by S. E. Babin
My life was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
23
I spent a long week in limbo waiting for Typhon to contact me in reference to the vial of ichor. I wasn’t sure he was going to hold up his part of the deal after the shitstorm that happened concerning his soulmate. I also wasn’t sure if I would ever be free of Typhon once Artemis became mortal.
Right now, destiny considered her his mate. Odd considering I’d never seen them give two glances to each other, but that was the thing about love. It wasn’t always fireworks and unicorn kisses. Sometimes it was screaming I hate you’s or just plain ignoring each other until that one small thing happened to nudge you together.
On the seventh day, I heard from Typhon. It was a short smartass message that said:
I got the stuff.
I made plans to visit him as soon as possible, but I had an appointment to call my son. I headed down to the place where Hades performed his greatest magic and opened up the pool in the massive cauldron he kept stashed there. Clotho’s face came into view first. Her eyes were their normal color, thank goodness, and some of the stress and fear she’d been holding looked to be erased from her face. Lachesis and Atropos appeared over her shoulder and waved at me. I greeted them all and just as I was about to ask for my son, his face so like his father’s popped into view.
“Hi, Mom!” he said and gave me a happy little wave.
My heart lurched a little. A part of me was happy to see him happy, but another part wanted him to be miserable and ask to come back home. I needed to suck my emotions up over this one and allow him the training he would need to not only survive, but thrive, in this world, and I knew the Fates were one of the few trustworthy and qualified people who could do that for him.
I let him babble on about the magic he was learning, his few screw ups, and the weird food the Fates had been bugging him to try. That part made me smile. At least something was weird there. When he got bored talking, Clotho came back into view. We chatted for a bit and I remarked how extra glowy they all seemed to be lately.
She nodded, even as her mouth tightened. “It’s the extra magic. We have no way to store it so it just sort of...hangs around.”
We made small talk for a few more minutes, but when she asked me about how the Hades’ plan was going, I clammed up a bit. I didn’t want anyone to know about the door until we were sure we would be able to use it. Nor did I want to tell her what happened with Typhon. She would be full of the I told you so’s and that was the last thing I needed. I told her we were still working on it, which was true, and when we had something definitive, I would also tell her. That was true, too. Right now we had nothing definitive. Everything was riding on hope and speculation.
I made the trip to see Typhon later that night. He answered the door looking more weary than I had expected him to. I guess finding out your soulmate was the woman standing right in front of you, or at least one of them, was enough to freak anyone out. I gave him a bland greeting and he pushed open the door for me to walk through. He walked into the living room, sat down, and reached into his pocket for a vial. My breath caught when I saw the glowing vial of ichor. This was going to be our best chance to get through the back door in the Underworld. We both sat there for a minute or two staring at it, completely silent. I finally asked where he got it from and he gave me a rueful chuckle. “I had to enchant a kitchen knife, and trick my mom into cutting me up some carrots. She looked at me like I was insane, and I kind of felt like I was but it was the only way I could get her to use the knife.”
I stared at him with a newfound respect. “ That was clever,” I told him.
“Yeah,” He said self-consciously. “Now my mom is making me a carrot cake because she thinks I'm obsessed with the vegetable.”
I let out of snort, And tipped the vial up to the light to examine it.
“ It was all I could get, so I would be extremely careful not to drop or waste this. I don't think my mother is going to chop any more carrots for me without asking uncomfortable questions.”
I stuck the vial in my purse, stood up, and leaned down to drop a kiss on Typhon’s cheek. From the darkening of his eyes, I realized that was a mistake. Our friendship had morphed into one that used to be relatively easy, but now it was fraught with complications. I never should have offered to do the soul mate spell for him, but it was the only thing I could think of to try to get him to drop the idea of us. Instead It had backfired spectacularly, just like most of my plans usually did. When I stepped back, Typhon flinched, but squeezed my shoulder to let me know there were no hurt feelings. I gave him a thin smile and bade him farewell. Maybe I should have told Artemis what I had found. Maybe it would change some things. But could I really tell her that I had found her soulmate when she was about to lose the rest of her immortality. Wouldn't that bring up more questions than answers? Would she still be his soulmate if she didn't have her powers? Those were the questions I could not answer. But one thing I knew for sure was that my visions never lied, and the fact that she was fading during the vision, led me to believe that his soulmate was still up in the air. The shadowy figure I had seen had the potential to be his soulmate in addition to Artie. When all this was done, I planned to do the spell again without him there. I had tapped into his energy so I knew what I was looking for. If I could make out the features of the woman, I would be able to track her down, and hopefully solve this for good. Because when I got Hades home, I didn't think it was going to be a good idea to tell him what happened. Not that anything had really happened, but the results of the stale. Either way he was not going to be a happy camper about it.
I bade him farewell and extended an invitation to meet my son once I had my husband back. We hugged a little bit too tightly and a little bit too awkwardly, but when we stepped away from each other I felt like we had come to some sort of peace. It was an odd feeling, but I felt like he felt the same thing. I gave him a finger waggle and I disappeared back into the underworld.
