by Linda Bridey
Chapter Eighteen
Marcus looked over Ben’s forearm and hand and was not happy about what he saw. He tried not to touch it too much, but he had to examine it properly. It was a good thing that Ben had taken laudanum already so that the pain was lessened somewhat. His whole forearm was very puffy and severe bruising had set in. He agreed with Ben that the third metacarpal was most likely fractured and the ulna up near the wrist was definitely broken. Marcus also diagnosed Ben with a slight concussion.
“We need to perform a reduction of the ulna, Ben. I felt a fragment as I was manipulating it. It feels fairly large, so we should be able to align it correctly. As you know, it’s gonna hurt like crazy. I think it would be best to put you out. I’ve sent Claire for Hannah to help me,” Marcus said. His gray eyes were filled with concern and sympathy.
Ben said, “Yes. I think that’s the best course of action. I hope the closed reduction works. I’m the only one around here who can perform an internal reduction and I obviously can’t do it.” He attempted to smile, but couldn’t quite manage it.
Sasha held his good hand as she sat near the exam table where Ben sat. He squeezed her hand and looked at her, glad for her presence. Ben was scared. If his hand and forearm didn’t heal properly, he may not be able to perform surgery anymore. It was his specialty and for him to lose that ability would be agony for him.
“Okay,” Marcus said. “I’ll start getting ready so that when Hannah gets here we can do the reduction. Just relax for now. I’ll be back shortly.”
Marcus went into the waiting room where several people sat. He gave them a rundown on Ben’s condition.
Joe blew out a breath and said, “What are the chances that this is gonna heal well for him?”
This was the question on all their minds. Marcus remembered having those questions about Seth when he’d been severely injured. He told them what Doc Turner had told all of them at the time.
“There’s no way of knowing. Time will tell. We’ll have to see. If it’s not coming along as it should, we may have to think about him going somewhere else for surgery since we don’t have anyone around here that’s qualified. For now though, Hannah and I are going to do everything we can to get it aligned correctly,” he said.
Rebecca said, “We have faith in you, Marcus. You know that.”
His smile was grim. “Thanks.” He knew all too well what was at stake and felt immense pressure. Marcus had set numerous bones over the years, but this was different. “Well, I have to prepare. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Three days later, Marcus was surprised to see Ben back at work in the clinic. Ben had been going stir crazy at home. The effects of the concussion had subsided and his arm felt slightly better. The laudanum helped, but Ben didn’t take any the morning he came back to work because he wanted to be alert and not laughing his head off.
Marcus made him some willow bark tea and sat it in front of him.
“Thanks, doc,” Ben said with a smile.
“Don’t get used to me serving you,” Marcus joked. “So we have a full plate today and who knows what else will come through the door. I hope no babies decide to be born today. If they do, we’ll send Mike.”
Ben laughed. “Something tells me that he won’t like that much.”
“He’s gotta do it by himself sometime. I did when I was his age,” Marcus said. “I had no medical training besides what Doc gave me and what I’d learned from Lydia. Mike’s got a brain like an encyclopedia. I’ve never seen anything like it. He says he just flips through the pages of books in his mind until he finds what he needs. He’s going to pass all of his classes with incredible ease.”
“Don’t I know it? He actually lectured me about a couple of things last week that he’d read about. It can be annoying,” Ben said.
“Yet beneficial,” Marcus responded.
“Agreed. Well, I guess I’d better get to it,” Ben said. He got up and shook his head. “All of the fighting I’ve done and I never injured my hands. One fall down the stairs and this happens.”
Marcus nodded. “It was a freakish thing, all right. Well, you’ll be on the mend soon. Just take it easy with that thing.”
“You can count on it,” Ben said, and started his day.
Over the next week and a half, Sasha began to notice a change in Ben. He was slightly withdrawn and didn’t smile as much. She knew that his injuries hurt and that he hated her having to help him with things, but it seemed like more than that. One night she tried to talk to him about it.
