Another Stupid Trilogy

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Another Stupid Trilogy Page 39

by Bill Ricardi


  I said, “Master Max, how can I help you?”

  The old wizard glared at me for using his formal title, which he knew I wouldn’t be doing if not for his current office. “Sit. We have big problems.” He walked back across the small room until he was on the opposite side of the wooden desk from me.

  I took a seat. I also took one of the sugar cookies from the jar on the desk.

  Max never even sat, he just paced behind the Headmaster’s chair as he spoke. “We’ve reached that point. What we discussed earlier in the year. The Council of Minotaur Affairs doesn’t see me as the head of the school. The elves are being cryptic and less than helpful. Some of the adventurers out there were apparently under instructions to report directly to Hemitath. They aren’t talking to anyone now. We need her back, and we need to know what’s going on.”

  I nodded, chewing the sweet snack thoughtfully. “Okay, can we Message her?”

  He shook his head, still pacing. “Whenever she travels now, she’s under a spell of Non Detection. You know a little something about that, my Message to you this morning didn’t reach. I had to send an apprentice with a note. Now imagine that spell but portable, affixed to an amulet, and only applying to magical scrying and contact.”

  I shrugged, “If an archmage doesn’t want to be found, I’m not sure what I can do to find her.” I popped the rest of the cookie into my greedy maw.

  The wispy haired codger snorted, “Well luckily, I’m smarter than you boy. I’ve put two and two together, and made some subtle inquiries. There’s only one solid lead, but it fits all of the evidence.”

  After a final swallow, I cleared my throat and asked, “Okay Max, what do you want me to do?”

  The old mage slapped a scrap of parchment and a rolled up spell scroll onto the desk in front of my face.

  Max said, “I want you to use this scroll. I want you to contact your friend Shaman, and ask him specifically what I’ve written down on this paper.”

  This was the second time in my life that a high powered mage asked me to contact Shaman. It surprised me more this time than it had the last.

  “Max, what in the blazes are yo-”

  He cut me off. “Just. Do it.”

  I threw my arms up in the air helplessly. Rising to my feet, I unrolled the scroll. It was Max’s Message. Keeping my dear friend Shaman firmly in mind, I recited the scroll and watched the inscribed words burn away when the spell took effect. Then I read the note in my mind:

  ‘Shaman, if Hemitath is there, urgently need to meet face to face with you two, secretly. Tell us when and where.’

  There was a pause, longer than I was used to when getting a reply to a Message. When the reply came, I said it aloud for Max’s benefit.

  “She and Dutch with me and Lizzy. Meet in old copper mine tonight, two hour before midnight.”

  Max slammed his fist against the desk, vindicated. “Knew it. You know where this old copper mine is, boy?”

  My head was swimming with confusion. “Huh? Yes. The tribe had a claim that ran dry a couple of years ago, they moved on to a new site for the Voodoo Engine’s mining activities. The old one was just a big empty cave. We didn’t know if it was structurally stable, so we never did anything more with it.”

  “But you can picture it clearly in your mind? Preferably the area right outside?”

  I nodded.

  He walked over to the office’s side table. It was covered in black silk, and in the center was a golden stand that held a crystal ball. “Keep it in your mind lad. When it’s clear, touch the crystal ball.”

  I walked over and laid my rough green fingers on the crystalline surface. An image of the entryway to the abandoned copper mine appeared within the depths of the ball.

  Max closed his eyes, then touched the top of the crystal with his fingertips. After a few moments, he said, “I have it. You can let go.”

  I did so, and the image flickered and died.

  The elder mage opened his eyes and said, “Okay, now go out there and act normal. After dinner, rest and then memorize whatever you feel is appropriate. Be prepared for anything. We teleport from my classroom a few minutes before 10.”

  I tried to do just that. I did passably well in class, but Leeson commented that I looked stressed out at lunch, and Parsnip said something similar at dinner. I laughed off their concerns, claiming it was just tension from my Foundations of Summoning Elementals class. I excused myself after dinner, saying that I needed some rest.

