All of You: Jax & Sky (All In Book 3)

by Callie Harper

  After a quick goodbye, I hopped on my bike and rode straight over to Sky’s place. I knew she might not be alone, and going there was in direct violation of what she’d most recently asked of me. But I needed to see her, at least to assure myself that she was all right. I didn’t want to hear that from her via text, or even a phone call. I had to see for myself.

  I rang and knocked, impatient for the door to open. Good or bad, I had to know what was going on. After a short while, I heard fumbling with the deadbolt and Sky appeared.

  “You shouldn’t be here.” She instantly started to back away, closing the door behind her.

  “Sky.” I stepped forward, wanting to reach out and touch but stopping myself before I did it. “Talk to me for a minute.”

  She looked down, hair hiding part of her face. She shook her head and repeated. “You shouldn’t be here.” But she kept the door ajar.

  “Two minutes, Sky. I just want to make sure you’re OK. I heard you’re not working at the home anymore.”

  She sighed, her shoulders sagging under an invisible, heavy weight. “I shouldn’t do this,” she muttered, but then she opened the door. “Two minutes,” she echoed my request. “But then you have to get out of here.”

  She shut the door behind me, but before she did she looked both ways, like we were criminals up to no good. I cringed at the implication, partially because I knew it had some truth to it. Real adult life was so much more complicated than I’d thought as a kid. I remembered how my father used to cheat on my mother, and how I’d promised myself I’d never do that kind of thing to a woman. Now here I was, sniffing around a married woman’s heels. Only I promised myself, this time I’d keep my hands to myself.

  Up in her kitchen, things didn’t look right. It was messy, the shades drawn, no sign of the usual energy and liveliness Sky seemed to embody. She closed the apartment door behind her, then stood with her arms crossed, still looking down, not meeting my eyes.

  “How are you, Sky?” I felt even more concerned than I had when I’d first arrived. “Are you all right? Why did you quit your job?”

  She exhaled, shaking her head. It was when she brought her hand to her forehead that I caught a glimpse. With her hair further back away from her face, I could see a dark bruise along her cheekbone.

  “Sky.” At her side, I took her hand, went to touch her face. She jerked away, putting space between us.

  “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” She let her hair fall back down again, hiding the worst of the bruising.

  “Did he do that to you?” My voice tight and controlled, fury churned up inside of me. I knew before she answered. Griller had done it, the fucking monster.

  “It’s not your business.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have brought you up here. You should go.”

  Before she could open the door again, I asked, “Did he hurt you?”

  She rubbed her forehead and muttered, “He was angry. We got in a fight.”

  “Motherfucker!” I kicked the side of the refrigerator. The loud clang echoed throughout the small apartment.

  “Jax, I don’t need another big, pissed-off guy storming around here.”

  I ran a hand over my head, trying to calm myself down. She was right. It wouldn’t do anyone any good for me to lose my temper. Not yet anyway. I could save that for when I could plant my fist into Griller’s skull.

  “What did you fight about?” I remembered the last time I was there, how I’d snuck out the window and down the fire escape like an escaped convict. Was there any chance he’d found out? Had I gotten her in trouble? “He doesn’t think—?”

  “He does think I’m cheating on him,” she confirmed, sounding as bitter as I’d ever heard her. “He made me quit my job because of it. But he has no idea about you.”

  “Why then?”

  “Because he found my birth control pills.” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “I may as well tell you everything.” She shook her head and continued. “Mike wanted to fix things between us by having a kid, but I wanted to leave him so I went on the pill. Then he found them because I suck at hiding things. And he got furious.”

  I wanted to take her into my arms so badly my teeth hurt from clenching my jaw. But I didn’t, even though I noticed how she shook, how she’d lost weight. She had shadows under her eyes, but still she looked so heartbreakingly beautiful.

  “He should never…” I had to pause, balling my fists as rage pumped through my veins. “He has no right to hurt you.”

