Another Stupid Trilogy

Home > Other > Another Stupid Trilogy > Page 37
Another Stupid Trilogy Page 37

by Bill Ricardi


  Laughter bubbled up from deep in Parsnip’s chest. “I know. The codename stuff is traditional down there but up here... come on Sorch. Everybody knows who you are. Besides being the only orc here and one of the champions of Royal Moffit, picking Master Max for your trials has made you famous.”

  I must have blushed a little bit, because the half elf rubbed my cheek with one of her thumbs. “Awww. Someone is self conscious. I guess I shouldn’t mention that the King and Queen of Royal Moffit made a proclamation yesterday, celebrating your rescue from enemy hands.”

  I felt myself turning a deeper shade of green. “I hadn’t heard about that. Awfully nice of them.” I hesitated, then decided to ask, “Say, since you know my real name, it’s only fair that I know yours. Right?”

  Parsnip turned on her heel and walked down the hall. She called over her shoulder, “You haven’t earned it yet, Sorch.”

  I grumbled to myself, then headed back to the South Wing to prepare for the day. After getting cleaned up and re-dressed, I headed off to classes. My teachers noted that I looked more rested. Clearly this library thing was an experiment worth trying again.

  After a full day of learning, I attended an after dinner makeup session with Professor Loke, my Magical Foundations instructor. I would need to do a few of these during the academic year, as my repertoire was missing a few cantrips that were considered essential learning. We started with an easy one, Light. I mastered it quickly. It was just a faster and less powerful version of Noon Sunlight; longer in duration but covering a smaller area. It also had no effect on creatures that shunned natural sunlight. Still, I was glad to know it, as the drain was very minor. Apprentices were often asked to provide Light spells for the various classrooms and libraries that couldn’t have open flames. It was nice to know that I didn’t have to be publicly embarrassed by admitting that I didn’t know the spell.

  It was rather late when I arrived back at 214. I saw my young friend, studying at his desk. “Hey Leeson. Don’t wait up for me tonight, I have another late appointment.” The boy looked relieved. Clearly he was going to have his usual evening visitor.

  I tossed a few extra things into my backpack for later, and then sat down to study for an hour. When Jess arrived, I stood and gave her a warmer greeting than I had been recently: A squeeze of the were-wolf’s shoulder and a peck on her fuzzy brown cheek. She giggled, fluffy tail wagging through the slit in her robes.

  “I’m off, you kids have a good night.”

  I slung my backpack over one shoulder and left Leeson to his undoubtedly interesting evening.

  I arrived in the bowels of the Apprentice Library just before 11 at night. What I saw was five mages with spellbooks open, seemingly hard at work. Parsnip was the first to greet me. “Granite, hi. Let me introduce you to the gang.”

  The half elf pointed at the halfling that had been helping out the night before. “You know Titan. He’s specializing in physical manipulations.”

  Next was the cute little wererat girl, “Moria is an acid quasi-elementalist, minoring in evocation.” Moria hid her face shyly behind a paw and the curl of her tail.

  Parsnip pointed at a dirty blond haired human wearing spectacles. “This is Green. He’s new here so be nice. We’re helping him with his cantrips. So far he’s a generalist, like me.”

  Finally, there was a human that had to be around my age, with dark skin and shoulder length hair, dyed azure. “And I mentioned Celestial. He’s a graduate student, with a specialty in obfuscation magic. He’s in the process of becoming a Professor’s Assistant.”

  “Everyone, this is Granite. You probably know his story. By necessity, he has a focus on adventuring magic and intelligence enhancements.”

  I made the rounds, shaking everyone’s hands. Even Moria stopped hiding long enough to be properly greeted. I took an empty seat at the table and did what everyone else seemed to have done already. I took out my spellbook, my notebook, quill, and ink.

  Celestial spoke up, “Granite, what we do here is make up for lost time. A lot of us don’t have the most friendly study environments, nevermind sleeping environments. So we help each other out. We also trade spells that aren’t commonly taught formally at the Arcane University. Nothing on the restricted list though, no Necromancy or anything like that.”

