging out of one of my ears. "What were you working on?"
“Research.” I stifled a yawn. “Sunny Wells did a live broadcast yesterday when the cops were bringing in a suspect with rumored connections to the murders. She was harassing one of the homicide detectives, but I didn’t get to see how it ended and I wanted to see if there was anything else posted about that on Channel Two’s social media page.”
"Do you happen to know the name of the cop from the broadcast, by any chance?" Ray instantly changed gears into full-on business mode as he stuck my mug under the coffee maker’s spout and replaced the cartridge. He moved through the kitchen with ruthless efficiency, filling the tea kettle with water and setting it to boil as he dumped instant grits into a pair of bowls he grabbed out of the dish drain.
"Let me think a minute." I scrunched my nose and did my best to replay the scene in my mind. It took me a moment because everything was sedative and distress addled. "I'm pretty sure it's Stapleton. Why?"
Ray grimaced, grabbing himself a mug out of the cabinet as my cup finished filling. "Well, that's not exactly ideal, but it's also not the worst news I've heard recently, either."
"Why isn't it ideal? Do you guys have a history or something?" I narrowed my eyes as he passed me my coffee, as well as the sugar and creamer before plopping his own cup under the spout and set the coffee machine back to work.
"I might have called him a spineless coward when I left the academy because he wasn't willing to wash his hands of the system and leave with me. He's essentially a good guy, but it pissed me off that he was willing to continue operating within a system that's drowning in corruption and ass-kissing." Ray scowled and shook his head. "It's a damn shame, a waste of a perfectly good guy, all because he thinks that leading by example will actually do something in a system full of guys like Brunson and Lee. He could have at least worked his way toward Internal Affairs and done something to clean up the nepotism, laziness, and corruption from the inside out, but he doesn't want to be seen as a rat."
The tea kettle whistled shrilly, and I propped my chin in my hand, studying Ray, mulling over the nuances of what he was saying about Detective Stapleton. "If he's such a good guy, what reason did he have to turn a blind eye to the obvious problems in the department?"
He pulled the kettle off the stove and poured boiling water over the instant grits, his movements stiff and precise, and he stuck a spoon in each bowl before he answered me. "He knocked up his girlfriend while we were still in the Academy, and they got married not long after he found out," Ray muttered. He carried both bowls to the table and set them at our respective places, then turned to finish fixing his coffee.
"Aha," I nodded, stirring my grits to keep them from getting lumpy while I waited for them to cool. "So he had other factors to consider besides his own moral code. He had to know his wife and kid were going to be taken care of."
"Yeah." Ray sighed, slumping down in the chair beside mine. He blew on a spoonful of grits and took a bite. "I can see that in retrospect, going with the force was more of a sure thing, and he had to do what was right for his family. At the time, I was kind of butthurt that he didn't have enough confidence in my ability to start a profitable PI business to take the leap of faith with me."
I reached across the table and patted Ray's hand before withdrawing. "I'm a little confused as to why it matters that Detective Stapleton is working these murders. What's important about that?" I shoveled a spoonful of grits into my mouth, savoring the buttery flavor. My stomach rumbled and I ate faster, finishing off my bowl in a matter of moments.
Ray swallowed and took a quick swig of coffee. "First of all, it would be comforting to know that at least one genuinely good, clean cop is working this case for BPD. Also, I'm hoping he's a forgiving kind of guy because I plan to reach out and ask if he can give us some insight on this suspect."
My heart skipped a beat and I pushed up from my chair, a spark of hope daring to flare in my chest. It must have shown on my face because Ray winced and held up his hands. "I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet if I were you."
I leaned down, planting my hands on the tabletop between us, and stared at Ray until he made eye contact with me. "It's a little late for that, Ray. This lead feels like the first shred of hope we've really had since Kat disappeared and Olivia turned up dead."
Pushing away from the table, I paced into the living room and switched on the TV, flipping channels in the hope that I'd catch another news clip about the suspect. I grunted with frustration when all I saw were daytime talk shows on every channel, but kept flipping them anyway. Finally, Channel Two hit a commercial break.
"Channel Two News has the most relevant local news for Bayshore residents. Tune in tonight at nine o'clock for Sunny Wells' exclusive interview with BPD about the progress they're making in connection with the recent murders of two Bayshore residents."
I made a mental note to be sure to have the TV on for Sunny's report and turned back to Ray. "You said Stapleton working the case wasn't ideal. Is there someone in the department that would be a better in-road than him?"
"Not really, no." Ray grabbed our empty breakfast bowls and carried them both to the sink.
"In that case, he's basically our best shot at finding out what this suspect knows about my sister's disappearance. We've got to reach out to him, at the very least." I hobbled back to the kitchen table and sat down, drumming my fingers on its surface in time with my high-speed thought process. "Do you think it would be better if I approached him as a worried sister of a missing witch?"
"I don't know." Ray chewed on his bottom lip as he rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. "I'm not sure how he feels about the whole magic angle of this situation. It might be safer if I approach him first and tell him I'm there on behalf of my client who's looking for her missing sister."
Ray referring to me as his client made me think about our deal of me exchanging office work for his help for the first time in days. It also brought the break-in at his office to mind. "I just realized you never to
ld me what happened with the break-in at your office the night of the fire."
"You never gave me the chance to." He kept his gaze on his coffee mug while his second cup of the day brewed.
"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I'm asking now, though. What happened?"
"I think it was just a distraction." He frowned down at his coffee cup as he added a splash of creamer and stirred it. "Nothing besides the back door was disturbed. My guess is they used a crowbar to wrench it open, then headed straight to my condo while I rushed to the office. Hell, I probably even passed the sons of bitches on the road." His eyes darkened from whiskey brown to stormy ebony, glittering with barely controlled anger.
I pressed my knuckles against my lips, resisting the urge to point out that it probably meant I was right, and his home was nothing but ashes because I stayed there. "I knew it would be bad for everyone involved if the normal people in Bayshore knew about the coven, but Kat was always determined to believe they wouldn't. Now two women are dead and your condo was burned, all because people know witches are real." I shuddered and rubbed at the gooseflesh on my arms, trying to calm it.
"Do you remember anything about the men who attacked you the night of the fire?" Ray sat in the chair directly beside mine and rested his arms on the tabletop, leaning toward me. His focus and intensity that made it easy to imagine he would have made an excellent cop if he didn't have such a problem with corruption within the department.
"I'm not sure." I closed my eyes, trying hard to think back to that night in the parking lot. Most of it was blurred by pain and panic. "They were both wearing ski masks, so I couldn't really tell anything about their faces. I just know they said something about cleansing witches so the evil can't escape and taint someone else."
Ray grasped my hands and his warm, reassuring touch grounded me. "Any detail could be a break, Rox. Even something insignificant could help us find Kat."
Coven of Lies (The Bayshore Witch Legacy Book 2) Page 3