by Bill Ricardi
Then I saw that pair of feline eyes, shining in the darkness. They were angry, desperate, looking for some way to kill all of these interlopers and rescue me. Ames was behind the cultists, in the shadows of fallen rubble, calculating how many they would be able to take out. It was suicide of course.
That’s when I realized what I had to do with my last spell. I faced the approaching force and vocalized my final incantation. They laughed when nothing seemed to happen, and continued to stalk forward.
Only they weren’t my target.
As the final vestiges of my enhanced intelligence drained away, I watched those eyes in the shadows. Confusion as the Silence spell enveloped Ames. Then outrage as the were-cat realized that I took away any offensive move they were contemplating… the sphere of silence would have been a dead giveaway that something was amiss. Finally, a profound sadness. Forced to make the only smart move, I watched those eyes tear up, and then vanish into the darkness.
The cultists must have been wondering why this stupid orc was just standing there, smiling, staring off into the distance. The blackjack that slammed into the back of my neck wiped the smile from my face. It was a race to see if the darkness would hit me first, or the stone floor that was rushing up to meet me. It was the darkness.
Chapter 18
Me not dead yet. Soon.
Dunno how many moons gone. Bad men put orc in small room with bars. Say god need to know what in orc head. Me say head not so good. They beats me when say that.
They ask about dream. I tell them about cold place. About snow. About warm fur keep me living. They say they not care. Cut me ‘til bones show and orc scream. Think me dead, but no. Mad god heal me so they can do again next day.
They ask about nightmare. Don’t know nightmare. Every night, dream of snow, of cold place, of warm fur. Dream of people who need me.
Hear them talk about getting me smart. Me smart orc, how get smarter than dis? Then they say no, they break me faster dumb. Me say me feel broken already. Not smart thing to say. Break me more. One man get so angry, he break bar door. They move me to next bar door over.
Me do remember daydreams. Tells them sometimes daydream of bulls, and kitties, and men. And me happy, pretend dreams real. But know they not real. Village real. Dis place real. Don’t remember how me get there to here. Me go home if they let me. They don’t.
Less pain if me don’t talk about daydreams. They hurt me less. But me also hurt less inside, if just forget. So me forget. Daydream less and less, until no more daydream. Is better that way.
After while, not sure why here. They asks stuff and things, but not understand. They make pain, not sure why. Hear one say healing not working so good. Soon not work at all. Maybe then, let me rest. Rest for good.
Today someone fix bar door mean man broke. Hear them come down stairs, many tools banging.
Me think about ways to sleep and not wake. Maybe take door tool and use dat. I wait and see who come and what dey bring.
Lock fixer close door behind dem. Don’t go to broke bar door. Look at me instead.
Is a kitty. Wear pretty rock ring.
Kitty smile at me.
Dunno why… but me smile back.
End of Book 1
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Another Stupid Demon
by Bill Ricardi
Book 2 of ‘Another Stupid Trilogy’
Version 1.2: ‘Revamp’ - Copyright Bill Ricardi - 2019 - All Rights Reserved.
To join the fan club and mailing list, please sign up at the top of Bill Ricardi’s fan site - http://billricardi.com
Foreword
I never expected the amazing outpouring of love and support that I received after publishing ‘Another Stupid Spell’. After agency rejections, direct publishing rejections, and an attempted scam, my confidence was low. But you, the fans, have spoken. The five star ratings and great reviews, the millions of page reads, the sales… that’s all you. That’s the humbling power of fantasy fans. They don’t believe in gatekeepers. They have your back. They help you live a braver life.
Your continued emotional and financial support allow me to be a full time author. If you want to spread the word, I’m @billricardi on Twitter and bill.ricardi on Facebook. Hell, I’m Bill Ricardi everywhere; Goodreads, Amazon, you name it really. However you want to keep tabs, I’m there.
Now for the mushy stuff:
Copious amounts of love go out to my friends and family.
Super sized helpings of love go out to my star Beta Readers: Tim Vecchiarelli and Ian.
