“Oh, Mike, I’m sorry.” Savannah’s eyes swam with tears, but they didn’t fall, as if she didn’t dare let them.
He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“Why?”
“Because now you know. I’m not someone that anyone ever loved. I’ve never had a family. I’m not normal, like everyone else is. Even on the inside, I’m fucked up. And this is just me. I am far better equipped to deal with it now, but it still happens, the depression and the anxiety. I’ll always be like this. No amount of meditation or art or just getting older and wiser is going to take it away.”
“That’s okay. That doesn’t make you broken. Lots of people have issues with that. People are way more open about it now. I’ve always thought maybe you did.”
That got his attention. “Why?”
“It’s nothing you ever did or said, just that you’re very artistic and I just thought that it often goes hand in hand. Most artsy people I know have some pretty real struggles on the inside. God, I’ve had anxiety issues since I was a teenager. You’re not alone. Seriously.”
“I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want it to change anything between us. You come from this amazing home where your parents love and dote on you. They always will. You know what your family heritage is. You have roots. I’ve… I’m not like that.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re still just Mike to me.”
“And what if one day Carter has the same thing I do? Lots of people think it could be hereditary. What are you going to do when he starts asking about my side of the family?”
Savannah shook her head. She blinked hard and the tears in her eyes disappeared without spilling over. She smiled softly at him. “I don’t know, but we have a long time to figure it out. We can find answers, to his questions. And if we find out that he struggles with depression or anything else, you’ll be the best person to be there for him because you understand what it’s like. I get why you’re telling me this. Because you feel like there’s something wrong with you.” She blinked hard and he had the feeling he wasn’t supposed to say anything so he stayed quiet. She swallowed hard, her throat bobbing, before she finally glanced back at him. “You’re perfect to me, Mike. You always have been. That was the damn problem. I left before because you were so close. You were closer to me than anyone and that scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want to be married young, I didn’t want to fall in love with the first man I ever truly dated. I didn’t want that to be my life and just my life. There were things I wanted to do and I thought if I was with you, that was it. I left because I- I loved you.”
That hit Mike square in the chest. His heart squeezed and swelled. He felt like there was a steel band around it, wringing the feeling out of it, bleeding it out. “Savannah- I-”
“You said that you’ve never truly been loved and you’ve never had a family. Let us be your family, Mike. Me and Carter. We’re here now. We’ll always have Carter in common, no matter what happens with us and I hope that means something.”
“It means… everything.” God, he’d never been so close to crying himself, not since he was a little kid. The room swam and when Savannah reached out and gently placed her hand on his, he nearly lost it. He kept it together. Barely.
“I’m sorry that I never introduced you to my parents. I can see now how hurtful that was. I’m sorry that I did a lot of things the first time around. If we have another chance, if we can work into this slowly and figure out what it means again, what we want it to mean, I promise, I would do so many things differently.”
“Savannah-”
“I know you’ll be the best father, Mike. Even if you don’t know what that means. Just be there for Carter. That’s what a father does. Just love him. That’s it. That’s what my father has always done for me. He’s strict and he’s old school and he doesn’t really show emotion, but I know he loves me and I know he would move heaven and hell for me if I needed him to do it. To me, that’s what a good father is. You’re a good man, Mike. I’ve always known it. You’re kind and compassionate. And whatever is going on inside, that just makes you more empathetic. I know you feel things deeply and I really think that’s a gift, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.”
“And what if I’m not? Not a good man? What if I fuck this up and you and Carter both end up hating me.”
Savannah shook her head, dark hair dancing around her shoulders, shimmering in the lighting overhead. Her eyes were luminous with emotion. “That’s not possible. Stop worrying. Stop thinking, and just let yourself feel. We’ll make a schedule and we’ll stick to it and I promise that you’ll be confident in looking after Carter soon. And at the very least, we’ll get to know each other again. We can take it slow and work into this and a few months from now you’ll probably look back on this night and laugh at the fact that you were ever scared to even hold you son.”
Mike sighed hard. The pressure in his chest slowly dissipated. It was the way Savannah was looking at him, the soft sparkle in her eyes so close to resembling love.
“Yah,” he finally whispered. His hand moved, his fingers tangling with hers and hanging on.
A family. He couldn’t even imagine it, but he knew he wanted it. More than anything on earth, he wanted it. He’d do anything to get there. He’d work as hard as he had to in order to give Carter a good life. Maybe Savannah was right. One day he’d look back on this night and wonder why he ever doubted.
All he knew was what he’d just shared, it was the first time he’d truly ever opened up to anyone. It hurt, but surprisingly, it felt like a little of the ache inside, the deep, gnawing cavern, was closing over. And when he looked at his son, his tiny, infant son who was so incredibly perfect, his heart swelled with more love than he ever thought possible.
Chapter 14
A Visitor
Mike
The noise of his machines humming in his ears was the one sound that never failed to calm him. No matter what was going on in or out of his head, that steady buzzing grounded him.
