Ben yawned. “Yes, Sir.”
He ruffled his husband’s hair. “You’re so fricking adorable.”
Ben opened his eyes and smiled up at him, lifting his head for a kiss. “So are you, Sir.”
Chapter Twelve
Finally, around three o’clock in the morning, the last partygoers had left and they’d finished the worst of the cleanup. Tomorrow would be the day they’d work together going through the house and cleaning from top to bottom.
For now, Cali sat in a chair on the lanai and stared at the pool, her green headband on the table in front of her. With the deafening quiet around her following the raucous energy of the party, it almost felt like a form of subdrop.
Still, she couldn’t get the sound of Kel’s sobbing out of her mind from his visit Thursday night.
The strong man’s tears.
The bad kind of pain, the kind that would never heal.
The hollow, empty grief in his eyes.
I can’t go through that. I won’t go through that, and I won’t put my guys through that.
Maybe it made her selfish. Maybe it would make her self-absorbed, but would it be fair to bring a child into the world just for…what, reasons?
When she looked at the overall “list” in her heart, the pros and cons, she knew she didn’t want to have a baby. Not really.
Baxter walked over after checking things out and twined himself around her legs.
“Hey, buddy.” She reached down and picked him up, cuddling him close.
She heard the sliders open and close and the sound of footsteps as Max and Sean joined her.
“You all right?” Max asked.
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
Sean pulled out a chair and sat on her right. “About what?” His green headband bobbed, until he took it off and laid it on the table with hers.
Max took the chair on her left.
Cuddling Baxter close, she took a deep breath. “About kids.”
“This is déjà vu,” Sean said.
“Shh!” Max scolded. “Go ahead, sweetie.”
“I really don’t think I want to have kids. I know I said I’d think about it, but…I have. With everything that’s happened, on top of a long list of reasons, I really think the best choice for me is not to have any. I’m sorry.”
The men didn’t respond at first. Sean, for once, let Max take the lead.
“This isn’t arguing, but how did you come to that decision?”
“I’ve been leaning this way for a while, even though I didn’t realize it. Like we talked about before, I thought maybe when Essie had Eddie that it would kind of…you know…inspire me to make a decision.”
“And it didn’t?” Sean asked.
Cali didn’t want to admit it, but knew the men wanted honesty from her, no matter how hard and painful.
“No. I mean, he’s great. For them. I come home and walk into the office and don’t have to hide the latest kinky creation I’m photographing to list on the website. Or I can get up in the morning and walk out to make the coffee and Sean can bend me over the counter and we don’t have to worry about getting caught. We can start out watching a movie and it devolves into pegging your ass. Or any number of kinky permutations. Having parties like this. It made me realize that I like what we have and I don’t want to change it.”
The men nodded, but didn’t reply.
“I just don’t…feel it. Motherhood, I mean. I had thought I did want a baby, but the more I’ve thought about it, I realized I wasn’t sure if I wanted a baby because I wanted a baby, or because I thought I was supposed to want a baby. Does that make sense?”
Sean leaned in and kissed her, his blue gaze meeting hers. “Perfectly. And I love you. We love you. We told you, we’re more concerned about us. The three of us.”
Max leaned over and kissed her next. “Ditto. Everything he said, and yes, I love you, too.”
“You’re really not upset?”
Sean made a soft sound she couldn’t interpret. “Babe, we’ve always told you—and we mean it—that the decision is yours. Totally.”
“Do you want us to go ahead and schedule vasectomies?” Max quietly asked.
Something about his tone pulled her focus onto him again. His brown gaze had dropped to his hands, which rested on the table.
“Are you all right?”
He slowly nodded. “This is partly about Kel and Mal, isn’t it?”
There was no good reason to deny it now that it’d been brought up. “Yeah. That was kind of the final factor for me. Again, maybe it makes me a shitty person, and if so, I’ll own it. I don’t want to risk going through that. There’s enough grief in the world. Why court more of it?”
He faced her again. “It gutted me, too. I mean, hearing the news from him about what happened. I’m sorry, but I don’t ever want the three of us to have to go through that. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a horrible person either, but at least we can be horrible together, if it does.”
She shoved Baxter at Sean and threw her arms around Max. “Thank you. I love you.”
A relieved sigh escaped him and he kissed the side of her neck. “Okay. Good.”
Sean snorted. “Well, add me to the horrible person list, then.”
They turned to look at Sean. He wore that handsome smirk Cali adored as he stroked Baxter’s head. “I mean, when we lose this little guy—hopefully not for years and years in the future—I don’t know how I’m going to deal with that. But to lose a baby?”
