by Minot, Diana
* * *
Over the next several weeks, as Chicago welcomed April’s slowly warming temperatures, Whitney found herself frequently holed up in the law library. Finals were approaching again, and tension among the law students was rising. Whitney did not hear from Ben or see him for several weeks. She sent him a text with her condolences on his grandmother’s passing, but that was the last communication they had.
The last week of April, Whitney was sitting at her usual study table in the library when Ben came by.
“Hey,” he said, sitting down across from her and throwing her a bag of peanut M&Ms.
Whitney smiled. “Thanks. How are you?” Ben looked tired, but he seemed more relaxed and happy than he had in a long time.
“Much better. I just got back from California this week. I missed a lot of classes, but, oh well. I’m back for finals.”
“I can email you copies of my notes,” Whitney offered.
“Thanks, that would be awesome,” Ben said, sounding grateful. “I just wanted to come by and thank you, in person, for convincing me to go see my grandma. You were right. I would have regretted it forever if I had not said goodbye.” Ben slid his hand across the table and covered Whitney’s hand with his. Whitney slid her hand away. It had been over a month now since she decided to let Ben go. The time in between had confirmed for her that she had made the right decision. Ben had not tried to communicate with her at all during that time. Of course, she understood it had been a difficult time, but a month with zero communication was too long. It was not the kind of relationship Whitney wanted.
“Ben, I’m glad I could help you. And I’m here for you as a friend to help with study notes or whatever else you might need. But I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t want to do what?”
“Don’t play dumb. You, me. Us. I don’t want this erratic relationship. I’m an all in or all out kind of person, and this on and off romance is not working for me.”
Ben sat back and was quiet for several moments. Then he stood up and simply said, “Okay. I understand.” And that was it. He walked out of the library without another word. Whitney was a little hurt. It was nice to have an easy “break-up,” but she had expected him to argue with her at least a little bit. She stared sullenly out the window at the lake below. She had been right to end things. Ben’s response was further proof of that. What a waste of time the months of waiting for him had been.
Despite her determination to be strong, Whitney felt sad. Studying could wait. She gathered up her things and decided to text Elise. Officially ended things with Ben. Need cocktail, stat. A few moments later Elise replied. Good. Get over to my apartment RIGHT NOW. I’m trying to teach myself to cook French food and need help. I will make you cocktails. Whitney giggled. Of course Elise was cooking instead of studying. That girl would find any excuse to avoid her casebooks.
On my way! Whitney texted back. So what if Ben did not fight for her? Whitney had made some incredible friends this year who thought she was worth fighting for. And, more importantly, Whitney was fighting for herself—for what she wanted, on her terms. Whitney started walking toward Elise’s apartment, feeling lighter on her feet than she had in months.
Chapter Thirty
After her brief study break at Elise’s apartment, Whitney began to prepare for finals in earnest. She alternated between studying with Elise and Jamie, and studying by herself in the library. There was no class for the entire week before finals, so Whitney did not see much of anyone other than Elise or Jamie. All she did was eat, sleep, and study. The afternoon before her first final, she ran into Lincoln as she was leaving the law school. He looked happy, which was strange for any law student the night before finals. It was particularly strange for Lincoln, who was the tensest person Whitney knew.
“Lincoln, you look great!” Whitney said. “Shouldn’t you be completely stressed out right now?”
“Whitney!” Lincoln exclaimed, and then gave her a big bear hug. “I just came from Professor Neals’ office. He has so much work for this summer that he decided to take on two research assistants, and he offered me the second slot!” Lincoln looked like he might explode with joy. Whitney congratulated him and breathed a secret sigh of relief. Lincoln’s job search had been an ongoing source of stress for their whole group of friends.
The night before her last final, Whitney decided to boost her spirits by treating herself to a fresh coat of fingernail polish. She chose a bright, summery orange color in honor of the gradually returning sunny weather. The morning of the exam, instead of reviewing her notes again, Whitney flat-ironed her hair and put on makeup. She had done everything she could at this point to prepare for the last exam. She wanted to feel pretty again after sporting sweatpants and a ponytail for the last few weeks of intense studying. Whitney put on a navy dress with ruffled cap sleeves, then added a bright orange scarf and orange flats to match her fingernails. There was an end-of-the-year boat cruise that afternoon, and Whitney wanted to look good for it. The boat cruise was a tradition at Northwestern Law. On the last day of finals, a boat was rented out to sail around Lake Michigan for two hours. For twenty-five dollars, students could get a ticket for the cruise, which included an unlimited bar and buffet. Veteran law students said the dance floor on the boat got rowdy, especially after a few rounds of the free drinks. Whitney was looking forward to two hours of fun on the boat. All she had to do now was make it through her last final.