  “I was stupid. I left them right out on the counter where he could find them.”

  “You’re an honest person. That’s not a bad thing.”

  “I’ve sucked at hiding things from you, too, haven’t I?” She eyed me ruefully. “You’ve probably known for months I’ve had a crush on you.”

  “I was too caught up in my own to know for sure.” I hated that we were finally having this conversation while she stood across the room from me, a dark bruise blooming on her face. The bastard deserved to die. The urge to protect her rose up so fierce, I barely had any room to register she was expressing feelings for me.

  With a nervous glance at the clock on the stove, she started toward the door again. “Anyway, you should get going, Jax. What if he walked in right now?”

  “What if you walked out right now?” The words came out before I’d fully thought them through, but the second I said them I knew I absolutely meant it. “Leave with me. Walk away. You’ve said you want to. Do it now, with me.” Urgent, I moved toward her, wanting to take her hand. But again, as if we were magnets with opposing forces, she pushed away, maintaining distance.

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not? I care about you, Sky. I know I don’t know you that well, yet. But I’d like to. I’d like to help you. See that you’re safe.” I reached out, trying to touch her hair, but she brushed my hand away.

  “I can’t think with you here talking like that.” She sounded frustrated, not swayed.

  “Then let’s leave and have the conversation somewhere else.” She looked so frail and sad there in the dark kitchen. I wanted to take her to my house. Or even better, I could take her someplace down in Mexico with a beach. I could whisk her away, the two of us sipping tropical drinks and making love—

  “It’s not that simple.” She interrupted my train of thought. “I’m married.”

  “But you want to leave him.” Why wasn’t she seeing this the way I was?

  “I need time to work this out,” she insisted, like I was making things harder and more complex instead of the other way around. “I’m going to leave him. But I can’t leave him for you.”

  “Let me help.” But I could already sense her answer. She wasn’t yielding, wasn’t feeling persuaded at all. If anything, she was growing more agitated, more anxious for me to leave.

  “It’s too complicated.”

  “Damn, Sky.” I rubbed my head, looking at the floor. It seemed like a lot for her to take on. I didn’t want to list all the obstacles, but it wasn’t just that Griller was a hell of a mean guy. He was also part of a club of blood brothers, men who wouldn’t blink an eye over killing a girl who crossed any of their paths. If Griller didn’t want her to leave him, he could sure make it hard for her to do it. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. And not just because he’ll kill us both if he finds us together.” She gave a bitter laugh. “It’s…” She struggled for words. “It’s a big deal to end a marriage. I don’t want to do it because I’m infatuated with you. I need to do it for myself. Because I’m worth it.”

  I nodded, struggling to listen and not crush her against my chest and carry her off. She was infatuated with me? Fuck.

  “You need to go, Jax.” This time, she reached the door, standing with her hand on the knob. “When it’s all over, maybe we can, I don’t know, be friends. But for now, you have to promise me you’ll leave me alone. Please.”

  She looked and sounded close to tears. I’d headed over to her apartment to make sure she w
as OK. Now, I knew she wasn’t, and I might have made things worse.

  “I’ll go,” I promised. It hurt like hell to see how relieved that seemed to make her. “But promise me, Sky. If you need help for any reason, if he so much as lays a hand on your head—”

  “Jax,” she cut me off, looking more distressed than ever.

  “Call me. Find me. You have my address. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night. I care about you, Sky. More than you know.”

  It was the tip of the iceberg, but it was all I got to say. She opened the door and saw me out. She didn’t agree that she’d come to me for help. She didn’t offer me any words of assurance. All she did was whisper, “Good-bye, Jax,” as she closed the door and left me standing there outside, alone.

  9

  Sky

  Fuck and fuck it all. I closed the door on Jax, feeling like I’d ripped out my own heart. I hated sending him away, hated not touching him and rushing into his arms. It would feel so good. I could close my eyes and he’d soothe the hurt away, or at least replace it with something much, much more pleasurable.

