by Bill Ricardi
So up to me now. Gotta raise boy. Get help from older tribe women. Get help from two orc women lost their babies. Tribe raise boy. But he smart orc, so spend much time here, with me.
Remember day before gonna teach boy first magic. He run up to me, look sad. Ask why.
Young Sorch say, “Chief say should always carry rock. Good for throw. For bash. Lotsa stuff and things. Can’t find good rock.”
I say, “Come to tent.”
Boy follow me. Dig through old trunk until I find it. Last thing I got of Scire’s. Last, ‘cept for boy.
Spirit Stone still round and heavy. No glow, no power. But mean more to me than dat.
Me explain, “Dis is Rock. You take Rock wit’ you. Rock from right here in village, but travel many days. Seen much power. You can has Rock, if promise to take care of.”
Sorch look at Rock, wide eyes. “Me take care of Rock, Shaman. Promise!”
Watch as boy run from tent wit’ new friend. Tomorrow training start. He learn to feed Voodoo Engine. But right now, let him and Rock play. Jus’ fer one more day.
End of Prequel
Thank you for reading the prequel to ‘Another Stupid Trilogy’. Now that you know where Sorch came from, you’re ready to experience his adventures first hand. Welcome to the world of Panos!
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Another Stupid Spell
by Bill Ricardi
Book 1 of Another Stupid Trilogy
Version 1.2: ‘Revamp’ - Copyright Bill Ricardi - 2019 - All Rights Reserved.
To join the fan club and mailing list, please sign up at the top of Bill Ricardi’s fan site - http://billricardi.com
Foreword
Special thanks to my friends and family for supporting me during the writing of this book.
My sincere appreciation goes out to Hugor and Hugorky Rodriguez, the designers and artists behind the lovely picture of Sorch on the cover. They even included Rock in the picture, our best supporting actor. If you like their work, please support illustrate_vnzl on Fiverr and their other mediums.
Thanks to Amazon for being a platform where independent writers can share their art with the world.
Finally, thanks to all of the literary agents who took the time to review my work. We had some laughs, we had some tears, but at the end of the day I respect anyone who reads for a living, so there’s that.
Now, let’s go on an adventure, shall we?
Chapter 1
Me smart orc.
Other orc need go around and bash. Other orc need dig and farm. Other orc carry stuff and things. Not me. Me smartest kind of orc: Me use magic!
Orc live by hill in swamp. Big hills one way, muck other way. Elf trees past muck, no go there. Man town past hills, no go there. No go up, no go down, big water those ways. Me swim, but that much water silly. Orc stay where orc is, safe that way. Green skin, green muck.
Me in Jeywafa tribe. No other tribe use magic. Some use god-power, like friend Shaman. No magic. Will tell more why later. Jeywafa tribe in south muck with many other tribe. Far north, past big cold hill, them north tribe. Almost never see them.
Live tribe life. Hard life sometimes. Gotta hunt stuff, gotta grow stuff and things. But stuff hunts us too. Humans sometimes hunt. Elves sometimes hunt if mad. Beasties hunt… evil lizards, mean apes, big rats. But we strong. Fathers and their fathers and their fathers, all strong. They fight for land, they fight and protect treasures. They keep biggest treasure super safe, so smart orc can do job.
Biggest treasure called ‘Voodoo Engine’. Stupid name. Super good treasure. Orc do magic near Voodoo Engine, it make things go. Smart orc do work of ten dumb orc. Engine mines, and digs, and chops, and farms. Engine do what Chief says. Quiet magic hands just do work for orc. That why smart orc important. Only smart orc do magic.
But big problem.
Orc who do magic get dumb. Is orc curse. Shaman say old-old orc insult elf goddess. Call her dumb. Elf goddess say, ‘We see who dumb!’ So each magic done, orc brain get tiny. Happen quick too. Orc friend do two spells, get real dumb. Walk into lizard pit next day, got eated. Chief say he better off that way. Smart orc don’t think so, but who me to say?
