by Bill Ricardi
Hey, me know who dis is. “You Xim, yeah?”
The god look at me and nod. “That’s me. We need to leave that in the fire. It will make a nice, tight seal. Then we’ll be ready to build the still.”
I tilt head. “You bring here to help build still, or ask me if worth bringin’ back?”
Purple hair guy waggle finger at me. “There you go again. Too smart for your own good. Did you ever stop to think that too smart can be just as bad as not smart enough?”
I snort. “If stop to think, probably not be here right now.”
Xim laughed. “Fair enough. The answer to your question is: No. I know you’re worth bringing back, Sorch Stonebender. And your friends have true and sincere dedication to you, there’s no question of that. Normally you would be right though. The rare person that goes through this would be weighed, measured, and if successful their memory of this conversation would be erased.”
I play with copper bits on table. “But not me?”
He take off huge glasses and set on table. “But not you. You’ve had divine conversations before, haven’t you? No, I’m actually just holding you here for a friend. This is his place. All these gears and pipes and what have you, I appreciate them. But I prefer the more mystical side of things, you know? Ointments, animated clay, brews that simmer for a decade or so. This sort of thing is very quaint though. And I do like a high quality still, I must admit.”
“Me too. So I gonna remember all dis weird stuff?”
Suddenly, footsteps. Xim guy hop off stool. “Actually, my friend quite insists that you remember. Particularly this next bit. I’ll be back to see you off.” He walk down long row of benches, ‘til can’t see no more.
Footsteps get louder. Start to think, maybe not want to meet Xim’s friend. Too late to run though, he step into light. Scary looking half elf. Real serious. Bald like baby bottom. He look at me like I did somethin’ bad.
I say, “Uhhhh, hi?”
Bald guy with big muscles grab me by front of robe. Give a good shake.
“What are your intentions towards Patricia Blackstaff?”
I stare at crazy guy. “Uhhhh…”
I get another good shake. “Do you know who I am, boy?”
Try to think. Half elf. Friend of Xim. Bald like baby bottom. “Oh! You Tara’s friend, Melflavin. You cry and make swamps big.”
Melflavin look at me like I idiot. “I’ll ask you one more time, what are your intentions towards Patricia Blackstaff?”
“Who?”
Dat wrong answer.
Find self lifted from stool. Dis guy super strong! Hard to breath with robes tight on neck. Try to think who he talk about. Blackstaff? Patricia? Oh…
“Parsnip?”
Melflavin put back down. Fast though, bruise butt on stool. “Yes, the one you call Parsnip.”
I cough, then say, “She friend, good friend. Help each other in tough times.”
Half elf god grit teeth. “Those other boys hurt her. That will not happen again.”
I raise hands, “No, course not! Parsnip good friend. What we do, part of friendship. Never wanna hurt her.”
Melflavin let go of robes. “She’s important, do you understand? To me. To Panos. She’s not some…” He too angry to keep going.
I say, “If you angry at boys, why you not punish? Dey got away with it.”
God’s fist come down on next stool. It crack near in half. “Believe me, boy, if they were here instead of you, they would be begging to go back to being ghosts.”
I swallow, hard. Nod. “Listen. Patricia safe with me, safe with Ames. When we around, nothing happen to Parsnip. Good friend. Me love her, make love to her. Make sure she feel safe and can grow.”
“Swear it.”
I raise hand, like take oath. “Swears dat I care for Parsnip, as much as can. Dat all I got. Okay?”
Suddenly, Xim walk back into light. “Is everything alright?” He pick up silly glasses again, put on face.
After deep breath, Melflavin say, “Yes.” He answer me and Xim at same time. “You will not relate a word of this to Patricia, is that clear?”
I nod, slow. Then bald god walk back off into shadow.
Xim grin at me, with perfect white teeths. “That’s actually a condition of bringing you back. So I’m glad you’re sincere about it. Then again, we are in your head, so lying is pointless… you know that whole song and dance by now I’m sure.”
