“Ready when you’re, Red Ryder.”
“Start with those who lived in the house with the Colonel. That’s his wife, his two granddaughters, his grandson-in-law, and Tom Brockman, the T.A. who rented a room from him. And you might as well include his friend Joe Guilfoyle in this. I don’t think any of them did it, but we need to know. Find out where each of them was yesterday, and if any of them had any problems with the Colonel. Next, check out all of his neighbors, particularly Bob Downey, his newest neighbor. He’s been there for two years and claims to have seen someone enter the house yesterday. Find out what you know about him. Also, there are some people we know who’ve been in the house this year; a plumber, an exterminator, and the mailman. Find out which plumber, and what exterminator they used. And there’s a maid and handyman who come once a week, Earl and Myra Hoskins, find out what you can about them. Talk to the other people they work for. Also, last week the Colonel remembered three people he’d had problems with years ago, all of them at the university. Two were students, Daniel Terloff and Carla Bauerman. The other one was a guy who said the Colonel kept him from getting a permanent job with the university, Michael Belding. He’s still in the area, a high school teacher. Just get this to me a little at a time, as soon as you can.”
“Sure thing, Cy. Have you and Lou eaten breakfast yet?”
“That’s next.”
“Want to stop by for some green eggs and ham?”
“And forgo the best restaurant in six states. Just get to work.”
I hung up the phone, picked it up again to tell Lou I was on my way, and turned to leave. Just before I opened the door, the phone rang. Even Sam wasn’t that quick, but I picked it up because I was curious. Very few people had my number.
Mary, the dispatcher on duty, was calling to tell me that a young man had seen someone about to enter the Colonel’s house on the previous afternoon. When I asked what the man had said, I was told that all that the caller could say is that the man had long, brown hair and a beard. I got the young man’s name and address. He was a university student, and she said he would be home from class a little after 11:00. That gave Lou and me plenty of time to enjoy our breakfast, if that was possible.
+++
I added a few ounces to my frame. Lou probably took off a few. Both of us smacked our lips a few times, and ambled to Lightning, redistributing our breakfasts as we went. I’d heard that there are devices you can put on your car to tell you the best way to go to get to where you want to go, but being a man of few vices or devices, I didn’t have one of those, either. But if I find out that they can also tell a person where to find a parking space close by to cut down on walking, I might change my image and splurge on one of them. But in the meantime, because we were headed to an area near the university, we had to park a couple of blocks away from our destination, which allowed us an opportunity to slosh our breakfasts some more. Many huffs and puffs later, at least as far as I was concerned, we arrived at our destination to find out our witness lived on the third floor. If I’d known what he looked like, we might’ve waited until he left again, but since we didn’t, Lou and I had to tackle the old-fashioned version of the Stairmaster. On the way up the steps, I remembered to ask Lou for our message of the day. “Something old, something new,” he replied. There was no way I was going to get married, so no one had better come up with something borrowed and something blue.
A good half hour later, we arrived at the third floor a few ounces thinner. I wouldn’t be a happy camper if we got up there only to find out the building had an elevator.
We found Mark Blakeman, a tall, thin, dark-haired, young man in apartment 3-A. We identified ourselves.
“So, you must really want this guy, huh?”
“Just tell us who and what you saw.”
“Not much. Just some hippie dude that looked out of place.”
“Did you actually see him enter the house?”
“Actually, I did. What tipped me off is that he came slinking around the side of the house like someone suspicious. He looked too old to be some doctor’s son still living at home, so I figured he didn’t belong. But when he took out a key, unlocked the door, and went in, I figured that maybe he did live there. When I saw this morning’s headlines, I figured I’d better give you guys a call. See, I remembered the house because it’s the biggest one of the street. I was hoping to get a delivery there, sometime.”
“Delivery?”
“Yeah, that’s the reason I was on the street. I deliver pizzas to pick up some extra money, and people in those rich neighborhoods tip a lot better than students do, so I used my seniority last fall to get that route. This is my third year delivering for Hometown Pizza.”
“And can you tell me the name of the person you delivered the pizza to yesterday?”
“I believe their name is Wilson. Next to last house in that block, on the other side of the street from the big house.”
“Mark, do you by any chance know a man by the name of Bob Downey?”
“No. Is he a student?”
“No, just checking something.”
“Well, if he’s not a student, or a professor, I wouldn’t know him.”
We ended our chitchat and walked down the steps, wishing that we had gotten valet parking. At least Lightning hadn’t been towed, and no one had plowed into my baby while we were gone. At least two men had seen the long-haired man. Had they also seen the one-armed man and the second gunman on the grassy knoll?
I wanted to check on Blakeman’s alibi, so we swung by the scene of the crime and stopped at the next-to-last house on the right. As it turned out, their name was Wilson, and they had ordered a pizza the afternoon before. Evidently there was a long-haired, bearded man, or someone disguised as one, and this person entered the Colonel’s house the day before. More than likely, we had our murderer. We just didn’t know if that is the way he normally looks, and where we might be able to find him. Or could it have been a woman wearing that getup. No one would expect someone wearing a disguise like that to be a woman, and neither of our witnesses was close enough to know for sure.
