by Evie Grace
‘Oh, Miss Linnet,’ Evie gasped.
‘It’s all right. I’m going to marry Felix. We’re as good as engaged.’
‘Oh? Is that what he actually said, or what you think he said?’
‘He told me so in no uncertain terms.’
‘You know that it’s impossible.’
‘No, he promised me.’
‘What use are a young man’s promises? They are like paper buckets – they don’t hold any water.’
‘I will talk to him.’
‘He doesn’t know?’
‘Not yet, but he won’t mind.’ She gazed down at her hands to avoid Evie’s searching gaze. ‘He is aware of the possibility. He loves me.’ His passion for her knew no bounds. ‘He would never let me down. I will speak to him when he returns from Oxford.’
‘It’s a shame I didn’t know before – there are ways—’
‘Of doing away with it?’ Agnes interrupted. ‘There is no need for that.’ The child was her insurance. She hadn’t wanted it this way, but it would pressure Felix into marrying her sooner than he would have done otherwise. It was only hastening the inevitable, and she didn’t mind that at all because she was looking forward to giving up her teaching and doting on her husband. She was tired and needed a rest. She wasn’t used to working all the hours that God sent. She was fed up with paying a quarter of her wages to Pell to keep him quiet.
‘Felix won’t ’ave you now,’ Evie said quietly.
‘Don’t say that!’ Agnes exclaimed. ‘There’s no need to blacken his character out of jealousy.’
‘I’m not jealous. I wouldn’t want to be in your situation.’ Evie paused before continuing, ‘I’ve heard that you can apply to a magistrate for assistance if the father should deny paternity.’
‘Oh, Evie, he won’t do that. He wouldn’t do that to me.’ Agnes was furious at Evie’s slurs. ‘Go away. Get out of my room!’
‘I’m sorry for upsetting you.’ Evie was almost in tears. ‘I’m your friend, your only friend by the looks. I won’t judge you – or Master Faraday, for that matter. Let me stand at your side in this matter.’
Agnes relented.
‘You did something kind for me by writing that letter to my parents. It’s my turn to look after you. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am. You can trust me to keep your secret. I will not tell a soul.’
Agnes thanked her. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you. When I’m mistress of Roper House, I will make sure you get your wish to become housekeeper.’
‘It is very kind of you to say so,’ Evie said, ‘but I’m afraid that you will never get to be my mistress.’
‘Please, don’t say that. I must have hope or I shall die.’
With a shiver of fear, Agnes thought of her true mother and the fate that had befallen her. How ironic it would be if history should repeat itself. She took a deep breath and mustered her inner strength. She would lace her stays up tight, and be patient. She had found the other half of her heart in Felix and she wasn’t going to sit back and risk losing it.
Chapter Twenty
Spirit of Hartshorn
Agnes overheard Mrs Cox arguing with Cook. The point of disagreement was whether they should have turkey or goose for Christmas dinner. Cook declared that Felix preferred the former. Mrs Cox said that she was mistaken, and then Cook said they should ask him in person, which meant only one thing. He was back. Felix had returned to Roper House in time for the festive season. Agnes’s heart leapt and her breast flooded with relief.
She’d made her mind up to forgive him for returning to Oxford without telling her. She put it down to one of those thoughtless impulses of youth. He had said he loved her – there was no reason for him to come back and repeat the sentiment. And he would have been too busy, too caught up in his studies, to have time to write letters.
She bit her lip to bring the blood to the surface and brushed back a stray lock of hair, then rushed off to find him. He was in the library, lounging on the chaise with his legs stretched out in front of him. He was dressed in his shirt and breeches, and his hair was tousled as if he had not long ago been out riding.
‘There you are, Felix,’ she said, smiling with joy and happiness to see him. ‘It isn’t like you to find solace in books.’
‘I’m not reading – I wanted to be on my own for a while. I intended to ride out, but the groom forbade it because of the frost. The ground is too hard for the horses, apparently. He mollycoddles them too much. They’ll get fat and lazy.’
Agnes didn’t care about the horses. ‘The housekeeper said you were back. Why didn’t you send word that you were coming?’
