LaurBell:
Sorry I disappeared, A. Khloe just offered 2 make me tea.
AnaArtiste:
It’s OK. What kind? That will tell me everything I need to know abt how ur feeling.
LaurBell:
Cel. Sea. Tension Tamer.
AnaArtiste:
Uh-oh. Okay. Breathe. What’s up?
This was it. The next words Ana and I would exchange would change our friendship forever. Would a friendship even exist after our IM session ended? If Ana said she knew about Brielle and Taylor, I wasn’t sure.
LaurBell:
4 the past couple of days, Brielle’s roommate had been telling me that something was up w/B.
AnaArtiste:
Clare thought something was wrong? Like what?
LaurBell:
She didn’t know 4 sure. Just felt like B was off.
AnaArtiste:
Did u hang out w/ B? Notice anything?
LaurBell:
Yeah, we had riding together & classes. Didn’t pick up on anything.
AnaArtiste:
Hummm.
LaurBell:
Finally, I had 2 meet w Brielle and flat-out ask her if everything was OK, bc Clare convinced Khloe that something was wrong. . . .
AnaArtiste:
And let me guess . . . they both ganged up on you abt B.
LaurBell:
Exactly.
AnaArtiste:
What a rough spot to be in. I’m sorry, L. *hugs*
LaurBell:
It’s much, much worse. Turns out, there was something V wrong with Brielle.
I paused, my fingers hovering over the keys.
LaurBell:
Ana, I found out something abt Brielle. Do u have ANY idea what I might be talking abt?
I watched the screen. Nothing. I dropped my head in my hands as I waited for Ana to reply. Every passing second screamed that if Ana was going to say “no,” it would have already been on my screen.
AnaArtiste:
Lauren, I think this is a better phone conversation than IM. Can I call you?
She knew. Ana knew.
LaurBell:
Yeah. I’m here.
AnaArtiste:
Give me 5 mins 2 plug in my phone.
I pushed down my laptop lid as our doorknob twisted and Khloe walked into the room.
“Here you go,” she said. “I added a few extra things just in case.”
She slid a Tiffany-blue circle tray onto my desk. On a small plate next to my steaming mug of tea was an assortment of cookies—Milanos, coconut-flake-topped cookies, sugar cookies, and cookies with assorted jam in the middle.
“Khloe, did I mention that you are the definition of ‘best friend’? Thank you so much.” I smiled up at her and picked up the plate, offering her first pick at the cookies.
Khloe picked up a sugar cookie and bit into it. “I try,” she said, smiling. “Plus, it’s only fair that I make the tea sometimes. You always make it for us.”
Her eyes swept across my desk and fell on my closed laptop.
“Everything okay with Ana?” Khloe asked, her tone soft.
“No,” I said. “She’s calling me any minute. She wouldn’t answer me over IM. It’s bad news.”
Khloe reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “Whatever she says, Laur, remember all of the friends you have here. So many people care about you.”
I picked up the GO CCA! mug and took a sip of the delicious tea. “I haven’t forgotten for a second. You, Lex, and the rest of my friends are the only reason I’m not buried under a pile of blankets sobbing right now.”
Riiing! Riiing!
I looked at my BlackBerry. A smiling Ana flashed on the screen.
Then I glanced back at Khloe.
Then back to my phone.
And again at my best friend.
“You’ve got this,” Khloe said. “I’m right here.”
Pressing my lips together, I picked up my phone and turned it on. “Hey,” I said. I almost didn’t recognize my own voice. It was chilly, raw from screaming, strained from crying, and tight from nerves.
“Hey,” Ana said.
There was something wrong in her tone. She sounded scared and like she might start to cry at any second.
“Ana, I don’t want to drag this out,” I said. “I know your answer already. You knew about Taylor and Brielle, didn’t you?”
“I . . . I am so sorry,” Ana said in a whisper. “Oh my God, Lauren, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to protect everyone and instead, I only ended up making things worse and hurting you.”
“Ana, you don’t have to explain. You chose Bri over me. Damage done.”
