“And when we nail the fucker?”
“Then you do what you gotta do but not before I use the proof we find to secure my way out of this shit life.”
“Blackmail.”
“Call it what you want,” I said, “Do we have a deal?”
“You bet your ass. That motherfucker will pay for what he did to my brother.”
“Play nice Jack,” I responded warningly. “If you think he made your brother disappear don’t doubt he’ll fucking bury you and I alive, so we keep cool. You keep your dealings with him steady, provide protection for him when asked, do your end and I will mine.”
“You got yourself a deal. Vic will be Satan’s Knights number one priority.”
“Good,” I grabbed my keys from my back pocket and tipped my chin up towards him. “Do yourself a favor and lose the Santa disguise.”
Jack wiggled his eyebrows and ran his hand over his big fat fake belly. “Ho Ho Ho”
“I want my hundred dollars back you con artist.”
“Anyone ever call you the Grinch, Bianci?”
“Bah Humbug,” I snapped with a laugh before turning around and heading to my car.
“Merry Christmas!” He called out causing me to stop in my tracks and look over my shoulder at him.
“You too, man. Try and keep your spirits up,” I replied, knowing that even though Jack probably hadn’t spent a holiday with his brother in years, he’d still feel the loss on the first holiday without him.
My phone rang inside of my back pocket and as I pulled open my passenger door, throwing my gym bag inside, I accepted the call without looking at the caller ID.
“Bianci.”
“Oh my God, you answered on the first try.” It was funny how the sound of my sister’s voice melted the ice inside of me. I hadn’t spoken to her much since I had been home, figuring she was busy getting her nursing degree and all. Every once in a while she’d drop me a call or send a text.
“Hey Lau,” I greeted as I climbed into my truck.
“Where are you? You know what, I don’t even care because I’m calling you to tell you that you have like a half hour to get to Mom’s or else we’re bringing Christmas to you.”
I chuckled slightly. “Is that so?”
“Yeah, come on Ant, you weren’t thinking about skipping out on Christmas were you?”
Telling her that was my exact plan was most likely a bad idea so instead I sighed and lied through my teeth. I was getting good at it. Too good.
“No, Lau I was just going to stop off at the bakery before I came. Anything you want in particular?”
“Hmm…get cupcakes.”
“Cupcakes?”
“Yes, vanilla frosted or if they have those character ones.”
“Character ones?”
“Yes those are better, they put love into the themed ones,” she said knowingly.
I shook my head as I pulled out of the parking spot. I guess besides going home to grab the gifts I had bought but not wrapped, I now had to go get cupcakes too. Bah fucking humbug.
Chapter Nineteen: 2014
“Come on Luca, Auntie Lauren has another present for you to open,” Lauren said, taking my son’s chubby little hand in hers as she led him to the stack of presents under the Christmas tree in Maria’s living room. I’ve spent every Christmas Eve with Anthony’s mom since that first Christmas he was in prison. It started off that I wanted to be close to him and I didn’t want Maria to spend the holiday alone. I knew she had Lauren and that she would come home for the holidays but still I felt if I missed her son, then surely she did too. Of course my parents hated I wasn’t with them on the holiday but once they realized there was nothing they could do to stop me, they sort of just gave up and let me be. So four years and four Christmases later, I prepared fried Calamari with Anthony’s mother, uncertain if he would even show up but positive that if he did I’d be a wreck since I hadn’t seen or heard from him since our slip up.
It sounds strange, even just in my head, to call what we shared a slip up but for my own sanity, I can’t think of it as anything more. Despite what I felt that night or even that following morning, I knew it was foolish of me to believe it was anything other than a mistake. Anthony confirmed that by never reaching out, but I should be used to that kind of behavior from him. No one shut me out or ignored me better than him.
“I’m happy you came, Adrianna,” Maria said, throwing the first batch of calamari into her deep fryer. “To be honest, I didn’t think you would.”
“Oh come on Maria, your son can’t keep me away from you and your Christmas Eve feast,” I winked at her as I washed the flour off my hands in the sink. “Do you think he will show up?”
“I haven’t heard from him all day. I’d like to think that wishing his mother a merry Christmas is high on the list of priorities but I don’t know anymore. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since he’s been home and that’s partially because I can’t bear to see the lost soul he’s become. He’s just so broken.” She scooped the fish from the fire and rested it on a metal rack allowing the oil to drip onto a paper towel. “You, my dear put up a better front than he does.”
“Excuse me?”
“A stranger on the street would never be able to tell how broken hearted you are but me? I see it in your eyes. They’re so sad all the time. Anthony’s eyes are always blank but just observing him you can tell he’s hurting, lost, and just…well, like I said broken.”
I opened my mouth to say something but words fail me. Everything she says is true, we were broken, and that was the best way to describe it. The sad part was that neither of us was trying to fix it.
“Smells good in here.” I froze at the sound of his voice.
“Anthony,” Maria declared beside me, happiness and surprise laced in her voice. “I didn’t hear the door,” she stated as she grabbed the towel I clutched in my hands and patted her hands dry before wrapping her arms around him. I turned slightly, lifting my head just a fraction and my eyes met his. He smiled as he embraced his mother.