Much love goes to our cover artists, Hugor and Hugorky Rodriguez. Another amazing effort.
To Stephen King, ‘On Writing’ changed my life. If it wasn’t for you, there would be no me.
To Terry Pratchett, your legacy and your bravery inspired the world. We miss you.
To Daniel Keyes, there would be no Sorch without ‘Flowers for Algernon’. We miss you too.
To my love Rick, you’re my rock. Don’t ever change you crazy bastard.
To my cat Loki, you’re a pain in the ass. Please change you crazy bastard.
Keep role playing. Keep dreaming. Keep reading and writing.
Chapter 1
Me dumb orc.
Many moons ago, bad men put me in room with bars. Least think they bad. Most folk get locked in bars, dey the bad people. Don’t think me bad people. So those gotta be bad people and me the good people, right?
Anyway. They ask stupid things. ‘Why you have dis dream?’ they say. ‘What you know ‘bout Voodoo Engine?’ they say. Try to tell ‘em stuff and things, they still hurt me bad. Guess not smart ‘nuff for good answer. Wasn’t gonna last much longer; would be in peace.
Then come lock fixer kitty.
Lock fixer kitty not fix lock, they break lock! Stupid kitty. Bar door slide open, kitty pull me out. Say we gotta go quick. Hurt to move quick, rather lay down. But fuzzy thing keep tugging at me. Head pounds bad, can’t think. Go just to keep kitty quiet.
Dis is sneaky cat, me find out. Big bag o’ tools got sword in it. Sword wet and red. Bag got small crossbow in it and many dart. Not many tools really. Hope they not pay much for lock fixer kitty.
Kitty ask, “Sorch, where are your things, do you know?”
I blink. Cat know name. “Uhhh, got pants on. What other stuff?”
Fuzzy white beast look annoyed. Somehow, think me seen that look before.
“Your spellbook, and weapons… oh your pot. Where’s your cooking pot Sorch?”
For some reason, dat make me mad. They took pot. Many moons ago, pot go away, not come back. Me growl a bit. “Dunno.”
Kitty say, “Okay love. Come on, this way.”
Go to next room. Guard dead on floor, stuffed under desk. Look like back of neck start to come off. Super bad luck.
White fluffball say, “Sorch, get anything useful off of him, I’ll have a quick look around. I don’t know how long we have.”
While kitty look all over, I look at dead guy. He ask lots o’ mean questions, not feel bad for him. Got some kinda axe thing… dunno how to use it. Got fancy throwing stick thing… dunno how use dat. Oh, got water bladder, take that! Boots too small, bah. Got pouch of stuff on belt… sure, me take dat.
Kitty come back when putting on belt. Look at me like crazy. I explain, sadly, “No magic.”
White fuzzy thing grab hand and run. Make it to kitchen, but bad guys s
ee. Three human. They dress in shiny metal loops. Not like when kitty shoot one in face with little bow. Other two run up with axes. Kitty draw sword. I get out of way. Maybe dumb, but not that dumb.
Find out kitty super fast. Made axe guys more angry. Dodge here, dodge there, swishy tail. Bad human get in way of each other. Kitty make fast little stab, then dance away.
Then me get distracted. Something on kitchen counter… me know dat thing.
When walk over to get thing, hear kitty hiss. Axe cut red line in white fuzz on shoulder. Kitty slip away. Not look too bad, but red fuzzy patch grow as all dem fight.
Cat lunge real fast, surprise one guy. Get him in neck. He go down, choking. But last human mad. Pound axe on sword ‘til fluffy arms shake. Kitty back to wall, next to stove. Green eyes squeezed to slits, look like much pain.
Human raise axe again, just when me get to him. Swing thing at back of brain.
Black kettle smash into human skull. Thud sound not healthy. He fall into corner, smoosh kitty. Me help get him pulled away.
“Me found pot.”
Panting cat say, “Thanks big guy.” Move quick to reload little crossbow.
