by Daws, Amy
Yet somehow, she’s inserted herself into a part of my soul that not many people have. The fact that I’m hanging out with her after we’ve had sex is already very telling. But it’s not just the sex that draws me back to Maggie. It’s her open optimism. I think it’s starting to rub off on me. Maybe her romantic ideals aren’t as naïve as I once thought. Maybe my future could look different if I wanted it to.
The next few hours are full of less deep talking and more deep fishing. A school of fish shows up, and it’s a flurry of catch and release for the entire afternoon. It’s a good thing this excursion is a secret because this is the kind of fishing day that your friends wouldn’t believe anyway.
When we’re tired out for the day, we tear down and hop back into my truck to make our way back to Marv’s. I pause before backing out of my parking spot because something has been on the tip of my tongue all afternoon, and this might be the only time I have the guts to actually say it.
“Thanks for coming with me today,” I say stupidly because that is so not what I was going to say.
“Anytime!” she beams, her dark hair framing her beautiful face like a picture. “I feel like ice fishing might actually be the only adventurous thing I don’t suck at.”
I chuckle and run my hand through my beard nervously. “Listen, though…um…I’ve never talked to Miles about my dad stuff. I mean, he knows my dad ditched our family for another family, but he doesn’t know all the mental stuff. So if we could keep that between us, that would be great.”
Maggie’s eyes warm with affection as she reaches out to touch my hand resting on the bench between us. “Sam, you can trust me.”
I exhale the weight on my shoulders. “I think I was just feeling sentimental today. My uncle’s been my rock…with him leaving, it all just kind of drudged up old memories.”
“I get it,” she says, lacing her fingers with mine and offering me a soft smile of reassurance. “I’m honored you shared all that with me.”
I lick my lips because I’m still not saying what I want to say, and I feel like a fucking pansy because of it. Instead, I stare down at our clasped hands. Holding hands with a girl seems so simple and basic. Like something anyone can do. But the view of her delicate fingers tangled with mine feels important and maybe even a little extraordinary. My eyes move up to look into Maggie’s, and something grows inside my chest as she stares back at me with so much openness and vulnerability. It’s overpowering.
I swallow hard. “Maggie, my dad is the only other person I’ve ever gone ice fishing with.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, her brows knitting together.
My heart thunders in my chest when I reply “I mean…I’ve never gone ice fishing with anyone else since he left seventeen years ago. Not even Miles.”
Silence falls over us as she takes in my words. I’m not even sure what they mean exactly or why I was so desperate to tell her, but I just felt like I needed her to know. Ice fishing is so simple, but it means a lot to me. And having her fish with me means something to me as well.
“Why me?” she asks, her voice quiet and her eyes glossy as they connect with mine. Letting out a half-assed laugh, she adds, “Because I was so needy that day?”
I stare back at her, my body tense as I reply. “Actually, I think at that moment, I was the one who needed you.”
Maggie’s brows pinch together, and I suddenly feel too far away from her. I slide over from behind the wheel to sit in the middle spot closer to her. “I feel like I saw something in you that day at Marv’s that I lost in myself after my dad left.” I reach out and brush the backs of my fingers down her cheek. “A spark.”
She smiles a small, almost invisible smile, but that crease in her cheeks shows up, and it makes her whole face light up. “That’s why you call me sparky.”
I nod slowly. “For years, I started fights, seeking out thrills and taking up dangerous hobbies. I was an adventurist, but I never truly took any chances.” I take a deep breath. “I took a chance on you because that spark you have is something I want back.”
Maggie inhales sharply, her smile completely vanishing as she reaches out and cups my cheek. “I promise you, Sam, your spark is alive and well.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe her words because I know I’m different. I know I’m closed off. I can feel it when I’m with my family and watching Miles with Kate. There’s an innocence they all have that I don’t give purchase to in my heart.
Maggie shifts beside me, and in one swift move, she unbuckles her seat belt and crawls up onto my lap with one leg propped on either side of me. She runs her hands along the side of my face, and I turn into her touch, brushing my lips against her palm to feel the warmth of her embrace. To feel her skin against my lips. The touch sends shivers all the way down my spine, and I swear my heart expands inside my chest.
“Your spark is right here,” she states firmly before leaning in and kissing me.
Her kiss is gentle at first—tender and reassuring—but it’s not enough. I want to consume her right now. I want to taste her spark and steal some of it for myself so I can always have a piece of her with me long after our crazy ride ends.
I spread her lips with my tongue and thrust into her sweet, gentle mouth while sliding my hands up her back and clutching her firmly to me. A frenzy stirs inside me because I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can’t get her close enough. Our mouths meld together in perfect harmony, but it’s still not enough. I want her clothes off now. I want this snowsuit burned, and her body laid out bare for me to devour.
She pulls away for a breath, her hands falling from my face to the zipper on her chest, clearly having the same needs as mine at this moment. She unzips her snowsuit to reveal that same hot pink bra she had on the first time we fished together. I smile and thank fuck I didn’t know she was wearing nothing under this suit before now, or I would have thought of nothing else all afternoon.
It’s all too perfect. She’s too perfect.