I snort. Watch purple hair man take flame away from copper. “This is going to be perfect.” he murmured.
Look around for a while. Nothing seem to happen. “So. What now?”
Xim look deep in eyes, through crazy huge glasses. He reach out with one finger. Touch forehead right between eyes and say:
“Bang.”
I wake up fast. Me laying on rock table. Feel the cold stone on back. Feel rustle of robes on skin. Is green skin, my skin. Every scar and bump. Stuff is my stuff, every pouch and coin. Xim lady collapsed in chair at foot of table, smiling.
She not only one smiling. Turn head right. Rick sitting in tall chair, hands on chest. Will standing right at shoulder, his one hand on my forehead.
Will laugh. He say, “Welcome back big guy.”
Rick grinning like madman. “You don’t get out of the Adventurer’s Guild that easy, Sorch. It’s a long term commitment.”
Tears come from eyes. Look at little human, nothing below left shoulder. Look at big human, nothing below left hip. “No. Why? Why you do dis? Never want to hurt you. Why?”
Will brush away tears with thumb of hand he still gots. “Oh come on Sorch. You know why. Other than the fact that you’re our friend, that you saved our lives multiple times… we were done.”
Rick nodded. He thumped my belly with flat of palm. “Pandemonium was the end, Sorch. I never wanted to see Will in danger again, not after that. We both lost our taste for the lifestyle. Completely.”
Will used salty thumb and forefinger to force my lips to smile. “Consider us even. In fact, you owe us a drink.”
I bat away silly human hand. “You crazy. Both of you, crazy! Didn’t ask for dis.” Must have sounded super sad, cause Will bend and give me one armed hug.
Little human say, “And you would never have to.”
Rick actually sound more cheery than in long time. Like huge weight lift off shoulders. “Besides, the Temple of Xim has some decent magical prosthetics available. Part of the value of that gem of yours, or so says Bishop Luann.”
Tired looking Xim woman nod. She say, “Indeed, all part of the service for such a sizable donation.”
Rick continued, “I won’t be running any races, and my love will need to stick to spells you can cast with one hand. But this is going to let us focus on the things we want to do now.”
Will nods. “The Magic Shop, teaching at the Arcane University. You know we’re going to be Adventurer’s Guild heroes for this, probably.”
Rick chuckled, “Yeah, a dinner in our honor at least, I would think.”
Small human suddenly poke me. “So give her the gem, Sorch.”
Big human poke too. “Yeah Sorch, give her the damned gem! I want to see my new leg some time today.”
I sit up with groan. Crazy humans.
Pat myself down for gem, before remember it in other place. Flick wrist and think about use glove. Black gem thing pulled from pocket dimension and end up in hand.
I slide off table and walk over to Xim bishop. “Thanks lady.” I say, while hold out pretty rock.
She take it in two hand, like it a little bird. “Welcome back Mister Stonebender. And thank you for the generous donation. Can I call your friends in?”
“Eh. Sure.”
Was victim of many hugs. Got lifted up, kissed, shaken. And that just Toby!
After everyone had way with me, I push them all away. “Okay, okay. The guys gotta get their fake limbs. Den what?”
Ames give another kiss. Not mind that one though.
Then kitty say, “We’ll get
a room at the Drowsy Dragon. We can inventory the loot, and then figure out what happens next. I know that we need to report back in and let Max know exactly what happened. Rick can send him a Message. You just rest and recover. Doubtlessly we’ll all be back at the University at some point in the next day or two. But let’s take it one step at a time.”
I grunt. “Fair ‘nuff. Once boys all set, we go to inn. Owe them drink anyway.”
Chapter 17
Upon reaching the Drowsy Dragon, we were immediately pestered. According to Rick, Max wanted us there right away. The tall human must have explained that we were in no condition to travel. We certainly weren’t after the fourth round of ale. He even messaged Ames later on, when we didn’t report in right away. Whatever lambasting my were-cat gave him in 24 words or less stopped any follow up messages until the next morning.