  Before going back to my room to sleep, I stopped at the University bank. After verifying that I was who I claimed by using my ankle bracelet, they withdrew the 33 gold that I had set aside for Shaman so long ago. I put it in a small bag, and tucked that bag in my pouch.

  I prepared an array of spells that I knew would be effective against some of the dangers native to my homeland. I also forewent two minor spells in favor of Enhance Intelligence, not knowing how long our stay might last. When I had finished, I went to the West Wing.

  Max was waiting for me in his classroom. Gone were his formal robes, and gone too his comfortable farmer’s pants. Instead the old man donned a gray adventurer’s robe, cut short at the waist. He wore comfortable green slacks that would give him more flexibility, belted with a leather strap that also held his component pouches. On his back, a battered old backpack that had seen decades of use. His left hand held a cedar staff, which had to be twice as old as the backpack.

  He nodded. I nodded back. Without needing to be told, I stepped over to stand by his side. The old wizard put a gnarled hand on my shoulder, and then began a short chant.

  We were elsewhere. We were home.

  The first person that we saw was an orc lad. The boy was standing at the mouth of the old copper mine, flipping a flat stone in the air. I say ‘boy’, but he was likely around 10 or 11 years old, the age when orcs started to achieve their sexual maturity. His adulthood ceremony would take place by the time he was 12. When he reached 14 or 15, he would be fully grown and considered a proper man. The smaller orc’s black hair was almost invisible against the dark basalt rock-face. “You are Sorch?” he asked, in Orcish.

  I replied, “I am. You from the Jeywafa tribe?”

  The boy squinted his green, hazel-flecked eyes. “Naw. Nightbanes. Move over to train. C’mon.” He caught his flipping-stone, then turned to walk into the old mine.

  Max and I glanced at each other, and then stepped into the mouth of the cave. It was dark. Annoyingly so for me, hopelessly so for a human like Max. After a moment, I heard the lad murmur in the darkness. Soon his flat rock was glowing with the unmistakable eldritch blue hue of a Light spell. He led us down the eerily smooth passage, dug many years ago by silent, invisible hands.

  “Uncle, Auntie! Sorch and his friend are here.”

  We didn’t just see the dot of one Light spell, but half a dozen of them throughout the artificial cave. In the distance, a cluster of three orcs sat in a tight circle. They were reading from a book, and talking, and snacking on something. Another figure stepped into the radius of our young orc’s light. I broke into a toothy smile.

  Shaman, looking as wise as ever, returned my smile. “Hello dere. Good see you alive. Hear you try real hard not to be, but made it anyways.”

  Influenced so heavily by my new friends, I felt a powerful urge to go hug Shaman. But I restrained myself and offered a hand instead. “Yeah, I’m alive. Good to see you my friend.”

  His green-gray hand clutched my deeper green one tightly. Just then, a small lizard winged her way over. Ignoring me completely, Lizzy made two full circles around Max before alighting on his weathered staff. They glared at each other for a while.

  Another figure stepped into the light. “Thank you Benno, you may join the others.” The golden eyed elf murmured a few words, and a Light appeared at the tip of Max’s staff. Startled, Lizzy flew away, gliding over to join the orcs sitting in the distance.

  Max inclined his head to Hemitath. “Where’s Dutch?”

  The ar
chmage smiled, gesturing vaguely behind us. “Doing the things that emerald boas do. Finding a snack. Guarding the entrance. You know.”

  Max glanced around. “So do we discuss this here, or what?”

  The old elf looked over her shoulder, to the orcs in the distance. “Come. Let me show you why we’re here.”

  Shaman let go of my hand, and took Hemitath’s. The gesture wasn’t lost on Max and I. We shared a surprised glance. The two of us followed in silence until we were close enough to see what the four orcs were doing.

  The orcs had two books laid out before them, and I knew them both. I knew the first book because I studied that particular spellbook week in and week out. And I knew the second because those were the simple notes that I wrote, at least the copy that Shaman kept.

  Max snorted, “This is why we’re here? An orc magic play-date?”

