“Yeah,” she said again. “What if she hadn’t required that of us?”
A moment of quiet reflection, then Brent answered, “I’d have blown my top.”
“Don’t feel bad,” Marta responded. “I’d have done the same thing if Karen hadn’t challenged me about my attitude and my heart this morning before we broke camp.”
Terry just listened.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really.”
“Hmm,” said Brent in acknowledgment.
“Did either of you know about Karen’s past?” asked Terry.
“Nope. Didn’t see that one coming,” said Brent.
“Me either,” said Marta.
“One thing’s for sure,” said Terry. “I want to hang out with you people more often.”
Brent and Marta both laughed.
Never a dull moment, thought Brent and Marta at the same time.
THEY HAD BEEN on the road for about an hour when Tara sat up and began watching the traffic past Eric’s shoulder.
She sighed.
“Are you okay?” asked Karen quietly.
Tara shrugged. She didn’t think so, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about anything yet.
“We love you, Tara,” Karen whispered in response.
That’s the seventh time she’s said that to me. That’s crazy. She wanted to call Karen out as a liar. But of all the things that Karen and the rest could say, “We love you” didn’t sound like something that would escape their lips as a lie; not when they had every right to say “We hate you” instead.
Love.
What did she know about love anyway? Not much. A life built on hatred and retribution left little room for love. In the past six years, the closest thing she felt to any kind of love was the tie that she’d had with Stephanie. And now she knew that even that had all been just an act.
How am I expected to believe these people? The last group of people I connected with faked it for the sake of an agenda. What’s the agenda of this group of Christlings?
Funny ... ‘Christlings’ doesn’t sound as cute as it did just a few hours ago.
She sighed again. Christians … Brent. She thought about him. He withstood. No other man that she had ever met would have … or ever did.
Who was she? What in hel… Another sigh. What in the world was she supposed to do now?
In another hour or so I’ll be leaving this bunch to… to what? What do I have? Who do I know?
Suddenly she remembered Shalinar’s promise that he’d take care of her in the Otherealm. Was he what Karen claimed? A demon? Is there anything about my life that isn’t blanketed in lies? Is there not one person that I can trust?
A voice whispered into her soul. The words, and the power surrounding them, caused her to catch her breath. She dare not breathe. “You can trust me, Tara.”
She was suddenly overwhelmed. Tears rose up in her eyes. Her vision seemed to cloud over as euphoric detachment began to occur. She could hear Karen asking her something, but it was muffled. Muffled in this … place; this place that she had just entered.
She didn’t feel lost. She knew she was still in Eric’s car; that Karen was sitting beside her. But it felt as though she was experiencing the intersection of two realities; two existences that converged in this one small space.
She was startled. Her heart began to race. There was another presence here.
Her first mental response was, Shalinar?
“No, child. Shalinar cannot inhabit my presence.”
She felt a tear travel down her right cheek. Who? Who, then? Her heart was beating even harder. Her soul latched onto a hope that she’d heard the right words. The words she needed.
“Please,” she whispered. “Who are you?”
“I Am.”
KAREN STARED AT Tara. She wanted to nudge her. She looked like she was in a…
No… not like a trance.
Something was happening.
Something was happening, and it was … holy.
With that realization she felt the Holy Spirit rise up in her with such fullness that it startled her. Her hands went into the air as she folded herself into the presence of God.
ERIC LOOKED INTO the rear-view mirror and did a double take. Huh? He started to turn around to look, but unexpectedly he felt the Spirit of God come upon him. A feeling of awe overtook him. It jarred him to his core and he couldn’t help but begin to worship in the Spirit. Something powerful—something amazing—was beginning to happen.
He had to pull over. He couldn’t keep driving. There … that closed-down convenience store.
Eric pulled off the road and parked the Jeep. He rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment, then he began to weep in this Presence that was just too overwhelming to handle.
BRENT PULLED INTO the convenience-store parking lot behind Eric and pulled to the driver’s side of Eric’s Jeep. He put the Suburban in park.
To Terry and Marta he said, “I’ll see what’s going on.”
He got out of the vehicle and walked around the front. There was a gap of maybe ten feet between the vehicles as he approached Eric’s door.
Eric’s door opened and he stepped out, quietly closing the door behind him.
Brent looked at his face. Tears were streaming down. Terry and Marta must have seen, too, because Brent heard both passenger-side windows roll down.
“Eric?”
“Brent…” He could barely speak. “God’s doing something.” He motioned back to the cab of the Jeep.
Brent looked into the driver’s side passenger window. Tara was staring forward, eyes moving left and right, as if trying to comprehend something. Tears were streaming down her face. Karen’s hands were in the air.
Brent looked back at Terry and Marta, then back to Eric who fell to his knees weeping. His hands were lifted into the air.
Terry’s and Marta’s doors quietly opened. They stepped out, not knowing exactly how to respond, until…
All three of them sensed the Holy Spirit’s presence. In the humility of the moment, in obedience to the Lord’s call, they, too, fell to their knees.