“Ben, what’s wrong? I mean outside of the obvious,” Sasha said as she sat willow bark tea on a table beside his sofa. She settled beside him and rested her hand on his knee.
Ben stifled the sarcastic remark that was on the tip of his tongue. “My future is in jeopardy, Sasha. My professional future. I’m a surgeon, but if I can’t use my hand, I can’t operate. If that happens, I’m just a general practitioner.”
Sasha knew how important being able to operate was to him. “I know you’re worried, but you have to give things a chance to heal. It’s too soon to be alarmed, Ben.”
He nodded and forced a smile. “I know that you’re right. It’s the same thing I tell patients all the time. I haven’t been a patient in a long time, so I’m out of practice and I’m afraid that I am quite impatient about it.”
“I won’t pretend to understand how you’re feeling. That would be condescending and insensitive of me. However, I am here for you. Talk to me or feel free to rant and rave about the situation,” Sasha said.
Ben laughed. “I appreciate the offer and I might take you up on it sometime.” He sobered. “Do you know what really worries me?”
“What?” she said.
“What if someone needs surgery while I’m healing and they die because I can’t operate?” he replied.
Sasha’s only answer to that was, “We’ll just have to hope that nothing like that happens.”
Ben’s worst fears were realized when a young woman named Velma Dalton was brought into the clinic a couple days later with a case of appendicitis.
“I can’t do the surgery,” Ben said. “You’re going to have to do it, Marcus.”
“I’ve never done an appendectomy, Ben,” Marcus said.
“I’ll walk you through it. Today you’ll be my student,” Ben said. “Get Hannah and we’ll get prepped.”
Marcus balked. “I did some surgeries in school, but that was how long ago now? I don’t feel confident about performing it.”
“No one feels confident about operating the first few times. Hell, I don’t always feel confident, but that’s a good thing, Dr. Samuels,” Ben insisted. “Do you know why? Because it makes you more careful about what you’re doing. We don’t have all day to stand here debating it. Get Hannah and let’s get prepped. This girl’s life hangs in the balance and we’re all that stands between her living or dying!”
Marcus took a deep breath and said, “You’re right. Let’s go.”
After the successful surgery had taken place, both Marcus and Ben were frazzled and exhausted. They changed clothes and entered the office where they sat down. Neither of them spoke. Marcus pulled out the bottom drawer of his desk and got out the scotch he kept there and two cups. He poured them each a healthy dose of alcohol and gave one to Ben.
This was not a common practice for the doctors, but after the nerve wracking past few hours, they both needed the bracing beverage. Marcus’ hand shook as he poured the drinks, and he was grateful that his hands had been steady during the procedure.
Hannah entered the office and Marcus poured her a drink. She sipped on it as she sat at her desk. None of them said anything. Marcus gave Ben a quick glance and noticed the anger simmering in his eyes. His mouth was pursed and his one leg jiggled in agitation.
Ben downed the rest of his scotch and said, “Well done, Marcus. Now you know how to do an appendectomy. You might have to do all of them from now on, so it’s good that you’re familiar with them.”
&nbs
p; “Ben, you don’t know that yet. Give yourself a chance—”
Ben actually snarled. “Don’t even say it. Just spare me. It’s just a good thing that you weren’t called away on some other business today or that poor girl could have died because I was unable to operate!”
Marcus remained calm in the face of Ben’s anger. “But I was here and that’s what counts, Ben. She’s going to be fine because of you. What if you had been somewhere else today and couldn’t instruct me on how to do it? Playing a game of ‘what if’ doesn’t accomplish anything.”
“Maybe not, but it’s not your professional future on the line, Marcus. It’s mine. So it’s fine for you to sit there and spout platitudes, but I have to face the all too real possibility that my career as a surgeon may end!” Ben threw his empty cup. It bounced off the wall in back of Marcus and narrowly missed the other doctor.
“Hey!” Marcus objected as he dodged the missile.
Ben rose, snatched his coat and left the clinic. He walked to the livery stable, had Stew saddle Othello and mounted awkwardly. Once he was in the saddle, Ben was fine. It was just getting there. He had no trouble guiding the horse one-handed.
