by J. S. Scott
Truly, what Sophie wanted was somebody who loved her, a man that wanted her. Sadly, she realized that she did want that somebody to be Kristoff.
Sophie finally confessed, “I’m falling in love with him. My heart aches. It’s not just my soul and my body that wants him anymore.”
Athena’s face softened and she reached out and pulled Sophie into her arms and hugged her, rocking her like a mother would a child. “I’m sorry. I forget how little you know of the Sentinels or any other world except being a captive of the Evils. Of course you don’t understand.”
The friendly comforting from Athena made Sophie break, and she sobbed out her fear, pain, and every negative emotion she had, feelings that had been bottled up inside her for longer than she could remember. Things she’d thought she’d hidden rose up and left her helpless to a flow of painful wails as Athena held onto her tightly and let her exhaust herself.
“Everything will work out,” Athena crooned patiently. “I doubt you’ll ever forget the torture you had to endure, but it will fade. I promise it will.”
She clutched Athena like she was her lifeline, trying to absorb the goddess’s gentle confidence. She’d never felt the peace of being comforted by a female friend or relative. Her and Zach had been orphans trying to survive as children, and after that, all she’d ever known was scorn, torture and pain. As her sobs subsided, she confessed, “The worst part was watching the women come and go, knowing they were all going to die and I would probably eventually wake up alone. That was always the way it happened. Over and over again. I felt guilty because I was the only one who survived when I would have been glad if I’d never woken up again. Some of the women were there long enough to be my friends.”
It was as if a lifetime of anguish was suddenly breaking loose from her soul, finally free to escape.
Athena let out an angry exclamation as she rubbed Sophie’s back. “It wasn’t your fault. None of it was ever your fault. The gods are assholes sometimes. What you went through wasn’t a test. It was an atrocity.”
Sophie finally untangled herself from Athena and swiped at her tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually let go like that. I never wanted the Evils to know their torture worked. I refused to let them see how much it really ate me alive when those women were killed.”
The goddess grasped Sophie by the shoulders gently. “You’re among friends now, Sophie. It will take time for you to adjust to that.”
Sophie composed herself and looked at Athena. “You asked me what I wanted? I guess I just want Kristoff to love me for me, and not because I’m his radiant.”
“Even though the gods can be cruel, you’d never be mated with someone who could never love you, and vice versa. The attraction might start because you’re Kristoff’s radiant, so the primitive needs come first. But eventually they all get tangled up with love and tender emotions. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world,” Athena confided with a smile.
“I think I already care about him too much,” Sophie confessed, feeling nothing but exhausted relief from pouring her soul out to Athena.
“He deserves it, even though he feels he doesn’t. His life wasn’t easy before he became a Sentinel. He didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. Not in the human world, and he paid a very high price for entering the world of the gods,” Athena told her solemnly.
“What?” Sophie asked curiously.
Athena shrugged. “It isn’t my story to tell. But I somehow don’t think you’d judge him too harshly.”
“How could I? He’s been nothing but good to me,” Sophie answered, confused.
“He has his own insecurities and sadness,” Athena said in a warning voice. “But he needs to let go of the past and embrace his future.”
“How can I help him?” Sophie asked breathlessly, knowing she’d do anything to help her mate. She craved him just as much as he wanted her. If she had to take the first giant leap of faith in him, she’d do it.
I’m done holding back my emotions because I’m insecure!
Athena smiled as she rose to her feet. “Love him,” she answered quietly. “Make him believe he deserves to be happy. Share thoughts and feelings with him. Follow your instincts. Follow your heart instead of your head.”
Sophie nodded, the ever-increasingly strength of ache for the Sentinel king who thought he deserved nothing except to serve squeezing her heart. She didn’t know why he felt the way he did, and she wasn’t going to try to probe the thoughts from his head. Kristoff needed to trust her enough to share his secrets.
“Take care of him. He’s hurting right now,” Athena advised.
A moment later, the goddess disappeared like she’d never been there on the beach.
All Sophie could hear was the crashing of the waves methodically hitting the sand.
She stood up and brushed the sand off herself with determination.
Enough of polite conversation. She ached desperately to know Kristoff intimately, and in so many ways. Now that she was acquainted with the new world she’d live in, she was ready to take on the challenge of somehow getting closer to her intended mate, whether he wanted it or not.
Sophie intended to break down the walls Kristoff had erected, expose the pain he’d hidden away for so long, and erase it with showing him just how much she cared.
As she walked back to the palace, her body was already responding with the anticipation of seeing her handsome, brooding Sentinel again. Her nipples hardened to diamond-like peaks, and her core clenched viciously as she thought about how much she wanted him to teach her what it was like to be sexually satisfied. She had no doubt Kristoff was the only one who could.
She was ready to stop denying that she wanted him. Her carnal desire for Kristoff had just grown stronger and stronger.
If he’s feeling the same thing multiplied by a thousand, he has to be half out of his mind by now.