‘I did.’ He frowned.
‘Oh, I’ve missed you.’ Her heart fluttered in her chest, so fast and shallow that she thought she might faint. She moved across to him and reached out her hand to touch his shoulder. He shrank back. ‘What is wrong?’ she exclaimed.
‘I’ve missed you too, but we can’t talk here. We mustn’t be seen together, except in company,’ he muttered. ‘I’m afraid that we have to act more circumspectly for a while.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t want to see your reputation besmirched by the gossips.’
‘That is very thoughtful of you, but there are things we need to discuss.’
A brief smile crossed his lips as he looked her up and down.
‘Oh, you are more beautiful than I remember. Although you look as though you’ve been eating a few extra pastries,’ he said bluntly.
‘There is a reason that I look more voluptuous,’ she said nervously, but she wasn’t sure he was really listening to her. She was consumed with anticipation at being back in her fiancé’s embrace, although she wasn’t entirely looking forward to giving him the news that would inevitably reaffirm and hasten preparations for their wedding. She didn’t think he would welcome it with open arms, not at first anyway.
‘I’ve dreamed of you, you know. Every night.’ He stood up and took her hands, chafing them in his. ‘Oh,’ he swore, ‘I can’t resist you.’ He glanced at the clock. ‘Meet me at twelve in our usual place. You can do that? You can make some excuse for my sisters?’
‘Make it two o’clock – they are going to call on the new neighbours with your mama.’
‘Even better.’ He grinned. ‘How I’ve missed your sweet kisses.’ He frowned suddenly. ‘Did you receive my letters? I was expecting you to reply.’
‘Letters? You wrote to me?’ She was confused. ‘I wrote to you too, but I didn’t receive a reply.’
‘I heard from my sisters and Mama quite regularly.’
Something had happened to their correspondence and she could take a good guess at what that was. Pell. It had to be down to him. She couldn’t tell Felix of her suspicions, though – she didn’t want to have to explain her reasoning and reveal the butler’s wicked plot to blackmail her over her identity, not until they were formally engaged at least.
‘I thought you might have changed your mind about … us,’ he went on.
‘Of course I haven’t,’ she said softly.
‘I’m glad,’ he said. ‘I’m very fond of you, Agnes.’
‘As you should be, considering that we are engaged.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He released her hands and strode to the window, opened the curtains and gazed outside. ‘We are not engaged.’
‘But we agreed …’ Her heart in her mouth, she moved up behind him until she could smell the masculine scent of musk and the outdoors emanating from his skin. ‘Nothing has changed on my part.’ She looked out on to the parkland where the chestnut trees and oaks stood stark and bare of leaves against a grey sky.
‘I’m a young man, enjoying my time at Oxford. I’m not ready for marriage.’
Agnes was overwhelmed with confusion. It was as if her Felix had gone away and been replaced by someone else. Had he suffered from a concussion? Had he lost his mind?
‘Only recently, you whispered sweet words of love into my ear, you held me close
,’ she said.
He turned abruptly.
‘I thought we could continue as we were.’
‘As lovers?’ She was appalled.
‘There is no reason why not.’
‘There are all kinds of reasons why I can’t possibly accept that arrangement. I’m with child. Your child,’ she added in case he had any doubt. ‘Here.’ Trembling, she held out her hand for his to place it upon her belly, but he moved away, out of reach. His cheeks were flushed. His eyes glinted with what she thought was fear. ‘Please, say something,’ she begged.
‘Mama doesn’t know?’
‘Of course she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let on until after we’re married.’
‘That’s a relief at least.’
‘Don’t look so worried, my love. All will be well. Speak to your father and we can be married within the month.’
‘That’s impossible. It can’t be done.’ A sound from the corridor interrupted him. He looked towards the door and quickly released her hands. ‘Go,’ he whispered.
But it was too late. Pell strode into the library unannounced.
With great presence of mind, Agnes moved to the shelves and took down one of the books on botany.