Sometimes Lou and I plan ahead. That day was one of those times. At breakfast, we informed Rosie that we had work to do and wouldn’t be back for lunch. After she had dried her tears, she handed us four bowls of banana pudding. Actually, she put each bowl in a suitable box, then stacked them in a sack. That meant all we had to do was stop by Antonio’s, pick up two foot-long Stromboli steak sandwiches, and two large orders of French fries with gravy. Then, we’d be set with all of the food groups God intended for us to eat. Well, counting our candy we’d have all of them.
We arrived at Antonio’s, got out of Lightning, and walked inside. I ordered my usual foot-long Stromboli and large order of fries with gravy. Then, Lou stepped up to order. He leaned over the counter and whispered, “I’ll just take a small this time, and no fries for me.” I had no idea if he was as embarrassed as I was, or if Lou was looking at me, because I wasn’t looking at him. I knew how demeaning it must have been for him to order the children’s portion. We left Antonio’s and were on our way to my house to eat lunch and peruse the Colonel’s Bible.
Lou smiled as I drove down the street and neared my house.
“What’s with you?”
Lou pointed.
“Is that your friend? Am I interrupting something, Cy?”
I slammed on the brakes and Lou and I tested our seatbelts. My neighbor stood in my yard near my driveway, and that thing was with her. I thought about hitting the gas and gunning it. For the second time in a week I regretted not having a more powerful vehicle. I pulled into the driveway, considered driving all the way to the end of the driveway and making a dash for the back door. I knew that I couldn’t outmaneuver that creature. I made a mental note to call and find out how much it cost to get land mines planted in my neighbor’s yard. Actually, it would do me no good. She was always in my yard.
I got out of the car and couldn’t even get in the first word.
“Miss Humphert, what are you doing in my yard?”
“Waiting for you, Cyrus. What do you think?”
“You know I already have a gun, and Posted signs are not that expensive.”
“I don’t know what you’ve got planned, Cyrus, but it sounds exciting.”
“What I’ve planned is lunch, Miss Humphert. That is provided seeing you hasn’t made me lose my appetite.”
“Oh, Cyrus, you say the sweetest things. I’m willing to skip lunch if you’re. And who is your cute friend? Will he be joining us? I wish you’d told me. I would have invited a friend for him.”
“This, Miss Humphert, is my bodyguard. He’s just been released on parole, so he hasn’t had his shots yet. The last person he bit died. That’s the reason he was in prison. Understand?”
“I sure do. Your friend hasn’t had a date in a long time. I know just the woman for him. Will you excuse me while I go call her?”
“I’ll never excuse you, Miss Humphert, but you’re free to go. I hope you go far, and take Her Yippieness with you.”
With that I grabbed my food and dashed for the house. I dropped one of the Strombolis on the way. The mongrel managed only to slobber on the plastic bag before I snatched it away. That was okay. It was the child’s size sandwich.
Lou held everything in until we got inside and I shut and locked the door. Then, he let me have it in the best falsetto voice he could muster.
“Oh, Cyrus, it’s so good to see you. Let me go call my friend so she can visit with your friend.”
Surely things would improve.
+++
It took only a bite of Stromboli and French fries with gravy to wipe away the visions of my next-door neighbor from my mind. It was a little bit out of character, but I decided to wait on the banana pudding until the first time deciphering the message in the Colonel’s Bible frustrated us. I had a feeling that the pudding wouldn’t wait long.
We cleared the crumbs and such from the dining room table and washed our hands. I went to get the Bible, still wrapped from the day before.
“Okay, Lou, let’s see what we have here.”
Whatever it was wasn’t going to be easy. I could smell the pudding already. I looked at all the cards. Most of them were blank. I would’ve felt better if all of them were blank, but there were three in the book of Obadiah. Two of them had a +2 on them and the other one a +3. What did that mean? Also, one of the ones that fell out had an arrow on it. What did that mean? This way to the buried treasure? I turned to Lou and smiled.
“Don’t tell me that you’ve already figured it out, Cy?”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.”
“You mean you have?”
“Well, I’ve figured out one thing.”
“What’s that, Cy?”
“I’ve figured out that the Colonel thought you and I are smarter than we are, if he expected us to figure this out.”
Lou laughed.
“Well, he had to make it tough, so the murderer wouldn’t guess.”
“The murderer already knows who he or she is. The murderer won’t need to guess.”
“You know what I mean, Cy. Besides, we’ll figure it out if we give it enough time.”
“Any idea, Cy?”
“Yeah, one. You look this over while I eat four bowls of pudding.”
“Cy, I’ve been meaning to tell you. I had already planned to give you one of my bowls of pudding.”
It’s so sad to see someone you care for go downhill, but Lou had turned into a shell of the man he once was. I wondered if there was some kind of antidote for the Wii thing. But how could I find out? I didn’t know about that stuff, and more than likely anyone who knew had already turned into one of them.
As I contemplated what to do to save Lou, he broke the silence.
“Cy, I can see how touched you’re that I am willing to share one of my bowls of pudding with you.”