  Titan chimed in, “Right now I’m helping out Moria and Parsnip with Invisibility. In return they’re teaching me about Cloud of Stench. Celestial is helping Green with Detect Magic, while he himself learns a little thing called patience.”

  The older male smirked at that. “Never happen, man. So does anything sound interesting to you Granite?”

  I gestured to the area behind the closest stacks. “There were a couple of dark cubes back there last night. They seemed to last quite a while, not like any sort of darkness spell I’ve heard of. What were they?”

  Celestial knew exactly what I was talking about. “Private Sanctum. I was in one of those. It’s a rather advanced spell Granite. But if tales are true, you learned the likes of Max’s Message on your trial, is that right?”

  I nodded.

  The deep-umber skinned human echoed the nod. “Then I imagine you have a very good chance of learning it. Private Sanctum creates a small cube that is a perfect barrier to both light and sound. No form of ESP, clairvoyance, or other remote surveillance can penetrate it. It doesn’t tamper with the environment like similar spells intended for groups of adventurers, but it is quite effective as a privacy shield. I’d be happy to teach you, if you’re interested.”

  I smiled. “That’s most generous of you. What about yourself? I’m afraid I don’t participate in stealth magic very much, but is there anything else that interests you?”

  Celestial raised his brows. He brushed blue locks of hair from his shoulders, “I’m not sure. I suppose you might bring a unique set of spells to the table, given your background. Can we hear more about them?”

  I went through every spell that I knew. Read Magic, Detect Magic, Invisible Shield, Enhanced Intelligence, Force Bolt, Noon Sunlight, Fan of Frost, Flaming Sword, Augmented Intelligence, Levitation, Spider’s Web, Acid Bolt, Silence, Lightning Bolt, Max’s Message, Stone Shape, and Light.

  Celestial’s eyes lit up when I mentioned Flaming Sword. I knew what he was going to choose before he said it. “Well we can’t really practice it here, but Flaming Sword is actually a rather rare spell within the Arcane University. Some of the students from the northeastern deserts know it, but they’re forbidden by their people to share it with other students. And melee mage specialties are nearly nonexistent. Would you be willing to teach me during the day?”

  “I would be happy to, Celestial.”

  Green asked, “I know I’m new here, but I honestly don’t know the answer to this: Why don’t all mages learn every spell that they come across?”

  Titan snorted at that notion. “Ambitious. Better watch your backs with this one.”

  Celestial was kind enough to explain, “If someone had an infinite amount of time and a huge library for spellbooks, they probably could learn every spell. Well, every spell that they had the knowledge and experience to understand. However, it takes time and effort, particularly for more complex spells and rituals. It also takes up space in a spellbook, which is why adventuring mages will often have a tighter repertoire... they don’t wish to carry around a travel spellbook that is too heavy. That having been said, some mages have a natural affinity with certain types of spells and an ineptitude with others. Fire specialists having issues with water and cold based spells, and so on.”

  Titan added, “And nobody likes a know-it-all.”

  There was chuckling all around.

  Over the course of the next four weeks, I had not only made significant advances in the complex field of elemental summoning, but I had cast my first Identify spell successfully. I was glad that the University paid for the opal that was consumed, as that would have eaten deeply into my adventuring account.

  One night after dinner, Parsnip
took me aside. We stood in the landing by the southern stairwell as the half elf sized me up.

  Parsnip said, “Listen. I’m a little worried about you. I get that you enjoy hanging out with us in the library, but I never see you with any of your other friends. I’m worried that they’ll think you’re neglecting them.”

  I hesitated, mouth opened to say something, but not really knowing how I should explain myself.

  Parsnip prompted, “It’s alright, we know how important it is to be social around here. You aren’t going to insult anyone by…”

  She trailed off. I must have looked ashamed, or abashed. Maybe both.

  The half elf slapped my shoulder. “None? You don’t have any other friends?”

  I murmured, defensively, “I have Leeson.”

