by Lia Riley
“There’s a fine line between a hug and squeezing so tight that I can’t breathe from the force. I appreciate support and encouragement, but don’t want to be disempowered in the process. It feels like you don’t believe in me, like you always know better.” Tuesday studied her face, her eyes burning. “Let me make mistakes. Trust that Dad has a plan. We aren’t stupid.”
“I don’t think either of you are stupid. But…”
“You know who you don’t trust? Yourself.” Her chin lifted slightly. “You worry about us so you don’t have to worry about yourself, afraid what it means to look at what you want deep down because that means you’ll have to own it. And once you admit what you want, it’s scary as hell because it means you have to make the real choice. To go after it or not.”
Pepper reeled like she’d been struck, and flexed numbing fingers. Her mouth dried. It took two swallows before she could speak. “Tuesday—”
“Go.” Her sister’s tone was calm, but hard. A stranger’s voice. “Leave this place, that guy standing there. But remember you aren’t doing it for me. Or for Dad. You’re doing it because you’re afraid that you aren’t enough, that the moment you stay, that you admit that you’re the one who is human with needs, just like the rest of us, he’ll go. And you know what? Maybe he will. Because this is life, not a Disney movie. But you know what? Maybe he won’t. Maybe you and he will live on Love Street forever. Take walks down to the Kissing Bridge. Live out the most disgustingly happily-ever-after that’s ever been. Here’s the thing. You don’t know which way it’s going to go. But don’t use me as an excuse, because I am sick of it.”
Tuesday turned her back and walked down the hall. The slam from the spare room door rattled the framed quote—I LOVE THE SMELL OF AMBITION IN THE MORNING—hanging on the wall.
* * *
“I’m sorry you saw that,” Pepper said after a long moment. “No one fights worse than sisters. It’s gloves off.”
“Hey, I’ve got one too,” he said slowly. “They can strike right to where it hurts most.” Even still, everything those two just shared rocked him to his core.
“I wasn’t being hyperbolic. I need to book a flight and go. Tonight. Tuesday is wrong to underplay the situation. My dad has no one else, and he can’t be left alone, hurting. Anyway, we knew this was coming, right? It’s a fling, not a forever. And in some ways the timing works out great. I get to move on. You get to move on, Mr. Scallywag, you.” She knocked his biceps with a playful punch.
“Stop.” He caught her hand, traced a thumb over her clenched knuckles. “Drop the act and be real a second. This is it, Pepper. Tuesday was right. You do need other people. For a long time I tried living the opposite way. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. There was a reason Tom Hanks started talking to that damn volleyball in Cast Away. We’re human, but we’re animals, too, social ones. We thrive in relationships. In being together. In needing and relying on one another.”
That stupid smile stayed stamped on her mouth, even as a single tear escaped down her cheek. She yanked her hand away and swiped it away. “We can’t give each other what we want. I can’t stay. Let’s agree this was an almost-to-be, not a meant-to-be. ”
“You are right, and wrong. So fucking wrong.” He smoothed a stray hair back from her hot temple. “I get that you have to go. You want to check in on family, and nothing is more important. But come back.”
She gave a disbelieving laugh, pulling her hand free and swiping her eyes. “That makes the least sense of anything. You’re a vet. I still get nervous around dogs. You’re small town, and I’m big city. My happy ending will never happen if I sell myself short. Not only did you not admit our relationship, you will never leave Georgia.” Her voice sharpened, each word striking some inner stone lodged in her heart, honing the edge. “This is your home,” she spoke faster, slashing indiscriminately now. “Your practice is here. You are part of this place. You live on Love Street, and your last name is Valentine. You’re a pirate in the sack and sail a boat. This place is in your blood, and you help make this town the way it is.”
“You’re here too. Way I hear it, you’re the Scrabble queen of Everland Dog Park and have the folks there eating out of your hand. You took a guy who thought he didn’t need a woman messing up his world to being grateful she did, because he loved being with her more than having a simple life. Let’s face it. Simple sucks.”