He was halfway through a large thigh tattoo on a forty year old woman who was sitting like a champ, despite it being a huge piece and her first one at that, when a gentle knock sounded on the open door to his room. A second later, Heather, their shop receptionist, popped her head in.
“Hey,” she smiled, all business, but friendly as always. “There’s a woman here to see you. Says she has an appointment.”
Mike frowned. He raised his machine and set it back onto the tray beside him. “That’s weird. I didn’t have anything booked, did I?”
Heather shrugged. “Nope. I checked the books. I thought I’d made a mistake since I didn’t have anything down. If you don’t know of anything either, I’ll ask her to come back later. Maybe around five since you’ll probably be done by then? If you want, I mean.”
“Sure, that would be great.”
Mike didn’t think anything else of his mystery appointment. He finished up his tattoo for his client. The second someone looked in the mirror and saw their brand new artwork, their smiles never failed to make his day. He was still riding high on that feeling when Heather popped back into the room.
“Okay, that lady I asked to come back around five… she’s here. I know you’re still cleaning up, but do you want me to send her back?”
“I guess so.” Mike wracked his brain trying to figure out who would say they had an appointment with him. He was damn sure that he couldn’t have just forgotten. He had a mind like a steel trap for that. He’d never missed or forgotten an appointment in his entire career.
The mystery surrounding the mysterious forgotten client was solved the second Christine walked into his room. She shut the door behind her, trapping him inside before he could do anything about it.
“I thought that if I gave my name, you wouldn’t agree to meet me.” She looked the same as she always did. She was beautiful, a natural blonde with large blue eyes. She had an attractive body too. Mike hadn’t been in a good
place the first time he met Christine. She was clearly looking for more than just a tattoo and he was lonely and figured a few dates wouldn’t hurt. He hadn’t meant to lead Christine on, he really hadn’t. Hell, he’d tried to get out of the relationship before, just ghost, but she was rather… persistent. She wouldn’t give up on him and she sure wouldn’t let him ghost on her either.
“You’re right.” Mike evaluated his chances of getting around Christine and opening the door, but she was standing right in front of it. He’d have to literally push her out of the way and he just didn’t feel comfortable touching her or getting close at all. There was something in her eyes that he didn’t like. Some kind of weird light, a strange desperation that he’d seen before.
“I’ve been thinking about how we ended things. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” Christine’s voice wavered, as though she was close to tears and Mike winced. The last thing he needed was a huge scene in his workplace with a woman he never should have got himself involved with. He’d actually been surprised that after the breakup he hadn’t heard from her.
“Okay… well, how about we talk about this later…”
“I just came for closure. Isn’t that something you think you owe me, Mike? We were together for six months.”
Not necessarily because I wanted to be. He didn’t say anything of the kind. He knew what kind of screaming match could ensue and he didn’t need other people’s clients hearing his drama. Desperate, he came up with the worst kind of solution.
“Why don’t we go out for dinner later? The two of us. Just to talk,” he added firmly. “I mean it, Christine. There is absolutely no chance that we would get back together. Ever. Do you understand?”
She nodded firmly, but that strange glow in her eyes intensified. Mike felt a little like a rabbit with the wolves circling in around him. His mouth dried out and his palms began to sweat.
“I know that,” she snapped quickly, too quickly. “I just… I didn’t mean for it to end badly. I didn’t want it to end up like that between us.”
“There isn’t a chance that we could be friends. I mean it, the breakup, that was the end. I’m not sure what kind of closure I can give you.”
Her eyes welled with tears and Mike knew he was heading down the wrong path. God, he couldn’t have it happen at the shop. He needed to get her out of there. Thankfully she gathered herself together and rattled off the name of some place close by.
“I’ll be waiting there,” she added, almost furiously before she opened the door and disappeared out of his booth.
Good lord. There were certain ghosts from his past that he wished would remain ghosts. He had no desire to see Christine again. He’d almost forgotten about her entirely. He certainly didn’t like the wild look in her eyes. She couldn’t hide the devastation on her face either. He knew she’d cared about him. Far too much. He hadn’t been fair to her. He’d been with her when he was still in love with Savannah. He’d given her absolutely nothing of himself and Christine had been kind in her own way. She’d tried to bring him out of his shell. One night, when they were both drunk, he’d accidentally told her about Savannah. That he’d loved her and she hurt him. Ever since then, he knew she hadn’t forgotten. When he’d finally broken up with her for good, she knew the reason.
After Mike was finished cleaning up his booth, he headed right over to the restaurant down the street that Christine had mentioned. His entire body was tied up in uncomfortable knots. He dreaded a confrontation. Christine was emotional and that didn’t make her rational very often when she was worked up.
He waited. And waited. Went through one water, then another and finally ordered a soda. He sipped at it, his anxiety growing with every passing moment. He didn’t know what he could possibly say to a woman he’d basically used at one of the lowest points in his life. He’d hurt her and for that he truly was sorry. He’d come, only because he wanted her to know.
