In the meantime, my brain had melted. Lou knew I’d lost it when he saw me go to the kitchen, pick up a knife, and bring it to the table where I proceeded to cut up an entire Hershey Almond bar until I had sixteen squares. Why sixteen? Who knows? I surely didn’t. It was an awful sight. There were slivers of chocolate everywhere. For the first time in my life, I’d cut almonds in half. Lou remained silent as I took my index finger and moved the squares around until I had four lines of chocolate squares, four lines of blank chocolate that offered me almost as much information as the letters on the paper in front of me.
Lou figured that it’s easier to join them than lick them, so he tore open a package of M&Ms and poured them on my dining room table. He too made four lines, only his lines were color coded.
Jealous that he was able to color code his experiment, I moved on to something he couldn’t do as easily as I. I stacked my squares. Lou tried to stack his too, but they kept falling off. Frustrated, Lou took one of his M&Ms and placed it on his thumb the way he would a marble, took aim, and sent my chocolate squares flying across the table. Oh, I still had a stack, but my stack was reduced to four squares. I was amazed that Lou could generate enough power to knock over a chocolate square that was heavier than the M&M projectile, but then I was never much good in science class.
We sat there and stared at the mess, then turned and looked at each other. We laughed until we cried. True, it wasn’t very mature, and certainly not dignified, but you have to admit, it’s much better than taking out a gun and blasting the candy into submission. If we ever do that, I think someone will find a place for us, and it will not be the Blue Moon, either.
It seems like there comes a time in every case when Lou and I crack and begin to act crazy. Well, crazier than usual. But each time we do, it releases our frustrations, and it calms us.
I’d like to say that this fit of madness settled us enough that we were able to solve the puzzle in a matter of minutes. I’d like to say so, but it didn’t. Instead, the two of us sat there silently thinking of new ways to approach the puzzle.
+++
“So, Lou, what do we know so far?”
“We know that visitation will begin before long, and we’d better start getting ready if we don’t want to be late.”
Neither of us liked wearing a coat and tie, so we decided we’d go comfy for visitation and dress up for the funeral. If someone said something about us not dressing up for the visitation, we’d tell them we were on surveillance and that we have designated clothing for that. None of them would have known the difference. Lou had brought a change of clothes, just in case he spotted the ones he was wearing with something from the breakfast or lunch menu. It was a wise decision, although he did make it through breakfast unscathed.
+++
Neither of us were prepared to see our mentor in a casket. Even at seventy-five, the Colonel seemed so alive, and in the casket, he looked like someone else. Oh, he still looked like the Colonel, but it didn’t seem right.
I think it helped put Martha at ease as she came up beside us and realized that even cops sometimes shed tears.
“It was nice of you boys to come.”
The words, “We wouldn’t have missed it for anything,” didn’t seem appropriate, so I merely nodded.
Lou and I planned to stay for the entire time of visitation. We planned to blend in, and see what we could learn. Besides, I couldn’t see one of us hiding behind a potted plant, while the other one hunkered down, hidden by a spray of flowers. We wanted to observe everyone, make a note of who came and who didn’t, and see if anyone looked guilty. We didn’t expect to solve the murder that night, and we got what we expected. I hoped that four trips to the restroom each didn’t seem superfluous. I didn’t know about Lou, but I actually had to go once. Each time I “went,” I checked the mirror before I returned, just to make sure there were no traces of chocolate on or around my mouth.
+++
After visitation Lou and I headed to eat. On the way to Lou’s apartment, he informed me that because he had eaten more than he had been used to eating lately, that he would Wii before he went to bed. Also, he let me know that someone had stolen a bear trap that someone had left outside of his window, but that he doubted if they would fare as well if they tried to dig up the mine field that had been planted there. I knew at least one person who would stay out of the mine field, and I felt sorry for the next of kin of the next person to mow Lou’s lawn. After I dropped off Lou, I wondered how powerful my binoculars were. I quickly dismissed that thought as I envisioned Officer Davis tapping me on the shoulder, wondering what I was doing in the bushes next door to Lou’s apartment building.