Her hands shook as her lips stitched together. He couldn’t tear his gaze from the slight vibration. “Rhett—”
“Stay.” The raw word tore from him. “Stay here and get complicated. Let me be what you need.” Heat flared in his gut. “You’re sarcastic, but I like it. You dress blacker than a raincloud half the time, but always manage to brighten my damn day. You make me crazy, because when I’m with you the impossible feels sane. You need to wake up every day knowing you’re amazing. And fall asleep each night knowing that you’re adored. Give me half a chance and I can make you happy, because one more thing. I think I’m in love with you, Pepper Knight. And you need to know that, too.”
He’d done it. His heart wasn’t on his sleeve. It was cut out and offered, throbbing and raw. No cute little geometric preschool shape, but the real thing, in all its pain and all its potential.
She slowly blinked her nut brown eyes, a thousand amber colors trapped there and yet revealing nothing of her mind. Her mouth opened. She was going to say yes. His heart pounded, his vision dimming on the edges as his world narrowed down here to this moment, this woman who’d blown up the walls he’d kept around his heart. Let him believe that it was worth risking everything one last time, because when it’s right, it’s so fucking right.
She licked her lips. The word was right there. She bit her top lip, heaved a sigh, as soft and final as a falling leaf through autumn air. “No.”
Pain laced the heavy silence. The walls around his heart were smoking rubble. His heart defenseless from the assault. “Pepper—”
“No. No way. Can’t you see? I—I can’t.” She broke away and swept her hand in the space between them. “I’m not a mess for you to fix. I graduated from NYU Law, for God’s sake. I need to get it together and land a real job. Be professional. Stop playing pretend.”
“And that’s what you want? To be a lawyer?” He knew the answer, but needed to hear her say it.
“Why doesn’t anyone understand? It’s not about what I want!” she screamed. “My sister doesn’t get it. My dad doesn’t get it. And you…you don’t get it. You stand there saying all the right things, but what happens after the happy ending? Books, movies, they all stop right at the best part, and there’s a reason for that. Because after that moment it all grows ugly. I’m doing both of us a favor and getting out before we get to that point. Everland was a dead end. A cul-de-sac. It’s time for me to make a U-turn and get back on track.”
He sniffed, his mouth tugging into a bitter smile. He’d given her his fucking heart for safekeeping, and she chewed and spit it out. The space between them had felt so close a moment ago; now it was a gulf. A void. They stood as if on two icebergs slowly drifting away on an implacable tide. “And me? I’m a dead end, too?”
Masochist. He had to hear her say it. Otherwise he’d dive in, try to rescue them in one final reckless attempt.
“Don’t do this.” She grabbed her hair in two fistfuls. “Don’t make it worse than it has to be.”
He should be more careful what he wished for. Her non-answer was reply enough. The pleading was plain in her eyes. For him to stop. To relent. To pretend this wasn’t wrenching. “It’s already worse, Pepper,” he snarled, a chill lapping up his back, icing over his insides. “So go on, then go. Have yourself a great fucking life. Enjoy getting everything you never wanted.”
And because he needed to watch another woman he loved walk away like he needed his nuts staple-gunned to the wall, he left first.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Pepper took the window seat flight in front of the wing. The only good part to a l
ast-minute red-eye hacker-fare flight was the near empty plane. With any luck, no one would claim the space to her right. Once they were in the air, she’d curl up into a tight ball and give herself over to the numbness. Her core was so cold she might never get warm again. Sleep? Yeah, right. But if her cheeks happened to mysteriously dampen over Virginia no one would be the wiser.
A rheumy-eyed woman in a purple and yellow tracksuit shuffled past. Then a guy with impressive mutton chops. A few bored-looking businesspeople. A visibly exhausted mom ducked into the empty seat in front of her, a baby whimpering from the sling. Then no one. The flight attendants locked and armed the doors.
She sighed and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and took a deep breath. “And away we go.”