Me shrug. “Dem or us.”
Kitty squeeze my shoulder. Then shove me away with little hiss. Knife still hit me in arm near wrist. Pain even worse now, but rest of body aches not so bad.
White fuzzy critter shoot back at knife thrower. He no got armor. Get hit right in chest and fall down.
“You kill da cook.” me say, sad.
Kitty look mad. “He was trying to kill you Sorch, don’t you dare feel sorry for him!”
Me mumble, “Yeah but he good cook.”
My turn to hiss. Tug knife out of arm, tuck in belt. Both use towels to tie off wounds quick. Tie black pot to belt too. Then go up stone steps quick as can.
Me sees two thing when get up dere. Guard all run around screaming. And big, big fire outside window in woods. No wonder screams.
“You do dat?” me ask.
White kitty nod. Bad kitty.
We both bleeding and feel pain, but get out stable door while others panic. No horsies around. Guard no seem in hurry to catch us. They busy with dig dirt and find buckets and throw water and stuff and things. Run into not-burny trees. Late morning sun on left. We goin’ downhill.
Not go too far, then get to small grass patch. Hear something at far end, but before get good look, someone shout to stop. We no stop though. Stop not good plan.
Man in heavy armor come from behind. Huge axe. He snarl, “Stop in the name of the Duke! I’ll butcher you both where you st-”
Guess he shut up ‘cause rain of glowy darts come from other side of grass patch. Man twitch and scream like stung by death-bees. Kitty grab arm and take me toward where dart come from. Man grab horn from where have on shoulder, blow real loud. Alarm go up, hear for miles.
Sudden smell behind. Look over shoulder, see thick, stinky fog. Hear human cough, sound like puke too. Look back ahead to where get dragged, see where all magic come from.
Three brown horsies come out of woods. Small one rode by human. Not more than boy. Pale and skinny. Black hair, brown eyes. Dis squirt use all dat magic?!
We gets on beasts, they go like angry lizard. Downhill again, through trees. Every stomp and jump pain. Feel like sleep, but don’t wanna fall off and croak. Stop once, stitch up cuts. Sweet tasting drink help some with hurt and blood; me and kitty share. Then much riding. Get to dirt path, use dat. Must be quarter day, stop only for water, for dry fruit.
Me ask, “Why we go downhill?”
Dey look at each other. Human say, “What do you mean Sorch? There’s no real significant hills around here. I mean, we’ve been going up and down hills all day.”
Point back where know big white hills are. “Dat uphill.”
Cat say, “I think he means south, away from the equator and the mountains. Sorch, we’re heading to the coast. To the Renault estate. It should be safe there.”
Me grunt. Downhill fine then.
Keep riding. Sun drop to trees on right before long stop. Boy and kitty look tired, horse look tired. Maybe me look tired too, but just hurt all over. While they make tents, me make fire. Boy try stop me getting firewood, me growl at him. He quick to find other stuff to do. When all done, small human light fire with magic rock and metal. Sit around fire. They talk, I listen.
Boy say, “The Cloud of Stench probably bought us enough time to get away cleanly. Even if they had the resources to track us, I don’t think they have much of a chance. Certainly not with dogs, not this far and riding this fast.”
Kitty say, “I don’t know how far south their patrols go. Technically we’re still in the Duke’s lands. But they have a royal army to contend with, so we might not be a priority.”
Small human nod. “If you set up your tripwires, I think we’ll be okay. We both need sleep.”
All sit quiet for a while. Kitty break silence.
“How angry are your parents going to be?”
Boy groan. “Oh gods, don’t remind me. I don’t know. I couldn’t involve them, there are political concerns. And… and I don’t want to give the rebels an excuse to invade. I hope they know that they raised me right, and I wouldn’t do this kind of thing lightly.”
Me reach over and pat boy on shoulder. “You good kid Leeson.”
Kitty and kid both stare at me.
Me frown. “Wat?”