  Parsnip rolled her eyes. She said, “Leeson is your roommate. And he’s practically your student or worshiper or something. I’m talking about other students, people you go to class with day in and day out.”

  I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated. “They’re afraid of me, Parsnip! There, I said it. They know that I’m an adventurer, they know I’ve killed many, many people. And I’m an orc as well, it’s not like we have a lot in common. They seemed friendly enough after the Soft Fall thing, I think I made a good impression on the group. But as individuals… they don’t want to approach me. Like I’d eat them or something.”

  Parsnip rubbed her chin. “I see.”

  But her tone connotated something else. “Do you?” I asked.

  The half elf nodded. “Oh, I do. You need some public relations help.”

  I stared at her. “What?”

  Parsnip started to straighten my robes and fuss with my hair. “I may not be the most popular girl in the Arcane University, but I’m approachable. I’m not a big scary orc. So every day after dinner, you and I are going to make an effort. I’m going to introduce you to people, and you’re going to be your charming self.”

  I groaned and asked, “Can’t we just get dessert? I like dessert.”

  But true to her word, Parsnip wouldn’t let me leave the cafeteria until I had made an effort to get to know someone. It became a daily ritual. We would, indeed, get dessert. But we would take it over to another table where one or more of my other classmates were sitting. And then, the real magic happened.

  Parsnip was amazing at breaking the ice on my behalf. After a few days of these cafeteria visits, I had made some new friends. After a few more, I was actually seeing other students outside of class, without the half elf even being present. Soon I was a functional, friendly being, experiencing the tangential social benefits that the University had to offer.

  I knew that I had Parsnip to thank for my much improved ‘public relations’ as she called it. But perhaps unbeknownst to her, something more was happening. I was rapidly coming to care for the half elf, in ways that went beyond casual friendship. I wasn’t quite sure what these feelings meant, in the context of the rest of my life. But I was certainly aware of my growing fondness towards Parsnip.

  Councillor Calebith stopped by for a couple of days on business, but made the time to have several study sessions with me. He learned Augmented Intelligence with ease, and I was proud to have its notes translated into yet another language. Before he left, I was presented with a surprise gift. It was an owl, wings unfurled, hewn from a single piece of oak. The craftsmanship was breathtaking. I had no words to express my gratitude for such an amazing gift, but Calebith assured me that no words were required.

  Finally, at the end of those four knowledge-packed weeks, I mastered the Private Sanctum spell with the help of my new study group. I was going over the full run-through of the spell with Celestial, when I accidentally plunged us both into darkness and silence. There was laughter from the group as we made our way out of the area of privacy, but a smattering of applause came soon afterwards. The unexpected drain meant that I would have to dedicate more resources to intelligence enhancement in the morning, but it was worthwhile.

  The day after Parsnip and the rest of the gang celebrated my success, Rick and Will paid a visit. They still didn’t look quite like themselves, but physically they were much more healthy. We caught up in the evening. They told me that the Magic Shop had been restocked. Times being somewhat desperate, they took a new route to filling up the display cases that were supposed to house mystical rarities: The pair took on consignments. If a piece sold, they would take a significant cut of the profits. If not, they could return it to the owner after a time. That strategy would tide them over until the next expedition, planned to coincide with the Academy's Summer Break. We ate dinner together, then the pair headed back home.

  Upon returning to room 214, I heard the telltale sounds of a happy young man humping an even happier were-wolf lass. I saw the heavy curtain waving around like a flag, and the foot of their bed swaying dangerously.

  A certain breathless were-wolf moaned, “Oh Leeson, tug on my tail while you do that! Rrrrfff.”

  But this time I was prepared. I had memorized my new spell after the noon rest period. Calmly, I set aside my backpack and stripped for the evening. Laying down in my own bed for the first time in a month, I recited the incantation for Private Sanctum.