I take a brief second to glance out all the windows and ensure we’re still the only vehicle around. When the coast is clear, I bury my face in her breasts, rubbing my stubbled jaw against her soft skin, the desire to mark her strong as I reach back and unclasp her bra. Her giggles bounce off the walls of my truck as I free the offensive fabric and toss it away with a grunt.
Grabbing her hips, I turn us so she’s laid out on the bench below me with her legs wrapped tightly around my waist. Dropping a soft kiss to her lips, I murmur, “You know this means I’m going to show you my big rod, right?”
She bursts out laughing, and that spark inside me returns with a vengeance. And it’s all because of this girl who I think I could be falling for hook, line, and sinker.
Tall Fish Tales Told Here
After hooking up with Sam in his truck, my mind is consumed with how it’s possible that sex with him has been exceptional every damn time. I thought our weekend away was a fluke, and it only felt good because it was like vacation sex. Vacation sex is always the best sex because you’re on vacation. But then you get back to the real world, and the sex becomes completely ordinary again.
But with Sam, it didn’t.
What happened in his truck yesterday was Titanic-epic sex. We were Jack and Rose, steaming up the windows and putting finger smears all over the fogged-up glass for over an hour. I never knew I was capable of multiple orgasms, let alone multiple orgasms inside the cab of a truck.
The sex was so amazing that I’ve been pouting about it ever since because all I can think about is the fact that these orgasms have an end date. And then, I’ll likely be having sex with Sterling for the rest of my life. Sterling will be the last dick I ever have!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s not bad at sex. I orgasm half the time. He just seems to lack any creativity. His go-to technique is to jackhammer any chance he gets. Sam is very different. He reads my body and speeds up and slows down at the most delicious times. And his occasional dirty talk doesn’t hurt either.
My jaw drops, and I quickly look down at my fitted burgundy sweater dress and black plaid tights. “What? Does it look like I’m trying too hard?”
“It looks like you’re dressing for a guy,” Kate says, waggling her eyebrows and flopping down on the bed.
“Well, I didn’t exactly pack a month’s worth of clothes. I never really planned to stay in Boulder this long.” I glance around my brother’s spare bedroom that I’ve basically made my own home. “Are you guys getting sick of me here?”
Kate shakes her head adamantly. “No way! You’re an easy house guest, and you cook…I’d sister wife you if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re related to my man friend, and incest is illegal and stuff.”
I cringe at that response, but I’m not at all surprised anymore by the crazy stuff that comes out of Kate’s mouth. She is always saying something inappropriate that makes my brother smile like I’ve never seen him smile. Her perverseness is weirdly heartwarming.
“Yeah, no sister wife for me, thanks. I have man problems to worry about. I don’t need to add girl problems to the mix.”
Kate sits up on her knees, her curly red hair cascading around her shoulders. “So come on. I haven’t had any alone time with you all week. How was last weekend? Tell me everything!” She mimes the act of eating popcorn out of a bowl in anticipation for what she thinks is going to be some epic storytelling.
She’s going to be disappointed. “I’m telling you nothing,” I reply and reach out to dump out her bowl of fake popcorn.
“Why not?” she groans and tosses fake kernels at my face. “It was my quick thinking that got you a weekend alone with Sam Bam Thank You Ma’am anyway.”
I roll my eyes and bite my lip at that very apt description of him.
“Oh my god, Meg, you’re blushing!” Kate exclaims with wide eyes. “Look at you! Completely blotchy! It must have been amazing!”
I roll my eyes and flop down on the bed beside her. “It was very enlightening.”
Kate nods eagerly. “So you did the deed.”
I grimace because I know I’m totally folding under her intense scrutiny. “We fooled around, yes.”
“And it was awesome.” She squeals with delight and chucks a pillow at me. “I knew Sam was packing some serious wood in there. He walks around way too confidently for a ginger.”
I frown at that remark. “Can I ask you something, Kate?”
“Um, duh, ask me anything!” She sits cross-legged and tucks her hair behind her ears, ready for my questions.
Fiddling with the hem of my dress, I ask, “Okay, so in your past…were some guys just way better at sex than others?”
“A resounding yes,” she replies instantly.
I look at her through narrowed eyes. “Okay…was there like…a way to fix that?”
“Wait, is Sam bad at sex or Sterling?” Kate asks, her brows furrowed in confusion.
My eyes cast downward as I mumble, “Sterling.”
“Yikes,” Kate replies, the corners of her lips angling downward with a grimace. “Your future hubby? That’s not good.”
“But it’s not a deal breaker surely,” I argue with pleading eyes. “Sex isn’t that important. Or surely, he will get better with time. I mean, Sam is older and more experienced than Sterling. That’s a big part of it, right?”
Kate chews her lip thoughtfully as though she’s trying to find the right words and not just say the first thing that pops into her mind. “I don’t know any other way to say this, Meg, so I’m just going to say it. Sex isn’t about mechanics or instructions. It isn’t about getting better with practice and experience. It’s about the connection.”
I nod eagerly. “Yes, connection! Sterling and I are so deeply connected.”