With that, I hung up.
YOU COULD YELL “FIRE!”
MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT, ALL of the lights were off and Khloe and I were in bed. I ached for my sister Becca. I knew things would be a million times better if she were here. But I did have Khloe, who was no slob in the making-me-feel-better department.
“KK?” I asked. “You awake?”
“I’m up, Laur,” Khloe said immediately. “What are you thinking about?”
“Everything,” I said, shifting onto my back. “But mostly Ana right now. Why did she choose Brielle over me? I always thought we were equal best friends.”
“I don’t know,” Khloe said. “Maybe Ana didn’t want to hurt you. Maybe she thought Brielle would be able to keep what had happened a secret forever, and that way you wouldn’t have to ever know.”
“It makes me look so stupid,” I said. “I share classes with Brielle and Taylor. I talked to each of them like nothing was wrong. That’s because I didn’t know! I believed that dumb lie Brielle told me about her ‘fight’ with Taylor.”
Khloe rested her chin on her palm. “You know you’re not dumb for believing Brielle, right? You thought your best friend was telling you the truth. You had no reason not to trust her.”
“I still feel like I should have done something. Talked to Taylor. I planned to—to smooth things over between them. I just never got around to it. He’s just as bad as Brielle. He came here, pretended to be my friend, and never told me about them.”
“If Taylor had come to Canterwood and told you the truth right away, would you have forgiven him?” Khloe asked.
I hesitated. “I don’t know. I think I would have gone easier on him. He had every opportunity to talk to me before Brielle got here. He could have told me since she arrived too.”
“I bet he was scared. Plus, it’s a hard thing to tell your ex. I’m not defending him or anything. Just trying to understand, I guess.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever understand,” I said. “Everything in my life was as close to perfect as possible. After one sit-down, Brielle and I are done, Taylor and I will never be friends, and I don’t even know where to start with Ana.”
“If I were you, I wouldn’t rush to final decisions yet,” Khloe said. “You’re understandably hurt and furious. I think it would be better for you to make those decisions like ‘I’m never talking to Brielle again’ when you’re less angry and can think a thousand percent straight.”
I listened, staring up at the dark ceiling.
“At least that way, you’ll know your decision came from your head and your heart and wasn’t emotion ruled,” Khloe added. “That’s just my opinion.”
“I’m definitely angry enough to want to BBM Ana, Brielle, and Taylor and tell them never to speak to me again.” I let out a giant breath in a whoosh. “I do see your side. The last thing I want to have are regrets. Right now, I don’t see any chance of me ever wanting to be their friend again, but I can’t predict the future.”
“That’s my LT,” Khloe said. “Focus on something else for a while. Stay busy. I’ll help! But there’s so much going on, like prepping for the show, hanging out with your friends, spending time with Drew, getting ready for Thanksgiving break, and the million extra projects from teachers, that I don’t think you’ll even need my
help.”
“I am the queen of keeping busy,” I said. “Thanks for talking to me, Khlo. I finally feel like I can sleep now.”
“Of course, Laur. If I’m asleep and you want to talk, come over and shake me awake. I’m serious. You can even yell ‘Fire!’ to wake me.”
I giggled. “What if Christina or someone else on our floor hears me saying that?”
“Hmm. Point. Maybe you better stick to ‘Khloe!’ ”
I laughed and turned over, pressing my face into the pillow with a smile. Starting tomorrow, I was going to be the busiest student on the entire campus.
I’M SWITZERLAND
BEFORE CLASS THE NEXT MORNING, I BBMed Clare.
Lauren:
Can u meet me in the common room 4 a sec?
She wrote back right away.
Clare:
Of course. BRT.
I shouldered my messenger bag and turned to Khloe, who was buttoning her coat.
“I’m going to meet Clare for a minute and apologize,” I said. “I owe it to her for not believing her about Brielle. Or at least dismissing her claims so easily.”
Khloe nodded. “I know Clare doesn’t expect you to apologize. That’s really nice, Laur.”