  “Use your toes to r-”

  Suddenly, there was darkness. Every hint of moaning, howling, and rutting was gone. There was only silence. I embraced the drain associated with casting the potent spell, knowing that a good night’s sleep would lead to efficient study in the morning. This impenetrable zone of privacy would last up to half a day, or when all occupants of the two and a half pace cube had left the area. I laughed aloud, knowing that the sound would be heard by me, and me alone. Soon I was experiencing a perfectly restful, perfectly dreamless sleep.

  Chapter 9

  I groaned, pressing my forehead into the open pages of the book in front of me.

  Moria gave me a little nudge. “Stop it. You need to learn this.” The wererat girl’s voice was as stern as I’d ever heard it: Two shades above a whisper.

  I said, “I know that you think, in that confused little rodent brain of yours, that this is required learning. But be honest with me, have you ever needed to know any of this in the real world?”

  Moria nodded. “Yes. One time, I was able to tell my father where he could source chipatre root from. He was able to negotiate with some traders from United Diben and secure a dispatch.”

  I stared at the wererat. She simply looked proud of herself.

  We were in the depths of the Apprentice Library, about an hour too early for the rest of the study group. I needed a little extra help with a subject that I considered a complete waste of time. Luckily, Moria loved trivia, and excelled in this particular subject.

  The rodent lass pointed at the book once again, “Let’s go over the basics. Poth.”

  I closed the book, entitled ‘Mageography: Magical Resources and Where to Find Them’.

  I said, “Poth. Destroyed. Way to the northeast of the main continent of Panos. In the desert. Once known for all sorts of survival magic. Environmental, agricultural, travel.”

  Moria looked pleased, her little whiskers twitching. “Good! You’ll be a real mage yet Sorch. The Shore?”

  I frowned. Eventually I came up with, “The Shore… very southwest of Panos, on the island subcontinent?”

  The wererat nodded.

  With more confidence, I continued, “Human tribal magic. Elementalism, combat.”

  My small mentor smiled. “Good! Tatertown.”

  I blanked.

  “Tatertown… potato based magic. All about cooking, baking, boiling, mashing, and frying potatoes.”

  Moria snorted softly. “And here I was going to transform for you.”

  My interest was piqued. “Really?”

  The wererat half hid her face behind her tail. But then she nodded. “If you do good.”

  I begged, “Give me this one, please.”

  Moria recited, by rote, “Tatertown, central north of the main c
ontinent. Specialized in alchemy, herbalism. A mix of human and subrace magic, highly traditional. Now, Ice House.”

  That one was easy. “Central Panos! A mix of all racial traditions. Elemental, travel, and communications specialties.”

  She murmured, “Almost cheating. Castle Gray?”

  I murmured, somberly, “Western shore of the main continent, south central. Destroyed. Formerly human magic. Now generic necromancy.”

  “Orc Collective.”

  I shook my head. “No magic since the orcish curse.”

  Moria said, “Civilia.”

  I felt like I was in the zone now. “Civilia is the elven city to the northwest of the main continent. Mastery of all magic is available there, but uniquely crystalline and polymorphic enchantments are their speciality.”

  “Glasson.”

  I scratched my head a little bit. “In the northeastern deserts. I want to say… chaos magic? And summoning. It’s mainly a human flavor, but am I right in saying there’s a large contingent of half elves there?”

  The wererat agreed, “You are right in saying that. The level of hybridization of elven and human magic is only matched in Ice House. Hmmm. Royal Moffit.”

  This was another easy one for me. “Human settlement, southeast of the main continent. War magic and naval magic.”

  Moria clapped her little forepaws. “Nearly done now! I know you know everything about the Southern Clans and Arbitros, so how about Eastern Hook?”

  I wracked my brain. “Just a little help?”

  She started me off, “East coast of the island continent.”

  I snapped my fingers. I said, “Human magic, primarily defensive, artistic, illusionary.”

  Moria squeaked, “Good! Now you just need to do the common alchemy and material components available in those places, and you’ll be fine.”

  I sat there, just looking at Moria.

  The wererat stared back at me. She squirmed under my gaze. “What?”

  I reminded her, “You said you would transform if I did well.”

 

‹ Prev