It was time to find that door. We had no more time to waste.
Hecate had always known what my husband had been up to in the deeper recesses of the underworld, but I felt like I was about to walk into Christian Grey's Red Room. I had no idea what to expect, and my mother didn't bother to tell me. When I asked her, she would get this extremely mysterious look and a small little smile that completely freaked me out. Part of me wondered if she was just doing this because she thought it was funny. However, the Underworld freaked me out anyway so maybe she was just doing this to protect me. I was about to find out. When we stepped off the last stair into the next level of the underworld, I was sweating like a teenager lying to her mom, and I couldn't stop the tremors that had taken over my fingers. It didn't help that Hecate was clammed up. All she would contribute was that my imagination was making it worse and that the reality of it could not be that bad. But, she wasn't doing much to convince me that my imagination was wrong, so all that happened was it got worse and worse as we traveled to the lower levels.
The first level was no big deal. It appeared to be mainly grey stone and magic. I could see no souls floating around. I felt no evil. I could sense no other magic except for Hades. If this was all it was, this was going to be fine. Hecate looked as cool as a cucumber, but when we started to the second level, I noticed she crept a little bit closer to me. Considering she was a death goddess and I was the goddess of love, that didn’t make me feel much safer. In fact my trepidation crept up about fifty notches and sweat begin to pour down the back of my neck and into my t-shirt, making for a very uncomfortable walk. The second level was also okay, although the noise was getting a little bit louder, and I thought I heard the sound of screaming. I had expected that so I wasn't too freaked out yet. I knew that Hades was Lucifer, and I knew that he held souls. He never really told me what he did with those souls, though, so once again everything was left up to my imagination. Good times.
The third level was when shit got weird. That was when the screaming started in earnest
. My mother reached over and grabbed my hand, clasping it tightly in hers. I held on for dear life and tried to keep my gaze straight ahead. I didn't want to see anything that would make me not sleep at night. But as it was, I had a feeling that was going to happen anyway. The temperature was hotter down here, quite a bit so. I thought I had been sweating before, but it was nothing like now. I should have brought a bikini and a gallon of water. We kept plowing steadily ahead, our eyes on the prize. By the time we reached the 15th level, my nerves were completely shot and I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to be able to go on. I don't know how my husband was able to deal with this, or if he even did. Did he have minions? People who took care of the worst of this for him? Was this what he had to agree to when he was cast out from heaven? Was part of this Hades, and part of this Lucifer? Had they merged into some weird melded underworld / hell hybrid? These were the questions I was curious about, but they were also probably answers I did not want to know. But one thing had me really bothered. There was constant screaming. Screams of ecstasy, screams of torture, screams of old people and young people, just constant screaming. Could souls go insane? Because I certainly felt like I was about to go insane and I was quite alive, thank you very much.
So many questions, so much screaming. My mother finally let go of my hand, and I clasped mine together in what felt Like a prayer position. All I kept asking myself with how much worse could this get?
Note to self. So. Much. Worse. We found the door at the very bottom level of the underworld. Now while the door itself was impressive, there was one thing about it that made my heart drop to the floor of my stomach. In front of it was a small wooden desk. Sitting at that desk with a very small, ugly little man. A man who was sitting there wearing a shit eating grin. A man who had changed the entire trajectory of the rest of my life because the only thing I wanted to do was get away from him.
“Hello, Abby,” he said, one squinty eye bright with amusement.
“Hello, Hephaestus.”
My mother was extremely amused by the entire thing. She rubbed a hand over her mouth, but not before I saw the wide grin spreading across it.
“I'm so glad you think this is hilarious,” I hissed. “But there is no fucking way he is going to let us through that door.”
“I know,” she said, her voice full of mirth. “But you have to see the irony in this entire thing. Your entire life has led you up to this moment. And the one person you never wanted to see again, is the one person who holds your fate in his hands.” She sighed with what sounded suspiciously like exultation. She was eating this up like slop in a pig pen. I, on the other hand, was trying not to flip my wig. No wonder Hades never told me anything about this place. Was it weird that he was holding my ex-husband basically prisoner to guard a door? Now, I knew he was down here. Or had been at least. This was what had started my entire trek back into Olympus. Not to rehash ancient history, but Zeus had threatened me with spending the rest of my eternity down here with my ex-husband if I didn't perform like a circus monkey for him. Desperate to avoid that, I danced to his tune until I could figure a way out.
I had considered myself free and clear of anything having to do with my ex-husband, and yet here I stood, staring face-to-face with a man that I could not stand. Although I do have to admit the feeling was mutual. He totally deserved a lot of his fate because he was a complete tool, but that still did not excuse how I treated him. I was old enough and mature enough now to admit that. But based upon the way he was smiling at me, I did not get high hopes that he was mature enough. I was going to have to resort to drastic vintage Abby measures.
Heph took great delight in informing us under no uncertain terms was he allowed to let anyone walk through that door. If someone tried, he was authorized to release all of the souls trapped behind their prisons. And those souls were hungry. Very hungry. The stubborn part of me wanted to try anyway, but I was not sure how much time it would take me to unlock the door versus how long it would take him to release the metaphorical hounds.
