Marshall wanted to see Kyle. But he had to do something first, on his own. He had to do what he wanted now, before he let the moment slip away. He responded to the message: I have somewhere to be tonight. But I want to see you. I’ll talk to you soon, I promise.
Marshall put his phone away, taking a final moment to look out over the gorgeous sights of the evening descending over Ridgemont. Deep down, Marshall had a feeling that after that night, his life would never be the same again.
Chapter 18
Kyle had been sending Marshall messages throughout the day, hoping that he could apologize for the stupid fight they had a few days before, hoping that he could talk to Marshall again and make things right. He had a lot on his mind, but Marshall was the one factor that made him feel real regret – the thought that he might have pushed Marshall away, and disregarded Marshall’s feelings about his dilemma, made Kyle feel terrible. He wanted to make sure that Marshall was safe and still wanted him to stay away from the rugby finals, but more than anything he just wanted Marshall to know that he was sorry. He was sorry that he had allowed himself to get so caught up in telling Marshall how dangerous the finals would be that he lost sight of what Marshall was feeling. On top of that, Kyle had lost sight of what he was feeling for Marshall.
Kyle knew that there was only one place that Marshall would be that night. He remembered the flyer that Marshall showed him for the open mic night, and knew that Marshall would go there. He felt a strange sense of connection with Marshall, sharing in something so private, something that Marshall had been afraid to tell anyone else about because Marshall was scared that his friends and family would judge him. Even though Marshall had trusted Kyle, told him about his desire to sing the songs he had written, all Kyle could do that night at the coffee shop was think about how impractical it was. Instead of being supportive, Kyle had reacted in exactly the way that Marshall was afraid people would react. Now, as Kyle was walking towards JJ’s bistro ready to see Marshall perform at the open mic night, all he could feel was excited. Kyle wanted to make sure that he showed Marshall just how much he supported his dream, and he wanted to listen to Marshall, truly listen to him, as he had failed to do before.
As Kyle crossed the street from Donovan Square, he saw that the same poster he had seen Marshall carrying before was blown up and displayed in the front window of JJ’s. The lights were set low, and as Kyle walked inside he saw bean bags and small tables arranged around the small stage, which was illuminated by a spotlight. Only a microphone and a stool were on the stage. Kyle could sense the tense excitement in the air. In the far corner, some nervous looking students with guitars were pacing and chatting, getting ready for their performances. Kyle looked around, but didn’t see Marshall anywhere. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Marshall had decided not to perform at the open mic, to spend his evening preparing for the championship finals instead. Kyle decided to find a spot to sit at the back of the room, waiting to see if Marshall would perform.
It was just after 8 and the announcer took the stage to signal the start of the evening’s performances. Kyle’s eyes darted around the room, but still there was no sign of Marshall. Kyle felt a sinking feeling. He had hoped that Marshall would be there, pursuing his dream that seemed so important to him. Kyle wanted to see Marshall overcome his fears and let that part of himself shine. He swallowed hard, slightly disappointed in himself and feeling guilty for not being encouraging when Marshall had told him about his desire to be a singer.
The first performer took the stage to enthusiastic applause from a small group of students who were obviously her friends. She was a very young looking girl with dreadlocks, probably fresh out of high school, whose eyes and cheeks were red with nerves. Her fingers were shaking as she began clumsily strumming her guitar, and her voice broke many times during the performance, but the crowd was very encouraging and some even began singing along to boost the girl’s spirits. She seemed to gain more confidence as her performance was ending, and had a big, satisfied smile at the end as a few students gave her a standing ovation. Very loyal friends, Kyle thought.
A few more performers took the stage, some of them quite talented and impressive, and Kyle admired their willingness to put themselves out there and face the crowd. But he was saddened to see that Marshall was still nowhere in sight, and he began feeling even more dejected. Would Marshall really miss out on this opportunity, something he had been looking forward to?