Sophie’s heart rate accelerated as she got closer to the grand home in front of her. She was determined to help her Sentinel in any way possible, but he’d probably try to block her.
Then I’ll just hammer away at his barriers. He needs me right now.
Strangely, the fact that Kristoff’s happiness was basically in her hands didn’t bother her nearly as much as it did before.
She’d make him happy, and she wouldn’t stop until his desperation and sadness was a thing of the past.
Neither of them needed to suffer anymore, and she was more than ready to move on and share less painful, more ecstasy-filled days and nights with her mate.
Sophie’s courage almost disappeared when she found Kristoff sitting in the massive library of the palace reading through ancient tombs. He was grumbling to himself, obviously in an impatient, mercurial mood.
It doesn’t matter how bold I have to be. He’s in pain. I can feel it. And I’m the woman who can stop it.
Straightening her spine, she walked into the massive chamber filled from the floor to a massively high ceiling with magical books. “What are you looking for?” she asked curiously as she approached the large oak desk where he was seated.
Kristoff barely looked up. “Answers. I have to find some fucking information.” He slammed the tomb in front of him closed so loudly that the sound reverberated through the spacious room. “What good are so many books when I can’t find what I’m looking for?” he asked angrily, obviously frustrated.
“What do you want?” she asked as she slowly fingered the spines of some of the books near the desk. “I think books must be wonderful. I never learned to read.”
“You want to read?” Kristoff asked, staring at her now.
“Of course. I’d love to know what adventures are in these books.” Sophie turned around to look at him.
Kristoff scowled. “Zach couldn’t read either. Neither one of you ever went to school.”
Sophie shrugged. “There was no way for us to go. And just surviving was
nearly impossible. How did Zach learn? Did you teach him?”
She watched Kristoff struggle to keep his eyes from turning amber. It was an action she’d become accustomed to, and that she could spot almost immediately. His brows drew closer together, the effort showing in his expression. His exertion was almost a palpable tension in the room.
Kristoff rose, his height intimidating to a woman of her smaller stature. He moved toward her, stopping right in front of her. Dropping his large hand on her head, Sophie could feel the warmth of his touch permeating her mind, but she didn’t move. She knew that Kristoff would never hurt her, and she trusted him completely.
He backed off immediately, the moment he lifted his palm from her hair, then went and sat back down at the desk. “Pick a book. It’s easier to just give you the skill than to take the time to learn it. It’s something you should have had a long time ago.”
It took her a moment to understand his meaning, but the moment she understood what he’d done, she yanked a book from the shelf, and opened it. Her mouth dropped open in astonishment as she realized she could understand every word written on the first page. “I can read,” she whispered huskily. “Oh, my God. Kristoff! I can read.”
“Of course you can. I just gave you the skill,” Kristoff answered gruffly.
She started reading aloud from the classic fiction book she was holding, her heart pounding as she breezed through the first paragraph. Finally, she closed the book carefully, put it back in its place on the shelf and turned back to Kristoff.
Her teacher was smirking as she blinked at him in surprise. “You can do that? You can just give me knowledge?”
“You just read that passage, didn’t you? I still have the powers of a demigod. I gave Zach his ability to read, too. As I remember, he spent weeks in my library once he was actually able to enjoy books.” His smile became softer as he talked about Zach as a young man. “Of course, that was before television.”
“I’m sure he still likes to read. There’s something much more intimate about reading,” Sophie considered. “I think because even though lots of people have read the book, I would think it would be more personal.”
Kristoff nodded. “It is. It’s much more solitary, and it gives you time to interpret the story in your own way from your own experiences in life. Much of this collection is ancient, but it’s automatically updated through the years with a lot of the classics.”
She shook her head, amazed that books had been added for eons without anyone ever being here.
“Athena loves books,” Kristoff added. “She created a library equal to this one at the mansion where she was imprisoned.”
Sophie shuddered, already knowing that the beautiful blonde goddess had been completely alone except for Kristoff for thousands of years. Two centuries had seemed like eternity to Sophie. She could only imagine how lonely Athena had been.
“If you have the power, why didn’t you just bring me up to date this way?” Why had he bothered to take her everywhere, show her things as they were now?
He shrugged. “Some things have to be experienced. Knowing has to be done in person. It makes us who we are. Skills can be given without messing with your spirit and understanding of the things around you.”
Moving forward, she impulsively laid her palm on his lightly whiskered jaw and looked down at him solemnly. “Thank you,” she said gratefully. “You’ve given me a priceless gift. I was planning on learning. But what you’ve done will open up a whole new world of information for me immediately.”
A low rumble came from his throat, and his eyes immediately flashed to amber as he reached up and gripped the hand she was using to cup his jaw. “It was nothing,” he snapped in an animalistic growl.
Sophie knew his control was slowly eroding, his battle to stay stable causing him an enormous amount of agony.
“I know so little, Kristoff. Everything you’ve given me, done for me, and shown me is something I’ll never forget. It wasn’t nothing to me.” She hesitated as his grip on her hand grew tighter, not because she was afraid, but because she needed to know how far she could push him. “You were searching for a way to reverse the mating link?” she asked grimly. “You’re hurting badly. I can sense it.”