That last final was a five-hour-long essay final, a fittingly difficult end to Whitney’s first year of law school. By the time the test proctor called time, Whitney thought her brain might actually have turned into jelly. As she packed up her things, the realization that she was done with the first year of law school hit her in full force. She wanted to cry tears of joy. There had been many moments, especially during the first semester, that she thought she would never make it to this point. But she was now finished with one-third of her legal education. She pulled out her phone and texted Rachel. I did it! I’m finished with my last final! She smiled as her phone buzzed with a congratulatory text back from Rachel.
Whitney had grown this year. She had learned that people judged her less than she thought they did. She had learned to be proud of who she was and where she came from, because it gave her a unique, different perspective. And she had learned was that she was a “catch” in her own right. She was smart, beautiful, capable, and fun. That was enough. She was enough.
Whitney had a bounce in her step as she began walking toward the law school’s exit. She was going to meet Elise and Jamie at Elise’s apartment, and then walk over to the pier where the boat cruise would start. A few moments after Whitney left the law school, she heard someone running behind her, calling her name. She turned around and saw Alex, panting and out of breath from chasing her down. Whitney smiled. She had hardly seen Alex in several weeks, another casualty of her nonstop studying.
“Alex! We’re done with our first year!” Whitney said.
Alex just nodded. “Whit, why didn’t you tell me you ended things with Ben? I just found out from Lincoln, of all people.”
“I don’t know. I just figured you knew. I thought Ben would have mentioned it to you.”
“He’s barely been around. I thought he was studying with you.”
“No. I told him when he got back from California a couple weeks ago that I was tired of always waiting around for him,” Whitney said, and shook her head in disgust. “I wanted to be a more confident, independent person this year. Waiting around hoping a guy will pay attention to you is pretty much the opposite of that.”
“Whitney, I love you.”
Whitney’s heart stopped for a moment when she heard those words leave Alex’s lips.
“What?”
“I love you. I have for so long, but you were in love with Ben. All I want to do is talk to you for hours on end, like we did in Portland. I want to make you laugh, because your laugh is the most musical, beautiful sound I
have ever heard. I want to hold you, and protect you, and I want you to know what it feels like to be loved by someone who sees how special you truly are.”
Whitney stared at Alex, speechless. Alex stared back, his eyes looking vulnerable and scared. Whitney could not believe what she was hearing. Alex was good-looking, fun, and one of her best friends. But she had just decided to be confident and okay on her own. She could not consider starting a relationship right now. She would not. She was not going to go back on her promise to herself and fall, yet again, for the first boy who showed an interest in her.
“Alex, no, I can’t…” Whitney started walking backwards slowly.
“Whitney, please, just hear me out,” Alex said.
“No, I can’t. I’m strong on my own. I don’t need you!” Whitney said, and she turned and began to run. The heels of her orange flats dug into her feet, but Whitney did not slow down. She did not turn around, even when Alex called her name after her.
Whitney arrived at Elise’s apartment breathless, and pounded on the door. Elise opened the door with a glass of champagne in her hand and a huge smile on her face, but her smile froze when she saw Whitney’s distraught look.
“What in the world is going on, Whitney? Please tell me this does not have to do with Ben,” Elise said.
“It’s Alex,” Whitney said, trying to catch her breath. “Alex said he loves me.”
“Alex said what?” Jamie exclaimed.
Elise handed Whitney a glass of champagne. “Come in and catch your breath, and then tell us what happened.”
Whitney told them how Alex had surprised her by catching her outside the school and declaring his feelings for her, and how she had taken off running almost as soon as he told her. “I just can’t get into another messed up relationship right now. Besides, I’ve heard Alex is a player and sleeps around a ton. Which is cool if that’s what he wants to do. As his friend, I’m not judging. But I would not want to be in a relationship with someone like that.”
“I don’t think that’s true about him,” Jamie said. “I heard he had quite the wild child reputation in undergrad, but I don’t think he’s like that anymore. In fact, rumor has it that he is frequently the only one going home alone from Bar Review.”
Whitney pondered this information. She could not remember Alex ever even talking about another girl at law school. Then it hit her. “Oh my god,” she said. “He hasn’t gone home with anyone else because he’s been in love with me the whole time.”
Elise seemed unimpressed with Whitney’s shock. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. It’s obvious Alex cares deeply for you. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was on more than a friendly level, but I’m not surprised to find that it is.”
Whitney shook her head. “I can’t date him. I told myself I was going to be strong on my own, and not fall for the first guy who seems interested in me.”