A half-hour later, and after a mixed bag of performances, the announcer took the stage and snapped Kyle back from his thoughts, making a joke after a particularly awkward performance ended. He said that there were only a few more performances for the night. Kyle’s face turned to the ground. The announcer’s voice was boisterous as he said: “Now, for a treat. Ridgemont University’s heartthrob, performing for the first time ever on this stage! He’s the captain of the rugby team and he’s here to show off his singing talents with a song that he wrote himself! Welcome to the stage… Marshall de Villiers!”
Some faces in the crowd looked flabbergasted, clearly not anticipating Marshall being announced as one of the performers. There was applause and hollers from some girls and guys who were clearly on the Marshall de Villiers fan club. But there was no Marshall walking to the stage. The announcer looked around nervously, and some of the other faces in the audience began searching the room as well. Seconds ticked by like they were hours. The announcer spoke again, his voice uncertain: “Marshall? Are you here, Marshall?” Still no response, and the chattering in the audience began to get louder. “Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we have a no-show tonight. Let’s move on to the next performer…”
But just as the announcer was getting ready to call on the next performer, a voice was heard from near the entrance: “I’m here! Just a bit late.”
Marshall’s handsome figure stood there in the half-light, holding his guitar. He wore a green V-neck top and jeans, and his deep, severe brown eyes stared up onto the stage as he strode towards it. He didn’t notice Kyle as he walked past him, and Kyle wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want to make Marshall nervous. Kyle moved a bit deeper into the shadows at the back of the room, waiting for Marshall to take his place behind the microphone.
Marshall’s gorgeous features instantly reminded Kyle why he was so attracted to him, why he had been so affected by him ever since high school, even though he tried not to admit it. Marshall was magnetic, his strong, muscular frame and olive skin radiating quiet confidence and the natural leadership ability that had made him captain of every rugby team he had ever been on since grade school. Something was off about Marshall’s expression, though, and Kyle could see that much had happened since they had last spoken. Marshall seemed distant and distracted. Kyle imagined himself walking up to the stage, embracing Marshall in his arms, telling him that everything would be okay. He wanted nothing more than to soothe the hurt he was seeing in Marshall’s eyes. This moment, performing his own music for the first time, was a big moment in Marshall’s life. Kyle knew that. And it hurt Kyle to see that Marshall couldn’t fully enjoy it.
The room fell into an anxious silence as Marshall stood in front of the microphone. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting to hear what one of the most popular guys at Ridgemont University could do with his voice and guitar. No one knew what to expect. Kyle fidgeted with his thumbs, mouthing how much he believed in Marshall, but knowing that Marshall couldn’t see him from the stage.
As Marshall closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, he started to sing.
He sang in a sweet, delicate voice that made Kyle freeze. It was a heartbreaking tune that suited Marshall’s voice perfectly. With each note, Kyle was carried away to another world. The melody was surprising, with twists and layers that showed so much emotion. This was a side to Marshall that Kyle had never seen before. Kyle’s eyes were wide as he took the song in. He felt like he was given access to something magical, something that so few people got to see.
The entire room
was completely silent as Marshall sang his song. The lyrics were poignant, about being alone even in a crowd, and Kyle wished that Marshall never had to feel that way. It was one of the most honest, beautiful performances that Kyle had ever witnessed, and he was grateful that he could be there to see it.
When Marshall sang the final lyric, and strummed his guitar for the last chord of the song, the crowd stared in stunned silence for a few seconds before the first applause broke out. In a few seconds, everyone was on their feet, cheering loudly at the mesmerizing performance that Marshall had delivered. Kyle was on his feet too, feeling almost overwhelmed with emotion.
Marshall smiled a melancholic smile as he looked out into the crowd. His eyes surveyed the room, and finally, in a moment that made Kyle’s heart jump, their eyes locked. Marshall’s expression immediately changed to one of surprise and delight. The smile on his face became wider, and seemed much more genuinely happy than it had been before. Kyle walked towards the stage as the crowd was still going wild with applause, and Marshall jumped off the front of the small stage to stand in front of him, placing his guitar on the ground, and staring deeply into Kyle’s eyes.