Kate shakes her head. “I’m not talking about Sterling, babe. I saw you together on Christmas Eve. You guys had been together for several months, right? But it felt like I was looking at two strangers, not two people who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Honestly, I think that’s why Miles liked Sterling so much. The guy has zero sexual chemistry. He’s like an amoeba or something. Aren’t those the single cell animals that just have sex with themselves?”
“Kate,” I groan, my fingers combing through my hair in frustration. “My ex-boyfriend is not an asexual amoeba.”
Kate shrugs dismissively. “But if the sex isn’t great, I’d be worried about your connection.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I argue, feeling my blood pressure rise. “I barely know Sam, and we had like mind-blowing, incredible sex.”
“Connection isn’t about knowing what someone’s favorite color is, or how they take their coffee, or even what your future will look like together.” Kate balls her hands up into fists and touches her chest. “It’s about seeing their soul. Noticing their nonverbal body cues, their noises, having an instinct about who they are and what they need.”
A knot forms in my throat at the idea that sex with Sterling might never compare to sex with Sam. And the fact that I hooked up with Sam at all means that for the rest of my life, I will always compare Sterling to Sam. Now I’m in an even more difficult position than I was to begin with!
“Why did you push me into Sam’s arms, Kate?” I ask, feeling tears prick the backs of my eyes as panic presses in all around me.
“Whoa, Megan…I didn’t push you. I just…thought you might need to give someone else a chance while you were single.”
“But I don’t want anyone else. I want Sterling!” Right? My mind spins over the fact that he’s who I’m destined to be with. It was love at first sight. You don’t walk away from the rareness of love at first sight! my inner psyche exclaims as my anxiety builds into a full-on freak-out.
Kate’s eyes go wide, and she looks a little scared of me. I’d be scared of me too. I’m flailing around in Boulder like a fish out of water with no direction in my life. Just mindlessly flopping around, hoping someone picks me up and releases me back into the water. But if they don’t hold my tail and release me before I’m ready, I’m freaking dead!
The walls are closing in all around me, and because I don’t want to have a complete meltdown in front of my brother’s girlfriend, I plaster on a fake smile, and say, “Okay…well, thanks for the talk, Kate. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to finish getting ready now!”
Kate freezes, staring at me with guilt-stricken eyes. “Megan, can I give you some advice?”
“No, thank you…I’m all set right now!” I exclaim, trying to ignore the high-pitched hysteria in my voice. I need to get myself back together!
I hop off the bed and make my way over to the door. “I think I’m going to give Sterling a call before we leave, so I’d better hurry and finish getting ready.”
Kate rises from the bed and slinks over to me, her eyes piercing through me the entire time. When she reaches me, she leans on the door frame and crosses her arms over her chest. “Meg, c’mon. Just tell me the truth.”
“I’m good,” I reply and shake my head. “I swear, I’m all good. Thanks for the chat, though.”
Finally, she shakes her head slowly and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with this mess I’ve created my darn self.
My phone call with Sterling goes a direction I never expected it to. He actually propositions me for phone sex—something we’ve never done before. Like…ever. I mean, we’re not even officially back together, so in some ways, I’m slightly offended. But then I wonder why I’m not excited by this prospect. It’s a shift in our texting dynamic. Is he finally seeing me differently now? Less basic?
However, if I am so much less basic, why did the notion of sexting with Sterling horrify me so much? When I did some light sexting with Sam…it was easy and completely natural. It was fun!
What just happen
ed with Sterling was awkward as fuck. So awkward that my response was to blurt out that I was at Taco Bell getting a chalupa and I’d call him later. I hung up like a flipping psychopath just as Miles yelled that it was time for us to go.
Now I’m sandwiched in a truck between my brother and Kate and feeling like a kid forced to go out with her parents when all I want to do is order a chalupa and eat my feelings.
The biggest thing I’m trying to figure out is why Sterling’s suggestion didn’t excite me as much as it did with Sam. Two weeks ago, I would have killed to have him suggest phone sex with me because surely that’s a sign he wants to get back together. Now, it just feels…odd.
I’m no longer able to inwardly freak out about my Sterling call because Miles pulls up in front of our first stop for the night. It’s a place called Rayback Collective—an architectural warehouse with food trucks on the outside and a giant community bar that has a stage and lounge areas with loads of tables and couches on the inside.
I follow Miles and Kate inside, where we find Sam sitting at a high-top table in the corner. He’s talking to the waitress and butterflies take flight in my belly because he doesn’t look like the Sam I’m used to. He’s like…sexy Sam—which I didn’t even know was a thing.
He’s wearing a pair of dark denim jeans with a small tear on the thigh and a pale blue button-down that reveals just a sliver of that sculpted chest I know intimately. With his gelled hair swept off to the side and freshly trimmed beard, he looks so different. He’s not the rugged, manly sort of hot that he always is. Tonight, he’s…mouth-wateringly hot. I swear I even hear JT singing, “I’m bringing sexy back” inside my damn head!
And for some reason, I’m annoyed with how friendly that waitress is. Sam suddenly turns his head, and his eyes find mine as we make our way through the crowd. It isn’t until Miles claps him on the back in a bro hug that he finally looks away and acknowledges his best friend.