The takeoff was smooth and uneventful. Pepper zoned out the window, the lights below fading from town, to country, and the blackness of the sea beyond. Everland was down there somewhere. Right now Tuesday would be sleeping while J.K. Growling and Kitty snored from their crates. The only thing her sister said before Pepper left was a curt agreement to puppy sit. Rhett would be home, in the bed where they’d gone from a fling, to a sexy friendship, to something that pushed up on the edge of forever.
Was he asleep? Or out in the backyard, sanding his kayak in an insomniac haze, regretting everything that transpired? Did he see her passing overhead, not a star, just a blink, soon gone? The flight time to New York was two hours, and each minute passed like a lifetime. At the descent, she squeezed the armrests. There was the Hudson. The familiar city lights. The vast forest of steel and windows. The Freedom Tower rose high and proud and behind it the first hint of dawn lit the horizon, a red line of fire cutting through the darkness.
Below stirred millions of people, and not a single one was Rhett.
Enjoy getting what you never wanted.
Her forehead knocked against the window, the glass cold against her hot skin. No matter what happened with Dad, if she ended up living in Maine or back here in the city, she’d never belong, because it would never be home. Because Rhett wasn’t there.
Tuesday had been right. The sob Pepper had been holding back for hours choked her. She didn’t trust herself to be happy, because vulnerability scared her. All air sucked from her lungs. Her chest ached. The world seemed unreal, as if she were looking at it through the surface of the waves, trapped underwater.
What if she gave voice to the hunger buried deep down inside, and was rejected? What if she went all in with Rhett but she wasn’t enough and someday he left just like Mom?
How could she withstand that level of pain?
All she’d ever wanted was a home, a place to feel safe and loved. The rest was mere details. But what if home wasn’t a place?
Home was together. She braced her hands on the airplane seat, fingernails sinking into the cheap gray vinyl. Inside her shoes, her toes flexed and relaxed, flexed and relaxed as if kicking through the murk and up toward an invisible surface. The wave of realization broke over her, tumbling her senses. Her head spun and her mouth tasted of salt.
Home was love.
She gasped. Home was Rhett.
The truth smacked her in the face like a rogue wave. She’d been the one to leave and it was the worst mistake of her life.
* * *
Rhett took another pull from his beer. Shit. Empty already. He set it back in the pack and searched for another one. All six were drained to the dregs. When the hell did that happen? The wind hit the mast, knocking about the rigging, a lonely sound of metal chinking off metal.
Pepper was gone.
He’d asked her to stay, put himself out there, and what did he get?
A no.
“Rhett? Hey, man.”
Shit. Beau. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Not even his best friend.
“How’d you know to find me here?” he grunted, rubbing his eyes in a stupor.
“You’re drunk.” Beau jumped into the boat.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
Beau crossed his arms and leveled a long hard stare. “Girl trouble?”
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and swayed. “No.”
“Liar.” Beau crouched next to him. “I’ve known you since you had that crush on Britney Spears in the schoolgirl uniform. Never told anyone about the poster you hung up in your closet.”
“Jesus. I’d forgotten about that. Those pigtails were so damn wrong, and yet so right.” He folded his hands behind his head. “But I’m not in trouble. Trouble is what happens when you forget to put gas in the car. Or you forget a Sharpie in your pocket and before doing wash. This isn’t trouble, my friend.”
“A shit storm then. I heard about you and the dog walker from Elizabeth.”
That secured his attention. “What’s Birdie got to say about this?”
“You know her—lots. Guess the two of them were becoming fast friends.”
“Of course. Because God hates me.”
“Hang on.” Beau made a show of glancing around. “Have you seen where I put it?”
“What?”
“My tiny violin.”
“Shut up.”
“No, no. I want to compose a concerto in your honor. Too bad I spent more time in middle school orchestra trying to peek up the first chair flutist’s skirt.”
“Stop.”
“She had pigtails, too.”
“Come the fuck on.”