The odd thing was, she never showed up. He waited two hours and then paid his bill and left. As he walked back to the shop and to his car, he was left with an unsettled feeling he didn’t like at all. He was haunted by the desperation in Christine’s eyes. He just hoped she’d changed her mind after she saw him at the shop, decided she was acting strangely and didn’t show up for the closure she said she needed.
He hoped that was the end of it. He’d once heard a saying before, something about never underestimating the wrath of a spurned woman. He had a bad feeling, it wasn’t the end at all.
Chapter 15
The Dinner Date
Savannah
“Wow, Mike! This place is way too fancy!” Savannah climbed out of Mike’s ride, the familiar sixties muscle car. She knew just how much he loved that car. She remembered all the stories he told her, about working on it, restoring it, bringing it back to its former glory. For him, everything he did was art and that deep green car was no exception.
“Never. Nothing is too good for you.”
“Not even five stars? That place is probably a hundred dollars a plate minimum.”
Mike grinned. He shut the car door behind her and reached for her hand. She gave it to him, let her fingers twine through his. She loved the warmth of his hand, the smooth skin under hers. A shiver of pleasure traced its way up her spine.
“Who cares?” He shrugged. “It’s not like we go out every night. Actually, we haven’t truly gone out at all. Let me treat you. Besides, Kian and Katelyn picked this place, not me. We can’t just ditch them and go somewhere cheaper.”
“There’s a fast food spot down the street. We could always tell them we changed our minds and to meet us.”
Mike grinned when he realized she was joking. “I’m sure your parents took you to expensive places all the time.”
“Not really. My mom was a good cook. We hardly ever ate out. My dad had money, but he was pretty frugal. He had his investments and he wasn’t a big spender.”
“Well, this is definitely my treat then. Let’s go. Order whatever you want. The most expensive snails or whatever they serve here.”
Savannah wrinkled her nose. “Yuck. I seriously hope that’s not the kind of food they serve. Or at least, that it’s not all there is. I really had a craving for pizza.”
“We are definitely at the wrong place.” Mike pulled his hand out of hers gently and placed it on the small of her back. He held the heavy glass door open for her and steered her inside in front of him. Before he opened the second door he leaned in and whispered in her ear. “We just have to get through an hour or two, be friendly and all that and then we can escape and go back to my place. That dress you have on leaves everything to the imagination. Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you dress like that?”
“Like a prude?”
“Tastefully.”
“Like a mom?”
“Definitely. I like it. A lot.” Mike nipped at her earlobe right before he straightened and pulled open the door.
A fresh set of shivers tracked up and down her spine. Mike had told her he was taking her out somewhere nice for their date with Kian and Katelyn. It was actually Kian’s idea, or probably Katelyn’s, but he’d extended the invitation to Mike. They’d only been together for a couple weeks, and she wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that they were officially a thing, but she’d spent more nights at his house and he was, exactly as she said he would be, already so much more comfortable with Carter.
Her heart melted at the sight of him holding his son, playing with Carter, feeding him. God, even changing his diaper. It all made her heart overflow with love. Maybe she was just being hormonal or maybe it was the look of love in Mike’s eyes when he looked at Carter. And at her. She couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t there. That it hadn’t been there the first time. She knew better. She knew full well what he felt. Except this time she wasn’t running.
Even if she was scared, she had Carter to think about. She could never run from her own feelings again. Mike would always be in her life. Surprisingly, it didn’t
make her feel trapped or edgy. Instead she felt strangely at peace. Whatever happened between them, she knew they both wanted the best for their son and to her that meant everything.
A waiter in an immaculately pressed white shirt complete with black pants and a crisp black apron, showed them to a table where Katelyn and Kian were already seated. Katelyn wore a shimmery black dress that sparkled, even under the dim restaurant lighting. There was a single small candle shimmering and flickering on their table. Maybe that was what set the dress off.
Kian too had dressed up for the occasion. For him, as for Mike, that meant a set of dark jeans and a black dress shirt. Mike’s exact outfit.
Savannah smiled at the thought, but quickly turned towards Kian and Katelyn and offered a friendly greeting. She didn’t know Katelyn at all. Even though she knew Kian well enough, considering he was a family friend and her father’s business partner, she didn’t really know him.
She slid into the booth across from the two, feeling a little awkward. They both knew that she and Mike had been together before. They knew that there was a child that she hadn’t told him about and now they were out for dinner with them, acting like normal friends.
She was afraid that Katelyn or Kian, probably both, would judge her for what she’d done, but neither of them batted an eye or gave her sidelong looks. They were nothing but friendly. Katelyn smiled warmly and even Kian was on his best behavior.
Under the table, Mike took her hand. He twined their fingers together and it didn’t fail to send a shiver of excitement racing through her bloodstream.
“So, first off, we have some news.” Kian made the announcement after their drinks came. She carefully chose a wine, but was sure that she’d only be having one glass this time. Mike chose a rye. Straight up, as she knew he would.
“Okay…” Mike sipped at his drink. Savannah didn’t turn to look at him, but she already knew one brow would probably be raised. She’d heard the question in his voice.
Tattooed Hearts_A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance Page 8