  But there was a loud voice inside me shouting “no.” For one, I didn’t want him to get hurt. I was sure Jax knew how to handle himself around guys like my husband. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Jax’s toughness. It was that being around Mike was like juggling with a loaded gun. You had no idea when it would go off, so you just held your breath, knowing at some point it would. Jax didn’t deserve to be dragged into the mess that I’d created.

  And I still felt like the best thing to do was end my marriage before I started anything with anyone else. As much as I felt giddy over the connection with Jax, I also felt confused and guilty all the time. I’d deleted all of his texts, feeling like I needed a fresh start.

  It wasn’t that I was striving for a moral high ground, though. I didn’t even know what that meant anymore. Back when I’d been seven or eight my mom had gone through a brief religious phase, sending me to Sunday school to learn the Ten Commandments. It had made perfect sense to me back then. The world had been black and white, with good guys and bad guys. Marriage and loyalty = good. Adultery = bad.

  In real life, I was experiencing a lot more gray area. When a marriage was bad, what did that make leaving it? How about leaving it for someone else? I’d bet money Mike was involved with someone else. He didn’t even offer excuses anymore when he stayed out all night. No work, even the kind of criminal activity he did to make money, required that many all-nighters.

  I so desperately wanted to throw myself into Jax’s arms and let him solve all my problems. He could whisk me away and together we’d never have another care in the world. But I’d done enough sticking my head in the sand. Romantic, escapist thinking was how I’d gotten myself into the mess in the first place. I’d married a man with the nickname “Griller.” What, did I think he made great hamburgers?

  I’d tried to escape from reality by running away from my hometown with Mike. Tempting as it was to run off again, hiding from Mike and pretending Jax could fix all my problems, I knew it was stupid. Life didn’t work out like it did in a rom-com movie.

  But it was tempting to think about it working out that way, in Jax’s arms as the sun set behind us. Even in my sorry state, I couldn’t help but notice how he looked sexy as hell. So dark and brooding and big, the man looked like such a badass but he wanted to take care of me. I could see how much he wanted to hold me, the way he had to stop himself from reaching out. I felt the same way.

  But I’d had enough of fantasy. I needed to ground myself firmly in reality. It was time for me to figure my shit out.

  §

  After a sleepless, lonely night, I headed off to my new job. Mike had found a position for me as a home healthcare aide working for the grandmother of one of the Skulls.

  When he’d found my birth control pills, he’d hit DEFCON five. I’d never seen him so furious. He’d trashed the apartment and hurt me worse than he ever had before. Shaking and crying, I’d shut down to the point where I honestly couldn’t remember all of what had happened. After he’d finally stormed out, I’d sat up on the kitchen floor, possessions strewn around me and realized I was fighting for my life around that maniac.

  Then he’d tightened the noose, telling me the next day I needed to quit my job. He’d found me a better one and that I needed to start ASAP. I’d protested. I loved working at Cavallo Canyon. I’d grown attached to the people I worked with, enjoyed the daily bustle and activity.

  But he’d pulled a trump card. He’d accused me of cheating on him. According to him, that had to be why I was on the pill. He figured I’d met someone at work and warned me that he wouldn’t stop until he found out who it was.

  The thought of Mike storming around on a witch hunt, grilling people like he was so famous for doing until he found out exactly whom I’d met at work? That couldn’t happen. So, reluctantly, hating to do it, I’d quit. It seemed like my only option. Because the truth wasn’t exactly what Mike thought it was, but there was some truth to his suspicions. I had met Jax at work. I did live for those afternoons when I got to see him, those stolen moments giving me the joy I lived on for all the days in-between. I had to quit, so Jax wouldn’t get dragged into my mess.

