by Bill Ricardi
I pointed out, “You haven’t even seen all of the transport destinations yet, young man. With this visit, I’ve seen every single one.”
Toby commented, “It’s been a busy few years for you, hasn’t it Sorch?”
I nodded at my once-again-tall companion, “I must admit, I would have much preferred to see all of these temples as a tourist rather than as a patient.”
Ames jokingly pointed out, “We’ve visited half the temples in Panos, and he still hasn’t had the decency to marry me.”
My earlier conversation with Leeson replayed in my mind. Well then.
I asked Ames, “Have you ever seen the Orcish marriage ceremony, dear?”
The were-cat shook their head.
I stepped up to my mate, getting dangerously close. “The one doing the proposing asks: Are you willing?”
Suddenly, and uncharacteristically, Ames was nervous. The feline’s ears flicked and then flattened a little bit.
After a few moments, there was a quiet but firm reply. “Yes.”
There was no length of hair to grab a hold of, so instead I allowed my calloused fingers to grip the flesh and fur at the scruff of Ames’ neck. The cat stiffened and snarled. I snarled right back.
Locking eyes with my mate, meaning every word, I intoned: “With these words: You shall be mine.”
And with that, I tugged on the were-cat’s scruff so that Ames’ head was tilted back, and then kissed my mate deeply. The kiss wasn’t actually part of the ceremony. But it was certainly fun.
Then I heard Toby’s voice.
“Witnessed.”
And Tara’s.
“Witnessed.”
And my ‘little brother’ chimed in, his voice broken and teary.
“Witnessed.”
It wasn’t until after my smooth tongue stopped wrestling with Ames’ rough feline appendage that an unexpected voice joined in.
The robed cleric who had been passing by said, “Witnessed. And congratulations. I’ll file the appropriate papers as part of your already generous donation. May the blessing of Omi-Suteth follow you on this happy day.”
Our friends were all smiling and laughing, despite our collective exhaustion.
Ames asked, breathlessly, “Did that really just happen?”
I nodded and said, “I think the Guild is going to merge our bank accounts now.”
We agreed to plan a small celebration for our close family and friends, and Leeson insisted that it be held at the Renault family estate.
I said, “I love your parents of course, and I’m flattered that you would offer, but Ames and I don’t want to be any trouble. Maybe we should do something small at the University instead.”
Leeson said, “There will be steak and cake.”
Without hesitation, I said, “Done.”
For a moment I wondered if that mysterious power had taken over my voice once again. But then I realized: A sane person doesn’t say ‘no’ to steak and cake.
Chapter 11
“Tell me again.”
We all groaned. This would be the third time that the five of us explained the sacrifice and battle at the Colosseum. Max was fixated on the words of the dying axe maiden. Her claim that this power was summoned without the aid or direction of any god or demon had shaken Max to the core.
I said, “They said it was the Hum, Max. The same as the cyclops did. Surely this is code for some kind of demon worship or the power of a god gone mad.”
The old mage was pale. He paced slowly at the head of the stone dining room table. “It isn’t. At least none of the portents of the elves or reports of any major or minor clergy members back up that version of events. This ‘Hum’ is something we’ve never seen before, never heard of. It’s not in any document that we can find in the archives. Divination to the gods comes back mute when asked about it. Entities in the outer planes know nothing, or at least they’re saying nothing.”
The Headmaster seemed half way between frustration and fright. He said, “And all that would be fine if it held no real power. But this, what you described. That’s real power.”
Leeson said, “Maybe we should focus on the elemental activity? Look in the records for events precipitated by a lot of elemental-”
Max cut him off, saying, “I knew there was a reason we kept you around. Go. Do that, coordinate with Benno and Assistant Donnelly, they’re doing similar work already. Maybe we can kill multiple birds with one boulder.”
As we stood up, Max said, “Payment is in your accounts. Let my assistant know how long you’re staying, I’ll arrange for a clerical visit for anyone who still needs it.”
I decided to stay for a few days to check in on Benno and spend some family time with him and with Granite. Ames would be in and out, only having the Vole to take care of in the next two weeks. Normally we would get some fishing in, but the R. M. N. ‘Taboo’ was dry docked for cleaning and refitting. After recent events, a nice peaceful week at the University didn’t sound so bad, to be honest.
Which was why I found myself holding my youngest son a couple of days later. Little Granite was doing his damnedest to grab my nose, while his mother laughed at our antics. We were slowly making our way down the hall to Parsnip’s quarters, so that the little tyke could get some rest after keeping us entertained all morning long.
Parsnip said, “Have you noticed how much he’s grown over the past few months? He’ll be toddling around soon enough. Almost as much of a holy terror as his dad. As both of his dads.”
I chuckled, dodging a slow poke to the eye from my son. It was easily accomplished with a little head tilt. “You give me too much credit. I may be dangerous, but your husband is genuinely nuts. We aren’t even in the same category.”
Patricia rolled her eyes. She asked, “How’s Benno’s recovery coming along?”
I frowned, but kept my voice calm and steady for the baby’s sake. “He’ll be fine with a few more days of clerical help and rest. And since this is the last time he’s going on an adventure, he’s going to stay fine from now on.”