He was supposed to go to Sasha’s that evening, but he was not good company and so he decided to go home. Once there, Ben was able to get his horse unsaddled and put away without too much trouble. Going into his apartment, Ben got a fire going in his parlor, bedroom, and kitchen. Then he went into the dining room and pulled out a bottle of fine bourbon he’d had Jake order for him and proceeded to drink half of it.
Sasha had waited for Ben, but he didn’t show up at her house. She grew more concerned as the time passed. Finally, she could wait no more and saddled Ingrid. The swift mare made the trip to the Watering Hole quickly. She went up the outside stairs and knocked. Ben didn’t come to the door even though she knocked twice more. She opened the door and called to him.
Very frightened for his welfare, Sasha went inside and started looking for him. She found him sitting in the parlor on one of the wing back chairs.
“Ben? Are you all right?” Sasha said as he looked at her.
“I’m right as rain, sugar,” Ben said.
She heard that cruel bent to his words she didn’t like. “I waited for you tonight. And just now, I was knocking on your door. Didn’t you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you, and I’m afraid that I’m not fit for company tonight,” Ben said.
“So instead of telling me that, you let me think the worst? That you might be hurt?” Sasha said. As she came closer to him, she could smell the liquor on him and saw the mostly empty bottle of bourbon sitting on the table by him.
“Guess what happened today?” he asked as he brushed away her question. He laughed a little. “I sound like Mike. He’s always saying ‘guess what’. You’ll never guess.”
Sasha sat on the ottoman in front of his chair and said, “No, I probably won’t. Tell me.”
Ben took another large swig of bourbon and grimaced at the burning of his esophagus.
“A poor young lady was brought in to us today with appendicitis and needed surgery,” Ben said.
“Oh no,” Sasha said. Not only was she concerned about the patient, but she knew that this was the reason Ben was drunk and surly.
“Oh, yes. I couldn’t do it, of course,” he said.
Sasha was afraid to ask, but did anyway. “What happened?”
“I became an instructor to Marcus and guided him through the procedure. The girl will be fine,” Ben said, and drained his glass. He went to pour more into it, but Sasha stopped him.
“Ben, I think you’ve had plenty,” she said.
“Have I? I don’t think so,” he said, and poured more.
Sasha sighed. “You should be happy that everything went so well today. You helped save her life, Ben.”
“Yes, I did. And I am happy for her sake. Oh, and now Marcus can do that particular surgery, so there’s another positive result from this,” Ben said. “But the fact remains that I’m no good right now as far as surgery goes if I’m the only one around. Am I just supposed to stand there and let patients die, or their injuries become permanent?” He downed the contents of his glass.
“Ben, I know that this has to be frustrating for you, but you must concentrate on the positives and wait—”
She broke off as his glass went sailing across the room into the fireplace, where it shattered. Small shards of glass sprayed the carpet in front of the fireplace.
“Ben! Why did you do that?” she exclaimed. “You have to calm down. Let me make you some coffee and then you should go to bed.”
Ben said, “How about we skip the coffee and just go to bed?” His lascivious smile was not becoming. He cupped the back of her head and kissed her roughly.
She pushed him away and said, “That’s enough!” She rose and put distance between them.
“What’s the matter? Not in the mood?” Ben said. Sasha became the target of his frustrations. “I’m sorry I’m not very romantic tonight, sugar. That doesn’t mean it won’t be good.”
“I think not, Ben,” Sasha said, and moved further away from him. She’d never seen him like this and it was a little scary.
The alcohol released the ferocity she had always sensed in him, but this time it was not exciting. “You have no idea what this is like for me. You don’t have a career to worry about. You haven’t worked hard to achieve your life’s goal only to have it ripped away from you,” he said as he rose.
“Perhaps not, but you don’t know yet whether you won’t be able to operate. You must be patient, Ben,” she said trying to get through to him.
Ben swayed slightly as he responded. “And while I’m being patient, how many people suffer?”