I tore my eyes away from him and put the fried calamari on a platter, busying myself seemed like the way to go. It would’ve been a stellar plan had my hands hadn’t been shaking like a leaf.
Anthony unraveled himself from his mother’s arms and took the platter from my hands.
“Careful,” he whispered.
I felt Maria’s intent gaze on us before she cleared her throat. “Here let me finish that so that the two of you can see what Lauren and Luca are up to. Your sister will be so surprised to see you.”
“Lauren knew I was coming,” he pointed to the box of baked goods. “She sent me for cupcakes.”
“She hates cupcakes,” Maria stated confused.
I watched as Anthony scratched his jaw trying to hide a smirk. “Yeah, I bet she thought Luca would like them though,” he turned to face me. “He does doesn’t he?”
“Loves them,” I croaked.
“Vanilla frosted is his favorite I bet,” he laughed.
“Yes.”
“Lauren!” Anthony hollered over his shoulder still keeping his eyes on me. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I’m sure you didn’t,” I replied. Why did he have to look at me like that? He devoured me with his eyes and I couldn’t help but squirm.
“Well, it’s about time!” Lauren snapped playfully causing Anthony to turn around and greet his sister who held my toddler on her hip.
“Oh…hey little man,” he smiled genuinely at my boy and my heart skipped a beat. It was so strange to see him smile but also heartwarming to watch.
“Ant nee!” Luca said holding his hand high.
Shock registered in his eyes as he glanced over his shoulder at me. “He knows my name?”
Shit.
“Well, of course he knows your name. I wanted him to know who sends him random presents all the time.”
“Ant nee!” My son wailed for his attention still holding his hand up high.
�
�High five buddy,” Anthony said, placing his palm to Luca’s little one igniting a fit of giggles from him. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat at the scene unfolding before me. The last memory I have of Anthony and my son was the night he was born, a night carved inside of my heart that I often replay in my head. I’ve held onto that one memory for almost two years never expecting to have another to add to my play list. I don’t know which moment touched me more, watching Anthony hold my newborn son in his arms or watching him interact with my little boy who was so receptive of his attention.
Luca stretched his arms outward reaching for Anthony and without any hesitation, he took my son from his sister and held him high above his head. Luca giggled as he looked down at a smiling Anthony and I couldn’t stop my eyes from tearing.
I pleaded with myself not to cry but I couldn’t stop the lone tear that slipped from the corner of my eye. Luca’s laughter filled the tiny kitchen and made my heart swell to the point that I thought it would burst. The fryer started to beep signaling that the oil was too hot and pulled me away from the pretty picture Anthony painted with my son. I turned around and lowered the temperature, thankful for the distraction. I didn’t know how much longer I could watch the man I had loved and lost but still loved so much play with my son.
“I was starting to think you wouldn’t show,” Lauren said as Anthony set Luca down on the kitchen table, still holding him by his waist.
“I’m glad I did,” he said lowly. “You going to give your brother a hug or what?”
I didn’t have to turn around to know that Lauren threw her arms around Anthony. When we were younger, Lauren idolized him and when he went away, she was heartbroken.
“I missed you so fucking much,” she whispered. “Shit, sorry about the f-bomb A.”
I laughed, turning around and winked at her. “I’m sure he hears me say worse. Why don’t I take Luca inside so you two can catch up?” I asked, walking towards them and held out my hands for my son.
“Mama,” he said, reaching for me. Anthony leaned against the back of the chair making room for me to slip in front of him and lift Luca into my arms. I felt his eyes on me and my body instantly heated as his hand brushed the side of my hip. I glanced down at him and the bastard winked at me. I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment thinking he couldn’t really be playing with me. I hadn’t heard from him in a month and now he winked at me? I wanted to dip his head in the deep fryer. I grabbed my baby and brushed passed him, making my way into the living room where it was safe.
“You’re pathetic,” Lauren gibed behind me, as I kept my eyes trained on Adrianna’s ass watching her do what she does best and walk away from me. I shouldn’t complain since I’m the one who taught her to walk away. I let out a sigh when she was out of my sight and turned to my little sister who apparently grew some balls.
“Did you call me pathetic?” I asked as I scratched the top of my head.
“Yeah, I did,” she said, crossing her arms as she narrowed her eyes and peered at me.
“You set me up,” I said, pointing a finger at her.
“So what,” she shrugged off. “If you weren’t so pathetic I wouldn’t have had to.” She smirked.
“Slow down the insults. Don’t you have any love left for your brother?” I sighed grabbing the can of soda she reached for and claimed it as my own.
“I have a lot of love left for my brother. That’s why I feel it’s my duty to let you know that you better pull that head of yours out of your ass.”
“When did you get so spunky? I mean you were such a shy fucking kid, afraid of your own shadow and all that.”
“I grew up. You should try it big brother,” she said, pulling up the seat next to me and then she did something that surprised me, she took my hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. “You know I love you right?” She asked me sincerely. The thing about my sister and me is that neither of us were the type to speak how we felt. We had an understanding, she knew I loved her, would do anything for her, and I knew she loved me just the same. Neither of us needed to express it verbally. Apparently until now.
