Junko chainsaws her way through the crowd. Once she breaks through, she spots the lawn gnome across the field.
“That way!” she cries.
Scavy and Rainbow Cat follow close behind, as she runs through the field. Scavy limp-hops as fast as he can, trying not to rip open his wound.
Once they’re all out in the open, they see the vehicles flying at them. Four more smart cars race through the field, picking up clouds of dust. Rainbow Cat leaps out of the way, as a small black smart-car races by, narrowly missing her.
“The gnome isn’t going to help save us from those,” Scavy yells.
“Let’s get to it anyway,” Junko responds.
As they continue on, Junko looks back at Mr. T. He’s under a pile of zombies, over a dozen thick, with the zombie SUV charging right for him.
The zombies hold Mr. T down, biting at his metal body, yanking on his limbs. Even with his cyborg strength, he can’t lift himself up. The sound of the zombie SUV fills his ears, as it comes closer, only a few car lengths away.
“Think you can keep down the T-2000?” Mr. T asks the zombies growling in his face. “Think again!”
Long metal spikes spring out of Mr. T’s arms and torso. Then the rows of spikes spin in opposite directions, like a meat-grinder. All zombie flesh touching his body becomes pulverized. Zombie muscles are grated apart, hands split down the middle, skin strips away like shredded paper, bones break, meat liquefies.
Mr. T leaps to his feet and roars, mangled corpses flying over his shoulder. As the zombie SUV slams into him, the T-2000 turns and punches the front of the vehicle.
The T-2000 stays in one spot, but the SUV crumples inward. As if it had hit a pillar of steel, the vehicle folds itself around Mr. T’s fist, metal twisting, the back wheels flying up into the air. When Mr. T removes his fist, the SUV whirs and gurgles. His fist had gone all the way through the engine, rendering it useless.
Junko grabs the lawn gnome, then brings it to Scavy and Rainbow Cat. They turn to Mr. T and see the other four smart-cars roaring toward him all at once.
Mr. T leaps over the first one, fifteen times higher than an average human can jump, then lands on the next car’s hood, crushing it into the dirt.
“How much does he weigh?” Rainbow asks.
By the look of the front of the vehicle, flattened all the way to the earth, Mr. T’s robot body must weigh at least a ton.
As the next vehicle comes at him, he grabs it by the bumper and tosses it upward. The vehicle flips twice in the air and lands on its side behind him.
“Think you got what it takes to take on the T-2000?” he yells at the remaining vehicles.
He swats at another car with the back of his hand as it passes. The vehicle spins around in circles, rolling over the zombie horde, throwing bodies into the air.
“I didn’t think so,” he says.
As the last smart-car comes at him, he jumps out of the way, then grabs it by the back bumper. He holds it into place, the wheels spinning in the dirt.
“Come on,” he yells at the other three.
Junko, Scavy, and Rainbow Cat run across the field toward him. They go to the doors of the smart car. As they approach, its wheels move faster, as if it’s trying to get away from the device within the lawn gnome.
Junko breaks a window with the side of her chainsaw and unlocks the door. They jump inside. Her mouth drops open as she notices there is no dashboard in the vehicle, no steering wheel, no controls. There are just two long seats along the sides of the interior. This one wasn’t meant to be driven by anyone but the car itself.
“What do we do?” Rainbow asks. “How are we supposed to drive this thing without a steering wheel?”
“Just get in,” Junko says.
After they enter, Mr. T works his way along the side until he gets to the door. Then he hops in. The smart-car speeds away, driving in the opposite direction. They hold onto their seats as it drives up onto a street and flies down the road, weaving between rotten husks of old automobiles.
“It’s out of control!” Rainbow cries. “We’re going to crash!”
Scavy looks at the direction they’re going in, then looks at the lawn gnome.
“It’s trying to get away from this,” he says, pointing at the gnome.
“Well, we just can’t get rid of it,” Rainbow says.
Scavy grabs the gnome from Junko’s hands.