“It’s the right thing to do. I’ll see you in class.”
With a wave to Khloe, I left the room.
I walked down Hawthorne’s hallway and smiled at a few girls who shared classes with me. Light flowed out of Christina’s office, and her voice was just audible. I loved this time of morning, when everyone was just waking up and the dorm hall was full of whispers as people got ready for class.
I walked into the common room, and the sitting area in front of the TV was empty, but Lexa and Jill, her roomie, were filling travel mugs with cappuccino from the machine. Clare wasn’t here yet.
“Hey!” I said.
“Hi,” Jill and Lexa said.
“You guys look ultrachic. Let me see those outfits!” I dropped my bag next to a chair and put my hands on my hips, looking my friends up and down.
Jill put down her mug. “Meee first!” She adjusted her Gucci black plastic-rimmed glasses and jutted out a hip.
I grabbed a wooden spoon from a rack and held it up to my mouth. “This morning,” I said, pretending I was an entertainment news anchor, “we have Jill looking amaze in gray sweater tights, flat black booties with faux fur, and a ruffled black skirt.”
“Ooh! Click! Click!” Lexa, standing off to the side, mimed taking photographs.
Jill, grinning, twirled, her light-brown hair falling around her shoulders.
“And what’s she wearing on top? She’s chosen a fabulous peplum grape-colored top with a thick, chunky-knit oatmeal-colored sweater. Her outfit? Totally a ten!”
Lexa and I clapped, and Jill curtsied. Jill motioned for Lex to take her spot.
“We’re lucky to have Lexa Reed now!” I said. “Let’s dissect her fashion choices from head to toe.”
Lexa smiled, putting a hand on her hip. She’d pulled her curly black hair with natural reddish highlights into a low bun.
“Lexa’s sporting a school-appropriate yet oh-so-trendy tweed blazer with a white pima cotton shirt underneath.”
Lexa switched hands and tilted her chin into the air.
“Lexa is keeping the look casual with a pair of dark skinny jeans tucked into dark-brown knee-high leather boots. Lexa’s look gives her a total of ten points and ties her with Jill. It’s a fashion win-win for two of Canterwood’s most stunning fashionistas.”
“Yay!” I cheered, clapping. We all laughed together.
“Thanks for the morning pick-me-up, LT,” Lexa said. She screwed the top onto her mug.
I turned on the teakettle on the stove. “Thank you guys for letting me play. You both really do look amazing.”
Jill and Lex traded looks. They both turned, smiling at me.
“What?” I asked, laughing.
“It’s your turn!”
Eagerly, I stepped onto the tiles where my friends had stood. Bright-red hair caught my eye. I looked over Lexa’s shoulder, and Clare was walking across the common room toward us.
“Hey, Clare,” I said.
My friends all greeted each other.
“Can we take a rain check on my turn?” I asked, looking at Lexa and Jill. “I need to talk to Clare before class.”
Both girls nodded.
“Of course,” Lexa said. “We’ve got to head out anyway. See you guys at lunch if not before!”
They took their coffee mugs and left. The teakettle whistled, and I took it off the burner.
“Thanks so much for meeting me before school,” I said. This was going to be a little easier because I’d given Khloe the green light to tell Clare about Bri’s confession. At least I didn’t have to recount the story.
Clare hopped up onto the counter and picked a green apple out of the fruit bowl. “Absolutely.”
“Want any?” I motioned to the kettle.
Clare nodded, tucking a lock of long hair out of her eyes. “I’d love some of that energy-boosting green tea stuff you have. I can’t remember the name of it.”
I laughed. “That’s okay. It’s exactly what I’m having.”
I handed Clare her tea, grabbed mine and a banana, and we went over to one of the couches. We settled on the same couch, both of us taking a bite of breakfast while our tea cooled on the coffee table.
“Clare,” I said, “I owe you an apology.”
Clare shook her head, opening her mouth. “Laur—”
“Please let me apologize?” I asked.
Clare closed her mouth and put her apple on a napkin on the table. “Go ahead.”