We took the whole first day back to recuperate. I simply spent the whole time resting and rebuilding my intellect. Rick and Will started to break in their prosthetics. A visual assessment showed them to be obviously artificial; they shined unlike real skin, they moved stiffly. And yet we were all surprised. They bent realistically at the joint, fingers and toes clenched and unclenched… not individually, but as a unit. The humans said it was odd having no real sensation of touch, but there was at least basic function.
I marvelled, “Why have I never seen anything like this before?”
Will laughed a little bit. “Probably because they cost several thousand gold each, according to Bishop Luann. Sadly it isn’t something that a farmer or soldier could typically afford. Or us for that matter.”
I blinked. “What was that gem actually worth?”
The small human shook his head. “To them? Priceless. They were more than happy to provide the limbs, your restoration, and they still felt as if they owed us a huge debt of gratitude.”
I considered. “I guess you don’t run across many extraplanar conduit foci on your trips to the market.”
After a good night’s sleep, morning intellect enhancement spells, and breakfast I felt a familiar tingling in my mind. A Message spell was coming through, though the source was unexpected. Professor Gideon’s gruff voice came into my head: ‘Heard you’re back from the dead, son. Welcome. Now you and your friends need to come back to the University. Urgent stuff.’
My mental reply was respectful and immediate: ‘Yes sir. We weren’t of use to anyone yesterday. We’re ready. Please have Max arrange transport, we’ll leave the Drowsy Dragon now.’
I spoke the message and my reply aloud, as the other five finished off innkeeper Ashley’s simple but tasty lamb sweetbread rolls. They were off-menu delicacies that the tall, thin elf felt we deserved after our recent misadventures. He had also found two new kitchen staff from our recently rescued work crew, having been light handed since a couple of his sous chefs volunteered for the war effort. So this special meal was thanks to us and training for them.
Robbie, our first brave young rescuee, was one of the two new staff members that Ashley had hired. He stopped by to refill our mugs of water and thank us again. Then we went quiet as the innkeep shared the recipe with Ames, who was listening attentively.
“The meat is from the glands in the lamb’s gullet, often not used at all. We pick them up fairly inexpensively from our butcher. Soak them in brine overnight. Then poach in goat’s milk and remove the membrane. Chop and fry quickly, then mix them into a thyme and onion stuffing. Bake into thin crust rolls, and there you have it. My family adores them.”
We thanked Ashley again, settled our bill, and let him know that we would be heading back to the Arcane University now. When we rose, Ames got an unexpected hug from Robbie. “Thank you again, and please thank the leaders of the Culinary Guild for all of us!” My feline awkwardly returned the hug and mumbled some vague promise about passing on the message.
Ashley shook his head a little bit. “Robbie, change your apron, no cat fur in the omelettes.” he said, before the two disappeared back into the kitchen.
As we went back to the room to pack, I asked, “You aren’t even a member of the Culinary Guild, are you?”
Ames snapped back, “Shut up. I’ll join when we get back to Ice House at some point.”
Five of us made the walk back to the Temple of Omi-Suteth. At the same time, I fulfilled the promise that I had made to the sixth member of our party. Rick rode my Flat Mule from the inn to the stone garden, much to his amusement and that of passers by. He started waving at strangers as he floated past, like some kind of ragtag royalty. He floated through the back gate of the temple and down the rock paths.
I asked him, “Why didn’t we do this for Ames after the salt mines?”
Rick replied, “Oh, never use it on snow. It tends to shoot off wildly whenever it hits a snowy slope, out of the caster’s control. Once it gets out of range it disappears and dumps all your stuff in a snowbank.”
I made a mental note to try this on purpose at some point.
After helping the tall human to his feet, one foot being real and one artificial, we only had to wait a couple of minutes before our priority teleportation was called. The six of us stepped into the circle, and were suddenly elsewhere.
The Arcane University was bustling. Students and teachers were back from midterm break. Groups of friends were gathering before classes restarted at noon. I had the feeling that I was going to be excused from classes once again, given the number of times we had been contacted over the last day or so.