“Yeah,” I said, inching closer to her. I stared into her eyes, trying my damnedest to figure out what was going on in her head.
“You’re right I completely set you up tonight. I wasn’t so sure you would spend Christmas with me and mom and that hurt. I haven’t seen you in so long and for you to be so distant to us, well, it sucks Anthony. After dad left us, you would tell me we only had one another, that, I could count on you and you’d always be there for me. I stopped counting on you a long time ago.”
“Lauren…” I interrupted. I didn’t like where she was going with this not because what she was saying was untrue but having the truth thrown in your face sometimes hurts like a motherfucker.
“No, listen to me. I stopped counting on you because somewhere along the way you stopped being you. Sure, you are familiar and every once in a while I see a glimpse of my brother but you are just a phantom. You gave up on yourself and the man you should’ve been to be someone I’m almost positive you don’t even like half the time.”
I tried to pull my hand away from hers, my defenses going up, but she persistently held on. “I love you Anthony and I want my brother back,” she glanced towards the living room. “I’d bet my life that all the women in your life want the same thing,” she continued, referencing my mother and Adrianna. Lauren cocked her head to the side, staring at me before her lips curved into a smile. “I didn’t buy you a Christmas gift.”
I laughed slightly and glanced down at our hands.
“But I’m going to give you the best gift you ever received,” she tilted my chin upward with her index finger so that my eyes met hers. “I’m going to give you solid advice and it’s up to you to accept my gift.”
“You really did grow up, huh?” I asked softly. I realized that I had missed her transition from the young girl I helped my mother raise to the well-rounded woman sitting in front of me.
“Crazy, I know,” she rolled her eyes before settling them back on me. “You wasted three years of your life in prison for something you didn’t even do,” she said, her voice full of remorse, which made me wonder, how me being locked up had affected her. I never bothered to think about that until this very moment. I started to believe that my sister was right all this time. I had been bitter over what I had lost but never thought about what the people around me felt. Even with Adrianna I had been selfish enough to ignore what she was feeling when I went away. I told myself I was protecting her; but the truth was I didn’t give much thought to how she felt. Instead, I pummeled her feelings with my need to push her away so I wouldn’t feel so guilty for ruining her life.
“And then you wasted another year being an asshole,” she said pointedly, causing me to widen my eyes in shock as she assaulted me with the truth.
“So here’s my gift to you…stop being an asshole and get your shit together and for the love of God, go get the girl!” She ended her words with an exasperated huff.
I leaned back in my chair and stared at her for a moment letting her words sink in.
“You’re pretty good at this,” I said.
“Yeah well, I learned from the best, I learned from my brother,” she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek before pulling away. “He always tried to give me the best advice.”
“Hey you kids about ready for dinner?” Our mother asked from the doorway and I turned to my sister and smiled at her.
“Yeah, we’re ready,” I replied as I rose to my feet and tugged on my sister’s ponytail. I walked over to my mother and slung one arm around her shoulders, bending down slightly to kiss the top of her head. “Merry Christmas, Ma.”
Why the fuck was I still here? I must like being tortured because there’s no other way to describe what it’s like watching Anthony playing on the floor under a Christmas tree. Torture. I had barely made it through dinner, sitting across from him feeling his eyes on me as I took turns feeding Luca and myself.
It would’ve been rude of me to run the fuck out the door the moment the dishes were clean so I stayed out of respect for Maria.
That was two hours ago.
Two cupcakes later and four glasses of wine, I couldn’t even drive home now if I wanted to, so I poured myself another glass and damned myself, Anthony and Christmas to hell.
“There was something I’ve been trying to tell you guys since dinner but I kept putting it off,” Maria announced as she took a seat beside me on the couch. Oh good, a distraction from the hot piece of ass rolling around the floor with a baby. What was it about men and babies? It was such a turn on I thought as I licked my lips and continued to stare at Anthony.
Anthony sat up, pulling Luca onto his lap and gave his mother his undivided attention. The universe was playing some cruel joke on me by giving me this taste of the family I could’ve had.
“I’m moving,” Maria declared softly. I quickly took a detour and left Fantasy Island, turning around to stare mindlessly at Maria.
“What do you mean you’re moving?” Anthony asked calmly.
“I’m going to move upstate, not too far from Lauren.”
“Riverdale. It’s a town over from where I am now,” Lauren added.
“How far away is that? You know what never mind, a better question is, why are you moving all of a sudden?” I asked, placing my wine glass down on the end table.
“I think it’ a great idea,” Anthony said slowly, and I pierced him with a look filled with annoyance.
“Of course you would,” I laughed in his face. “One more person who cares about you out of your hair,” I looked around the room, eyes wide with sarcasm, and turned back to him. “Looks like I’m the only one left. Sorry I’m not moving anytime soon but I bet if you talk to good ole’ daddy dearest he can send you up the river again.”
“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up tonight,” Lauren said to her mother.
Forbidden Temptations (Tempted Series Book 2) Page 17