  Hemitath frowned. “Shut up for a moment, Max.” She reached down to draw down the shirt that one of the orcs was wearing. That revealed an amulet, almost identical to my own. “We have two Amulets of Enhanced Enchanting now. They have to share them, pass them around. It’s not quite as effective, but after a day’s work at the Voodoo Engine, each of them can cast a couple of cantrips and a real spell without any permanent drain.”

  This spawned a drawn out technical discussion between Max and Hemitath about how much benefit this could actually be, was this the best way to go about things, and the like.

  In Orcish, I murmured to Shaman, “Are you two an item now?”

  He replied, “Oh yes. Whenever possible. Hemitath my mate now.”

  I looked upon my oldest friend in wonder. “That was quick. When did this happen?”

  He shrugged and said, “Had to hide her for while after she mess with Voodoo Engine. She need much rest after dat. Best place to hide was in bed. Lotsa time to… get know each other.”

  I nudged his ribs lightly. “But it’s more than just that, right?”

  Shaman nodded, slowly. “Talk a lot. Want same thing, peace between elf and orc. Food for those need food. School for those want school. She good person, kind person. Who know why she like me though.”

  I glanced up to see both Max and Hemitath staring at us. Max said, irritably, “Everyone here speaks Orcish, you know.”

  I cleared my throat. “I did not know that, actually.”

  Hemitath shook her head a little. “The point being. We need two more Amulets of Enhanced Enchanting. And then as many more as we can get our hands on. I’d like to encourage our senior crafting apprentices to consider them as graduation projects.”

  Max cut in, saying, “And you could do that if you were ever at the Academy! You never formally handed over the position, Hemitath. Everything is falling apart because I don’t actually have the authority to speak for you, or act for you. Not to mention that I hate your job!”

  One of the studying orcs glanced up and said, “They’re loud.”

  Young Benno commented, “Gotta learn to study through distractions.”

  The four orcs went back to reading, doing their best to ignore the rest of us.

  Hemitath conceded the point. “Max, you’re right and I apologise. I’ll go back and make the proper arrangements so that the right people understand that you have proxy authority. But Max, someone has to stay an-”

  The old human’s eyes widened. “No!”

  “Max, someone has to stay and teach them while I’m gone and you have no students right now.”

  I could see Max’s eyes working frantically, searching for an excuse. “I’m still working on the gold version of Sorch’s spell. I’m right on the cusp of it, I know it.”

  Hemitath shook her head, “A few weeks ago you said you were several months off. It can wait. Besides, if you want to research intelligence enhancement, can you think of a better place?”

  The old mage grit his teeth. It was checkmate. “Fine. Two weeks. I’ll babysit for two weeks, and then we switch back and everything had better be in order, or I’m letting that damned University rot.”

  Shaman said, “That the spirit!” He smiled at Hemitath. “Don’t worry. I keep him safe. Any ex-mate of yours is friend of mine.”

  Now it was Shaman, and Shaman alone, being stared at.

  Max rubbed his temples with a thumb and a forefinger. Hemitath hid her eyes with one hand and said, “Dear. Sorch didn’t know that.”

  In my defense, I murmured, “I knew you had dated, just not… you know.”

  Max snapped, “We dated for a few months, we were married for years. Secretly.” This last word was spoken, quite pointedly, at Shaman.

  Shaman’s eyes went wide. “Oh. My bad. He no say nothin’, he’s good kid.” Shaman thumped my shoulder.

  I rapidly tried to change the subject, “And to prove that…” I dug into my pouch. After a moment, I handed Shaman a little pouch. “33 gold. I don’t know how long I’ve owed you that.”

  That earned me another shoulder thump. “See? Good kid. No worries.”

  Another hour was spent working through the logistics. Whenever the question of learning curve came into play, I was the center of attention. I tried to answer as best I could. I noted what resources and study habits worked for me, what the traps and dead ends were in my advancement. At the end of our discussion, Max had a better grasp of the task, and both Hemitath and Shaman had some additional ideas for future training. After one simple conversation, I felt more useful than I had in weeks.