“You came! How did you know I would be here?” Marshall asked, still seeming shocked to see Kyle.
“I had to see you perform. When you said there was somewhere you needed to be, I knew I’d find you here. Marshall… that song… I don’t even know what to say. It was incredible. You were incredible.” Kyle felt moved almost to the point of tears. He wanted to say so much in that moment. He felt like his feelings for Marshall, the spark that had been there all along, had now morphed into something so much deeper. Seeing that side of Marshall was something that had completely uprooted him. Something fundamental had changed, and feelings rushed to the surface. It wasn’t just friendship, it wasn’t just a crush. What Kyle felt for Marshall was deeper than anything he had felt for a guy before.
Marshall stood smiling at Kyle as he struggled to put his thoughts into words. “You don’t have to say anything,” Marshall said. “I can see it in your eyes.” Marshall leaned in, holding Kyle close to him as the audience still watched, and kissed him deeply. Kyle felt all of the blood rush from his face, and his legs became wobbly. His lips intertwined with Marshall’s, and he felt every inch of their bodies connect. When they ended the kiss, Kyle could see the same feelings he was feeling reflected in Marshall’s eyes. Kyle reached down and held Marshall’s hand.
“Thank you for being here for me. You have no idea how much it means,” Marshall said.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world,” Kyle responded.
Chapter 19
A gentle breeze was giving some relief from the hot night on Ridgemont’s main campus. The sky was completely clear, and even though the bright lights of Donovan Square were surrounding Marshall and Kyle as they walked, the moon shone brightest of all. Kyle’s high cheekbones and warm, brown skin were illuminated in the light. Marshall watched his every movement as they strolled side by side. The lanky arms dangling by his sides; the slight stubble on his cheeks and chin. Everything about Kyle had taken on a new quality in Marshall’s eyes. Something magical was taking place that night, and Marshall knew that both of them could feel it.
Before his performance, Marshall had been pacing around outside the front entrance of JJ’s bistro. He had never been so nervous in his life, but at the same time, there was a sense of complete separation, like he was, for the first time, doing something only for himself and not for anyone else. It was both invigorating and terrifying to think about. When Marshall heard his name being called from the stage inside of JJ’s, his mind went blurry. Everything around him started to feel surreal. He remembered the fight he’d had with his father earlier in the evening. He remembered the confrontation and punching Quinton. He remembered the way that Reinhardt looked at him as he left the training. All of this made him just want to leave, to escape from the uncertainty of performing. When his name was called for the second time, Marshall looked at his phone, seeing the messages from Kyle. Kyle’s face, on the night they met up at the Bean Happy Coffee Shop, was stuck in his mind. The disappointment he felt as even Kyle, the one person that Marshall was drawn to so much over the past few weeks, wouldn’t support him, tried to pressure him and push him in a certain direction, all suddenly came back to him. As Marshall walked through the door of JJ’s and up to the stage, he felt a sense of melancholic numbness, but also a driving determination. He was going to do this and prove to himself that he had it in him to put himself first, for once. He was going to make the irrational, illogical choice. He was going to go after what made him feel fulfilled. Even if Kyle couldn’t support that.
But despite all of those thoughts that brought him to the stage that night, every lyric he sang made his longing for Kyle even stronger. The memories of the day they had spent together in high school, the secret admiration and growing feelings Marshall had always felt for Kyle, all came back to him. He was moved as he sang, hardly remembering where he was, feeling every note as he delivered it, being taken farther away every time he strummed his guitar. When the song ended and he heard the thunderous applause, it shocked him back to his senses. He had done it! He had performed one of his own songs in front of an audience!
After the performance, seeing Kyle’s face and the emotion that was written all over his features knocked the wind out of Marshall. It meant so much to him in that moment. Even though Marshall’s father couldn’t be there, he could still feel the support of someone he cared about. Looking at Kyle across the room, in the low lights of JJ’s, Marshall could feel something shift, the feelings they already felt for one another become even deeper. The days they had spent apart felt like forever. All Marshall wanted to do was be close to him.