He stared at Baxter. “I’m a coward, I’ll admit it. And maybe I’m selfish, too. Fine. Cali’s right. I like being able to walk around and be a big damn kid whenever the hell I feel like it. All three of us.”
She reached out and held both their hands, Sean depositing Baxter onto the table. “Okay, then,” she said. “Maybe it is best if you guys get vasectomies. I don’t want to force you to do it, but—”
“You don’t have to force us,” Max said. “I want to. It means we can permanently table the discussion and not worry about it. I was hoping you’d say you didn’t want a baby, because I was worried if you said you did how you’d take the news that I…didn’t.”
“When did you decide that?” Cali asked.
“Probably about the same time you decided you didn’t. And for pretty much the same reasons. Talking to Kel was kind of the last piece.”
They stared at Sean.
“Yeah, me, too. We’re a strange lot, aren’t we?” He slung an arm around Cali’s shoulders. “Of course I’ll get snipped for you, babe.” He pressed a kiss to her temple before resting his head against hers. “It’s the easiest solution.”
Sean’s smile faded, shifting back into a more somber tone. “I really feel badly for them,” he said. “I wish there was something…more we could do. I mean, nothing can fix this. Not a damn thing. Nothing can fix it or make it right. It’s horrible and it’s sad and it’s not fair. They’re great people. Why did this have to happen to them?”
Cali knew it was clichéd, but it felt like a literal weight had lifted from her shoulders. “Thanks, guys. I really appreciate this. And would you mind if we just cuddled tonight? I kind of want to chill.”
The men stood, holding their hands out to her, both of them smiling. “Cuddling sounds great, sweetheart,” Max said.
“Ditto,” Sean echoed.
* * * *
Early the next morning, Cali awoke before her two men, but from the way Sean was pressed along her back and had both an arm and leg draped around her, there was no way she could move without waking him up. Then there was Max, who lay in front of her, his head tucked against her shoulder, snuggled tightly against her.
Wedging her firmly between them.
Fuck it.
She didn’t have to pee, so she closed her eyes and lay there, listening to the two of them breathing. In the grey light of early morning trying to sneak around their window blinds, she realized this was perfection.
There was absolutely no logical re
ason for her to feel sad for their sake.
Sean’s arm tightened around her waist, and now she felt his stiff cock pressing against the seam of her ass. “I know you’re awake, babe,” he mumbled. His hand dropped, between her legs, playing with her clit.
Before long, he was sliding his cock inside her wet pussy and Max had finally started waking up.
“Are we morning fucking?” he mumbled. “Because if not, take it somewhere else so I can go back to sleep.”
“We’re morning fucking,” Sean said, still playing with her clit.
“Oh, good.” Max leaned in and kissed her, working lower to suck on her nipples, lower still, his mouth replacing Sean’s hand on her clit.
Until Max lifted his head. “Don’t come yet, Sean.”
“Aww.”
“Hold it. Let’s get her worked up and fill her up right this morning.”
“Ah. Gotcha.”
She whimpered, now realizing even though she had a death grip on Max’s head that he wouldn’t get her over yet. He’d make her beg for it.
And earn it.
His tongue traced circles around her clit, stroking along it, flicking it, basically working her right up to the edge without letting her fall over. Finally, he sat up and looked into her eyes.
“Tell us what you want, baby.”
She forced her eyes open, staring into his sweet brown gaze. “Please fuck me. Both of you.”
“Excellent.” He got up and immediately returned with lube, a couple of condoms, and a towel.
“Insurance,” he joked, holding it up before he ripped the pouch open and rolled it on.
Sean pulled out and sat up, rolling her onto her stomach so he could lube her ass.
She pulled her knees under her, giving him a better target and eager to feel them filling her. They hadn’t done this in a little while, and she always loved the feeling of both of them inside her, like they were one.
It didn’t take Sean long to get her ass lubed and loosened so he could fuck her without hurting her. Max slid under her so she could impale her pussy on his stiff cock while Sean started working his cock inside her.
Ooooh…yeah.
Once Sean’s cock was buried inside her ass, he reached around and started playing with her nipples while Max played with her clit.
“Be a good girl for us, baby,” Max said. “Show us how good it feels.”
They let her set the pace, the pinching burn quickly turning into wonderful fullness as their cocks filled her pussy and ass. Max’s fingers knew what to do, and it didn’t take her long to feel the first orgasm making the climb inside her nervous system.
The men felt it, too.