We walked in silence for a few steps. Then Patricia said, “Does he know that was his last adventure?”
“Not yet.”
I glanced down and noticed that little Granite put on an exaggerated frown to match my own. Then the little smartass laughed and tried to capture my nose again.
Parsnip murmured, “You know, you raised Benno well Sorch. He’s a strong, independent, talented young man. Which means there’s absolutely nothing that you can do to stop him if he decides he wants to be an adventurer. He’s going to say, ‘Yes Dad, I understand Dad.’ And then he’s going to go around your back and do it anyway.”
I said, “He wouldn’t dare.”
Parsnip adjusted her robes. “Dear. Not only would he dare, he would plan the outing to such an exacting standard that you would never even know about it.”
I sighed heavily. “So I’m just supposed to let him throw himself into harm’s way? Let him be as stupid as his father was?”
I felt a delicate hand stroke through my hair as we walked. “You aren’t stupid. And I should note: You turned out okay.”
“So you’re in the same camp as Ames. You think I need to shut up and just be supportive.”
Parsnip considered her words carefully for a few moments. Then she said, “I think screaming at the rising tide doesn’t stop the ocean. So I think that if you want him to be safe, you need to prepare him, not hobble him.”
I would have thrown my hands up in frustration and surrender if the action wouldn’t have resulted in a plummeting baby. Instead I just grunted and nodded a little bit. My mind wasn’t changed, but I had some new things to consider.
We chatted about meal plans for tonight as we rounded the bend and approached the door to Patricia and Celestial’s quarters. Granite’s mother gently took the half-snoozing babe from my arms and then slipped inside to lay the child down for his afternoon nap. I waited outside.
With the door cracked open, I hea
rd some very odd stuff. There was the telltale creak of leather under strain, as if someone was working on horse barding in there. Then I heard a muffled squeak and a repetitive swatting sound.
Parsnip hurried back out of her room, blushing furiously. Her face nearly matched that fiery red hair.
I asked, “What in the hells is going on in there?”
The half elven lass closed the door firmly. “Nothing!”
I pressed, “Did you sneak a horse into the University or something? I know you two are into weird stuff but there are health and safety issues to consider.”
Patricia grabbed my arm and tugged firmly. When we were walking again, she said, “It’s just Ames and Celestial blowing off some steam.”
Now my curiosity was piqued. I stopped and glanced over my shoulder, ignoring Parsnip’s attempts to urge me onward.
“Maybe they’re in trouble and need to be rescued.”
The half elf’s dry reply was, “I’m sure their release will come soon enough.”
I nearly doubled over with laughter. Not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the hallway, Parsnip linked her arm around mine and tugged firmly. I was encouraged to laugh as we walked.
After recovering from my mirth, I asked, “Is the baby going to be alright in there? We can go back and grab him, put him down in my room.”
The mother of my second child shook her head. She said, “He’s fine. Granite can sleep through anything.”
I teased my blushing friend, “You didn’t have to leave on my account. Go back and watch if you like.”
That earned me a sharp pinch on the forearm, which produced a yelp that satisfied Parsnip’s ego for the moment.
After considering our options, the two of us headed back to my guest quarters so that Patricia could get some rest without having to weather the sounds of recreational abuse. She caught me up on current Arcane University events as we walked.
One of the last things she mentioned was, “Oh, my former roommate has been expelled for attempting to do to another new student what was done to me. What he didn’t know is that this particular lizard girl was being scryed because her father was painting a portrait of her from halfway across Panos. Mister hypnosis walked in on their sitting, not knowing that there was a floating Eye in the corner. So as it turns out, he’s perverted, immoral, and incredibly unlucky.”
I said, “I’m glad he was finally caught with witnesses and proof.”
I made a mental note to follow up on my prior lesson if I ever ran into the kid again. It seemed that the first warning didn’t take.
As we neared my quarters, I caught Parsnip up on my life as well: The research, the adventures, the unexpected wedding and impending celebrations.
Parsnip asked, “And your visions? The lapses into the past?”
I said, “Oddly, I haven’t had one in days. Maybe they were some kind of ineffective portents that were supposed to lead me to the discovery of this doomsday cult. If so, whichever god or goddess engineered the episodes needs to be far more specific next time.”
The half elf asked, “The gods have a personal involvement in your life, don’t they? Particularly the likes of Omi-Suteth. Is it just your role in trying to overcome the orc curse?”
I considered that question for a few steps before answering, “Mainly. Though I have to say, for someone who doesn’t worship a god or demon, I get far too much attention. I don’t particularly want them meddling in my affairs, and I really wish they would take care of their own messes. I don’t enjoy being used as a mouthpiece, a memory factory, or a research subject.”
Patricia joked, “All of these priests and devout worshipers just want the briefest of personal interaction with their deity. And they can’t because every time they pray, their god is having tea with you.”
“I actually had tea with Koroth.”
Patricia sighed. She said, “Of course you did. I should have picked something like fishing. The point being, now we know the real secret to divine interaction: Play hard to get.”