‘Ah, here it is,’ she said, holding the volume to her breast. ‘This will help guide the young ladies with their drawings later.’ Whether she had convinced Pell of an innocent reason for being in the library at the same time as Master Faraday, she wasn’t sure.
‘There’s no need to pretend any more, Miss Berry-Clay,’ Pell said. ‘I think it’s time that Master Faraday and her ladyship knew of your lies. I’d suspected you were with child. Now, I have the proof from your own lips. I can’t allow this state of affairs to continue. I will not let you trap my employer’s son with any more falsehoods. The folly of your fancied passion is truly laughable. Your status is an insuperable objection to a marriage between you and him. Who’s to say that this infant isn’t somebody else’s bastard?’
‘What’s the meaning of this?’ Felix demanded. ‘Pell, tell me. Who is Miss Berry-Clay?’
‘I am,’ Agnes said, her voice sounding harsh in her ears. ‘My name is not Miss Linnet.’
‘Really? No, you are making this up.’
‘I’m not, Felix.’
‘You mean you are a fraud?’
‘I took a false name, that’s all. I did it to secure a position – I had no way of obtaining a reference because I hadn’t been a governess before.’
‘You’ve tricked me. You’ve deceived everyone.’ Felix ran his hands through his hair.
‘I’m the adopted daughter of the Berry-Clays of Faversham.’
‘I’ve never heard of them,’ he said. ‘Although …’
‘I can prove it.’ She looked towards the butler. ‘Pell has the evidence in the form of a letter from a former acquaintance of mine. I had everything, just like your sisters do – a governess, beautiful clothes and jewellery.’ She still prayed that she could turn the situation around, using Pell’s accusations to her advantage. ‘My parents brought me up to have high expectations of marrying well, but when my dear papa died suddenly, my mother arranged for me to be betrothed to my cousin, a match that neither party wanted. I couldn’t go through with it so I ran away.’
‘When were you going to tell me of this?’
‘I-I-I was waiting for the right time,’ she stammered.
‘I don’t believe you. You were going to trap me with your secret. Pell is right. How do I know that you haven’t lain with somebody else?’
‘Felix!’ Her heart was shredded, as though someone had ripped it from her chest and let the dogs on to it. ‘This is our child, I swear. Don’t you care at all?’
‘There’s no proof. It could be anyone’s. And you can go running to Mama if you like, but who will she believe? Me or you?’
She knew the answer to that. Felix was a spoiled child, the heir, the only son.
‘I don’t even know who you are any more,’ he added, his face red with rage.
‘I’m the same as I was before,’ she insisted. ‘My feelings haven’t altered.’
‘You’ll have to leave the house. You won’t be able to stay here.’
‘Where will I go? What will I do?’ She began to panic. She would have nowhere to stay, no roof over her head, no position and no money. She was ruined. She blamed Felix. She railed against herself for not listening to Evie, and at her own arrogance, born of her upbringing at Windmarsh Court. What had she been thinking, that life was one big fairy tale? She turned away and opened the door.
‘Where are you going?’ he said quickly.
‘To speak with her ladyship.’ She wasn’t afraid. It had to be done. She was more than a governess to Lady Faraday. She was well acquainted with her. She would throw herself on her mercy.
‘Oh no, you must not. I beg of you not to upset my mother with this. She will hate herself for employing you in error.’
‘You have given me no choice. Lady Faraday will be sensitive to my situation. Unhand me!’ she went on as he grabbed her by both arms and tried to pull her back. She felt his strength and the heat of his body, reminding her of what had gone before. ‘Let me go. I insist.’
‘Lower your voice, please,’ he hissed. ‘You are showing yourself up.’
‘You are afraid that I will show you up in front of your family, your sisters.’
‘I’m not afraid of anything, Miss Linnet.’
‘You are a lily-livered, cold fish of a man. I didn’t think you were a coward, but that’s what you’ve turned out to be. Where is the son who was in charge of his own destiny?’