BUT HOW COULD you? Tara couldn’t believe the words being spoken to her. You know too much about me to love me.
“My love, I know everything about you and still I love you. This is a mystery that you will never fully understand. But know that I cannot lie. My words to you are yes and amen.
“I made you, Tara. I know the dark places inside where you are afraid to go.
“Tara, I love you with an everlasting love. With a love that is greater than you can contain. In me there is no condemnation. In me there is forgiveness and hope. In me there is forgiveness and rest for your troubled soul.”
Please… Please, don’t offer me what I cannot have.
“I want you, Tara. May I have you? Will you love me? Will you serve me? Will you allow my death on a cross long ago be your deliverance?”
It’s hard … God. She finally admitted it to herself; she allowed herself to fully accept that it was God, himself, that was making this offer to her.
Oh, God! Oh, my God! I don’t have the words. I can’t think of the words. How do I talk with you? I’m not worthy. Oh God, turn away from me. I’m hideous!
“Let me make you beautiful.”
I’m broken, God.
“Let me make you whole.”
I’m plagued and filled with impurities, Lord.
“Let me remove your disease.”
I am so lost, Father.
“Let me show you why I made you.”
Tara was scared. No … she was terrified. How could anyone survive in such holiness, beside such perfection? How could she be worthy of such offers?
Jesus … You are Jesus, aren’t you?
“I Am.”
Jesus. Forgive me! Forgive me for who I’ve been to you and to those who recognize you as their God. Please! Oh, I beg you … PLEASE … accept me as one of your own.
“It is done.”
The Jeep wasn’t moving. Her heart was beating so hard. She reached her hands to her face and felt the tears. She looked down. Her shirt had soaked up dozens of tear drops. She heard a whisper to her right. She turned and looked. Karen was praying; her hands raised.
No, she wasn’t praying. She was … she didn’t know the right word. She was … adoring God.
She looked to her left, out the window. Terry, Marta, Eric, and Brent were on their knees adoring God, too.
What had happened? She remembered the conversation clearly. She remembered every single word.
She grabbed the handle to the door and began to open it. She felt a hand rest upon her right shoulder. Karen’s hand. She turned to look at her. She was smiling at her and gave her a slight nod.
Tara pushed open the door. She began to step out and almost lost her balance. Her legs were weak.
She heard Karen open her door and close it.
Terry, Marta, Eric, and Brent stood up and looked at her.
The tears began to cascade down her face again, as she said…
“He wants me.”
Tara awoke to a new day.
She awoke to a new life! She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. If ever there was proof that she had become a “new creature” as Karen had called her, it was now.
She couldn’t remember the last time that she woke up without feeling the dread of going into a new day. Well, dread or the excitement to do something evil. Even then, there was a heaviness; a darkness that followed her out of her bed each morning. Funny how the darkness isn’t as recognizable from the inside. Now that I’m out…
Tears welled up again. Goodness! How many boxes of tissues will it be today?
She was giddy.
She threw the sheet off of her and rolled out of bed. She extended her hands into the air and said, “Good morning, Jesus! I love you!” She said it over and over again. “I love you. I love you! I love … YOU!” She laughed and spun around as if suddenly she were a ballerina.
Then she realized… Others might still be sleeping. She cringed.
The previous night, after all of the talk of their backpacking adventure and her incredible encounter with none other than the God of the WHOLE Universe, she realized that she didn’t have anywhere to go.
Mr. and Mrs. Lawton must have sensed it, because even without asking if she did have a place to go home to, Mr. Lawton said, “Tara, it’s pretty late. If you’re willing, we’d like to invite you to stay the night in Lydia’s room.”
She had gratefully accepted.
Walking up to the bedroom door she took a robe off of a hook. I hope Lydia won’t be upset that they lent me her PJs and robe.
She opened the door and quietly stepped into the hallway. The doors to the other two bedrooms were open with no occupants. She walked to the top of the stairs and smelled a combination of coffee and bacon.
“Oh, wow,” she whispered.
She used the restroom, brushed her teeth, and grimaced when she saw her hair. “There’s something you didn’t fix, Lord.” She let out a soft giggle as she ran a comb through it. “Well, it’s a little better,” she sighed.
Walking down the stairs she nearly ran into Brent as he rounded the corner and took a step up.
Startled, they both looked at each other for a moment.
“Sorry,” she said.
Brent smiled. “Nothing to be sorry for.”
Awkward silence.
“Breakfast is ready,” he finally said. “I was just coming up to knock on your door.”
“Thank you.”
Awkward silence.
“Brent, there are so many things that I need to say…” Her sentence drifted off.
“Okay. But we can talk later.” He held up two fingers. “Two things:”
She waited a moment, then took the cue. “And the two things are…?”
“One: I forgive you of everything. And two: I really need to eat bacon, so come on already.”