We heard a sharp whistle and saw two fuzzy arms waving frantically in the air, so as to be seen above the crowd. We made our way over to Jess, no doubt sent by her father. The were-wolf lass was breathless from her apparent run to meet us. That didn’t stop her from her usual enthusiastic mannerism, however.
“Hello, hello, welcome back! If you’ll come right this way, Master Max is waiting in his classroom. Normally non-mages aren’t allowed in this part of the Arcane University but… he is the Headmaster. At least we think he is. Sorry, it’s a little bit of a mess! But the guards will let you through anyway.”
The lupine abandoned us at the guard post that blocked off the West Wing from the rest of the University. They let us through, but the suspicious gazes made it clear that these non magical folk would be monitored closely.
Max’s classroom was, shockingly, clean. Student desks were in order, papers were in neat stacks on the front desk… nothing was on fire. We took seats along the front row as the old man himself finished writing something, likely school business rather than grading a paper.
The wispy haired codger looked up from his scribbling. He was back to his farmer’s overalls this morning, though at least they were clean and pressed. “Welcome. I heard one of you was nearly dead and two of you are now cripples. Achievements to be proud of I suppose. More importantly, mission accomplished. One of our other groups reported similar success. The others haven’t fared so well. Now that we know what we’re up against, we’ll be able to send help and… replacements I’m sad to say in the case of our northwestern contingent. We lost some good people. Needless to say, these bastards need to be burned.”
Although tact still wasn’t a strong suit, I had to admit that Max’s public speaking had improved.
He continued, “Will, Rick, I’ve considered your request for positions at the Arcane University. Lucky for you, we have little choice. With Hemitath’s hiatus and Master Gideon…” The magus paused to make sure we heard the title change for the were-wolf. “...moving into this classroom to take over the roles associated with teaching advanced theory, there are gaps. Richard Bright, your trial went well and the other staff members like you. I’d like you to consider filling Gideon’s shoes. Or, I guess in your case, shoe. It is a full time position, though after classes you can do whatever silly thing you like at your magic tent in Limt, or whatever it is.”
Rick called out, “That’s fine. But do I have to work for you?”
Max scowled and continued, “Young Will Flemming, knowing that
you’ll want to tend to that magic tent or hut or whatever it is during the day, normally you would be utterly useless to us. However as it so happens, we need some help in magical crafting. Something about a sudden demand for Amulets of Enhanced Enchanting. So once your shift is over, we can retain you part time to tutor students that need help, do some crafting yourself, and otherwise lend a hand.” He seemed quite pleased with himself, working in that last jibe.
Will turned to Rick and asked, “What are the rules on killing the Headmaster again?”
The old man smirked and said, “I’ll take that as acceptance. Your payments for the mission have been deposited into your accounts. I believe that takes care of old business. Rick, Will, dismissed. Report to the administrative offices for details on your new assignments.”
The dismissal of our human friends was a jolt to all of us, but Max wasn’t doing it to be cruel. He was setting them free. They say the least painful cuts are the clean ones, after all. We embraced our friends and promised to catch up later. Once they had made their way out of the classroom, Max continued.
“I know you’re not a full group, and believe me if I had anyone to spare I would assign them to this mission. And before you ask, yes Sorch, you will be exempted from attending the first week of classes, longer if this takes more time. The success of the two adventuring groups has revealed a pattern that was hidden in the noise. When our arcanists examine the flow of negative energy along the ley lines, they now see an actual terminus. No matter where the surges originate from, they end in the southeast region of Panos.”
Toby asked, “Arbitros?”
Max nodded. “Close by. And the swamps near where your green friend hails from.” He gestured towards me, offhandedly, before continuing. “There are no reports of undead marching towards that region, and yet the energy vanishes. Abruptly. As in if it’s being gathered, harnessed. It might signal a move against the elves by… who did you say you suspected, Ames?”