Touched was the word I was thinking of, but I wasn’t the one who was touched. What if I found out that the whole world had been turned into Wii people, except for my next-door neighbor? Would I be willing to turn to her in order to save my best friend?
My head cleared and I looked at the problem before us. The longer we put off working on the Colonel’s puzzle, the longer it would take us to solve it. Still, I was smart enough that I would never agree with whoever said “beginning is half done.” We looked at our written list; Exodus, Leviticus, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 1 Kings, 1 Chronicles, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Lamentations, Amos, Obadiah, Micah, 1 Corinthians, Colossians, 1 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 1 Peter, and 1 John. All of the books contained only one card, except for Obadiah. Some of the books listed were named for people. Some were not. There didn’t seem to be anything there that identified one suspect over the others. The best idea we came up with at the time was to split up. Lou copied down the page numbers. We hoped there was some numerical code that would help us. Since we didn’t know whether the Colonel meant the left-or right-hand page, he copied both numbers. I decided to tackle it from a word perspective, which made more sense.
I looked at the written list of books. There were a lot more consonants that vowels. As a matter of fact, there were so few vowels there didn’t seem to be enough of them to make words. Still, I persisted. Few would believe me if I told them that Lou and I worked on the code for an hour before we tackled the first bowl of pudding. But, we did.
I devoured my first bowl in record time. Lou took a couple of bites before returning the bowl to the refrigerator, planning to take another couple of bites later. If I wasn’t afraid of catching Lou’s germs I would have finished his bowl. More than likely, the creature he had turned into wouldn’t notice for at least a couple of days.
Thirty seconds after I wiped the last of the pudding from my mouth, we returned to the task at hand. In order to look at things from a different perspective, we traded places. In a matter of minutes, both of us realized that we were getting nowhere.
“Let’s open the Bible again, Cy. Maybe it will give us a revelation.”
“I was thinking about praying, instead. Both could help, and God knows that neither will hurt us.”
The numbers made no sense. Neither did the letters, but I was still convinced the letters were the way to go. The afternoon was wasting away and still we had no idea what the Colonel was trying to tell us. It was only then that we really did open the Bible and study the index cards. We turned the pages from one card to another, careful to keep any other cards from falling from the Bible.
“Lou, if all the cards that fell out were vowels, would that give us enough words to make letters?”
Lou’s “It could,” wasn’t enough to inspire me, but his revelation did.
“Notice something, Cy. The Colonel put some of these cards at the first of each book, but not all of them. Still, the farthest into any book that any of them are is the fourth chapter. Let’s separate them, and see what we come up with. We did, and I became excited, until we had separated them and written them down. They still didn’t make any sense, only they made no sense in four words, rather than one. Since some of them could’ve been in more than one word, because there were two or three chapters on some pages, we wrote down those letters for all the words they might belong to.
Our efforts gave us the following hieroglyphics.
EAMC
LSKCCTTPJ
LRECT
LESL
We didn’t know where the three Os went, and we had four other letters left over, as if that would help.
“Lou, you wouldn’t happen to have Vanna White’s cell phone number, would you?”
“No, and I don’t have Regis’s either, so you can’t phone a friend. It’s just you and me, unless you want your next-door neighbor to take a look at this.”
“Bite your tongue.”
We looked at the four lines. They made as much sense as the eye chart And
y Griffith looked at in No Time For Sergeants. Four things immediately came to mind, none of which made sense. If all the letters in the first word were there, they could spell “mace” or “came.” The second word was missing a boatload of vowels, and the third word seemed to be missing at least one. The fourth word could be “sell,” provided it was intact. But “mace,” “came,” and “sell” made no sense. My best guess was that the murderer used mace on the Colonel, but if so, the Colonel wouldn’t have been able to provide this code for us, and the murderer wouldn’t have been able to enter or exit the library, depending on where he or she committed the crime. I felt we were a little closer to where we needed to be, but had a long way to go.
Chapter Eleven
We worked until we needed another break. I scooped out two more bites of banana pudding for Lou and returned his bowl to the refrigerator. Then I picked up my own bowl. I smiled when I remembered I still had one bowl left. Maybe Lou’s newfound lifestyle might not be so bad on me. I had taken only a couple of bites of my pudding when the phone rang. I answered it as I swallowed the glob of pudding I had in my mouth.
“You okay, Cy.”
“Yeah, Frank, you just caught me in the middle of eating something.”
“So, you’re eating while the rest of us are hard at work.”
“Lou and I are hard at work too, trying to figure out this stupid puzzle the Colonel left us. Want to change places?”
“Did you forget what I do, Cy, which, incidentally, is why I called you? I’ve the autopsy results. The deceased was shot with a poisonous dart. Curare. As you might know, it’s native to Central and South America. Curare is harmless if swallowed, but fatal if someone is shot with it. Death was almost instantaneous.”
“That means the killer had to have been in the room with him, but how was that possible? Could it have been someone he knew and trusted who had turned against him? And if so, how did he or she get out of the room?”
“And that is the reason why I don’t want to trade places with you, Cy. Most of the time, I can finish my job in a few hours.”
3 Murder In The Library Page 7