I really wanted to ask Parsnip something, but my agreement with Melflavin prevented me from sharing certain things with her. I tried a more roundabout line of questioning.
“Parsnip, do you ever feel like… that is to say, do you ever think that you might be part of some sort of prophecy yourself?”
I felt the half elf’s body stiffen. She squeezed my linked arm even more tightly. It took her a moment to relax again. When she did, she managed a reply.
“Let me just say that it wouldn’t surprise me in the least, dear. And that as much as I would like to talk about that subject, I cannot.”
It seemed like I wasn’t the only one bound to silence by Melflavin. I made a mental note to ask Tara if this was a common theme with He Who Wept.
As we walked up to the door of the guest quarters, Patricia decided that a change of subject was in order. She said, “Listen, I’m far enough along now that I can comfortably share the news. Our son is going to have a little brother or sister. And yes, this time I’m certain it’s Celestial’s.”
I let go of my dear friend’s arm, only to embrace her in a warm but gently delivered hug. I said, “Gods Patricia, that’s great news. I’m happy. For the both of you.”
She joked, “It was a tactical decision. We figure that a second one will be entertaining for Granite, and we’ll save a fortune in toys and babysitting. That’s how this parenting thing works, right?”
I snorted and said, “Given the parents, I think you need to fireproof your apartments.”
Parsnip seemed unconcerned, “Oh I’m sure there’s a spell for that.”
I leaned in to deliver a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. What I did not expect was that my friend would turn her head to intercept that kiss with her lips. It had been a while. I had forgotten the feeling of those soft, tender lips against mine.
The half elf took charge, letting go of my arm to grip my rump in one hand, and the back of my neck in the other. Her ardor was sudden, but certainly not unwelcome. She drew my tongue into her mouth with a gentle suckling, and then teased my flesh with her teeth.
When we finally broke the kiss, both of us were panting heavily. I asked, “What’s got you all worked up?”
The sensations of dexterous fingers massaging my behind through the fabric of my robes got me to growl, much to Patricia’s satisfaction.
She said, “You mean other than seeing our mates engage in their own entertainment? Freedom.”
I tilted my head and asked for clarification, “Freedom?”
“I can’t get pregnant twice, Sorch.”
I couldn’t fault her logic. I allowed myself to be dragged inside of the guest chambers and taken captive. There I was informed that it was my duty to get Parsnip properly tired so that she could engage in a satisfying afternoon nap. I showed her that I take such responsibilities very seriously.
Chapter 12
There was a good reason why one might avoid targeting a sleeping individual with Max’s Message: The two dozen words that you get back might be utter nonsense.
I’m fairly certain that my groggy response to being summoned to the Headmaster’s office at the crack of dawn was as follows: ‘I would but the red spiders are serving dessert and I like the honey coated boots. Can I bring friends?’
The magical summons was followed up with a far more mundane one. A grumpy looking student who was apprenticing with the Transport Guild knocked on my door. Her gold robes were on backwards and her black hair was puffy on one side and flat on the other.
We stared at each other through the small gap that I created when opening the guest room door. I wondered if this was just a bad dream. The young human looked like she might be wondering the same thing. That continued for a number of seconds, until I prompted the apprentice with my displeased grunt.
The message that she mumbled sounded a lot like the reply I had given Max. Regardless, I understood the bones of the request. The words ‘Headmaster’ and ‘office’ and ‘immediatel
y’ were all contained within her message, although the order of the words were somewhat suspect. I nodded at the unfortunate student, and then shut the door in her face.
Within a couple of minutes, I had sort of fallen into my morning wake up routine. I went to the bathing chambers to wash my stink off, but I forgot to bring a towel. Rather than stomp back to my quarters naked, I shook myself in doglike fashion. Then I just put the old robes back on over my dripping body, before making my surly way to the North Wing.
I remember wondering what in the multiple hells I had done wrong to get called to Max’s office before decent people could engage in the comfort of their morning rituals. For a moment I wondered if I was actually enrolled in classes, and I had been called to the Headmaster’s office because of something stupid that I did. Maybe the last few years were just a dream. Hells, maybe I was dreaming right now.
The monotone drone of Max’s ancient elven assistant was jarring enough to convince me that this was reality.
“You’re late. They’ll see you now.”
I was about to ask what she meant by ‘they’, but I was already being ignored in favor of the woman’s critically important paperwork. I stole more than a couple of cashews from the little jar on the assistant’s desk before heading inside.
I really wasn’t expecting a crowd.
Crammed into Max’s office was the man himself, plus the former owner of the office, plus two psychics.
I observed the chaos as I chewed the sweet, salty nuts that might just have to serve as my breakfast. Hemitath and Assistant Donnelly seemed to be arguing about something, in perhaps the quietest and most civilized disagreement that I ever heard. Benno was scribbling something on a parchment. Max was off to the side touching his crystal ball and seemingly deep in concentration.
It was Benno who noticed me first. “Dad. Why are you wet?”
I blinked at my son’s question. I should be the one asking questions here. Still, I couldn’t summon the energy or the will to be indignant. So I went for pitiful and said, “I forgot my towel.” I may have fired a couple of tiny cashew shards onto the office floor in the process of answering.