‘Felix, is that you? Miss Linnet, what is going on?’ Elizabeth appeared in the doorway, still dressed in her gloves and bonnet, having returned from the neighbour’s house. ‘Felix, you must release Miss Linnet this very second.’ He relaxed his grip and Agnes staggered back, unbalanced, against the wall. Elizabeth reached for her hand to steady her. ‘Oh, you are crying.’ She turned to her brother, her eyes wide and mouth open with shock. ‘What have you done to her?’
‘She has made a false allegation against me. Go away. Run back to the shelter of Mama’s skirts. This is none of your business.’
‘Of course it’s my business. You appear to have made our governess cry. What have you said to her?’
‘Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She is deluded and hysterical. She is with child, and like some common streetwalker, she doesn’t know who the father is.’
‘Cover your ears, Elizabeth.’ Agnes glared at him. How dare he expose his younger sister to such horrors!
‘You are talking nonsense,’ Elizabeth said, half smiling. ‘Our dear Miss Linnet is the most virtuous of women. She has tutored us many times on the perils of succumbing to the wiles of unscrupulous gentlemen. Why on earth would she go against her own teaching?’
‘Ask her,’ Felix said. ‘Go on.’
‘Ask her what?’ Charlotte said, joining them. ‘What is all the commotion?’
‘I don’t believe you, Felix. You are always making trouble.’ Ignoring her sister, Elizabeth reached her arms around Agnes’s shoulders. ‘Miss Linnet,’ she went on tenderly. ‘There is no need to be ashamed of something you haven’t done.’
‘She has deceived us all,’ Felix interjected. ‘Her name isn’t Miss Linnet. It’s Miss Berry-Clay – just as her old friend addressed her when they met in Canterbury. She told him he was mistaken, but she’s finally confessed the truth, and Pell has confirmed it. She has been employed here under false pretences all along. She wasn’t a governess before she came here.’
Charlotte gasped, her hand over her mouth. Elizabeth gazed at Agnes.
‘That cannot be. You have taught us well, better than any governess or nanny we’ve had before.’
‘What your brother says about my identity is true,’ Agnes said, her voice breaking. ‘I came here with a forged reference in the expectation that I would prove myself to be a good teacher. You wouldn’t believe how many times I wanted to r
eveal the truth – it’s been very distressing having to pretend, especially when you and Charlotte accepted me willingly into your family and treated me almost as a sister. I wished I could be open with you and be entirely myself.’
‘The child, though?’ Elizabeth said, her voice hardening. ‘What’s this about a child?’
‘She can’t possibly be with child – she never goes anywhere without us,’ Charlotte said. ‘Even on her days off, she is here, reading her books and writing her lessons.’
‘Felix, this discussion is entirely unsuitable for your sisters’ ears,’ Agnes said.
‘They’re going to know soon enough,’ he said in mocking tones. ‘One look at your belly and they can see you’re in pup.’
‘Don’t speak of her like that!’ Elizabeth exclaimed. ‘Miss Linnet, please tell me this is all some kind of joke on my brother’s account.’
‘I can’t do that. Not any more,’ Agnes said. ‘My name is Miss Agnes Berry-Clay and I am with child. The man in question seduced me with fine words and protestations of eternal love and affection, and now I am left with the unfortunate consequence.’
‘He must marry you then,’ Elizabeth said matter-of-factly.
‘It isn’t that simple,’ Felix growled. ‘Who would pledge their hand in marriage to an impostor?’
Elizabeth turned to her brother. ‘If you know who the father is, you must speak to him and make him marry her.’
‘I can’t believe this. It’s all such a shock,’ Charlotte said weakly. ‘What is Mama going to say? She is very fond of you, Miss Linnet. You have betrayed us all.’ She grew pale and began to sink to the floor. Felix caught her swooning.
‘Look what you’ve done,’ he snapped, looking at Agnes.
‘I’ll fetch the smelling salts and a fan,’ Agnes said quickly. ‘Sit her down on a chair.’
She hurried to the parlour.
‘Lady Faraday, may I borrow the smelling salts? Miss Charlotte is in a faint.’
‘Oh, my poor child,’ said Lady Faraday. ‘Shall we call the doctor?’
‘I believe it is a passing occurrence and she will be well again in a short time.’
‘Miss Linnet, what would we do without you?’