“No,” he says, “but we can use it to direct this thing and shit.”
He aims the gnome at an angle, and the vehicle turns, heading in the correct direction. Then he hands it back to Junko.
“Just hold it in the opposite direction you want to go,” Scavy says.
Junko moves the gnome to the left side of the car and the vehicle turns right, then she brings it to the other side of vehicle and it turns left. When she holds it in the middle, it goes straight.
“See?” Scavy says. “If the thing is trying to get away from the gnome we can control where we want it to go.”
Junko gets the hang of how it works.
“Good job,” she says, smiling at him. “I’ll take it from here.”
Scavy smiles back through his blackened teeth, then pulls out the map to act as navigator.
“Ahhh,” Mr. T says, leaning back in the comfortable luxurious seats. “It’s about time the T-2000 got a little rest.”
He sits back to enjoy the ride.
Rainbow Cat is too on edge to enjoy the ride. She stares anxiously through the window. At the speed they are moving, they are all likely to be killed if they crash. She tries out the seatbelts, but the buckles fall apart in her hand.
Outside of the window, Rainbow sees something flying in the air. It is a man in a small flying machine, peddling it like a bicycle, gliding through the air.
Oro looks down on the smart-car from his glider-cycle, peddling casually, in no real rush.
“You will not get there faster than I,” Oro says to the vehicle. “I am a genius. You don’t stand a chance against an intellect as grand as mine.”
Gogo and Popcorn arrive at the field littered with broken smart-cars and mangled zombies. They had been watching from the overpass, but didn’t get there in time to join their friends. They go to one of the vehicles that still runs, lying on its side.
“Help me push this over,” Popcorn asks her friend.
“Brains!” Gogo says.
“We’re going to try to help them, not eat their brains,” Popcorn says, as they push the vehicles onto its wheels.
When they get into the car, they aren’t sure how to drive the thing. Gogo leans toward the dashboard of the car.
“Brains,” she says to the zombie car.
The car starts its engines and begins to drive.
“Did you just talk to the car?” Popcorn asks.
“Yeah,” Gogo says. “If we lead it toward brains it will go wherever we want.”
Gogo pukes up green slime on the floor of the vehicle.
“That’s sick, Gogo!”
“I really fucking need some brains,” Gogo says, wiping the gunk from her face with her arm.
“We’ll be there shortly,” Junko says, while directing the zombie car with the lawn gnome. “Be ready for those merc punks. They are going to be a lot tougher to deal with then the zombies.”
Scavy nods and loads his sniper rifle.
“So who gets to go on the helicopter?” Scavy says. “If we all do make it there in one piece.”
Junko pauses. It’s a conversation she was hoping to avoid.
“We draw straws,” says Mr. T. “It’s the only way.”
Junko thinks about it for a minute, then sighs.
“I’ll agree to it only if everyone else agrees,” Junko says. “But everyone has to agree to the outcome no matter what happens. The three losers will have to give their life to protect the person who gets the longest straw.”
“Well, the T-2000 agrees to those terms,” says Mr. T. “It’s the only way that’s fair.”
Scavy puts his rifle in his lap.
“Fuck, why not,” Scavy says. “I’m in. If I don’t pull the long straw I’ll still support the winner. You got my word.” He looks down at his hands, then looks up with a smile on the side of his mouth. “The three of you deserve to get out of here more than I do, anyway.”
There is a long pause before Rainbow Cat speaks up. All of them look at her, wondering what she’s thinking.
“Okay,” she says. “I agree, too.”
“You sure?” Junko says.
“Yes.”
“You promise you won’t disregard who pulls the long straw the second you see the helicopter?”
“I Promise!”
Junko takes a deep breath. “Okay. Well, let’s do it.” Then she turns to Rainbow. “Let me see your knife.”
Rainbow pulls the dagger out of her bag and gives it to her. Junko grabs one of Rainbow’s dreadlocks and cuts it off.
“Ow!” Rainbow cries, holding her head.