“You’re in luck because I’m in a tell-it-like-it-is mood.” Beau was warming up. “You live in a small town where people give a fuck about you and your happiness. The Back Fence is a bunch of older ladies who have known you since Sunday school and hate seeing you alone and miserable. They want you happy, with a wife and a minivan and two-point-five kids. Same as your sister. Except with less rugrats.”
“My sister’s uterus is a clown car.”
“She’s gotten what she wants. And meanwhile you act like people caring about you is a burden.”
“I’m trying to stay—”
“True? Stay true to what? I loved your mama like she was my own. But if she could, she’d come back from the grave and kick my ass for not kicking yours. What she wanted was for you to live. Not to suffer or sacrifice.”
“And what am I doing?”
“Making excuses.”
Rhett responded with a fist.
Beau took the punch. “I knew it was coming, still, damn, didn’t make it hurt any less. Feel better?”
“Not really.”
Beau slugged him, cracking his lower jaw. “Now?”
Rhett saw stars. “Fuck. What’s that for?”
“Trying to see if there’s any sense left in there.” He passed over a stainless steel bottle. “Don’t get excited, it’s only water. Drink up.”
“I asked Pepper to stay.” Rhett slumped over, elbows on his knees, head ringing from the punch. “Stay in Everland.”
“The answer wasn’t yes?”
“See her here?” Rhett drank deep. “She’s on her way to Maine. Her dad is in the hospital, and she wants to look after him.”
“You can’t fault her for doing the right thing.”
“I’m not. But she’s not going to come back, either. Her sister’s packing up. They’re taking the medallion hunt’s ten grand and leaving town. She told me it was over.”
“It wasn’t meant to be then.”
“That’s bullshit.” Rhett sat back, staring at the sky. Under the moon, a tiny red light blinked, a northbound plane. Beyond the light was a darkness that threatened to take what was left of his heart. “I told her to stay. I told her that I loved her. But I didn’t offer anything to meet her halfway. It was my way or nothing, and now I’ve lost her forever.”
“Can I say something?”
“Can I stop you?”
“I’m never getting another shot with Jacqueline. I lost her before I could put our relationship to right, if that was even possible. Your girl is in Maine. See the difference?”
“Shit,
man—I—”
“No.” Beau held up a hand. “I don’t want your pity. I want you to pull your head out of your ass. If you don’t chase that girl, then you’re going to be chasing your own tail for the rest of your life. So what’s it going to be? You want to seize the moment or go in circles?”
“I can’t drive. I had six beers.”
“That’s your excuse?”
Rhett shook his head. “This is me, asking my best friend to forgive the fact that I’m an idiot and help me out. Drive me to the airport?”
“Let’s go.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Pepper had never spent much time in a hospital, but if she was blindfolded she’d be able to pick out eau de medical facility in an instant. It was a scent that put her on edge, made this moment real.
A bad thing had happened. She’d worried about Dad for so long, and the day arrived that she’d been dreading. She hit floor three in the elevator. The doors shut and there was just enough time to squeak out a few frustrated sobs. Dammit. She wasn’t ready for this to have happened yet. And how stupid and selfish was that?
Because there was no convenient time for disaster, and accidents never occur when you’d expect. So much for being prepared so that when the inevitable day came, she could swoop in with her superhero outfit and save the day. What a joke. She wasn’t Superman. Or Batman. Heck, she wasn’t even Robin.
She was a broke daughter with a fancy degree who walked dogs for minimum wage. But she’d figure something out. She’d have to move in with him, of course, but hey, the sugar bush farm was a pretty property. He was her father. She wasn’t going to abandon him.
But what about Rhett? Delfi’s tea leaves were right on the money. She was pulled in so many directions that any second she might be ripped apart like the paper doll she’d once destroyed during a sister squabble with Tuesday.
The elevator stopped and she’d composed herself before the doors opened.
“I’m looking for Josiah Knight,” she said to the nurse at the station.