Now, walking through the park at Donovan Square, awash in the high of performing and the mesmerizing moonlight, Marshall caught glimpses of Kyle and felt a rush every time he did so. Every nervous gesture Kyle made was enchanting. Every unspoken word drew them closer.
Finally, after minutes of silent walking, Kyle turned to Marshall and said: “I can’t tell you how amazing it was seeing you perform. And it made me feel…” Kyle lowered his eyes to the ground, “I just want to apologize. I need to tell you how sorry I am. For everything I said before. There’s no excuse for the things I said to you. I get it now. I get how you need to make your own decisions, be your own man. And all I want to do is support you.”
Marshall reached out his hand and found Kyle’s, squeezing it gently. “I need to apologize too. I was being so bullheaded. I wouldn’t even listen to what you had to say about your machine. I was being so defensive, because everyone in my life was trying to control me. All I could think was that you were trying to control me too. But I see now that all you wanted to do was help me. I should have trusted you. I should have known you were different.”
“I could’ve handled it better, that’s for sure,” Kyle said, biting his lip. “And I could’ve supported your singing. I should’ve seen what you really needed, not what your reputation was. I’ll do my best to never do that again. I promise you.”
Marshall held Kyle’s hand even tighter. He had to say what he felt, before the moment passed: “Kyle, seeing you tonight, the fact that you came out to watch my performance… It meant so much to me. It meant the world to me. Before I went out on that stage, I felt so alone, but seeing the look in your eyes, that look of pride you felt…” Marshall felt himself becoming choked up as he spoke. He raised his hand to touch Kyle’s cheek, staring lovingly into his brown eyes, watching the curve of his sharp cheekbones. “I want you to know that I trust you. I’ll listen to you, always, because I know now how much you care about me and that you want the best for me. If you’re telling me that I might be in danger in the finals, I’ll listen. I want to know everything you’ve discovered.”
Kyle’s face broke into a smile, and he beamed at Marshall, “I’m so happy to hear that. I just want you to be safe. I want to have you
around, healthy and happy. We can talk about all of that later, okay? Right now, I want to talk about that song. You wrote that yourself? It was so beautiful.”
Marshall explained to Kyle how he had been writing songs on the roof of the Academy since he started studying at Ridgemont. When he first got to University, he hit the ground running with rugby, training rigorously to be at peak performance. He had to make sure that he was good enough to maintain his rugby scholarship. When he found the quiet spot on the roof of the Academy, a place where he could let off steam and watch the sunset by himself without all of the pressure of being on the rugby team, the songs just came to him. He said to Kyle: “That was the only place I felt like I could be anyone, let loose a bit and just stop being the Marshall that everyone else saw in me. I never really had a chance to just be strange, sensitive, creative, or whatever. It was a place of my own.”
Marshall stared up at the moon and bit his lip. “But I realized that I couldn’t just hide those parts of myself. I couldn’t keep being afraid of what people would think if they saw those parts. I had to come down from that rooftop and perform my songs proudly. It was terrifying! But I’m glad I did it. And I’m glad you got to see that side of me.”
Kyle smiled pensively, leading Marshall to a bench on the square as they still held hands. They sat down together, the breeze dying down slightly and the sounds of the restaurants and shops around the square only vaguely audible in the distance. Kyle said: “I’m glad I got to see that too. It made me realize a lot of things.”
“Like what?” Marshall asked after a moment of silence, a sly smile crossing his lips.
“Like this,” Kyle said finally, and turned to put his hand on Marshall’s cheek, leaning in to give him a deep kiss. Marshall kissed Kyle back, feeling the years of history between them finally reach the point they had been building up to. His hands went to Kyle’s waist, caressing him gently, Kyle’s slim, taut body was intoxicating to the touch. Marshall leaned in to kiss Kyle’s neck, tasting the slight muskiness of Kyle’s skin, smelling the subtle hints of his sweet deodorant. Kyle pulled his body closer to Marshall’s, putting his hand on Marshall’s chest, running his fingers along the curves of Marshall’s muscular torso, running them downwards slowly.
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