“Christ! I try to lock my damn pain away from you, keep it far from your mind. It’s not working?” he asked huskily as he stood up and pinned her with a needy gaze that was no longer hiding what he was experiencing.
I have to convince him. I have to make him understand that there’s no reason for him to put himself through this anymore. His protective instincts included guarding her from his emotions, and it was no longer necessary.
She nodded slowly. “It works, but I can still sense how you feel.” She didn’t mention the fact that her own needs were getting unbearable. Like him, she’d tried to shield them by not voicing or reacting to the throbbing anguish she was experiencing, a pain that just got greater every day.
“I have to find a way to finish this!” he said gruffly. “You don’t really need me anymore, and you deserve to have the life you never experienced. The only thing I fucking deserve is to be the Sentinel king because I’ve earned that right through service to the Sentinels. But I can’t be a decent mate to you. I wasn’t a good man when I was a demigod, Sophie. I was nothing but evil, and serving for Athena was a privilege.”
Sophie knew he was trying to protect her, but why did she need protection from him? Her heart melted as she looked up at his tortured expression.
He really believes he deserves nothing good. He really believes that his long-ago past defines him still. He’d sacrifice all just to keep from hurting me. Like he’d ever hurt me? Does he really believe he would?
Sophie didn’t buy it for a second. No matter how fierce and dangerous he appeared when he was in the throes of his mating agony, he was still…Kristoff.
Heat flooded between her thighs as she watched the muscle in his jaw twitch. Kristoff was physical perfection, but more than that, everything about him fascinated her. He was a mystery she hadn’t quite solved, but her attraction and affection for him was incredibly real.
Her soul cried out at the thought of not being near him anymore.
And her heart began to weep.
“You’re still determined to separate us then?” she asked huskily.
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m not sure how I’ll manage it since there appears to be no way out for us. I could put distance between us, but I know I’d be hunting you down the moment you were gone. I would follow you anywhere you go. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.”
“Why?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.
Sophie didn’t want the mating bond between them dissolved anymore. The barrage of emotions she was feeling for this stubborn, fierce but tender Sentinel king were all too complicated. Emotions from her heart, soul and body were all confused, but she knew exactly what she wanted.
Kristoff.
In some ways, it didn’t matter why she felt the way she did, that she sometimes had a hard time separating her own emotions from their bond. She knew that her body wouldn’t respond to him this strongly if she hadn’t come to love and respect this complicated god/Sentinel who was looking at her like he wanted to devour her.
Me? Scarred ugly duckling? He wants me?
She was still amazed that Kristoff saw her way differently than most people probably would. To human men, she’d be forever a scarred mess. To Kristoff, she was his greatest desire.
Now, he was her greatest desire, too, and there was nothing she could do to keep her body from reacting, her nipples hardening almost to the point of being painful.
The tension grew in the room as her question about why he wanted to separate them went unanswered.
His nostrils flared and his body was tense as he backed her up against the wall of books and simply…stared.
“Why?” she repeated b
reathlessly as her heart raced erratically. “Why are you trying so hard to avoid something that’s so natural for a Sentinel?”
His body crowded her, his hands slamming down on the bookshelves on both sides of her head, effectively trapping her. Not that she was able to move. At the moment, he had her mesmerized with his mercurial, agony-filled gaze.
“Do you have any idea how badly I want to fuck you, Sophie?” he asked roughly.
She shook her head, fascinated by the graveled need she could hear in his voice.
“I want to bury myself inside you. I want to see you wearing my mark. Mine. I want to know that you belong to me. I think I’d kill any other man that even touched you right now, and no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I can give you up. This feeling, this inherent desire to own you is relentless, selfish. But I’m losing all ability to give a damn about that. You don’t deserve to be with me. I’ve done things I can never forgive myself for doing, much less expect you to forgive me. I’m. Not. Good. For. You.” The last sentence left Kristoff’s lips as though he was straining to say the words.
“What you’ve done in the past doesn’t matter,” Sophie answered empathically. All that mattered was right now. Kristoff was a good man, the best she’d ever known other than Zach. Granted, she hadn’t really known that many that weren’t Evils, but she’d encountered a lot of mean men as a child.
“It matters!” Kristoff’s voice was powerful and anguished as he replied.
“Then forget about the mating…for now. Can’t you just fuck me?” The words left her mouth before she could stop them, her body craving Kristoff so desperately that she couldn’t keep from speaking what she felt. “If you’re going to somehow ignore our bond, I want to feel what it’s like to have you inside me first. I want to know…pleasure.”
The Evils had defiled her, clawed her and hurt her, but they weren’t actually able to rape her since they didn’t have the necessary equipment to do so.
Once! Just one time she wanted to know the pleasure a woman could experience with a man she desired. And the only man she’d ever wanted was this intense, complicated, god-like handsome man who was holding her against him like he couldn’t bear to let her go.