So father’s father’s fathers come up with smart plan. Use magic that make orc smarter! They try. After many smart orc get dumb, they find spell that work. But orc curse take all extra smarterness away. So no real use… until Voodoo Engine. Use magic to make smartness and lose smartness near Voodoo Engine. Makes things go, use quiet magic hands. Tribe get stuff done.
Smartness magic eats bit of copper every time. So some of Voodoo Engine used to mine and some to smelt. Smartness magic make smart orc tired and hungry. So some Voodoo Engine used to farm. But enough left to do much work. Smart orc super important, not get beaten much. Not much.
Smart orc only allowed use one spell. Only smartening spell, so brain don’t get small. But chief don’t know. Shaman teach me not-smart spell. Spell that hurt and push. Shaman say, ‘Dis break ribs. Dis make dem spin and fly. Like get hit by angry horse moving fast.’ Saw orc get hit by fast horse once… he no live long. Shaman say, ‘Smart orc use only if gonna die. Or brain turn to mush.’ Good talk. Shaman good guy. Smart orc not try hurty spell, but will if gotta. Rather be dumb alive orc. Not dead smart orc.
Many seasons all the same. Wake up, feed Engine with smartening spell, rest. Five times, more if can. Crawl to fire, eat what left after bashers eat. Spend time with Shaman. Big sleep. Start over next day.
Life in village more rough now. Not like seasons before. Days longer, getting hotter. More hotter than ever. Voodoo Engine dig wells deeper, so orc no drink muck-water. Go very far, still find less meat, find less nuts and berries. Crops turn brown. Less tiny orc around. Some orc go to find better place. Never come back. Some orc go to rob humans. Never come back. Bashers blame smart orc for all. All smart orc get beaten more. All smart orc get thin.
Hard to sleep. Me have bad dream. Me get smaller. Voodoo Engine get bigger. Ask more from smart orc. Take more from smart orc. Get bigger and bigger, crush all orc. Crush human, crush elf. Voodoo Engine crush human town and elf trees. It bash mountains and fill sea. Then Voodoo Engine all that left. Tiny magic hands smash world. Wake up with more sweat than ever.
Still night. Tummy empty. Me smart, know when to sneak off. Just wait til bashers pass. Then go. Bashers count bad. Can’t count one less smart orc. Me cross at dry spot. No lizard pit there. Cross small orc hill to big wild hill. No basher catch me now.
Me know trees give nuts high on hill. Secret just for smart orc, no share with chief. No share with bashers. Climb very hard, sore from beating. Me no mind. Is less hot when me go high on hill. Try to be quiet though, very quiet. Orc not only thing in dark.
Best nut tree not very tall. Easy climb. But as pouch fill with nuts, see light close by. Then smell fire. Orc really not alone here! Something made camp. Something… cook meats. Smell oil-smoke on wind. Make mouth water, but me know this bad place for oil-smoke. Bigger beast here. Meaner. Love cooked meats. But love raw meats even more. People meats.
Me climb next branch, slide to next tree. Then next tree. Closer to camp. Near fire, two shadow. They eat. Not know danger. Move like human… smell like human. Dumb like human. They no hear rustle. No hear cracked branch. They eat, and talk. Talk, talk, talk. Human can talk self to death. They so loud, huge ape walk right over. They no see shadow. They no smell musk.
They no see me take out Rock.
Chief not nice. But Chief teach one thing: Orc always take Rock. Nice, heavy, round Rock. Rock bash things. Can laugh at Rock rolling down hill. Stupid Rock. Rock save stuff and things from wind. Rock see how deep hol
e is. Rock mark the spot.
...or throw Rock at ape who like people meats.
Rock always useful. Must try get Rock back, after it clunk ape on head.
Ape yell, very loud. Men at fire jump up. No try to run. No draw blade. Men mumble and point and wave arms. Magic! Human do magic! Me slide down tree and run behind closer tree. Need see real magic. And get Rock.
Tall man split into four tall man. Ape yell and swing fist at one. It pop like sparkly bubble. Short man point at ape. Glowing darts shoot out, make ape roar and bleed. Mostly make ape angry. It swing both fist, pop other two copies. Last tall man point, gout of fire hit ape. Hill smell like cooked monkey now.
