Die Fucker Die
Nobody said a word. They all just stared at Estelle.
“It’s called ‘Die Fucker Die,’” she said a moment later.
Silence.
“You don’t like it?”
Silence.
“I suppose the first few lines could use a little work,” Estelle mumbled as she tucked her notebook back into her cloak.
It was clear that everyone was coming to grips with her poetry. I’d heard worse, to be honest, but if everyone in this group thought it was messed up, then it was probably pretty messed up.
Another void stepped forward a few moments later. “I’ve always wanted to be a seamstress.”
“Seriously, Jeff?” said Keith.
“You’re not one to judge, Keith,” Jeff said in an irritated hissing voice. “Just the other day you told me that you wanted to be a ballet dancer.”
While Keith had no discernible features, I could tell from his body language that he was in shock. “I told you that in confidence, Jeff.”
“Look,” I said before things could get out of hand, “it doesn’t matter what your dreams are, and it really doesn’t matter if people agree with your dreams or not. The point is that you should seek to be happy, as long as you don’t do anything that would hurt others…kind of like what you’ve spent your entire existences doing, if you see what I mean.”
“We do,” said Keith, rubbing what I assume was his chin. “And you’re certain that all beings want to live, then?”
“As a general rule, yes,” I replied as the sound of voices could be heard across the level. “Uh, that is, everyone except dragons. They despise living, and they’re cunning about it. They’ll tell you that they want to live, but they don’t. So what they do is go out of their way to make others suffer. It helps them deal with things.”
The main void tilted his head. “They have done that very thing to us.”
“Exactly, Keith,” I agreed, pointing at him.
“Then we have only to do our jobs in their presence,” he said, nodding slowly. “I understand now.”
“Good, good.” I licked my lips. “Well, I gotta run. You guys take care of the dragons and then follow your own dreams, yeah?”
Keith moved forward and put his hand out. It was really damn cold, but I shook it.
“We thank you, Nameless One,” he said genuinely, his cold breath freezing my eyebrows. “You have brought us hope in a well of deceit.”
“Sure, no problem,” I said, grinning. “Good luck, everyone.”
As I took off toward the stairs and snapped up Boomy, I heard the voice of Michelle say, “I’ve always wanted to be a supermodel like the ones we see on Overworld TV when we’re allowed to watch.”
“Well,” Keith said, coughing, “good luck with that.”
Chapter 25
The feeling of angst disappeared as soon as I got halfway down the stairs.
Wrath was behind me.
I kind of hoped that my discussion with the voids worked, though. It wasn’t much of a life for people to spend their days trying to help others do themselves in, after all. Faceless or not, the voids had desires, thoughts, and dreams just like everyone else. No doubt the dragons would seek to screw that up, but that’s what bullies did.
Again, though, that was behind me. I was coming to terms with the fact that I was about to face demons.
Ah yes, the level of heresy. Not that the term “heresy” really applied since, again, this wasn’t a real hell or anything. Interestingly, though, I had felt wrath on the level above. Was that because I had expected to feel it? No, it seemed pretty genuine.
Anyway, what did apply was that I’d messed with demons back with that Chippendales-looking dickhead of a mage named Reese. He had used these beasts as batteries to power his takeover of the Overworld. I’d sent the demons packing during that little adventure, and I had a feeling they weren’t all that happy about that. In fact, I already knew that they didn’t like it that I couldn’t be possessed like everyone else. They’d made that abundantly clear when I’d faced them those months ago.
It wasn’t like standing here in the shadows was going to get me to the other side, though, so I took a step out and looked around.
You may be under the impression that demons were red or green creatures with horns and pointy teeth, and you’d be right…mostly. Some of them were yellow, blue, pink, and essentially any other shade you could think up. And they were all shapes and sizes, too, which I found interesting. When I saw the demons in the Overworld, they were more wispy until Warren had used his wacky spell on them, but when they changed over they didn’t quite look like this. It was kind of throwing me for a loop.
“Well, well, well,” said a particularly green medium-sized demon as he walked up to me. “If it isn’t good old Officer Ian Dex.”
His voice was sinister and there was an angry crease between his eyes.
I shifted uncomfortably.
“What say you hand me that massive weapon of yours and then we take a little walk?”
“Uh…I’m not really into demons.”
“Not that weapon, Officer Ian Dex,” he said, and then tapped on Boomy. “That one.”
“Oh, right!” I glanced around and saw a number of interested faces looking our way. I took Boomy out and handed it over. “Be gentle with it.”
He squinted at me and then grabbed my elbow and pushed me forward into the mass of demons.
They made a path that seemed fitting for someone who was headed for the gallows. I was obviously that someone, and that was rather disheartening.
The fact that I was going to be destroyed by the very demons that I cast out of the Overworld was somewhat fitting, though, and I couldn’t quite blame them for wanting to get revenge, but I was only doing my job. It wasn’t like I just ran about shooting demons for the fun of it. I was a cop; they were tormenting the Vegas Strip. What was I supposed to do?