Junko tosses Scavy the dagger and the dreadlock.
“Cut that into four pieces,” she says. “Each one bigger than the last. We are going to create a hierarchy. If the person with the longest piece of hair gets killed or infected, the person with the next longest piece of hair takes their place. If something happens to that person then the next one in line gets to go. And so on.”
Everyone understands. Scavy begins cutting up the dreadlock.
“That way, there’s still hope for all of us,” she says. “We can still work as a team.”
Rainbow draws the shortest dreadlock.
“What the fuck?” Rainbow cries. “I can’t be the last in line! I need to get back to the island. I need to!”
“Fair is fair,” says Mr. T.
“But you don’t understand,” Rainbow says. “This isn’t about me. It’s about my husband’s work. He’s the greatest novelist of our time. If I’m not the one who makes it back to the island his masterpiece will never be published!”
“You agreed to the rules,” Junko says. “There’s no backing out now.”
“But—”
“No buts,” Mr. T says. “It was a fair draw. Mr. T is third in line, and you don’t hear him whining about it, do ya?”
Rainbow keeps quiet as Mr. T raises his voice. Her face becomes flushed. Junko pulls the second longest piece of hair and thinks nothing of it.
When Scavy is left with the longest piece of hair, his face lights up.
“What?” he says. “I got the longest! No shit!”
“We’ve got your back,” Mr. T says.
“But I don’t deserve this,” Scavy says. “I think Junko should take it. I’m just a fucking scumbag loser.”
“You’re not a loser to me,” says Mr. T. “I saw you take out that nazi fool all by yourself. In my opinion, you’re a first class hero.”
Mr. T smiles bright white teeth at Scavy.
“I’ll trade you,” Rainbow says. “You said you don’t deserve to go, so give me the long straw. You can have the short one.”
Scavy doesn’t want to give her his straw.
“Fine,” she says. “Junko can take the long straw and I’ll take the second longest. How about that?”
Scavy thinks about it. Though he likes the idea of giving Junko the long straw, he would rather not give Rainbow the second longest.
“No trades,” Mr. T says. “We all agreed before we drew. This is the lineup. No matter what, we got to stick with that, or else none of us will get home.”
“I agree,” Junko says.
Scavy puts the lock of hair in his pocket and nods his head. After an intimidating stare from Mr. T, Rainbow nods her head as well.
Vine stands on a rooftop overlooking the hospital. He sees Nemesis, standing on the roof of the hospital as still as a statue. She is naked, her cold white skin glimmering in the sunlight as the sun peeks out from a sheet of gray clouds, her long black hair flowing in the breeze.
His hands shake as he stares at her. Vine doesn’t know exactly what he’s going to do. He’s lost without Xiu and Zippo. He knows Xiu would want him to finish the mission. He has to kill the woman with the paper-white skin, reclaim the artwork, and wait for the helicopter to arrive. But he’s not sure he can fight without Xiu telling him what to do.
There was only one time in his life that Vine was in a similar situation. In his early twenties, Vine had become separated from Xiu and Zippo in a city along the Mexican coast. He was all alone and had to make it back to the ship by himself.
At first, he couldn’t even walk on his own. He was just a dead severed limb. Then zombies started to come for him.
“Cerebros!” they said.
He still couldn’t move. If he had Xiu he could have cut them all down with his wire in less than a second, but operating his wires was difficult for him. It was always as if she was the one operating his wires for him. But then something happened. When the zombies got too close, his survival instincts clicked in and without thinking about it he cut down every last zombie on the street.
He looked at his hands. He was able to move them. He tried his feet. He was able to move them, too. That’s when he realized it was possible for him to move on his own, without the commands of his Head.
But as he crept through the city, he still had problems using his own thoughts. That is, until he channeled Xiu’s voice. He found that if he pretended his thoughts were really Xiu’s thoughts, he could move on his own. Perhaps he wasn’t as efficient of a soldier without his Head, but he was still capable of defending himself.