Ape hurt bad, but see way to win. Pick up tall man, throw at short man. Big one scream, little one can’t finish magic. Men lay in pile, ape pick up log to bash both pests.
Me don’t know human. Don’t know why orc should help. Smart orc should sneak away, ape busy bashing and eating. Maybe me dumber than smart orc. Dumb to care what happen to human. Orc do care though. Must be dumbest smart orc in tribe.
Shaman say, point both hands. Like telling angry horse: Stop! Then me say words. Very quick spell. Ape not know what happen. Ape fly over man-pile, bash head on tree. Sound like branch snap. Smoking, bleeding, bashed ape roll down hill long way.
Then me feel it. Like part of me poured into river. Still remember stuff and things, but don’t understand. Fall down by fire. So warm.
Shadows above me. Friends? Don’t care, steal their warms.
Man yell at other man. Can hear words. Shaman teach some human speak, have idea what they say.
Tall man say, “What in the hells just happened?”
Short man say, “He just saved our lives, that’s what happened. Only the Jeywafa orcs still use magic.”
Tall say, “This is incredible. I thought they were a myth!”
Short say, “Does he look like a myth to you? Quick, get him a blanket, he looks very much the worse for wear.”
Blanket warm. Fire warm. Dem no threat. Watch pretty flames. Rest here.
Short say, “He’s drained. If the stories are true, they normally only use intellect enhancement magic to feed an Arcane Syphon. That Force Bolt spell sucked away his core intelligence.”
Tall say, “Holy… well there’s nothing we can do about that, right? Shouldn’t we get out of here so that the rest of his tribe doesn’t see him consorting with humans?”
Human move away. Human argued. Me watch pretty fire. After more noise, human come back.
Tall say, “Okay, fine. No, you’re absolutely right. If he can’t cast, then he’s as good as dead. So let’s make sure he can cast, right?”
Small say, “...okay. Right. Do you know the spell they use?”
Tall snort and say, “Of course. It got me through my last two years at the Arcane University! Give me a copper piece.”
Tall put shiny in orc hand. Then he say, “Repeat after me.” He say words… me know words. Heard words so many times. But can’t say. Not say right. Rather sleep.
Tall turn to Small, “He isn’t getting it. He can’t do it.”
Small paced. “Then we need to give him the amulet.”
There was quiet. Long quiet.
Tall say, “I’m not opposed. But you should know it’s a third of our profits.”
Small say, “I know.”
Tall, “If you’re comfortable with that, then…”
Small, “I’m neither comfortable nor uncomfortable with that, but we wouldn’t be around if-”
“I know.”
“I mean we’d be dead if-”
“I know!”
“Okay then.”
Tall go get something out of pack. Shiny. He put chain on orc neck.
“Now, repeat after me.”
This time, words flowed. More easy. Orc remember he smart orc. Words mumbled. Copper gone.
Me smart orc again.
Small stood. “Well there you go.”
Tall smiled. “Welcome back big guy. What you have there is an Amulet of Enhanced Enchanting. It’s a learning aid for spoiled royal brats whose rich parents want them to learn magic.” The smile faded. “Never take it off. Never show it to anyone. You’ll need it to do your magic from now on.”
Me nodded. Then asked important thing:
“You’se got food?”
Human got much food. Meats. Dry fruits. Some food they call ‘iron ration’. Not iron though. Not even taste like iron. Me like anyway.
Human spend long time talking. Smart orc spend long time eating.
They want know about tribe, Voodoo Engine, magic. Me tell human dangers in hills. Tell about swamp lizards and rats and stuff and things. Got more pale. Was funny.
Me want know about roast meats, mostly. But also about amulet.
Tall explained, “Ah! So an Amulet of Enhanced Enchanting gives all of your enchantments a little bit of help. Ummm. It makes them last somewhat longer, and it makes casting them somewhat easier. Unlike a wand or a scroll, the magic is still powered by you. But mastering your enchantment based magic will simply be easier.”
Small added, “Yes, and it works with all enchantments, but you can put it into a teaching mode for a particular spell. That means you should perform your first Enhance Intelligence as soon as you possibly can each morning. That should ‘train’ the amulet, and for the rest of the day the spell you’ve primed it with will be even easier. We’ll give you some spare copper so that none is missed by your tribe. As long as you make it a habit, nobody should notice a difference when you start work.”