“That’s it,” Sean said. “Ride our cocks, baby.”
Max built her up, watching her, timing it so that when she exploded, her body clamping down on them, they started moving, taking over and fucking her in a well-synchronized way. It didn’t take them long to come, Sean first, then Max, all of them collapsing on top of each other in a heap.
The end of the bed bounced. “Meow.”
“Goddammit, Baxter, not now,” Max said. “Can’t you see we’re cuddling?”
The cat walked over and head-butted Max. “Meow.”
Cali couldn’t help it. The giggles escaped her, and then became contagious as Sean started laughing, too.
“You know,” Max said as he reached out to stroke Baxter’s head, “I sometimes miss the days he wouldn’t come near me.”
* * * *
It was a little after three in the afternoon when the three of them drove over to Kel and Mal’s house. After Max had checked in first with Chelbie, Kel had called him back and invited them over, but with a caveat.
“Don’t feel bad if Mal doesn’t come out.”
“No, it’s okay. We understand, and we won’t stay long.”
They also wanted to bring them some of the many leftovers from the party the night before, way more than they’d be able to eat anyway. Chelbie was the one who answered the door for them, even her trademark red hair looking duller that day, her guys Rich and Nick walking into the hallway from the living room to greet them with hugs and take the food from them.
Kel emerged from the master bedroom a moment later, forcing a smile Cali wished he wouldn’t.
“Hey, guys.” He hugged them. “She’s asleep right now. She took a sedative after lunch and I don’t want to wake her up.”
“That’s fine,” Cali gently assured him. “We just wanted to bring you guys food and these.” She handed him the stack of cards, her heart breaking as his eyes widened before tears started rolling down his cheeks.
She suspected Chelbie had already grabbed tissues when they first arrived, because there she was with them, pressing some into his hands.
“Thanks,” he hoarsely said.
Cali had counted the cards last night. They had thirty-five of them.
He leaned in for another hug as Chelbie took the cards from him and passed them to Rich to hold. Max and Sean moved in to hug him, too.
“Thank you guys,” Kel said, his voice choked. “Please tell everyone thanks for us. It might be a little bit before we’re out and about again. I don’t want to rush her.”
“We know,” Max said. “Everyone understands.”
“June said her older sister has…been through this, too,” Cali said. “She said before they left to call her if you want to talk to her, and she’ll give you her number. You aren’t alone.”
“I know.” He nodded, finally letting go and stepping back. “It’s just not how we thought things were going to go.”
Cali knew she was close to breaking down and really didn’t want to cry in front of Kel. Not after everything he’d been through. “Please give her a hug for us. We love you guys. We all do.”
“Yeah,” Sean quietly said. “We love you guys a lot. We’re here for you.”
“Whatever you need,” Max said.
Kel nodded. She suspected he wasn’t sleeping, probably worried more about Mal than taking care of himself, but hopefully Chelbie was on top of that. “Thanks. We love you guys, too.”
It was actually Chelbie who walked them out, all the way to their car, where she hugged them again. “Thanks, guys.”
“I hope this was okay,” Max said. “I hope he didn’t feel obligated to invite us over.”
“No, it was fine,” she assured them. “I think this is good. I hope this will help Mal see there are a lot of people who love her. She’s trying to shut everyone out, including Kel. While we knew to expect it, we’re not sure how to stop her from doing it.”
“Is she going to be okay?”
Chelbie crossed her arms in front of her, running her hands up and down her arms. “I don’t know. Eventually, probably. Kel’s mom said it took her several months to get on an even keel again and past the most crushing part of her grief to allow her to even attempt to function. It’s not something that goes away, and everyone deals with it differently. She’ll live with this for life. And Mal feels guilty even though the doctors told her she didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Do they know what happened yet?” Sean asked.
Chelbie shook her head. “It just…happened. There’s a couple of genetic tests Kel okayed to have run, but they take weeks to come back. Right now, there’s not really an answer. In some ways that’s worse for Mal, because we can’t point to something and say, ‘See? You did nothing wrong.’”
Cali nodded. “Yeah.”
After another round of hugs, the three of them climbed in and silently headed home. Inside, Baxter greeted them, loudly scolding them for daring to leave him home alone.
She scooped him up and held him, Max and Sean surrounding her to hold her as she cried.
“We made the right decision,” she said. “I wondered if I’d doubt myself, but now…it’s even stronger.”
“Me, too,” Max quietly said.
“Ditto,” Sean added.
They stood there holding each other while Baxter happily purred
in Cali’s arms.
THE END
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