“You’re so cool that I know you don’t think I owe you an ‘I’m sorry.’ But I do.”
Clare gave me a tiny smile. Her blue eyes locked with mine.
“I didn’t even give your claims about Brielle a fair chance. You’re a really good friend, and I was so dumb. I should have taken you seriously. I know you, and you wouldn’t just pull something out of thin air and try to convince me that it’s true.”
Clare nodded, folding her hands on top of her jean-clad legs.
“Brielle was my best friend from home. I think part of me didn’t want to hear you out because I didn’t want to believe something was wrong or that Brielle was capable of keeping something like that from me. That doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m only telling you what my thought process was.”
“Lauren,” Clare said. “You’re right, first, that you don’t owe me an apology. If anyone came to me and said Khloe was being weird but I hadn’t noticed it, there’s no way I would pay attention. I’d feel like I knew my best friend better than anyone, and if someone saw ‘something,’ then they were wrong.”
“Exactly.” I sipped my tea.
“Second, I understand not wanting to believe me. Like I just said, I really do. I’m not mad at you, and I’m not holding a grudge or anything. We’re totally cool on my end.”
“Thanks, Clare,” I said, smiling.
“I’m really, really sorry that Brielle put you through this. Taylor, too.”
“I know this puts you in an awkward position too,” I said. “You share a room with Brielle, and you two have become friends in the short time she’s been here. You don’t have to tell me, but has she talked to you at all about this?”
“She has. Actually, Brielle said the same thing you just did. She apologized to me for making things weird now. She offered to try for a room transfer. I told her that wasn’t necessary. I said that she and I were friends, what she did to you was so not okay and I was mad on your behalf, but I told Brielle that she could talk to me if she wanted. I knew she didn’t have anyone else.”
I was quiet for a few seconds while I took a couple of drinks of green tea. At first I’d bristled a bit when Clare had said she’d offered to stay friends with Brielle. This feeling swirled in my stomach, though.
“Honestly?” I said. “My first thought was ‘What is
Clare doing still offering friendship to Brielle?!’ ”
Clare nodded, twisting the diamond snowflake necklace at her throat. “I understand that. Completely.”
“But the more I think about it, the more I’m glad you did. I can’t be Brielle’s friend right now. Maybe someday. Maybe never. I don’t know yet. But we used to be so close, and the thought of her being at Canterwood with no one upsets me. Even though I couldn’t stomach the thought of us being friends.”
Clare tilted her head. “That’s really mature, Lauren. I don’t know if I’d be able to do that. I promise I’m not about to put on a ‘Team Brielle’ T-shirt and forget what she did to you.”
“Oh, I know you’re not!” I said quickly.
“I’m just there if she prompts a conversation,” Clare said. “That’s it. I’m on your side with this, Laur, one thousand percent. But to keep the peace behind closed doors in my room, I’m kind of like Switzerland. You understand?”
“I get it, Clare,” I said. “I would do the same in your position. I’d never want to be part of a problem that caused problems with you in your own space. That would make me feel so terrible. I appreciate your honesty about your feelings and everything with this situation. Thank you.”
Clare leaned forward, an arm outstretched. We hugged, and both of us were smiling when we let go.
WHAT ATTENTION SPAN?
ALL DAY I FELT AS though I was hiding from Taylor and Brielle. I kept my eyes down when I entered classes that we shared and almost ran from class to class. I knew Drew deserved to know what had happened, but I hated the idea of even telling him. He was going to be furious at Taylor and Brielle. I was more worried about Taylor, though, because they had swimming together and had to be around each other. Also, it didn’t help that Taylor was my ex-boyfriend.
If I were in Drew’s position, though, I would want to know what was going on. I hadn’t been able to tell another person last night, and he’d understand that.
On my way to Hawthorne to change for my lesson, I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket.
I typed a BBM.
Lauren:
Hey, wanted 2 ask ahead of time . . . can u hang out w me 4 a while after riding? If u can, I want 2 tell u what happened yest.
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