Tara found that particularly funny and erupted into laughter and even snorted; which, then, caused them both to start laughing.
They heard Brent’s father say, with a louder-than-needed voice, “Guess he didn’t need to knock.”
Brent and Tara smiled and headed toward breakfast.
MID-SEPTEMBER
THE TWO AND a half months that followed were a whirlwind for Tara. On top of the fact that she was still a full-time student, so many things happened that turned her old life upside down.
She started attending church with Marta and the Lawtons. She began to change her wardrobe into something a little more bright. She was reading the Bible that she was given when she made a public confession of her new faith. She and the members of the backpacking group got together again and ceremoniously burned all of her occult materials: books, amulets, tarot cards, horoscope manuals, and many other things. She thought it would excite her to be rid of all of it, but during their burning a strange and uncomfortable physical reaction rose within her. It felt like something inside of her was strenuously objecting. She remembered how nauseated she felt. She covered it up well, though, and made no mention of it to the others.
In addition to all of that … she prayed.
A lot.
The day after her powerful experience with Jesus, she tried to enter back into the same kind of interaction with him. And while she could certainly sense his Presence, she couldn’t hear his voice the same way she had that previous day. She could feel his love and could sense his encouragement, but couldn’t hear his words and it had frustrated her.
Brent later told her that she would probably hear him as a “still, small voice” from that time forward as she advanced in her walk with him. He also told her that God had given them his Word—the Bible—to guide them, along with a friend and counselor called the Holy Spirit, the “third Person of the Trinity.”
The Bible had always been the book of her enemy up to that point. She had thought it a book of dos and don’ts; a book full of mythical stories that had no real place in a civilized world. It hadn’t dawned on her that many of the writings that she had clung to as a practicing witch were hundreds of years old and full of myth, themselves.
She also had thought the book would be nearly incomprehensible, with all of the thees and thous to navigate through. But the translation of the Bible that she received from the church was modern in its language.
She remembered walking out of the “counseling” room and back into the sanctuary of the church along with the other people who had accepted Christ that morning. She walked up to Marta, Terry, Karen, Eric, Brent, and his parents with what she knew was a big, silly grin—she couldn’t help it!—and showed them her new Bible.
“We’re so proud of you!” “Congratulations!” “Welcome to the family!” “We love you!” were accolades that she hadn’t expected.
As they had walked out of the church into the parking lot, she turned to Karen and said, “This is a thick book!”
Karen had told her that it was actually sixty-six books and letters, written over more than 1500 years by people, who, for the most part, never knew one another. She said that despite the number of people that penned the words, there was not a single contradiction over that span of time; that it was the only book of ‘sacred writings’ on the planet that had that bragging right.
Karen had told her that it was actually 66 books, written over more than 1500 years by people, who, for the most part, never knew each other. She said that in spite of the number of people that penned the books and letters, there was not a single contradiction over that span of time; that it was the only book of ‘sacred writings’ on the planet that had that bragging right.
Karen had then suggested that she not start at the beginning, which seemed a little odd to Tara, but to instead begin reading the New Testament, and to start with the book of John.
That same day, as the whole group enjoyed lunch together at a nearby restaurant, sh
e opened to John and started reading, more out of curiosity than out of intention to actually embed herself within its pages. But the words were like magic to her.
She remembered thinking about the word magic—or magick, in the occult sense—and immediately rebuked herself. Old habits—and old words—were going to be things of which she needed to rid herself.
The words in the ancient text were more like… how had she thought of them? … more like an infusion of life! The words sounded a little mysterious in the first chapter, which only aroused her curiosity further.
Apparently, as she was reading, food had been placed off the side of her Bible that she hadn’t noticed. Brent had nudged her and asked if she was going to eat.
She had said, “I feel like I already am!” She looked at them with eyes of wonder. The group responded with smiles and laughter. She felt a little embarrassed and said, “I’m sure this is something you’re all used to and that it’s ‘old hat’ and all that, but … wow!”
Eric had responded to her comment. “Never ‘old hat’. But when we read it over and over we do mostly know what lies ahead. I envy you, Tara. I wish I could go back and experience the Word again as if it were the first time. I remember the affect it had on me, too.”
Mrs. Lawton chimed in with, “Tara, Brent’s dad and I are still working our way through the Bible for the first time. We’re really not too far ahead of you in the knowledge category. That book, for me anyway, has been very challenging. It’s like looking into a mirror sometimes and seeing all of the blemishes that need to be gotten rid of.” She smiled and absentmindedly raised her right hand to her cheek. “But we serve a good God who takes care of those blemishes in his own time and in his own way. I’ve read some of the books of the New Testament a couple/few times through, and each time I read, I keep finding things that hadn’t struck me the first or second time that I had read them.”
The others at the table had nodded in agreement.
Mr. Lawton added, “If you want to read something really interesting, take some time to read the first eleven chapters of the book of Genesis—the first book in the Bible in the Old Testament.”
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