  When we were done talking about the process, Hemitath glanced down and to her left. “Before I go, let’s step over here for a moment.”

  We walked out of earshot of the orc students. Hemitath murmured, in secretive tones, “Max, I know how you like to assume you’re the smartest one in the room, but you need to be careful around Benno.”

  The old mage scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  The elf shared a knowing glance with Shaman. My old friend called over to the study group, “Benno, come’re.”

  The small orc hopped up and jogged over to us.

  “Tell Sorch and Max how old you is. Just them. Not us.”

  Benno held out his small hands, one to each of us. Slowly, Max and I gripped the young man’s palms.

  ‘I am eleven years old.’

  I knew there was something wrong when I ‘heard’ the first word. Only after he was done did I realize that the words were spoken into my mind, not into my ears. I glanced at Max. From his slack jaw, I knew he had experienced the same thing.

  Shaman patted Benno’s back. “Thanks. Go study.” Lizzy landed on the boy’s head, and caught a free ride back to the orc study group.

  Max hissed, “Psychic? That little… kid is psychic?”

  Shaman said, “Yes, dat the word for it.”

  Max said, “The whole cartload? Astral projection, aura reading, everything?”

  Hemitath nodded. “As far as we’ve been able to test, he can do it all. Benno is raw and untrained of course, but naturally talented. We see one every ten or fifteen years perhaps. But never an orc. Maybe we weren’t looking in the right place. So please Max, be careful.”

  The elderly human nodded sharply, suddenly much more somber about his assigned task.

  I added, “Master Max, eleven years old in orc years is around fifteen in human years. Expect him to have a similar attitude and libido.”

  Max said, “Great. I’ll keep him away from the booze and women.” Then the old mage stalked back towards the studying circle of orcs, muttering to himself.

  Shaman and I shared a firm handshake. Then Hemitath and Shaman shared a quick kiss. She got the better end of that deal.

  Goodbyes made, the elf walked towards the dim moonlight of the mine entrance. I relied on her more keen elven sight until we were standing fully in the night air. Waiting just outside was a beautiful emerald tree boa. There was a small lump in her belly from whatever ‘snack’ was unfortunate enough to get caught by her tonight.

  “Sorch, be a dear and pick up Dutch for me?”
<
br />   I did so knowing full well that, like Lizzy, Dutch was quite intelligent and well adjusted. She draped lightly around my shoulders as Hemitath took my hand.

  Moments later we were back in the Headmaster’s office. I gently placed Dutch back in her habitat, and the snake flicked her tongue against my cheek in thanks.

  The elven archmagus sighed a little bit, looking over the paperwork upon her desk. “Ah well. Sorch, I assume you know that this training program must remain a secret. Strictest confidence.”

  I nodded. “Yes Headmaster.”

  She paused, and then added in a softer tone of voice, “Sorch. Though you’re under no obligation to do so, I would appreciate if my history with Max be-”

  I didn’t make her finish the request. “Strictest confidence. Yes Headmaster.”

  The brightness of her smile would have lit up a pitch black room. “Shaman’s right. You are a good kid.”

  I chuckled. “Goodnight, Headmaster.”

  I headed down to the East Wing, Hemitath having already informed the checkpoint guards of her return, and that they should be expecting me from this direction despite what their records might say. I entered the student library, and spiraled my way down to the bottom.

  The study group and all of our guests for the night had already bedded down. Only Parsnip was left, looking exhausted. I went to the closet and grabbed two of everything. Then, since there was nobody else we needed to make room for, I went behind the stacks and laid out two adjacent quilts directly on the carpeted floor. I shucked my boots and travel gear, then beckoned the half elf over. When she laid down, I slipped a pillow under her head and draped both warm blankets over our bodies.

  The half elf murmured, “Patricia.”

  “Hmmm?” I queried.

  Parsnip whispered, “My name is Patricia.”

  I would have asked what prompted this sudden confession, but Parsnip was already out of it by the time I finished fluffing my pillow. I wrapped my arms around her, and let the rhythm of my friend’s breathing send me off to sleep.

  Chapter 11

 

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