Chapter Fourteen
I woke up Thursday morning wanting to put closure to the whole business, but I knew that closure wouldn’t come until Lou and I solved the case. I’d told Sam about the funeral and promised him I would call when I got in, or Friday morning.
Our schedule would in no way resemble our normal routine. I allowed myself enough time to tie and retie whatever tie I could rummage through the closet and find. I had many ties to choose from, and some of them had probably been out of style long enough that they were back in style. With winter giving way to spring, so to speak, I selected a tan suit that I had last worn four years ago. It had been dry cleaned and was suffocating in a garment bag. I tried on the pants, then the coat. Both fit, so I wouldn’t have to go to Plan B. While my size is greater than the size of most men, my weight seldom fluctuates. I chalk it up to eating the right foods. My doctor claims it is due to good metabolism.
My suit was a solid color. So was my shirt. So, I chose a tie with a pattern in it. I refrained from selecting one that looked like I had spent time in finger painting class, but I wanted something that added a little color to my ensemble. While ensemble sounds like something a runway model might wear, every now and then I choose words unbefitting my lifestyle, and most words of three syllables or more are unbefitting my lifestyle.
I had two choices when it came to my neck wear. I could see if I still remembered how to tie a tie, or I could check with my next-door neighbor to see if she knew how to tie one. I wish all my choices were so easy. I pictured myself lying on Heloise Humphert’s couch with her straddling me, her hot breath nauseating me, while she suggested that she could better tie my tie if she unbuttoned my shirt first. It had been years since I had had a nightmare so ghastly.
I ripped the tie from the tie rack and wrapped it around my neck. Five minutes into the proceedings, I wished I’d chosen a pre-tied tie, but I persisted until I’d formed something that resembled a tie. I’ve never owned a turtleneck shirt. I consider them almost as effeminate as those short socks some men wear these days, the ones that don’t even cover their ankles. A day and a half later, I emerged from the bathroom, not quite ready for GQ, but with a tie tied in a manly sort of way.
+++
I had parked in the back the night before, hoping to make an undetected getaway on the morning of the funeral. On more than one morning in the past few days, I had stepped out to one of the more joyous sounds of God’s creation, a robin’s call. Nothing announced the coming of spring quite like a robin, and the robins had been back for at least a month.
On the morning of the funeral, however, all the robins were in hiding, keeping out of the way of a spring downpour. I reached back into the kitchen and grabbed an umbrella. I poked it out into the rain and hit the mechanism that made it useful. Once accomplished, I strutted to Lightning like I was somebody.
I was pleased with my look until I pulled up in front of Lou’s building. He must’ve ventured over to Thelma Lou’s. No man who hasn’t worn a tie in years can remember how to tie one so well. No longer was I so proud of my manly look, but I wasn’t about to let another man put his hands around my neck. I took some comfort in the fact that Lou had to keep pulling up his pants as he walked. I needed to get him back to where his pants fit him.
Lou sat down in the car, looking glum. I thought it
was because of the Colonel.
“I know how you feel, Lou.”
“I don’t think you do, Cy. See, after all that feasting we did yesterday, I gained two tenths of a pound. And I even Wiied when I got home last night. For thirty minutes.”
The “praise the Lord” I uttered about Lou’s good news didn’t seem to pacify him. I tried to convince him that, more than likely, it was those last two bites of vegetables that did it. I don’t think he bought my story. While I was disappointed that he’d gained only two-tenths of a pound, it was a start. Maybe Lou was on the road to recovery. At the same time, I had to convince Lou that two-tenths of a pound wasn’t much. I didn’t want him to think he needed to fast for two days, or worse yet, eat plain yogurt.