  So now I spent my days with 82-year-old Myra, cleaning, cooking, keeping her company and, occasionally, getting her outside for fresh air. She needed round-the-clock care, but she refused to move into a care facility. She also didn’t like ever leaving her house. She was a hoarder, her entire place filled to the rafters with papers and miscellaneous junk. I did what I could, essentially clearing pathways through it all, occasionally getting a bag together that her son would secretly take away to throw out. Most days, she glued herself to the television, paying me no attention at all.

  It was depressing as hell. I desperately missed my job at Cavallo Canyon. But there was one good thing about my new job: it gave me some time to get my escape plan in gear. When I’d first seen Myra’s kitchen, I’d nearly retched over the filth. I’d set in immediately, spending hours on even small sections, taking everything out, wiping it all down, scouring surfaces. She fought me some, but she loved my cooking. As long as I didn’t touch the rest of the house and I made her meals, she let me clean the kitchen top to bottom.

  Somewhere in the midst of all the scrubbing, an idea took hold. I could bake there. Once the kitchen gleamed, spic and span, I could have my way with it, bring in all my baking supplies and turn out pies all day long.

  Without that, honestly, I might have died of despair. I hated how isolated I felt, my nights alone, my days with a cranky recluse who didn’t seem to like me much. I hated that Mike had such control over my life. But I made it through each day, reminding myself that it was temporary. Each day I suffered would make my freedom all that much more secure.

  Pies kept me going. I started baking all day long. By the end of the first month working there, I was selling pies at four different stores, the diner plus two bakeries and a gourmet grocery store. Mike only knew about the first one. All of the rest of the profit I made, I put directly into my getaway fund.

  §

  Cavallo wasn’t exactly a metropolis. But it wasn’t a podunk small town either. So it surprised the hell out of me when in the span of one week I randomly saw both Jax and Mike. They weren’t together. That would have been even stranger, so strange I might have keeled over with a heart attack. But there was a striking similarity to what I saw both of them doing, even if my reaction to each was the complete opposite.

  First, while I was driving through downtown I saw Jax. Myra didn’t live on a bus route, so Mike let me use the car to-and-from my job. Dark already at six o’clock, I couldn’t believe how many shops already had holiday lights in their windows. On the radio, they were already starting to play Christmas carols even though it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet. I hated it when all the holiday celebrations got started too early. There should be a law against it, barring everything until December first so it would
feel more special. I also had to admit, that season I wasn’t exactly feeling all that festive.

  After thinking about Jax incessantly for months, it almost seemed surreal to look out the car window and see him walking along the sidewalk. Every big guy with cropped hair or a shaved head reminded me of him. I’d almost tired myself out the way my heart leapt every time I thought I saw Jax. But this time, it was really him.

  He looked so good, larger than life, wearing the black leather jacket I recognized and faded jeans. He had the broadest, strongest shoulders and I could remember how they felt when he’d wrapped his arms around me. How hard and warm his body was, how good his fingers had made me feel.

  But he wasn’t alone. He had a gorgeous blond woman on his arm, her body pressed all close up against his. She was smiling and laughing, her hair cascading down in effortless waves the way mine never did. My stomach dropped so fast it about fell out of the car onto the pavement. My heart tumbled right after it as I saw what a beautiful couple they made, how perfect they looked together.

  Gripping the wheel, I forced my attention back on the road. No accidents. I could just imagine getting into a fender-bender right in front of Jax and his Barbie girlfriend. I’d step out of the car wearing old leggings and a sweatshirt, my hair smucked up into a thoughtless ponytail. Barbie would probably be super nice, asking if I was all right, if she could do anything to help me, while I desperately wished the crash had been fatal.

  So that was what Jax was up to. Day after day I toiled away, isolated and increasingly depressed, my world turning a dull shade of gray. I missed Jax so bad it was like I’d lost a limb. I ached for him, remembering his gaze, his voice, his touch. Thoughts of him kept me warm at night when I felt so cold. The memory of how I’d come alive when I was with him was like a tree branch I clung to while the icy water around me rushed and rose, threatening to suck me down into its dark depths.