Looking at all the piercing stares, it seemed to me that this level was more befitting of the term “wrath” than level five. At least at the moment.
“Where are we going?” I said over my shoulder.
“To see our beloved leader.”
“Satan?”
The demon laughed. “You read too many books, Officer Ian Dex.”
“I really don’t,” I replied as we kept pushing forward.
The middle of the level was wider than the other circles I’d been in thus far, and this one had a large platform where a gigantic demon sat upon an even bigger throne. Honestly, this dude was massive.
As we got closer to him, I started noticing that demons were whispering my name to each other.
Did everyone get this kind of treatment?
Probably.
A particularly hideous pink-skinned demon winked at me as we walked by.
Ew.
“Halt,” said a purple guard who wore rusty armor.
Of all the ones I’d seen thus far, this devil-chick was pretty hot. It probably had to do with the fact that she was dressed for battle…and she was carrying a whip.
Interesting.
“You are Officer Ian Dex,” she bellowed, reminding me that the end of my life was near. She then hit me in the gut with the handle side of her whip, dropping me to my knees. “Bow, you fool. You are standing before the queen of the damned, Lucy Für.”
It took me a couple of moments to catch my breath.
“You’re kidding about that being her name, right?” I said, glancing up at the guard. “And that’s a queen?”
Her hand tightened on the whip. I raised my hands in surrender.
“Have him rise,” said the queen in a baritone voice. “I will review him now.”
I was pulled back to my feet as everyone moved out of the way, leaving me to face the giant demon queen one on one.
Chapter 26
“You are Officer Ian Dex,” she said without emotion. She held up Boomy. My poor gun was the size of a pin in her hands. “And this is the weapon th
at you fired at my lovelies, no?”
I glanced around, looking for any of them that may be considered “lovely.” There were none. The guard-chick revved my engine, sure, but she sure as hell wasn’t “lovely.”
“It is,” I said finally. “It didn’t do much to them, though.”
“No, it didn’t,” she agreed. “But you persisted in sending them back here, yes?”
This felt a lot like those times when I was living with a foster parent and I’d done something really wrong. They’d sit me down and get all adult on me until I finally admitted something. Then they’d ground me for a week and that’d be that. The difference here was that my punishment was more of the eternal type. You know, like eternally dead.
But there was no way out of it.
She knew what I’d done.
“Technically, yes,” I said, glancing left and right, “but you must understand that I only did what I had to do in order to protect my town.”
Lucy Für leaned back and regarded me.
“I’m listening,” she said, setting Boomy on the arm of her chair.
If nothing else, I had a chance to explain the situation. It wasn’t likely that it would change the outcome, and it was giving the damn dragons more time to catch up to me—assuming they made it past the voids anyway, but it was worth a shot.
“Right,” I said, gathering my memories. “You see, there was this real dick of a mage terrorizing the Strip.” I looked up. “His name was Reese.”
“We know who he was.”
“Yeah, well, then you may recall that he was using some of your demons as batteries.”
The faces around me sneered.
“Lovelies,” I hastily corrected. “I meant to call them lovelies.”
The sneers stayed in place.
“Go on,” said Lucy.
I took a deep breath.
“Anyway, it’s my job to protect the innocent. Now, I know that this may sound like a foreign concept to you, but to us it’s a way of life.” I leaned in. “By us, I mean the Las Vegas Paranormal Police Department.”
She held up her finger and adjusted in her chair slightly.
“Why is it that you believe we don’t understand the concept of protecting the innocent?”
My eyebrows fought to touch each other.
“Because you’re demons,” I answered as if it were a dumb question.
“And since we’re demons we have no concept of right and wrong?”
“Of course you do,” I answered quickly. “You just always choose wrong.”
The demon who had brought me up the platform stepped in and said, “He reads too many books, my queen. For example, he thought your name was Satan.”
Everyone broke out into laughter, including Lucy Für.
She suddenly stopped and so did everyone else.
The level of power she held was immense.
“Officer Ian Dex,” Lucy said casually, “I assure you that what you’ve heard about us is mostly farcical. I will admit that when we are summoned by mages and wizards, it puts us under a spell that compels us to do evil things. We are very strong, as you may have noticed, and our spiritual power is a pool of magical gold, but when we reside in our own land, we are no different than your people are in the Overworld.” It was her turn to lean toward me. “In fact, I’d go as far as to say that you humans often make us look like saints.”
Deception.
It was the demon way. Everyone knew this. She was just toying with me, trying to get me to fall for her silky words until I was under her spell.
Not gonna happen.
If I was going to die, it would be with my head held high and my brain under my own command.
But I wasn’t dumb; I’d play their little game.
“I had no idea,” I said, feigning sorrow. “The things we are taught say—”
“I’m aware of what they say,” she stated, cutting me off. “Some of them are true, too, but only inasmuch as they’re true of you and your people as well.”
“Right, okay.”
There was a commotion to the right and a team of demons walked through the crowd, pushing Claire, Wilbur, and Stan in front of them.
“Shit,” I said under my breath.
So now I was either going to be killed and eaten by dragons, or I was going to get ripped to shreds by demons…or both. The demon option would at least be faster.