Me grunted. “Easy magic. Hide amulet. Cast in morning. Got it.”
Small turn to Tall. “You see? Not all students are hopeless.”
Tall say, “He has cast over half a dozen spells a day, every day, for several years. Around ten thousand spells in his life. Are you sure he’s the student?”
Small look thoughtful.
Tall tell story, place called ‘Arcane University’. Much magic, in cold hills. Teach smart magic… no beating. No starving. Wonder if story real or make-up story.
Not matter, ate chicken.
When story done, me stand up, slow. “Good story. Me get back now. You move soon, tribe wake soon.”
Tall say, “Thank you. It was an uncommonly brave thing you did for a couple of strangers. I’m Rick, and this is Will. We run The Magic Shop over in Limt. If you ever make it out that way, we owe you a drink. We owe you more than a drink really, but we can start there.”
Me grunt. Tell them name. “Sorch.” Then walk home. Right after take back Rock.
Walk down hill easy. Not from full belly. Something else.
Never met people like dat. Shaman maybe, no other. Not about human or orc. People look past tribe. Look past green skin, past smarts. Know more life than muck. Not afraid of world. Only afraid of not living good life.
I know then. I know, live brave better. If die being brave, fine. Not stupid basher-kind of brave. No charge ten muck lizard. Smart orc kind of brave. Change life kind of brave. Save tribe by look past just tribe. Find answer out there, in world... somewhere.
Me make it home. Lay near big fire. No orc wake up. Some smart orc shift, but no wake. Hope they no have my nightmare. Darkest sleep better.
Just gotta remember: Hide amulet. Cast in morning. Share nuts.
Hide amulet. Cast in morning. Share nuts.
Hide in morning, share nuts.
Hide nuts.
Nuts.
Chapter 2
Something different today.
Morning like normal. I wake up. Share nuts with smart orcs. Feel like forget something.
Go to Voodoo Engine, use smartening spell. Seems easier than ever. Remember that I supposed to do one before get to work. Oops. Humans not here to nag, is okay. Will remember next time.
Don’t need to rest as much. Use smartening spell again. Tired but… something happening. Not sure what yet. Feel good though.
Feed Voodoo Engine all day. When basher
come, have idea. Before can hit, tell him other basher need see him about wife. He look angry and go. Yelling happen... lots of it. Basher no come back to hit smart orcs. Make job better.
Do eight smartening today. Not feel so tired, go see Shaman early. Walk into holy tent. He look surprised.
Tell Shaman feel good today. He look at me. Look at me long time, like basher trying to count. Says to sit, so I sit.
Little flying lizard stare at me. Like to think I Shaman’s best friend. Little lizard might be instead. Lizard name ‘Lizzy’. Shaman say she holy gift from god Kenvunk. I not so sure. Lizzy sit on perch and stare. Creepy thing.
He light smoke weed… smell funny, but good. Wave smoking weed all over me. Look again, like try to see fish in muck water.
“You smart.”
I blink at shaman. “Yes, I smart orc. You know dat.”
Shaman shake head. He trace smoking weed around my head. “No, you smart like me now.” He tap my chest. I go stiff… he touch amulet. Look down, see it glowing through shirt! “Wat dat? Kenvunk say is magic.”
Kenvunk old orc god. Shaman love Kenvunk. He say Kenvunk bring big lizards in war time, and small lizards when hungry. Kenvunk make magic thing glow when Shaman ask.
I never lie to Shaman. Not gonna start now.
“I do dumb thing. Save humans up in hills from big ape. Use spell you teach, made me dumber. They give me dis. Say it help cast smartening spell, so I not useless.”
Shaman nod. He circle me, waving weed stick all around. “Sorch. Not just amulet magic. You magic too.”
Sit quietly. Not know what to say. Let Shaman do his thing, he good guy.
Shaman think real hard. He throw weed stick in brazier, smoke fill tent slowly. See Lizzy’s eyes get hazy.
“Me think you still got smart spell on you.”