Sasha was becoming angry. “Ben, I think you have a rather inflated ego at the moment. You are not all-powerful. You are not a god and there is no way of knowing if there will be anyone who requires a surgeon. You are acting as if being a surgeon is all you’re good for. God forbid that you can’t perform surgery, there’s nothing wrong with being a general practitioner. Look at Marcus—”
“Oh, yes! Let’s not forget Saint Marcus. Pillar of the community and friend to everyone!” Ben said. “I’m not Marcus and I don’t want to be. I want to be what I was trained for.”
“Now you sound like a petulant child, Ben. You’re drunk. Go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow,” Sasha said.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Sasha. I’m a grown man,” Ben said. “I’ll show you.”
She backed up as Ben advanced on her. “Ben, stop it this instant!”
“What’s the matter, Sasha? I just want to make love to you,” Ben said.
“No. Not like this. You aren’t in your right mind,” Sasha said as she tried to get past him to leave the parlor.
He was able to get a hand around her arm and pull her roughly to him. “Sasha, don’t run, sugar. It’ll be fine.”
“No! Let me go!” Sasha said, and struggled. In doing so, she bumped his bad arm hard and Ben spun away from her as pain shot through it.
She watched him blanch and said, “I’m so sorry, Ben, but you have to leave me alone. You need to sober up. Things will look better in the morning.”
“No, I’m afraid they won’t. You’re right. You should go,” Ben said as he took a deep breath.
“Ben—”
Ben couldn’t stand to hear any more sympathetic comments. “Get out! Just get the hell out!” Then he proceeded to let loose a string of awful names and hateful comments about her.
It was as if Sasha was transported back in time to when she was still married to Ken. He’d often said cutting remarks when she bothered him, which was less and less as time went on. Even though she knew Ben was close to being inebriated from the strong drink, she began to wonder what he would be like if he couldn’t still be a surgeon. Would he become so hateful and bitter that the man she’d fallen in love with was gone?
Would he constantly be cruel to her? If they had children
, would he be the same way to them? Sasha couldn’t live like that again. She wouldn’t live like that again and she certainly wouldn’t subject children to that kind of life.
With a calmness she didn’t feel, Sasha took off her engagement ring and sat it on the coffee table. “I will not tolerate being spoken to like that, Ben. I have done nothing to deserve such poor treatment. If this is how you’re going to be from now on, I can’t marry you. I won’t live in fear again. Goodbye, Ben.” She turned swiftly and ran from the room.
Ben attempted to go after her. “Sasha! I’m sorry! Please come back. Don’t go!” He banged into the coffee table as he misjudged his steps and went down on his knees. Dizziness rose up and engulfed Ben and he fell onto his side and passed out.
Chapter Nineteen
Ben had no recollection of falling down, but he woke up on the parlor floor in the morning to a freezing cold room and a fiery, throbbing pain in his arm. His head felt as if someone had hit him with a hammer and he wouldn’t have been surprised to find a wad of cotton in his mouth.
He gained his feet and looked down. Sasha’s engagement ring sat on the coffee table. As he looked at it in confusion, bits and pieces of the previous night came back to him. In his mind Ben heard the terrible things he’d said to Sasha and shame flared inside him.
How could he have done that to her? Ben knew he was going to have to make things right and do it right away. The whole time he changed, which took much longer than usual, Ben mentally castigated himself for his cruelty; a quality he hated in himself and on which he normally kept a tight rein.
He’d found the nearly empty bottle of booze on the floor and was shocked to realize that he’d drunk so much of it. While that explained some of his actions, Ben had to be honest and knew that his anger had fueled his drinking. In turn, the alcohol had led to his vicious nature coming out.
Regret weighed on him as he mounted and rode away from the Watering Hole. Sasha wasn’t at her home so he checked at the Grady House, but she wasn’t there either. Ben thought she might have gone to see Sparrow. She’d need to lean on someone, as upset as she was bound to be. He turned Othello in that direction and rode off.