“Dragon Claire,” said Lucy, “what brings you to level six?”
All three dragons pointed at me.
“Officer Ian Dex?” Lucy asked, looking confused. “Why are you after him?”
“He was to be our meal,” Claire stated, “but he and his band of friends fought against us. The others barricaded themselves in one of the caves and so we came after this one.” She eyed me hungrily. “We felt it only right that we at least get some blood from the gift our mother provided. He also tried to have the voids kill us.” She looked me over. “I’ll admit that was clever.”
“Too bad it didn’t work.”
“Nearly wished it had,” noted Wilbur. “There was one of them reading us poetry that was simply horrid.”
“Silence, Wilbur,” demanded Claire.
Lucy cleared her throat.
“I understand your situation,” said the demon queen, crossing her legs in a very human way. “Unfortunately, Officer Ian Dex is currently under my scrutiny for his involvement in an event that included a few of my lovelies.”
“We care not about your trivial matters,” Stan said, shaking his arm free from the demon who was holding him.
“Uh, Stan,” Claire said, turning toward him.
“You are nothing but a peon in the world of dragons,” he continued unabated.
I had the feeling that something bad was going to happen, which was fantastic considering it was going to be focused on one of the dragons…for now.
“Stan,” Claire tried again, “you may want to—”
“My ancestors pressed your pathetic, ugly race into the ground,” Stan declared hotly. “They forced you to live six levels down, and in my estimation, that was not far enough.”
Lucy Für rose from her chair.
“Well, Stan,” Claire said with a sigh, “it was nice knowing ya.”
The demon queen reached out with the speed of lightning, snatching Stan from his defiant position, pulled him to her mouth, and bit his head clean from his body. Then she threw his lower half across the room into a fire that was raging by the far wall.
She sat down and spit Stan’s head out.
“Blech,” she said with a sour face. “You dragons really taste like shit.”
I was beside myself with wonder at what had just happened.
Claire and Wilbur were visibly shaken.
“What’s the matter,” I whispered to Claire, “are dragons no match for demons or something? Pathetic.”
“Stow it, steak dinner,” she replied with a whisper of her own. “You’ll be on our plate in no time.”
“Steak dinner?”
“As I was saying,” the queen announced in a dark voice that shut both Claire and me up instantly, “Officer Ian Dex is under my scrutiny at the present time.” Her eyes narrowed. “Do either of you wish to challenge that as your brother just did?”
The dragons shook their heads swiftly.
“I didn’t think so,” Lucy stated. “Now, as for you, Officer Ian Dex, your story—brief as it was—is essentially in line with what was reported to me by my lovelies.”
I looked down at my feet.
So this was how it ended. Me getting picked up, having my head bitten off, and then spat back out because I tasted like shit. What a way to go. Part of me hoped she actually enjoyed the taste of my head enough to just chomp me down completely. That would at least be a little jab at the dragons to show them that humans tasted better than they did.
It was stupid, I knew, but I was facing my doom here.
“You have done us a great service, Officer Ian Dex,” she said in such a w
ay that was oddly warm and caring.
I blinked. “Huh?”
“By releasing my lovelies from the mage’s grip, they were able to return home and be with their families again.”
“No shit?” I said, perplexed.
“Ask of us that which you desire and we shall grant it to you.” She held up a finger. “Think carefully, though, for you only get one wish of us.”
My first thought was to have them kill these other two dragons, and the look on Claire’s face told me that she assumed I was going to do just that.
But these were demons I was dealing with here. If I asked her to kill the dragons, where would that leave me? Besides, the chances were very good that she was going to kill them anyway. At least if her actions against Stan were any indication.
“I’d ask simply for safe passage to level seven, ma’am,” I said finally.
There was a collective groan.
I looked around, wincing. “Did I say something wrong?”
Lucy Für stood up and handed Boomy to me. Her hand was ginormous.
“They were hoping you were going to ask us to kill the dragons,” she answered, “which would have been great because we are only allowed to kill them under three circumstances: they attack us, a worthy soul requests us to kill them, or they insult us.” She said that last bit while pointing at the head of Stan.
“Oh, sorry, everyone,” I said. “I just figured that if I asked for that, you’d all have killed the dragons and then ripped me to shreds, too.”
“We would have,” Lucy said matter-of-factly. “That’s the other reason they’re upset.”
“Ah.”
Lucy glanced at her flock.
“But we are honorable in our dealings, Officer Ian Dex. You will find safe passage to level seven, and then we will let the dragons resume their hunt.” She then tilted her head at Claire. “Unless you’d like to argue the point, dragon?”
She didn’t.
Chapter 27
The demons were true to their word. I got all the way to the stairs and halfway down before I heard Lucy yell, “Release the dragons!”
At least there were only two of them left. Not that I could defeat two dragons, or likely even one, but it was certainly easier than defeating three. Actually, come to think of it, I’d probably have had a better chance at three because I could play them off each other. Then again, I’d still end up wasting one and be back to two, making it the same situation I was in now.
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