+++
Neither Lou nor I wanted Rosie to see us dressed like we were. She might have gotten ideas about changing the Blue Moon’s dress code, and then where would we be. Besides, we were pressed for time. Lightning zipped into the drive-thru lane at a local fast food restaurant. I ordered two steak and egg biscuits with two orders of hash rounds to keep them company, and a Large Diet Pepsi to wash all of it down. Lou followed suit, only he ordered one measly pork chop biscuit and no hash rounds. Whatever disease he had, he hadn’t gotten over it.
Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the church with no breakfast staining our clothes, only a few crumbs to brush away. A man motioned for us to stop and asked if we were family, and if we would be going to the cemetery. I answered “yes” to both. After all, the Colonel’s boys had to be family.
The rain stopped just before we arrived at the church, but I reached back into the car and grabbed my umbrella just in case it began again. I was so nervous about doing the right thing that I failed to see someone step from behind an adjacent car. In a matter of seconds, the resident paparazzi, otherwise known as our good friend Lt. George Michaelson, had snapped our picture.
“Well, what do we have here? You look like a couple of guys I know. Do you by any chance know Cy Dekker and Lou Murdock?”
“Never heard of them,” I replied.
“Well, I must say you’re better off. Say Cy, stand still a minute. I need to fix your tie.”
“I fixed it before I came.”
“From the looks of it,” Lou interjected, “I think his next-door neighbor messed it up when she kissed him goodbye.”
I was so flustered that George had straightened my tie before I realized it.
“In all seriousness, guys, I know how hard this must be for the two of you. I wanted to be here for you.”
George’s words didn’t cause me to tear up or grab him and hug him, but I felt like doing both.
We entered the front of the church and made our way down the aisle. George was in the lead. I motioned for him to go as close to the front as possible, then move to the far side. I wanted to observe the other mourners, see who came, and how they reacted.
I don’t remember much of what the pastor shared that day, because each time he said something that reminded me of the Colonel, my mind wandered back to days gone by and times Lou and I spent with him. Before I knew it, Lou punched me that it was time to go. We got up, filed past the casket, and out of the church. George agreed to drive to the cemetery, but since Lightning was already in line to do so, we asked George to go with us. I wish I had a picture of George’s six foot three inch frame as he sat in the back of my VW.
It was fitting that the sun came out just as the pastor said his final words at the cemetery. Lou and I approached Martha and her granddaughters as she exited the tent at the gravesite, and she invited us over to the house. She said several church members, friends, and neighbors had brought enough food to feed even Lou and me, so we accepted. We dropped George off at the church, because he had to get back to work, and headed to the home we’ll always think of as the Colonel’s.
Since Thursday was Earl and Myra Hoskins day to work at the Colonel’s, both were there and had agreed to serve. They were still getting things set up when Lou and I arrived, so the two of us stepped out back and relived more memories of the three of us and our tree house. I felt like setting the pulley in motion and hoisting myself to the top to see if the Colonel awaited us. I still hadn’t gotten used to the fact that the Colonel continued to live only in our memories. One day, Lou and I will catch up with him, but the day of his funeral wasn’t the day.
As Lou and I stared at our childhood sanctuary, I heard a noise behind me. It was Jennifer.
“Gram told me that Gramps built that for you. I bet you had some happy times up there. Did he ever go up with you?”
“Sometimes, but his happiness was knowing that Lou and I enjoyed it. We spent many a time up there. Sometimes in the rain, if there was no strong winds or lightning, and at least once a year we spent the night up there. And anytime something was bothering us and we wanted to get away, we knew we had somewhere to go.”
“You mean, like now.”
“Yes, like now, Jennifer.”
The young woman stepped between Lou and me and put her arms around us.
“Gramps was so proud of both of you. Find his killer.”
“I promise you we’ll do that much.”
After a few moments of silence, the three of us went in to join the others.
Martha wasn’t kidding about the food. Not only was there enough for Lou and me, there was enough for the others, too. The Colonel’s friend Joe was there with his wife, as were a few others who were close to the Colonel. Were any of them responsible for his death? We promised to find out, but not that day.