“Alex is hardly some random guy showing interest in you,” Jamie said. “You two are close friends. You know each other well and you get along well. You’ve proven this over the course of several months.”
“Besides, he’s smoking hot,” Elise added.
Whitney was surprised that her friends seemed so unsurprised by this development. “I just…I can’t. I need time to process this. I want to be independent and confident.”
“Look, take time if you need time, Whit,” Jamie said. “But being with a guy doesn’t mean you aren’t strong or independent. And being alone doesn’t automatically make you strong or independent, either. If he’s the right guy, he’ll support your independence and your dreams. He’ll compliment you instead of bringing you down or making you feel insecure.”
Whitney said nothing. What Jamie was saying made sense, but Whitney needed time to process this. She had kept Alex strictly in the “friend” corner of her mind, and she was not sure she was ready to re-categorize him. She did not want to ruin what they had now. Although, to be honest, Alex’s confession may have already ruined it.
Elise sighed. “Hey, let’s not let this overwhelm the fact that we are done with our first year of law school!” She held up her champagne flute. “Cheers to us, and to many more years of friendship, brunches, and good times!” The girls clinked glasses, and Whitney determined to enjoy this day. She had worked hard to get here.
The girls finished their champagne, and then walked over to the boat. Evan joined Elise at the pier. She squealed when she saw him and ran into his arms, her fuchsia skirt bouncing around her tan legs.
“You two are disgustingly cute,” Jamie said.
The majority of the law students had pre-gamed, and the mood on the boat was festive. Tipsy law students high-fived and congratulated each other on finishing the year. The third year students were particularly elated, since they were completely done with law school. The boat slowly filled up, and Whitney gave several of her classmates congratulatory hugs. She saw Ben and gave him a friendly hug, surprised at how little she felt when she saw him now. She still admired his gorgeous physique, but there was no spark of desire like there had been for most of the year. Whitney glanced at her watch as a few stragglers made their way on board. The boat was scheduled to leave in fifteen minutes.
Halfway through her vodka cranberry, Whitney saw Alex. He was leaning against the railing, his eyes crinkling up with laughter as one of their classmates said something funny to him. It was true, as Elise had said, that Alex was smoking hot.
“I think you should just go for it,” Jamie said, seeing where Whitney’s eyes were staring.
Whitney took a slow sip from her cocktail. “I promised myself I wouldn’t spend my time chasing men anymore.”
“Yeah. you keep saying that. But you won’t be chasing him. He’s already chasing you. Don’t miss your chance with someone who’s perfect for you because you misunderstand what independence really means.”
Whitney hesitated a moment, then handed her drink to Jamie. “Hold this,” she said, and then marched over to where Alex was standing.
Alex’s eyes looked pained when he saw her. “Whit, I’m sorry. I—”
Whitney put a finger on his lips. “Stop talking,” she said. Then she wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him deeply. Kissing Alex was a completely different sensation than kissing Ben. Instead of feeling like a surge of intense electricity, the kiss felt like the warmth of the late afternoon sun on your skin. It felt like the softness of falling into your own bed after a long, tiring day. It felt like home.
The kiss was long and satisfying. Whitney finally pulled back to look at Alex, and his expression looked surprised but happy.
“It’s always been you,” Whitney said. “I just never realized it, even though you were right in front of me this whole time.”
Alex closed his eyes happily and wrapped his arms around Whitney in a giant bear hug. They stood together for several moments, enjoying the feeling of each other’s arms.
Finally, Whitney broke the moment by whispering in his ear, “Don’t think this means I’m going to go skydiving with you, though.”
Alex threw back his head and laughed. “We’ll work on that.”
“Come on, we have a lot to celebrate!” Whitney said, taking his hand and leading him back to where Jamie was standing. Evan and Elise were there now, too, and Elise’s eyes were wide and happy when she saw Whitney and Alex walking over together.
“Looks like someone’s been granted personal jurisdiction,” Elise said sassily.
Whitney smiled and shrugged, then raised the cocktail glass that Jamie had handed back to her. “Cheers, girls. To the most confident, independent women I know.”
“Cheers,” echoed Elise and Jamie, and their glasses clinked. Whitney happily took a sip of her drink while Alex wrapped his arm around her waist and the boat launched off from the pier.
About the Author
Diana Minot is a graduate of Northwestern University School of Law. After earning her law degree, she practiced litigation at a Chicago firm before relocating to sunny Californi
a with her family. When she’s not working on her latest novel, she enjoys reading, spending time in the great outdoors, and drinking copious amounts of coffee. She writes romance fiction novels. Visit dianaminot.com.