Zombies ran at him from left and right. His wires darted out of his wrist, cut off their heads, then came back. He shot a wire at a zombie pig, hooked onto its snout, spun around, and tossed the pig face-first into a wall.
Although he did not feel at all whole, he was still a competent zombie-killing machine. He cut his way through the streets, down to the beach, and was picked up by the closest ship. When he met with Xiu again, she rested her forehead against his chest. His thoughts emptied from his head, her thoughts filled it up. From that moment on, he had no need to think on his own. Until now.
Vine focuses his thoughts, attempts to bring back the method he used years ago. He tries to imagine his thoughts are really Xiu’s commands. If he focuses hard enough, envisioning Xiu by his side just out of view, he will be able to complete his mission.
Just as Vine launches his wire at the next building and swings toward the ground, he sees a black vehicle barreling across the weed-coated parking lot, heading straight for the hospital.
“There it is,” Junko says, as they drive across the parking lot to the hospital. “We need to get onto the roof.”
As they race toward the hospital, the vehicle shows no signs of slowing down.
“So how do we stop this thing?” Scavy asks.
Junko looks at him. “I was hoping you had some ideas.”
“I didn’t think that far ahead,” Scavy says.
The wall of the hospital closes in on them.
“Jump!” Mr. T cries, opening his door and rolling out into the street.
“Oh, fuck,” Rainbow says.
Scavy grabs the hippy and they roll out of the car across the fractured asphalt, scraping up her elbows and knees.
When it’s Junko’s turn, she waits for the last minute. When she moves to the side of the vehicle with the lawn gnome, the car swerves. This slows it down enough for her to jump out safely. The car slams through the wall of the building, causing an avalanche of bricks. The entire front of the hospital collapses onto the smart-car, nearly knocking Junko off her feet as she retreats.
Mr. T is helping up Scavy and Rainbow when Junko arrives to them. They are engulfed by a cloud of dust from the building, filling their lungs with grit, blinding them. Junko waves the dust away from her face and tries to focus.
“We need to move,” Junko says, hacking up bits of rubble. “That crash is going to attract a lot of zombies.”
“But aren’t we safe from th
em with the gnome?” Rainbow asks.
“Not if the battery runs out,” says Mr. T.
The sound of screaming zombies echoes in the distance. Coming from every block surrounding the hospital, the undead are on the run, forming together into the largest horde of the undead they have yet faced. Beyond the parking lot, a tidal wave of zombies flows in their direction.
“Here they come,” Junko says, holding the gnome tightly to her chest.
As the dust settles, they see a lone figure standing on top of the rubble: A nude woman with a double-bladed sword.
“Who’s the bitch?” Scavy asks.
“Is she another contestant?” Rainbow asks.
Junko squints her eyes, then shakes her head.
“I don’t think so,” she says. “If she was a contestant she would have taken the helicopter and gotten out of here already.”
Nemesis stares at the four contestants, determining which target she should take down first. The large man with the metal body is obviously the strongest. If he is eliminated the others will have little chance of survival.
Mr. T jumps between the woman and his friends, as Nemesis tosses her curved double-bladed sword at them. He reaches out to grab the weapon on the air, but it cuts off the little finger on his left hand. The blade continues spinning through the air, curving across the parking lot, and returns to Nemesis’ hand. Mr. T looks down at the sparks fizzling from the remains of his finger. He clenches a fist.
He looks up at her. She leans on one leg, her head cocking to the side.
“That’s how you say hello?” Mr. T yells at her. “Let the T-2000 show you the proper way to greet somebody.”
Mr. T charges her. His steel feet crush the asphalt beneath him, rumbling the earth with every step he takes. As he runs, his legs move faster and faster. He holds out his fist into a cannonball flying directly for her head. But once he arrives, Nemesis flips into the air and lands on the other side of him. His fist crashes into the building, knocking another section of wall into the street. He turns around and charges her again.
Zombies and Shit Page 28