Chapter Fifteen
We excused ourselves a little after two, ready to get back to work.
“Say, Lou, since I had my mind on the funeral this morning, I forgot to ask you today’s clue.”
“And the first shall be second.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Cy, some of us have been given the gift of speaking in riddles. Others have been given the gift of solving those riddles.”
“Well, have you by any chance brought one of the solvers with you?”
“Apparently not.”
“Okay, let’s look at it. First of all, I thought it was ‘the last shall be first.’”
“Maybe the second is the last. There might be only two of them, whatever they are.”
“Maybe they’re twins, and the second born is to rule the first born.”
“Okay, by me, Cy. You’re older than I am, so I am now in charge.”
`“I don’t think that’s what God meant. To me it sounds like there was a race, and there’s been an inquiry. The horse that won has been disqualified and placed second. Regardless, just because the first is to become the second doesn’t mean the second is to become the first. Maybe it’s like there’s a new girl in the class and everyone’s been moved back one spot.”
“Cy, did you forget to take your medication again?”
We got back to my house and shuffled our carcasses inside. It was time to go to work. I plopped down at my customary spot at the table and Lou took his.
“And the second shall be first. Do you think it means we need to put the second word before the first word, or do we discard the first letters in the second word?”
We remembered that the second word had a mishmash of letters and decided to try that first. After looking at A, I, H, O, H, I, E, and O, we realized that we’d traded too many consonants for too many vowels. Wasn’t there something in between? At least we could make songs out of what we changed to. Who doesn’t like singing “Hi, ho, hi, ho. It’s off to work we go?” Even those who are not eager to go off to work and those that aren’t sure if it is “heigh ho” or “hi ho” love singing that song. And then for those who like to jazz their songs up a little, there’s “Hi-De-Ho.” And then I thought of “Old MacDonald had a farm. A I H O H”, or was it “O H I E O.” Maybe Old MacDonald’s farm was in Ohio, only they talk funny and pronounce it Ohieo up there. I caught Lou’s look and realized I was off in la-la land. I shook
my head, hoping to get all my brain cells back in place, then turned to my partner with another suggestion.
“Lou, let’s just take the first two words. Let’s write down the books listed in each word and see what we come up with.”
Lou was agreeable to anything, so we set to work on our latest idea. The first word gave us Exodus, Amos, Micah, and Colossians. I liked things better when we had to choose between “mace” and “came.”
“See anything there, Lou?”
“Yeah, I see three Old Testament books and one New Testament book. One of them is a long book and the others are relatively short.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Might you also add that two of them are named for prophets, one is named for a group of people, and the other one is named for something a group of people did and the book tells about how long it took them to do it and why?”
He got my point.
“Let’s try the second word, Cy.”
Lou and I are a little slow at times, but if you hit us over the head hard enough, we get the point. That was true when we wrote down the names of the books in the second clue. 1 Samuel, 1 Kings, 1 Chronicles, 1 Corinthians, 1 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 1 Peter, and 1 John.
“What do you see this time, Lou?”
“It looks like a bunch of ‘Firsts.’ Like the second shall be first. Do you think maybe the Colonel wasn’t giving us a mishmash of consonants, but letting us know that the second word is ‘first?’”
“You think? Now, let’s see if we can make some sense out of these first two words. Give me some help here. You’re the one who solves all these puzzles.”
“Mace first. Came first. I’ve got it, Cy. Which came first word three or word four? What do you think?”
“I think you retired a wee bit too late. So you don’t think words three and four are ‘chicken’ and ‘egg?’ Well, at least we’re making some progress. We know that the letters E, A, M, and C are all in the first word in some order. We know that there are four other letters that would’ve helped us more quickly if the Colonel hadn’t pulled them out when he fell and pulled the Bible off the desk, and we know that we can buy an O or two if we need one. Is there anything else we know, Lou?”
3 Murder In The Library Page 9