Why Hades hadn't told me he was sitting down here was a major concern for me. Was he so tied up with everything else that he had forgotten? That was definitely a strike for Hades, but it was also a strike for Heph. Being that forgettable should be a crime.
I had to figure out a way to take him out. He'd been down here for millenia now, slowly nursing his grudge against me and the rest of Olympus. He was super angry at me for divorcing him and why I married the guy I'd never fully understood, but let me just say I used to be way more manipulative, way more vain, and way more willing to play the long game than other Immortals. So I’d used him. I wasn’t proud of it and he certainly didn't like me when I finally called it off. After I left him, Hera forced him to move his forge from Olympus into the Underworld so she wouldn't have to put up with him. Considering how he used to be, I couldn't imagine him liking Hera much either. That, much like us, was a match made in hell.
He had never been the most pleasant person to be around, but he made some of the most absolutely incredible metal work and some of the most amazing jewelry I've ever seen. But he was valuable to the Olympians because he also forged weapons for the gods, especially Ares. When Hera discovered he could make such exquisite jewelry, she tried to get him to come back to Olympus but he refused. Not surprising considering how we’d all treated him. At least in the Underworld he didn't have to put up with anyone making fun of him or treating him cruelly. I had never been cruel to him, not in the sense where I made fun of his appearance or his disability. My cruelty was more that I didn't love him and I led him to believe that I had.
However, Hera did not want to take no for an answer so she devised a plan to trick him into returning. She sent Dionysus, the God of All Things debauchery, down to the underworld to get him hammered. And it worked. Spectacularly. And as the ambrosia worked its magic, he embarrassingly agreed to return to Olympus, but while he was drunkenly trying to ride a donkey back up to the mountain, Hermes kidnapped him, forced him to sober up, and sent him right back to the Underworld.
And that, was how I planned to get past the door. I was going to use his faults against him.
Heph was also lame, and I don't mean in the not cool way. I meant in the limping, dragging his leg kind of way, so it wasn't like we could cause a big distraction because it would take forever for him to get up and investigate. If he even bothered to get up. But being married to that poor sack for as many years that I put up with him, I did know one thing. He was a lightweight. Big time.
We were going to get him drunk. Gloriously hammered. But he wasn't going to trust any alcohol sent from me, so right now was a big setback. Before we could do anything, we had to get to know his habits. His comings and goings, when he took lunch, his preferred booze, and who his friends might be down here. Not that I saw anyone else roaming around, but you never knew with my ex.
24
Watching Heph was the equivalent of watching 17 layers of paint attempt to dry in a humid room. There were no visitors. Nothing but him, his metal work, and him grumbling about the noise level. He was the Underworld’s equivalent of the get off my lawn guy. There was no way we could send him booze and him not suspect that it was us. We had to come up with another plan. Quick.
“What are we going to do?” I moaned to Hecate as I tossed popcorn at the projector screen we were using to watch him.
She shrugged and shoved a handful of popcorn in her mouth. “I can't believe you married him. What in the world were you thinking?”
“Mom.”
“Could you take him in a fight?”
“Probably.” But was it fair to fight your crippled ex-husband you did wrong to go save your current husband? “I'd rather not.”
“Do you want to save Hades?”
Crap.
The next day I made the truck back down again struggling to contain my emotions. When I finally made it back to the door he was grinning at me.
“Here to beg?”
“Nope.” I hit him in the fa
ce with a massive blast of power and transported him to the magic dampening cells of Olympus. He would be there until Hera or some other poor unfortunate soul discovered him. In the meantime, we needed to move.
I hated that I was unable to teleport anywhere withiin the lower levels of the Underworld, so I was forced to trek back up manually. When I finally made it back upstairs, sweaty and super grumpy, I gathered everyone in the kitchen. Rafe, Hades, Artie, Hermes, and my mother, sat around the large table and waited for me to speak.
When I explained what we wanted to do, Hades spoke up. “Absolutely not.”
I stared. “ I am trying to save you.”
“ I'm right here.”
I took a deep breath. “ No, you aren't. Not really.”
“ Aphrodite,” Hades said with infinite patience, “ I didn't think you'd get this far, so I didn't bother telling you that you cannot open the door. If you try to open it the souls will escape. He doesn’t have any control over it.”
“Wait. What?”
Heph had been trying to save me from myself. By telling me if I tried to open the door he would let the souls escape, he was banking on my Goodwill to not force it open. Most of us knew that letting the souls escape from the underworld would be bad juju. In fact we had to deal with something similar several months ago but we ended up working it out before everything went to hell.
I felt a twinge of guilt for sending him underneath the palace. No good deed goes unpunished. I stared at Hades in horror. “Why in the world would you set it up that way?” But I was also confused about something. The last time we almost let the souls loose, it had nothing to do with the door. Was there a difference in the souls roaming around the underworld versus the souls behind the door leading to heaven?