Kitty say, “Great, he remembers you, but not me. You think when a guy pledges his undying love…”
Leeson say, real quiet, “He’s been through a lot. The mind is a funny thing.” Then louder, boy say, “Sorch, do you remember Ames?”
Ames. Word roll around in head. Me know dis.
“Ames name of horse?”
Quick scuffle. Kitty mad at somethin’. Boy hold kitty back. Me shrug.
While Leeson latch on to cat, he say, “No, no. Sorch, this is Ames, the were-cat, right here.”
Me peer across fire. Orange-red dance over white fur. Angry green eyes look at me. But not just angry. Angry-sad. Remember something.
“You warm.”
Wrestling stop. Human and cat calm, stare at me.
Me say, “Snow fall in sky. Thought gonna freeze. You keep warm.”
Kitty’s eyes wide. “The quinzhee. The blizzard. You remember that Sorch?”
Think real hard. Cat talk about dreams… how they know dreams? Head start to hurt.
Me throw hands up. “Bah. Sleep now.”
Both others sigh. Kitty lead me to tent, human go to other. Lay down for night, feel fuzzy thing on back. About to complain, but feel good. Warm and soft. Fine, cat sleep here.
Wake up to hear voices arguing.
“It’s too soon Leeson.”
“Listen, he knows Common and Orcish. The worst that can happen is he can’t do it.”
“If this hurts him, you know I’ll skin you alive, right?”
“Relax Ames, please. He’ll be okay.”
Me open front of tent. “Loud things. Louder than horse. What you want?”
Boy quickly look away, turn red.
Kitty rub head with white paw, like getting ache in brain. “Sorch… put some pants on please, then come join us?”
Me snort. Put on stuff, strap on belt. Feel better today. Less pain. Brains more clear. Feel free.
Walk over to others. “Wat you want?”
Leeson open pretty book, flip to page. “Sorch, how much of this can you read?”
“Read for nerds.”
Boy sigh. “Will you try please?”
Me stare at book. Words look like they swim around, like fishies in lake. “Dat real pretty.”
Kitty ask, “Can you read any of that, Sorch? Does it hurt to try?”
Me shrug. “No hurt. Just pretty squiggles. Gots food?”
Boy look sad. Close book. “Yeah. We can eat, Sorch. We’ll try this again in a couple of days.”
While eat cheese and bread, feel like others want something. From me. Dun
no what.
When done, me ask, “Dat book mean stuff? You wanna read to me? I listen.”
Kitty and Leeson look at each other. Kitty say, “I can’t read it either Sorch, it’s okay. It’s a magic book. Do you remember doing magic?”
Me scratch chin. “Use to. Back in swamp. Long time ago though, gave that up. Magic make you dumb.”
Little human say, “Just a few months really, Sorch. It’s alright. Let’s head down to the estate, we’ll sort things out there, and you can tell us where you want to go from there.”
Me go untie horse. Overhear boy and kitty.
He loud-whisper, “He needs his amulet. Even then, he’ll probably need a scroll to kickstart the process… if he can even read that. When he studies, it should be his simple notes, in Orcish. So that means his spellbook.”
Kitty whisper back, “Or the copy back in his swamp, with his friend Shaman.”
Me hop up on horse. Think hard, all through ride. Cast spells again? Back to feed Voodoo Engine? Not much of life. Remember Shaman though, he nice guy. If go back, he know what best.
We ride downhill long time, not as crazy though. Slower, more careful. Sun get tall, then start to get short before we get there. Pass many field of cows. Ride through many field of fancy little fruit. Leeson say they ‘grapes’, make wine with ‘em. Snuck a few when nobody looking. Not bad.
See more horses ahead as we come out of grape-home. Big men on horses. Got huge spears, fancy armor. Little human quickly ride up to them. Say something, not make men happy. Soon they surround us and we all ride together.
Me try to make talk. “Hi.”
Armor man say nothing.
“It gonna rain. You gonna rust.”
Still nothing.
“My horsie better than your horsie.”
See man smile, then hide it. Good enough.